


Beautiful Chaos

by EdithPiaf63



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Angst, Cute, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Making Love, Mental Health Issues, Passion, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-01-23 11:03:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 52
Words: 158,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21319138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdithPiaf63/pseuds/EdithPiaf63
Summary: A lonely young women's life changes the very night of Murray Franklin's murder on live television and it is a change that her heart will never forget. When she spots a man passed out and bloody in an alley that same night and even when she sees who it is even though she hesitates for a moment that doesn't stop her from trying to help him despite him resisting it.Even though her mind wills against it her fragile heart finds a lifeline in his and soon comes to realize that this man is so much more than this "Joker" person that's all over the news but a kind and beautiful soul that has suffered greatly as has hers.She comes to find that he has a brilliant light that glows brightly inside of her very own darkness as the moon gleams in the night's sky for even the moon would not shine so brightly without the darkness that surrounds it.
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 64
Kudos: 163





	1. The Intimate Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is my first time ever doing this so please forgive me if it's garbage lol. I saw this incredible film on opening night here in NY and have seen it like 7 more times since then lol. I write stories of my own characters but loved this film so much that I just had to give this a shot!  
I started writing this only 3 weeks ago and will keep posting as much as I can. I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> -Edith Piaf ♡

_ **Beautiful Chaos ** _ **🖤**

**Chapter I: _"The Inimate Stranger"_**

The city was glowing with chaos and the elegant, slender man, with the painted face was the very reason it was all happening and that made him grin from ear to ear. He was walking around a little to look around and admire the, poetic, destruction he had caused and just could not bring himself to stop smiling, almost to the point that his face felt sore, because he seldom did smile at all.

He had not had a genuine smile in almost his entire life and it was pure ecstasy. The polical violence in the streets of the city, his city, had run rampant and it was beautiful in his distorted mind. It was truly a reason for pure unbridled elation for him. Beautiful chaos...

Not too far from all this raging anarchy there was a woman on her apartment balcony on the 6th floor of the apartment building watching all this pandemonium flood the streets and although she knew she should probably feel fear or be offended she almost felt comfortable watching it all go down.

She pulled another cigarette out of her almost empty pack and lit it and simply sat down on her chair beside a small glass table where her overflowing ashtray resided. This was her 3rd cigarette in a row and she knew she should probably take a break but she simply couldn't bring herself to give a shit. As she took a long drag of her cigarette she was thinking about what she saw only hours ago on the Murray show.

Once again, rules invented to control people made her feel she should be in shock or terrified but she honestly enjoyed it. It made her question her own sanity, but she gets tired of wearing a mask all the time and this Joker person was bold enough to actually be honest and be himself as strange as that may sound to the norm.

She spent most of her days working at a fast food place a few blocks away from her apartment and truth be told she hated it and many times has fantasized about it being burned down or being robbed at gunpoint just to get some God damn excitement for once.

  
As she put her cigarette out she suddenly stood up when she thought she actually saw this Joker character among the craziness going on out there. She found herself feeling some unwelcome excitement in her, almost as if she just saw her favourite actor. "I wonder what he's up to now" she murmured to herself.

She was beautiful but never believed she was and even when people told her she was it felt nice only for a while before she she didn't think so anymore, but she is lovely. She has long dark brown hair that went almost to her lower back, she has wide hips and fairly large breasts and even though she just dressed fairly modes she had no idea she could stop a man dead in his tracks.

She normally wore black and always liked to wear deep red lipstick that complimented her dark hair and she has bright, crystal blue eyes. She was lovely...but longed for someone with beautiful and mad heart to tell her so. She truly felt that that was something she would never find so she had mostly given up on searching and instead engaged more in her bird watching and other activities that she enjoyed doing alone. She was mostly alone.... 

Even her family was not a comfort but instead a toxic fume that she could not allow herself to inhale or she would be plagued by a flood of unpleasant emotions, so she found it easier to be alone and entertain herself to the best of her ability even though she would very much like to spend time with someone special, but in her traumatized mind that person did not exist on this or any other plain of existence...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Joker aka Arthur Fleck was enjoying all of this but he was starting to feel dizzy and faint, but he did not want anyone to see because if he passed out that could be dangerous. He walked into an empty alley and began to see stars and this made him giggle for no apparent reason. His empty stomach began to feel queasy and right as he felt he would be sick he took one more uneasy step and everything went black.

****

The woman watching all the amusing havoc take place leaned over her balcony squinting in an attempt to see if that was this Joker person or not. She quickly dashed inside and grabbed her binoculars she had stashed in her nightstand drawer (she is a birdwatcher when she has the time) and got back to the balcony as fast as she possibly could almost tripping in the process.

Standing on her balcony she suddenly felt like she suddenly was being pulled towards the chaos by a powerful magnetic force that tugged on her lonely heart. She brought the binoculars to her curious eyes and looked in the general direction of this infamous Joker person, but it was hard to see because it was rather dark. "I know I saw you" she whispered to herself, as if she had to quiet her voice so that "God" would not here her sinful curiosity. She adjusted her binoculars and she could see more clearly now.

"There you are" she said, a devious smile stretching across her face.

  
She was thrilled and wished she had a good enough camera to take a picture. She looked for him eagerly almost as if it were one the birds she adored so much, but a very rare bird. One of a kind.

<

🥀

  
****


	2. "The Journey to the apartment"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woman who spotted Joker quickly comes to realize that things are not always as simply classified as in the media as they are in the real world. She also finds that seeing this infamous man in person is much different than she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! This is Chapter 2 and I hope you all liked chapter 1!! ♡♡♡

Beautiful Chaos

Chapter II "The Journey to the Apartment"

Joker was on the ground in a dark alley alone beside a dumpster passed out in the fetal position almost like a little boy hiding out from school bullies.  
The intrigued woman on the balcony watching for this strange man was named Iris and she had trouble constantly with keeping her busy mind still, but right now in this very moment she was truly in the moment. When she could finally get a better look at him, thanks to some fire near by adding a little illumination, she noticed that he wasn't moving and his head was bloody.

She instantaneously felt this was the job for her. To go save this very very possibly dangerous, homicidal man. "What if he's dead?" she asked herself. "Well there's only one way to find out" and that was it, she grabbed her hoodie and purse, dashed out the door and into the elevator.

She was now beginning to feel some anxiety about all of this, but to her this was the first time she's truly felt alive in years so she just didn't care anymore. She was also relieved when she digged through her purse and felt her .38 pistol. These days it was pretty much a necessity to have one.

Once the elevator doors opened she ran to the exit doors almost knocking over a women's bag of groceries in the process, she didn't have time to even say sorry. She was on a mission. She almost felt like Bilbo Baggins when he left the Shire to go on long and unpredictable journey.

  
She stuffed her pistol in her pants pocket as a precaution so that it was easier to access in case of an emergency. She ran as fast as she could towards this dangerous yet mysterious man that she saw only hours ago shoot a man in the head and then get up and shoot him yet again after he was already dead, but she didn't care. In fact she felt almost like a kid on Christmas morning running into the living room to what surprises await her even if the surprise blew up in her face.

  
She had trouble finding this particular alley especially with all the rambunctious people running around everywhere and also having to dodge all the bloodshed.

Iris was beginning to get frustrated because she kept getting turned around and still could not find it for the life of her and she started to feel defeated. She lit a cigarette and started to walk to grab another pack from the nearest shop even though it may be on fire for all she knows.

She was so preoccupied with finding a shop that wasn't destroyed or totally looted that she almost the passed the very alley that she had been desperately seeking. She stopped dead in her tracks when she heard what sounded like someone silently groaning. She looked to her left and immediately recognized the dumpster and knew that she had found the gold at the end of the rainbow. Grasping her pistol in one hand from in her pocket and the other hand holding her cigarette she moved forward into the ominous, dark alley.

It was almost too dark and it was beginning to scare her and right when she was going to turn back she saw something in the corner of her deviant eye. It was him. It was really him...She had found the Joker.

Joker was not fully conscious but he looked up with one eye half open and saw someone looming over him and he suddenly found himself feeling the same way he did as a little boy, full of fear. He had a hard time even keeping one eye open and felt so dizzy every time he tried to lift his head even a little that all his fuzzy mind seemed to be telling his body to do was cower. He put his hands up as if she were going to strike him. He started caughing, and for some reason even laughing, violently to the point that he was retching and having an hard time catching his breath and spatting blood. And as this strange woman, that he did not know meant him no harm, leaned in closer he was almost crying because he was afraid she would attack him. He curled up even tighter and covered his face with his hands.

As she witnessed this behaviour her heart sank. This poor man was terrified and it made her feel sad. She slowly brought her hand to his head and she then proceeded to gently caress his hair and said softly "Hey, I'm here to help it's gonna be okay" She did not even know where this sudden mushy side of her was coming from but she just felt for him. He was all alone.

She had some tissues in her purse so she took some and tried to wipe some of the blood from his mouth for him. He flinched but eventually started to feel safer as she cleaned him up. "Wha-what do you want?" he asked, with a giggle, trying not to gag from swallowing so much blood.

"I don't want anything I just want to help I guess"  
"W-why?" he inquired as he finally fully moved his hands away from his face.

She looked down at him with earnest eyes and replied with, "Because you need help"

He was still not able to fully understand why this woman would want to help him or anyone would want to help him for that matter, but he did need help so he didn't feel he had a choice in the matter. He allowed her to assist him in sitting up but as soon as he was sitting up he felt to incredibly dizzy that he felt he might be sick or pass out again. He had taken quit a beating and to top it off he has always been very prone to severe migraines since he was younger, so he was not having a good time.

Iris heard police sirens in the distance. "Okay I do not know why I am even doing this but...come one let's get you somewhere safe"

  
Joker resisted at first because he felt so weak and wasn't sure he would even be able to walk. "No, n-no you don't have to help me just leave me here" as he spoke these words he was also laughing in between for no apparent reason and although this puzzled her there was no time for trying to figure it out.

******

_ **End of Chapter II ♡** _


	3. Everyone needs help sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker and this woman he does not know wants to help him for reasons that are unknown to him, but even though he resists her assistance like he has resisted any sort of help since he was just a boy, he finds that he doesn't not have much of a choice but to let her. His head is spinning and hopefully he stays conscious at least until she gets him to safety. For the time being he has to trust that she won't deceive him or harm him like so many others have.

Beautiful Chaos chapter III

"Everyone needs help sometimes"

"I am sorry but I won't take no for an answer, now come on let me help you to your feet"

"I dunno if I c-can stand" he said weakly followed by more random laughter and painful coughing and retching. Iris helped this tall injured man to his feet and was almost surprised at how light he was for someone at his stature. She helped him put his arm over her shoulder so she could help get him back to her apartment for safety. He could barely walk at all and she was getting worried about him.

She can try and help but she knew he should really be at a hospital which is just not an option for someone like him at this time. As she slowly walked him out of the alley she noticed the police sirens were sounding closer and closer. She was beginning to panic a bit.

Just as she thought there was no safe way to her apartment she saw someone in their car come to a sudden stop and an old, well off looking man opened the door and ran out in a panic as a group of masked men chased him down. Iris only cared about one thing and that was whether this man had left his keys in the ignition. "Hold on ok? I'm gonna get you somewhere safe "

She walked him over to the car and opened the back door to gently get him in. "I don't feel so good" he mumbled, barely coherent.

Iris took her black hoodie off and draped it over him with the hood over his head so no one would see who he was. She made sure his seatbelt was on and said "Stay awake for me okay? You might have a concussion or something, so please stay awake"

Joker gazed at her with glassy eyes as she smiled warmly at him. He had never seen anyone on earth ever look at him in such a way, unless it was fantasy. He smiled slightly and said weakly, "You're really pretty" which was then followed by that same abnormal giggling he seemed to have trouble suppressing.

A normal person might have been offended, but he did not seem to even want to be laughing at all. It was as if he simply could not stop it and on top of that it made him wince in pain every time and it made his caughing much worse, so it just didn't add up.  
Iris thanked him even though she almost wanted to giggle because he sounded like someone who had had too many gin and tonics at the bar, but she found herself thinking that it was endearing. She was now beginning to notice that she thought he was cute and she knew she had to suppress those feelings or at least not allow her thoughts take it any further.

Iris stared at him for a moment and began to think there was something very familiar about him, but she didn't have time to think, she needed to move and move past. She did get a strange case of deja vu when her eyes met his, but told herself it was nothing and continued with her irrational and reckless task at hand.

Joker looked down for a moment and she got afraid he was going to pass out so she gently lifted his head and propped him up correctly in the back seat.  
He looked at her with that same drunken looking smile and repeated "You're really pretty"

She tried not to laugh and said "Thank you, but I need you to try and lean back but please stay awake"  
He had his head pressed against the seat and he slowly turned his head to look at her and said "I'm a-always awake"

******

🖤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! I have quite a bit done honestly I just didn't want to post it all at once but I promise I will post more chapters when I can ♡


	4. An Irrational Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris struggled to get this wanted mad man to her apartment and find herself questioning her fragile sanity. She doesn't even know why she is taking such a risk to help someone who could likely kill her, but she is also finding it difficult to see this fragile injured man who seemed terrified of her harming him as simply and evil killer.

Beautiful Chaos

Chapter 4 "An Irrational Risk"

  


Her face fell when she heard the undeniable pain in his voice. Once she made sure he was safely secured she quickly got in the front seat, started the car and zoomed off, dodging crazy people left and right. She kept looking into the rearview mirror repeatedly to make sure he was still awake and breathing. So far so good.  
Unfortunately for Joker all this unpleasant motion in the car was making his vertigo worse and he even when he tried to close his eyes he had to stop because he was trying not to pass out.  
Iris looked into the rearview mirror for what felt like the 100th time in the last 8 minutes and said "Hey don't pass out, we're almost there"

His ears were starting to ring now and he was beginning to feel the horrible sensation of nausea again. Once she made it to her apartment and got to the parking lot she hurriedly undid her seatbelt, got out and went to open the door and saw that Joker was slumped forward. She frantically opened the door and lifted him up saying "Hey can you hear me?"  
He opened his eyes slightly with a faint smile and said for the third time "You're r-really pretty"

"Thank you, now I really need to get you inside, so let's go, come on"

She knew she had to be gentle with him but also knew she needed to hurry. She lifted him out of the car from under his arms and then looked around to see if anyone was around. She was relieved that she didn't see anyone.

She went as fast as she could possibly go, carrying dead weight to the entrance, hoping to God that no one would see her and just when she thought she was in the clear and right about to get to the elevator one of her annoying neighbors called out from behind her. "Hi Iris, how are you?"

She thought it was strange that she felt the need to stop her just to ask how she was. "Fine, everything is great" she responded, while putting as normal of a smile she could put on, while under these circumstances.

"Who's your friend?"

Iris wanted to shoot this woman in the face right now, but she needed to act natural so she turned around slightly making sure she wouldn't be able to see her "friend's" infamous face. "Oh this is just my friend, uh...Mike and you'll have to excuse us I have to get upstairs"

Joker began to retch and dry heave making this whole situation look worse than it already was.  
"Oh, is he alright?" she asked

Iris rolled her eyes and then turned to her smiling and said "Yes, he's fine he's just had a little too much to drink is all"

  
"Oh, ok well you two enjoy yourselves then" she said, trying to give off subtle signals, basically assuming they were going to go fuck.

  
"We sure will" Iris shot back at her sarcastically, hoping she would leave her alone now, but to no avail.  
"Did you hear about what happened on the Murray Franklin show? Oh it was awful"

Iris was starting to get extremely nervous now. "Yeah I heard and, yes it was so very awful indeed, now I'm sorry, but I must be going ya know I need to put Mike here to bed"

Joker was in and out of consciousness, but he was starting to feel nervous too, even though he didn't really know what was even going on so then against his will he began to laugh and Iris looked at him and knew there was no way he was doing all this laughing on purpose but his laughter was still rather manical sounding nonetheless, but also distressing and she could swear she has heard the same laugh before, but she couldn't place it.Then her neighbor was staring at him as if she suspected something.

Right as Iris was just about to push the button to open the elevator doors Joker burst out laughing again but this time he was laughing so hard that he was practically choking and then was caughing and gasping for air in between. She noticed that it didn't sound natural...there was something different about it and it also made her feel a sadness in her heart.

Iris finally got on the elevator and saw her nosy neighbor still staring at her and her new friend. Iris grinned at her, waving goodbye.

Finally when the doors finally shut she let out a huge sigh of relief. Joker was still laughing but something just wasn't right it almost sounded as though he was having some sort of anxious episode and on top of it it was making him caugh a lot more than he already was. "Hey, try to calm down or you'll choke to death okay?" She spoke soft and gently to him and when he looked at her and saw her looking back at him with kind eyes he managed a to give her a half smile and he could feel himself relax a little and so his unannounced laughter gradually died down. It seemed right as he gazed at her. Iris found herself wanting to smile back but instead she looked away as he she could feel herself blushing.

"What is wrong with me?" she asked herself but has asked herself that question her entire life and never as there come an answer. Finally, they were on her floor and the elevator doors opened and she peered her head out and glanced left and right quickly to see if the coast was clear and she was grateful to the gods so seriously that it was.

"Alright I live right down there in apartment 4D so come on let's go" she noticed that she had been talking to this mad man as if he were a child, but she could not deny that there wad something gentle about him and she dared to even think that perhaps there was also something beautiful about him as well. She struggled to get him to her apartment but finally she brought him to her door and for once was grateful it wasn't locked. She heard one of her other neighbors doors begin to open and she immediately got inside and shut her door releasing a huge sigh.

"Where...where are we?" this unusual man asked her weakly.  
She was so relieved to finally be inside and was also relieved to be able to set this man down on her couch so that she wasn't carrying him anymore and give her shoulders a rest. She realized she didn't answer his question but was too busy carefully setting his weak and beaten body down on the couch that she had forgotten he said anything.

"This is where I live and I'm gonna lay you down on the couch and go grab some pillows okay?"

Joker simply gave her that same silly little smile and said, "Kay"  
She went into her bedroom and grabbed a couple of pillows, took the pillowcases off of them, grabbed a towel to put on top of them for blood and then got a hand towel from her small bathroom and wet it. She came back into the living room and saw he was leaning forward lighting a cigarette and he looked like he was having a hard time and was afraid he would burn himself.  
"Here let me help you" she said gently

When she knelt down in front of him lighting his cigarette she was so engrossed in help mode that she didn't realize he was staring right at her and when she looked up and saw him looking directly at her, only inches from her blushing face and the worst part of it was that his legs were fully spread right in front of her. She wanted to look away but found herself entranced by his vibrant, incandescent green eyes. Her heart was starting to beat faster and she had to look away. He was still looking at her smiling that same smile as if it was reserved for her....

********

🖤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer but I just had to end it at the right moment!! I have a whole lot written already I just want to post it slowly over time. Enjoy!!


	5. Alone together Beyond the Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker is finally somewhere safe where he can hopefully get some rest or possibly make a fool of himself, but this woman that he has never met in his life (or perhaps they have?) finds him to actually be endearing. She thinks he's beautiful but has to suppress that much like Joker is truly the persona of what Arthur Fleck has suppressed for entire life...but she doesn't know him beneath all the smeared blood and makeup, but she would be lying if she said she didn't want to.

Beautiful Chaos: chapter 5

"Alone Together Beyond the Crowd"

After his cigarette was lit she stood up and looked away from him and now she wanted a cigarette too but suddenly realized that she had run out and never went to get more do to the circumstances. She turned back around and saw he was now leaned back on the couch smoking away and looking very content for someone who could barely walk without almost falling over. "Hey I ran out of smokes can I bum one of yours...please?" She could tell he heard the nervousness in her voice and he smiled again and said "Yes of course"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a red pack of cigarettes and extended his arm for her to take one. She smiled coyly at him and took one and quickly lit it. She needed a cigarette after all of this insanity especially after looking this mysterious man's eyes.

Even though Joker was feeling a little better now that he was sitting down but he still was feeling woozy and had to try and not move too much so he wouldn't get nauseous again. He also was unbelievably exhausted but even when he would not be able to sleep for days and was very tired he still had trouble or woke up on and off or had night terrors. Night terrors that, up until recently, he had thought had no actual reason, but unfortunately they do and those memories that he had suppressed for most of his painful life were still coming up from the deep, hidden crevices of his mind. They were torture...

"Oh, I completely forgot what I was doing" she stammered as she put the pillows down on the couch beside him. She put the towel over the one on top for him and hoped he would be able to rest but she also didn't know what to do and was afraid he wouldn't be okay or even possibly die because she didn't bring him to a hospital. He seemed okay now but she knew that didn't mean anything.

Iris saw him wince in pain when he tried to run his fingers through his wavy hair as if he forgot he had been injured. She also thought he might want to shower or something but was afraid he would fall and hurt himself even more or worse. She did think enough to get some rubbing alcohol along with the wet hand towel. 

Joker was starting to feel like he just could not keep his eyes open and accidentally dropped his lit cigarette on her floor and when she saw the lit cigarette hit the floor her mind suddenly flashed into darkened halls of her memory, but she shook it off in order to tend to the current mess of a man slumped over on her couch. Iris knew it was an accident and quickly went over to grab it and put it out in the ashtray on her coffee table. She saw he seemed to be falling asleep but she was still worried. 

She dared to bashfully take a seat next to him and try and clean his wound a little but she didn't want to frighten him so she asked him first.

He found it difficult to focus and felt like he was in a fog. He managed to look at her with glazed over half lidded eyes but when he tried to speak he couldn't seem to form words properly and his head was pounding. Without even realizing it he closed his eyes and rested his head on her shoulder and faintly grunted. 

Iris felt very uncomfortable about this whole situation but now she felt it even more. 

"Hey I'm gonna lay you down on your side ok and I'm gonna try and clean your head up okay?" she said softly despite her discomfort. It took him a minute but he nodded his head in response while it was still pressed into her shoulder.

She carefully moved him off of her and rested his head on the pillows but tried to be sure he was on his side in case he threw up. She gently brushed his wavy locks of hair out of his eyes and began to softly dab the blood that had been seeping out of his wound and down the side of his head. He didn't protest at all but his head was throbbing and it was bringing back that nasty nauseous feeling he despised so much.

"D-do you...have anything f-for...pain?" he asked barely able to even fully form words. His eyes rolled back in his head again even though he was trying so hard to stay awake for her. He thought she was an angel and never did he think he would ever deserve an angel but rather the opposite.

"Yes I think I might have some ib profen"

She saw he seemed to be sleeping again but she went to get the ib profen anyway and a glass of water for him. When she came back she walked over to him and crouched down beside him trying her best not to startle him. "Here take these it'll help"  
He slightly opened his eyes and tried to prop himself up on his elbow to take the pills but as soon as he even tried his vertigo was so bad he was terrified that he would vomit all over her so he plopped his head back onto the support of the pillows and said faintly "Can...can you help me please...Every time I-I t-try to get up I maybe might thr-throw up"

Even though it was hard to fully understand him through his slurred speech she knew what he said. "Here, I'm gonna help you. I'll bring the pills to your mouth and all you have to do is take them and swallow them with this water okay?"

"Kay" he murmured. 

Once she brought the pills to his mouth and he had them in his mouth she brought the glass of water to his lips and helped him to drink some to get the pills down. Strangely as he was in such close proximity to her blushing face she found herself thinking that he actually looked slightly familiar but she shook it off for the moment. She was going to put the glass back on the table but he held it and finished the whole thing. He didn't realize how thirsty he had been until he took that first sip. He was drinking it so fast though that he choked and started coughing again. He groaned softly in pain and held onto his ribs. He then rested his head back onto the pillows grunting and said "Thank you..." 

Iris noticed he was clutching his ribs and gritting his teeth. "Did you hurt your ribs too?"  
"Dunno" he breathed

She felt her heart break for him and she didn't even know why. She had no idea who he was or even what his real face looked like and from what did know he was a dangerous maniac but...she thought he seemed like a gentle soul at heart and he was kind to her and it was genuine. As she looked at this sad man in pain she instantly felt the urge to comfort him but she felt conflicted and was terrified of even the possibility of having feelings for this man. She was lost in the moment...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Alone Together Beyond the Crowd"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iris can't seem to stop her heart from pumping for him and his gentle disposition and fragile state. Can you blame her?? Lol
> 
> More to come soon!!
> 
> "And remember that's life"


	6. "The Babysitter"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris finds that trying to help a grown man, even someone so infamous and "dangerous" can be very much like babysitting a stubborn sick child, but still she doesn't mind. She tries and tries so hard to stop herself from swooning over him especially when he's so helpless and needs her. She often felt no one needed her and that she didn't even matter most of the time, but...maybe this man understood that

**Beautiful Chaos**

**Chapter 6:** _**The Babysitter**_

_When everyone's talking, you can make a stand_   
_'Cause even in the dark I feel your resistance_   
_You can see my heart burning in the distance_   
_Baby, baby, baby, I'm your man (yeah)_

_You lose your way, just take my hand_   
_You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again_   
_Don't look too far, right where you are, that's where I am_   
_I'm your man_   
_I'm your man_

_Catch a wave and take in the sweetness_  
_Take in the sweetness_  
_You want this, you need this_  
_Are you ready for it?_  
_Are you ready for it? Are you ready for it_?"

-Lana Del Rey

Iris was so lost in a daze that she forgot what she was even doing. Joker looked like he was about to be down for the count tonight.

He was beyond exhausted and his head was spinning. She saw he was curling up and looked like he was cold so she went to her hall closet and pulled out a soft, warm blanket for him.

He was shutting his eyes tightly and holding his aching ribs and trying to finally sleep, on top of making an attempt to not embarrass himself and or vomit his guts up onto her clean floor.

He had not felt this dizzy sick feeling since he was a teenager and wanted so badly to somehow have friends and fit in that he let a bunch of his much less socially inept and normal classmates to get him absolutely drunk while at a party.

He was of course only invited because these other kids knew he liked this one girl and they told him to come because she wanted him to and he was so thrilled, but he would soon come to find that it was all joke and that maybe he was just a joke too.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

_An Arthur memory...._

This pretty girl he liked, who was also in on it, was there and was friendly with him and saw how he was bashful and shyly smiling in her presence and that only gave her more ammo to load her heartless pistol with so that she could shoot him down unexpectedly. 

She was having a beer and the other kids were too, but Arthur had never even had one drink in his life and when they offered him some with deceptive smiles he shook his head nervously.

The pretty girl looked at him with lovely, serpent eyes and batted her long black lashes making him even more nervous, which of course made him get that awful feeling and he knew what it was...he was going to laugh and he wished so badly that he could control it. 

He was starting to laugh and saw how his fellow classmates looked at him smiling, some laughing while others whispered in each other's ears. Arthur could feel their mean looks and insidious smiles stab his already weakened self worth like a rusty blade. 

He _needed_ it to stop, so he acted on impulse and snatched one of the kids mixed drinks right out of their hands and started to down it but stopped less than halfway through and was caughing. It was disgusting but he did feel a little more relaxed and some of the "cool" kids seemed to be cheering him on even.

When he finished the glass quickly he certainly felt his laughter die down, but he felt sick. They were all ominously cheering and knew he wasn't enjoying it. He remembers one of the guys in the crowd handing him another mixed drink which almost smelled worse than the first one and said to him, "Don't stop now buddy, don't you wanna impress your lady?" 

Athur heard him say that to him and he looked at this "pretty" girl who was blowing him a phoney kiss. He thought the kiss was real and he looked at the glass, practically being shoved in his face, he took it apprehensively in his hand. They all cheered and it felt great and he looked at this girl he had been fawning over since he was 13 and drank it down. 

He was feeling more loose and relaxed than before and at that point welcomed more drinks. Arthur also knew that he was _not _supposed to drink alcohol on all the medications he was on, but he did not care at this moment. All he wanted was to be liked, accepted and most of all, he wanted this girl to like him. He always _longed _for the love and intimate touch of a woman more than anything else.

He downed about 3 more and doesn't remember much after that other than hearing a lot of laughing and tasting grass and vomit in his mouth. 

What he did remember was very foggy and in short little flashes. He recalls seeing the girl's face looking down at him smiling and he slightly remembered being on a bed and hearing laughter all around him. He knew that at some point he was very sick, but the only other thing he really remembered was the sound of his belt being undone and only seeing blackness after that.

Before he totally blacked out he did recall desperately wanting to just go home, but he was, of course, ignored. He was invisible like usual...

He woke up with the side of his face pressed against grass and he had vomit in his hair and his head was pounding. He heard the sound of birds chirping and he knew the sun must be coming up.

He felt if he even moved he would be violently ill but he needed to get up. He slowly forced himself up and sat cross legged on the ground and looked around to see where he was. 

He was in a small park near his house. It was the middle of November and it was cold and his shoes were gone and his belt missing. He was alone and it hit him...

"_They...they left me here...alone"_ he muttered to himself, feeling some tears sting his already bloodshot eyes.

"It was a joke to them....No..._I _was a joke to them" he croaked as he shakily got to his feet.

That's when the vertigo hit him and he felt sick immediately but he was also freezing cold and needed to get home and lay down. 

He was too messed up to notice at first but he was freezing. His hands and feet were numb, but still he managed to stumble home hoping to God his mother was asleep. He didn't know how even managed to get to his front door without puking but he made it. 

Unfortunately for him his mom heard the door and saw her banged up son walk in the door. He remembers her looking worried and trying to baby him, but soon enough, scolding him. She then allowed her nasty boyfriend at the time to beat him, leaving him on the kitchen floor feeling dazed. 

Still, he got up and was glad his meek mother went back to her room with her repugnant boyfriend. Before he saw the door shut he remembered seeing a deep, helpless sadness in his mother's as she looked at the state that her son was in.

Arthur walked unsteadily to his room that's when he felt an enormous wave of nausea hit him and he dashed to his room, which had a bathroom in it, and made a beeline straight to the toilet where he remained on and off for hours. 

His mother did bring him water and try to care for him, but he truly just wanted to be left alone. 

At one point he went to go splash some water on his face and saw that the word "_freak_" had been written onto his forehead with a black permanent marker and he was enraged. He wanted to smash the mirror, but was just too sick and exhausted. 

He wanted to go lay in his bed and get warm, but he still felt ill so he grabbed the garbage bin from his bathroom and put it beside his bed. Still with all of his dirty clothes on he got into bed and curled up tightly with his blanket tightly over his shaking body.

At one point while when he had fallen asleep he woke up and saw that Penny was brushing his hair out of his face and trying to clean off the horrid word that had been written on her baby's forehead. 

She touched his cheek and had said softly, "Oh, Happy, I'm so sorry..." 

He saw the sadness in her eyes and as soon as she began to hold his slender hand her wretched boyfriend beckoned her. He vividly remembers how helplessly she looked at him right before she let go of his lonely hand and left him alone. 

He had wanted to be left alone, but it was strange because he also desperately _needed _love and affection. It was ways a neverending battle in his chaotic mind and he never seemed to be able to win...

He had watched as she walked away reluctantly and looked back at him with tears in her eyes right before she shut the door.

He curled up, feeling tears burn his eyes and he tightly shut them, hoping he could sleep.

He was asleep on and off and almost didn't even get his vomit into the bin a few times. He just wanted to curl up into a big ball and die and that was when he felt that huge ache in his heart that told him that he should put a stop to his pain permanently.

As he laid there, curled up in his bed, his face pressed into his pillow he contemplated suicide. He just felt like he was too much of a coward to go through with it, so he just tightly shut his tearful eyes and muttered, "Just...put on a _happy_ face..."

  
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When Iris walked back into the living room and saw him with such relentless suffering molded onto his painted face she felt a kind of pain in her heart that she hadn't felt in years. The pain she felt was attached to an equally painful memory, but she needed to have her head clear so she choked back some tears and walked over to this sad clown and draped the soft blanket over his shaking body.

While she put the blanket on him she saw him open one bloodshot, glazed over eye to glance up at her and he saw she was staring again. She saw the corner of his mouth curve ever so slightly and she could feel her heart almost burst.

"Th-thank you" he croaked as he pulled the blanket tightly on his body for warmth. He couldn't help but suddenly remember when he was a teenager and was very sick from a horrific night of drinking and humiliation and how he just wanted and _needed_ some love and comfort. He knew who she was, so he didn't feel he needed to fight, or cower.

Iris almost felt that something in her longing heart _needed_ to just hold him...

"_Love_  
_I said real love, it's like feeling no fear_  
_When you're standing in the face of danger_  
_'Cause you just want it so much_  
_A touch_  
_From your real love_  
_It's like heaven taking the place of something evil_  
_And lettin' it burn off from the rush_  
_Yeah, yeah_  
_(Fuck)_

_Darlin', darlin', darlin'_   
_I fall to pieces when I'm with you, I fall to pieces_   
_My cherries and wine, rosemary and thyme_   
_And all of my peaches (are ruined)_

_Love, is it real love?_   
_It's like smiling when the firing squad's against you_   
_And you just stay lined up_   
_Yeah"_

-Lana Del Rey

_🥀_

Iris has a cat an 8 year old gray tabby cat named Tilly who came wondering into the room to see who this stranger was. To her surprise Tilly instantly went to him and rubbed her soft cheek against his hand that was dangling lifelessly off the couch. He recoiled at first when he felt this foreign sensation against his long, slender fingers.

  
He opened his heavy eyelids and saw the small, innocent feline looking up at him with golden eyes and a weak half smile curved the corner of his blood stained mouth again.

The curious cat was purring with delight as she continued to rub her soothingly soft cheek against his weak hand.

Iris just stood still and watched this as if it were a touching film on the big screen. She smiled without even intending it. She even dared to giggle a little when her precious cat let out a quiet little meow and then she made the error of jumping up on his beaten body to extend her affection further. Joker let out a quiet groan she stood right on his injured ribs and aching back.

Iris dashed over to the couch to gently pick her cat up and place her back down on the floor. She protested at first and attempted to jump back on top of him, but fortunately for the outsider laying in her couch, she caught her and unfortunately was forced to put Tilly in her bedroom and close the door. She just didn't want to accidentally hurt this poor man further.

"Hey do you want your shoes on while you go to sleep?" Iris asked, awkwardly.

"_Ummm why would you even ask that? What are you even going to do Iris? Remove his shoes for this murderer as if he were a child at bedtime?"_, Iris asked herself from within the safety of her mind.

Joker had his tired eyes closed again and seemed to be finally passed out. She wanted to see if he wanted something stronger for the pain, but one thing she did know was that if he does in fact have a concussion narcotics could make him worse especially with his nausea and vertigo.

She quietly walked over to the couch and against her better judgement she stared crouched down and removed his shoes for him very, very carefully so she did not wake him or frighten him either.

She almost wanted to laugh when she saw his cheap looking, plain white socks. It was funny and odd to her that he would wear those with such a nice suit. And also the way they couldn't even seem to stay all the way up around his skinny ankles.

Iris was still worried, but took comfort in seeing he was breathing steadily now and even occasionally letting out at soft and sleepy sigh. He shifted slightly when she took off his shoes but remained asleep.

"_Thank the fucking lord I didn't wake him"_ she thought to herself.

Iris stared at him sleeping for a moment, and could feel her heart beginning to set aflame against her will. She had to stop herself from acting on any of these irrational feelings or urges. It was bad enough that she had a wanted man in her apartment, snuggled up on her couch nonetheless.

She leaned over him for a second to turn off the lamp next to the couch and even though she wanted to sit on the chair beside the couch and watch him all night she went to her room instead. As she shut her door quietly she slid down the door and sat on the floor with her knees to her chest, feeling emotional and trying to suppress tears. She stood up and went over to her dresser to change into her pajamas and then jumped when she heard some kind of shuffling in the living room.

She immediately dashed out of her room and saw this man, this killer, with a painted face crawling on the floor right beside the couch. He seemed not be lucid at all.

"Hey what happened? Do you need something?"

Joker looked up at her her with blood shot, dazed eyes and mumbled something she could barely comprehend. She went to him and crouched down to try and hear him better.

He succeeded in sitting up and leaning his back against the couch and said, "I-I don't feel g-good...I'm sorry..."

Iris was still having a hard time understanding him, but soon realized what he was trying to tell her when he turned his head to the side and began retching violently.

He felt so humiliated and because he felt that anxiety rush through his body and he gagged he began to unwillingly laugh in between retching.

Iris got to her feet and tried to find a bin or something but she was too late. She felt so bad for this man especially watching him dry heave like that, all while feeling the horrendous pain in his ribs.

She didn't know what else to do except kneel down beside him and caress his back while he was being sick. Finally after a lot of painful retching he felt that nasty taste of bile come up.

He started vomiting onto the floor all while attempting to apologize to this woman, in between bouts of throwing up. She had opened her home to him and made him feel safe for the first time in his life and he felt it could not possibly be anything but a passing dream.

Iris continued to rub his back and it pained her so to see him suffer like this. All that was coming up was bile because he almost never ate. He never thought much about it like a normal person would. Many times he wouldn't even realize it much for even two days or more. He did not care much about himself at all.

Just when Joker stopped throwing up and was trying to catch his breath he felt that unpleasant tast again and was vomiting more. She felt totally helpless and did not even know if this vomiting and being incoherent were red flags or not.

When she made her way back over to him and tried to hand him the water he still kept his head turned away from her, wiping his now snotty nose and pukey mouth as if he were ashamed of himself for being sick and subconsciously afraid of being punished.

He knew that this woman wouldn't treat him in such a way, but he still had been taught to feel fear in times of vulnerability. Even though it was nothing to be ashamed of, his head told him otherwise.

Even though he seemed to be finished vomiting. It was strange, Iris did not know him much at all but she could tell he was terribly embarrassed and that he wished he could disappear.

Iris put her hand on his shoulder and said to him, "Hey there's no need to be embarrassed or anything. It's no big deal. Now please, try and drink some water, slowly"

*********

Unbeknownst to her, not only was he feeling sick he was also trying hard to fight a horrific childhood memory that insidiously decided to pop up in his mind and it made him shut his eyes tightly and almost cry, but he would not allow himself to make even more of a fool of himself in front of this kind woman.

He just kept having terrifying flashes in his head of being on a dirty floor and the rank smell of urine all around him and him not able to move much at all, as if he were tethered to something...and him feeling he had to be on constant alert.

He was a just a boy and now as a grown man he finds himself still feeling like that little boy trapped and unable to even use a bathroom or even eat and the sickening smell of urine all around him.

This painful blade of buried trauma had stabbed into his head deep and he wished he was dead, but was instead badly injured and somehow expected to walk around sliced up and bruised all over from trauma and the rage that it would breed for the rest of his life.

Do you maybe want something to settle your stomach like some crackers?"

He cringed and shook his head weakly, saying "No-no food" 

She saw him look like was going to puke again at the mere mention of food so she dropped it. He seemed to be trying very very hard not to be sick again.

"Are you gonna be sick again? Do you want some tissues or something?

"N-no" he croaked

"No to which one?" She asked

He couldn't even answer because he could feel that ominous saliva fill his mouth and he felt like he was maybe just going to burp but quickly knew that it wasn't just a burp so he turned his head and threw up yet again and then put his forearms on her coffee table in front of her and hung his head down trying to just feel better. He was so very tired.

He lifted his head up, leaned back onto the couch, looked at her with blood shot pitiful eyes, breathing heavily and said, "I'm s-sorry about your floor..._sorry_"

"Don't worry about that please just take this water and I'll get you something for the nausea okay?" He nodded weakly in response and took the water bottle from her as she asked. At first he drank a little too fast and it made him cough again. 

Iris also handed him some tissues and he took them and even mustered a weak little smile for her as thanks even though he felt so awful.

As awful as he felt he still thankfully felt safe which was so very foreign to him.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but I hope you likes this chapter!  
🖤 This one is kind of long but I hope it bring you all some joy!!


	7. The Sleepy Murderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris finds herself wanting to take care of him more than she has ever wanted to help or take care of anyone and Joker finds himself wanting to be resistant. Her heart is swelling for him and is almost about to burst but she doesn't want to feel it because of the very high possibility of her swelled up heart falling to pieces that cannot be repaired, but little does she know that this weak injured man on her couch finds himself feeling the same way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's chapter 7!!!!

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 7: The Sleepy Murderer**

He knew that if he went to a hospital not only would the police find him, but he would taken back to that horrible unspeakable place called Arkham...

"Oh...okay, just don't know what to do. I'm afraid I'm going to get up in the morning and find the dead body of a murderer on the run"  
He may have been serious but so was she. He slowly loosened his grasp on her wrist and let her go.

His intense gaze dropped and his eyes looked now looked sad and full of regret because he felt terribly guilty for grabbing her and speaking to her in such a way.

"I apologize....I should not have touched you like that" he said, as he looked away like a child who knew they did something wrong, but didn't want to face it.

Iris looked at the remorse on his face and heard the shame in his voice and it honestly baffled her. This was a man who shot a television host in the head in cold blood on live TV and all she saw was a sad frightened man who felt all alone in the world.

Iris could not find any words for the life of her so all she did was was hand him two dramamine pills and, in the sweetest way possible, she said to him,"Here, take these; it will help with the nausea and dizziness"

Joker turned his head to face her, looking almost as if he were going to cry and suddenly giggled. Iris could tell immediately from looking at how his brows knitted together and his eyes narrowed in sadness that theaugh did not match how he was feeling. 

She saw how ashamed he looked, put her hand on his thin wrist, gently opened his clenched fist and placed the two pills in his palm. She she still very surprised that he _allowed _her to touch him at all. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, cringed from the pain he felt in his ribs, looked at her kind face and suddenly his minor bout of laughing stopped. Her soft lips, curved slowly into a genuine smile that was full gentleness and the unfamiliar glow of empathy. 

Her beautiful smile made him remember a time when he was in the locker room at his old job and Randall was asking him about the when he got jumped and of course, Arthur was acting as if it was nothing and Randall said to him "No, they'll take everything from you if you do that, all that crazy shit out there, they're animals"

Arthur said something small, but it was also a huge reflection of how truly different Arthur is from the majority of simple people.

"My mother says that nowadays people lack empathy"

Randall looked very confused and said, "What's that?"

Arthur just looked down coyly and replied, "It means like, _feeling_ _for__ other people"_

_"_Like, sympathy?"

Arthur simply said, "Kind of...but _different_"

The way Randall just looked so puzzled may not have meant anything to most normal people, but to Arthur it just made him feel more alone than he already did. He just was never able to relate to others and felt like must be some sort of _mistake; _someone who would never belong, or find any true friends or a romantic companion.

He felt like a joke...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Iris blushed when she saw him stare at her with tired, flushed eyes; he was radiant.

As he gazed at her through half opened, glassy eyes, he sniffled and murmured, "Thank you" 

Iris moved her other hand towards his other hand that rested lazily on his thigh and, even though a little voice in her was begging her stop, she placed it on top of his. Her heart began to race and she couldn't help but look at him with round, doe eyes when she saw him produce a weak little smile for her.

Iris had to snap herself out of this strange trance that his eyes seemed to envoke within her and she looked away, flustered; quickly removed her hand from his, and said, "Take those pills before you feel nauseous again" 

Joker still looked at her, even when she shyly look away, but he suddenly started to feel faint again and just wished he could sleep and he cringed when he felt the nausea creep up again, so he reluctantly took the pills and swallowed them down with some water. He leaned his back against the couch for a few minutes with his eyes shut trying to fight that awful queasy feeling.

He started to attempt to get back onto the couch refusing any assistance again. He grunted when he felt the harsh reminders of all his body has been through these past few days and felt his head throb again, as eventually flopped onto the couch. He was laying on his belly and trying to not gag again, when he felt his head ache terribly and his stomach react the way it always did to this sort of pain.

Iris, big heart went out to him and she wished she could make his pain go away. Sje stood up and went to grab a towel to clean his vomit off the floor and as she was on her knees cleaning it up she looked over at him and almost jumped when she saw one drowsy eye staring at her. Half of his face was pressed into the pillows, leaving only one glassy eye to look upon her puzzled face.

She looked away but when she looked up again he was still staring. "Th-thank you...for helping me" he grunted with a low, hoarse voice.

Iris suddenly felt this warm sensation rush through her entire body and she was blushing now and hoping he did not notice it. "You're welcome" she said, as she quickly dashed to go grab a wet towel to clean his vomit off the floor. When she returned and he saw her bent down cleaning his own puke he felt horribly embarrassed and guilty. 

"I'm so sorry" he breathed

She knew she had to contain herself, but she ignored those warnings and reached her arm out over his bewildered head and gently placed her hand on it, feeling the lovely sensation of his wavy locks against her palm, and began to stroke them. She could see that under some of the green color there were dark brown strands of hair revealing a bit the real man he must be underneath this _Joker_ persona.

She saw him allow her to do this as if she had somehow earned this damaged man's trust and he then allowed his eyes to finally close. Right before she took her hand off of his head, to allow him to sleep, he mumbled something under his breath. "I still think... you're really pretty"

When Iris heard those words come from this strange clown's bloodstained lips, she had to battle with herself and not allow herself to swoon at the very _sound_ of those words and even the way his voice sounded when he said them, but her body still could not stop that warm, jubilant feeling from rushing through her veins, bringing her _life._

She sat down on the chair beside the couch for a little while making sure he was asleep and doing alright. She heard the sweet sounds of him softly sigh and even grunt lightly a few times and she knew he must finally be sleeping. She saw he was cold from the way he curled up and she put the warm blanket back over his thin, frail body and made sure he was nice and cozy.

Eventually, she got up, grabbed the dirty towel and went to throw it in the trash. It was an old towel she never used anymore, so throwing it away was easier. She didn't want to, but knew she should at least try and sleep, so she forced herself to make her way to her bedroom, even though she wished with all her irrational heart, that he would come with her.

As she was walking to the hall she heard something hit the floor. She curiously glanced behind her and saw that Joker had rolled over, his back to her, but something fell out of his pocket and she simply had to see what it was. She softly padded over to the couch and saw that his wallet had fallen out of his pocket and conveniently landed right where she stood.

"_Leave it alone Iris...It's not your wallet, so leave it be..."_

Of course, she ignored her voice of reason and picked it up off the floor, quietly and immediately opened it. There was not much cash in it, but she saw his ID, took it out and it said Arthur Fleck and she looked at his picture and then looked over at the sleeping killer on her bed and almost couldn't believe it. 

"_No way"_

When she looked closer; she narrowed her eyes and pondered for a moment and whispered to herself, " I know him..."

Iris simply assumed that he probably didn't remember her much, but she certainly remembers him and has seen him on the bus many times over the past year. In fact, he even sat next to her once.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

The bus was very crowded and she did not want even want him next to her, in fact she even remembers thinking "Oh God please don't sit next to me"

Every time she saw him he would glance at her and give her a timid smile, but she even though she ways gave a smile back, she wasn't sure about him. She even thought he might be a creep, but maybe her heart saw something in him that was also in her and it was so immense that it scared her.

She was now remembering how he had this odd, uncontrollable laughter and at first she thought he was just a nut job, but over some time she noticed that he almost seemed to be suffering as he laughed and he would even choke and lose his breath and that's when she started to feel empathy towards him. She still kept her distance, but her heart felt for him.

She also recalls very vividly how people on the bus were so cruel to him and sometimes kids would throw things at him and call him names because of his strange uncalled for laughter. She would see sometimes that he was just so sad and broken that he would just let some of the bullies throw things at him and taunt him while he simply stared out the window; his eyes gray and somber.

Many times it was as if he knew had some terminal illness that he knew would claim his life, so he just became a lifeless ragdoll and she understood all too well how that felt.

Iris even got up and stopped someone once from trying to hit him because this person didn't understand that this poor man was not laughing at him, but was suffering greatly with intolerable anxiety. She watched day in and day out how people's negative reactions only made his episodes worse and his internal pain and suffering worse. 

She remembers how he cowered before this angry man and put his hands up over his head, very much like how he did when she tried to help him in that alley.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Even though Iris was not sure he remembered her much she has no idea how she has consumed his mind and somehow brought him comfort over the past year. Even just thinking of her smile had gotten him through some dark times, but she did not know. She did not know about the countless sloppily written letters to her, short little poems he had written for her and even the way his virgin mind had admired her legs and just drove himself mad with wonder.

******************

"_Oh, Arthur_..." Iris murmured as she stared at the man; she now knew as Arthur, sleeping soundly in her very own apartment.

She could hear him sigh a few times, sleepily and it made her mouth curve into a little smile and that's when it hit her...she was developing a crush on this man and maybe she had always had one on him, but didn't know it until this very moment. Part of her did not want it to be true though, but it still felt good to feel something.

Her smile dropped when she thought about the fact that she now knew Arthur was a wanted murderer, but there was absolutely nothing she could do about her true feelings she held deep within her abused heart. 

She was about to set his wallet on the coffee table for him, but she stopped when she noticed a crumpled up little piece of paper behind where his ID was. She took it out and when she opened it up she saw it was a little piece of a news article. It was a picture of Thomas Wayne.

Iris didn't understand, but didn't think anything of it at this time. She placed his wallet on the coffee table, glanced at his sleeping form one more time and whispered, "_Sweet dreams, Arthur"_

Iris finally retired to her bedroom and softly shut her door and let out a quiet little squeal as if she were 16 years old again. She went into her bathroom and washed her face and when she looked at her reflection in the mirror she sighed heavily lowering her head and said, _"What is wrong with you Iris? Why? Why him? Just stop....stop this...stop it now"_

She was in tears because she knew she was not going to be able to resist the new flame that has been lit in her heart and it terrified her...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

The memory that she had burned in her brain the most was one time when she was on the bus and he sat next to her because the bus was full and even though he would still normally stand he sat down this time and she was polite and smiled back, but she still didn't really want him next to her, even if a hushed part of her really did.

He sat on the side furthest from the window. It was strange, he was sweating and pale and she thought maybe he was a junkie or something, which made her feel pain in her heart from memories past, but somehow she knew that wasn't it.

There was one very memorable moment when he looked at her and apologized politely, but she knew not what for. He looked very sick and she even asked him, "Hey, are you alright?"

The look on his face was unforgettable. He looked amazed that she was speaking to him at all and mustered a timid, weak smile for her and said shakily, "N-nothing...I'm just..._tired, _but I'm just trying to get to work."

When he told her he was on his way to work, she suddenly felt her empathetic heart go out to him. She looked at him and noticed that he had trouble keeping eye contact with her and she knew it was because of how shy he is. She is the same way, so she recognized it instantly.

_"This poor man was still going to work even though he is clearly very ill"_ she thought.

He was having difficulty staying still and the motion of the bus seemed to be bothering him and he soon looked like he was about to be sick. She remembered he looked at her, apologized yet again and then fell right over onto the floor of the bus. She noticed no one paid him any mind and she just did not understand why.

He just laid there and then rolled on his side and threw up and was even choking a little and she _needed _to help him. Everyone looked disgusted and moved away from him. As she saw him suffering like that on the floor it opened up some painful memories that she always chose to suppress and she knew she needed to help this poor man.

She was the only one who tried to help him. She got on the floor with him and tried to prop his head up so he didn't choke on his own vomit again and he looked at her the same way that his other half sleeping on her couch looked at her only moments ago. 

Eventually the bus stopped and that was his stop and she watched this man shakily get to his feet, thank her timidly, apologize and stumble off the bus quickly, as if trying avoid some how being a burden and he had to dash because he was about to throw up again. He didn't want to make a mess near her again, so he left and wished that he hadn't been sick the one and only time she sat next to him. He might have actually asked her out.

He seemed to literally feel that being sick was somehow his fault and didn't want to bother anyone, which was most likely how he felt about the illnesses that no one can see as well. She felt so sad for him.

Iris wanted to get off the bus too, but Arthur got off so quickly and the bus took off right after he got off. She stared out the window anxiously, hoping he would be alright. She saw him walk away quickly, pushing past crowds of people, so he could get the trash bin nearby and puke again. Soon she couldn't see him at all. He was gone, but certainly not ever far away from her thoughts.

The strangest thing about that day was that she remembered how beautiful she thought his eyes were. She hadn't really noticed them much until that day when she got closer to him. They were like emeralds and they were breathtaking.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"_Arthur Fleck_ " 

Iris looked at the clock on her nightstand and and saw that it was nearly 3am and she sighed, as she finally got into bed and smoked a cigarette she had "borrowed" from him before she switched her light off.

As she smoked her last cigarette for the night all she could think about was him. When she shut the light off she found it difficult to sleep, but after about an hour or so of tossing and turning she fell asleep, hoping that her dreams would be of him...

  
🥀


	8. "You make me Smile with my Heart"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day has come and now Iris finds herself feeling like a kid on Christmas morning and can't wait to see...him.  
She wants to tend to him, care for him and make him feel safe. She want him to just not feel to bad anymore. She cannot wait for him to wake up so she can wish him good morning and take care of him, but will Arhur be the same as he was the night before? He was, after all, pretty out of it....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting 2 chapters tonight cuz I didn't post any yesterday and there's nothing else I'd rather do on this moonlit night than please anyone who may be into this, well that and chain smoke on the front porch lol.  
Enjoy!!!!!

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 8: "You make me Smile with my Heart"**

**🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤**

It was 9am and Iris' eyes shot open as if she were waking up from drunken stupor and rolled over and forgot for a moment that there was a wanted, mad man on her couch. She quickly got out of bed and stopped to fix her hair a bit as if she wanted to look good for him. She laughed at herself and opened her door and her heart suddenly began to race. Her cat Tilly dashed out the door and was immediately headed towards the couch.

"Tilly no" she whispered sharply

Arthur was in the same position and she was extremely relieved to hear the faint sound of him lightly snoring. Tilly was meowing in his face and Iris cringed and walked over to the living room to try and prevent her cat from jumping on him. 

He didn't budge. He was dead asleep and she was glad because she knew this poor man needed it. She wondered if she should make him some coffee or breakfast or something but she didn't want to disturb him or make him eat if he was still feeling sick or make his anxiety worse with caffeine. 

Iris was able to snatch her cat and gave her cat food in her bedroom and shut the door while she was preoccupied. Iris called out of work for the day (which she never did) because she did not want to leave him alone in this condition.

Arthur stirred in his sleep and let out a soft groan and turned over facing the couch cushions. He let out a sleepy sigh and did not move for almost 3 hours. 

********

Iris kept herself busy while he was resting and showered and put her makeup on as if she were going out on a date. She felt so silly, but just went with it regardless. 

She desperately needed a cigarette but she had none left now and she did not want to leave him. She couldn't help but eyeball Arthur's nearly full pack of cigarettes on the coffee table. 

She shrugged her shoulders and said to herself, "I'll just buy him more"

She quietly walked over to the coffee table and carefully slid one of his cigarettes out of the pack. She grabbed his lighter as well, lit her cigarette and let out a sigh of bliss as she exhaled the smoke. 

She awkwardly stood by the coffee table smoking while repeatedly staring at her window and then staring at Arthur as if she would be scolded. She eventually went to go take a seat on the chair next to the couch. 

Arthur stirred again and released a long sigh from his exhausted body and rolled over, his face now facing the coffee table. He was still dead asleep like someone who had gone on a full out drinking binge the previous evening.

"Poor guy" she thought and the immediately scolded herself internally.

"Stop it Iris...he's a fucking murderer for fuck's sake..."

She stared at him and found herself smiling coyly yet again as he sleepily held one of the pillows tightly to his chest and pulled the blanket up to his neck. 

After about an hour or so Iris was her 7th cigarette and was reading the paper sitting casually as her eyes scanned the pages that were filled with articles about what took place last night on the famous Murray Franklin snow. Even though she knew about all of this violent terror that took place she still found herself unable to not smile at the sight of the sleeping culprit laying on her very own couch.

"You're a sick person, Iris" she giggled to herself as she took another long drag as escaped into her own thoughts for a moment....

**********

Iris normally used her TV strictly for movies and never used the cable. She adored cinema and had countless films on tape that she would watch over and over. Films had always brought her immense elation and excitement since she was a girl.

Since a very young age she has preferred fantasy over mundane and disappointing hell that was reality. The films she adored were a part of her heart and soul and that part about her never changed. Fantasy was beautiful and full of passion even if it was tragic it was still beautiful to her. She has heard countless times people say a movie was sad when she asked if they liked it and she always found that odd and definitely not the answer to her question. There is pure and immense beauty in sadness as there is in joy and that's something that she always felt made us human, but most people she has encountered in her life simply did not understand that. They thought she was odd, but truth be told that's what she thought about all of them. Dull...boring...lifeless

************

Eventually she set the paper down on the coffee table choosing to completely ignore that this man was wanted and on the run from the authorities. She put out her cigarette, leaned back in her chair and stretched. She noticing that she was exhausted. 

It was now almost 1 in the afternoon and she was hoping that he was alright and just needing his rest. Iris was watching him as he slept and then found herself feeling sleepy as well and right as she was nodding off on the chair she jumped when she heard her phone ring.

Arthur's eyelids slowly parted and through half open eyes he saw a woman walk past him and could hear that she was speaking but he was feeling so foggy and drowsy that he found it difficult to makeout what this woman was saying. His throat was dry and he could taste blood in his mouth. He touched his head and flinched when he felt the damage done from last night become apparent from the awful pain in his head. His entire body was incredibly sore.

He felt like everything was in slow motion and found it difficult to even get his eyes to open all the way. He noticed someone seemed to be talking to him, but he couldn't even tell. He felt his heart jump when he saw a woman crouched down in front of him. He quickly sat up and instinctively reached into his pocket for his pistol, but he had forgotten that he did not have it with him anymore. 

"Hey, it's okay. You slept here at my aparmtent last night remember?" She said as she tried to place a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. His frightened eyes quickly scanned his surroundings, but he still did not remember where he was. She saw that he was truly frightened and it broke her heart.

"Arthur...it's gonna be alright" 

When she said his name his eyes immediately locked with hers and even though he was still so lost, scared and confused, when he looked into her eyes he found himself start to feel he was safe. 

He did not remember much, but he did remember her soft, soothing voice. So gentle...so utterly perfect...

When she said his name his eyes immediately locked with hers and even though he was still so lost, scared and confused when he looked into her eyes he found himself start to feel he was safe.

Iris brought her hand slowly to touch the top of his and she said earnestly, "Arthur...I know you may not remember, but... I used to see you on the bus. You even sat next to me once"

It took a while for what she was saying to register in his clouded mind, but as he looked into her honest and caring eyes he suddenly felt his body begin to relax. It took him a while but he did vaguely remember her trying to help him one time when he was very sick on the bus.

As her hand was on the top of his head he found it strangely comforting. Arthur usually would flinch if anyone touched him, but as she had her caring hand on his aching head he felt that he was safe. She was safe...

As a child Arthur never had much affection at all and ever since he read his mother's file he'd been having horrific memories plague his mind and he would have terrifying flashbacks. His laughter had even worsened and he would have night terrors. The only reason he did not have them last night was simply because he was passed out from his accident.

"Do you understand?" she asked as she dared to bring her hand to the side of his face.

Arthur did not utter a single word for a moment and gazed up at this stranger and couldn't help but notice how beautiful her long, dark burgundy hair was. 

Iris found her eyes locked with his as if she were under some sort of hypnosis caused by his vivid golden, green eyes and how lovely strands of his wavy disheveled hair fell beautifully over his painted forehead. 

Even though he was frightened and confused he knew one thing for sure....that he did not want to be anywhere but here...with her.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

End Chapter 8 💕


	9. "Oh...do it again"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris has learned so much about this beautifully dangerous man and now that he's awake and fully conscious she finds herself wanting to know if he finds her attractive or even likes her for that matter. Although she tries to fight it she thinks he's so cute and his smile and awkwardness makes her feel like a blushing 16 year old on her first date with her crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9!!! Sorry if I don't post fast enough it's just difficult with my schedule sometimes, but here you go!!!

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 9: "Oh...do it again"**

**🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤**

Iris brought herself back to reality and quickly recoiled and looked away like an embarrassed virgin. 

Arthur leaned back, now that he was feeling calmer and began to look around her living room and he finally spoke.

"What's your name?" he asked, his voice sounding very hoarse as he yawned.

She looked at him with a smile sculpted on her timid face and said, "My name is Iris" 

"Iris...that's a nice name. My name is Arthur" he said with a slight giggle at the end because he had forgotten that she already knew his name.

Iris could not seem to stop smiling. She raised her arm and put her hand on the back of her head and said, " Yes, I know your name. I've seen you on the bus a lot and as I said before I even tried to help you one time when you were very sick, but you resisted me and stumbled off of the bus and were gone" 

Arthur pondered for a moment and took him a little while, but then he looked at her again with those beautifully dangerous eyes and said softly, "I remember now...I did manage to make it to work on time as I always do, but I didn't even make it out of the locker room from what I remember"

Arthur sounded distant as he spoke and was staring off into nothing. He was silent for a moment and then said, "My coworker Gary was the only one who really tried to help me from what I remember, but the only great part about that memory was when I puked all over Randall" 

Iris felt so warm inside when she saw him giggle as he finished speaking. 

_"Poor guy"_

He was silent for a while and went to grab his pack of cigarettes and saw that there was only one left and his eyes glanced back up at her and to her surprise he gave her a sly half smile that curved the corner of his bloody lips and she tried so hard not to swoon. He laughed lightly and said, "You owe me a pack of cigarettes, well probably about 14 cigarettes to be exact"

She heard him giggle playfully and she tried to hide her unbridled glee but couldn't help but laugh back.   
He was still laughing as he took his last cigarette out of the pack. He went to grab his lighter from his pocket and looked puzzled. He still found himself feeling a little foggy from the accident so he couldn't seem to remember where he put it.

When Iris snapped herself out of her little drunken, love state she remembered that she had his lighter. She took it out of her pocket and handed it to him.

"You took it out of your pocket last night and let me use it remember?" she asked trying to suppress a smile at how adorable she thought he was.

He stared off into space for a moment and said, "Oh...Honestly I don't remember a whole lot from last night"

"That's okay you hurt your head very badly and you were honestly not coherent much at all" She glanced at him as she said this wondering if he remembered how he kept calling her pretty and suddenly felt sad for a moment when she thought about the possibility that he was only saying those things because he was not lucid.

Arthur kept staring into space as if he were trying to pick up the lost pieces of his memory from last night but immediately gave Iris his full attention when she blurted out, "Oh don't worry we used protection"

All he did was stare at her dumbfounded and looked down furrowing his brow. He really believed her.

Iris saw his reaction and felt so embarrassed. "I was kidding, silly" 

Arthur laughed and Iris awkwardly laughed back, but little did he know that she felt shot down in a way. The face he made she thought was a clear indication that he wasn't even attracted to her. Her usually silent rational voice chimed in...

"Iris he has been been seriously injured and he is struggling to even remember anything from last night and the last thing on your mind should be whether or not he thinks your attractive"

"I'm really sorry, that wasn't funny" she said and she went to give him his lighter.

To her surprise he snapped out his muggy train of thought, looked up at her with those same riveting eyes and smiled again with that same delightful, villainous look on his face and proceeded to light his cigarette leaving Iris dying in suspense as to what that smile meant.

When he took that first drag it felt amazing and he leaned back and stared at the ceiling as he exhaled smoke from his mouth making Iris drool. She did notice something though and even though she was beguiled by his beauty she saw that he was bouncing his leg nervously.

Even though with the clothing and the makeup he was "Joker" when she saw things like that or his shy demeanor that's where she saw who he really was underneath all that...He was that anxious, broken but benevolent man who didn't even have an iota of that same kindness for himself. 

Even as he smiled at her with that grin that delighted her but that most people would fearful of Iris could see behind it and how this "Joker" is an embodiment of years of pain and unbelievable suffering and a burning rage that had been buried for years. The very worst part about all of this for her was the fact that she truly understood how that feels...

In a strange way she almost admired him for doing something about those horrendous feelings that dwelled from deep within like a sleeping demon come to life and most of all that he didn't care anymore about what people thought. 

She remembers one thing he said above all the words he spoke on Murray Franklin show last night and it was right after he boldly announced that he had killed those men on the subway and it was, "I've got nothin' to lose....Nothing can hurt me anymore" He said with such a carefree tone in his somewhat flamboyant voice ...

He continued to smoke and bounce his leg anxiously. He seemed to be in a daze staring up at the blank ceiling. His cigarette was smoked all the way down to the filter and he leaned forward and put it out.

"Are you okay?" she asked him nervously.

He ran his fingers through his wavy dyed hair on the side that wasn't hurt, glanced up at her and said, "Can I use your bathroom?" 

Iris honestly felt very, very wary about letting this man use the bathroom to the point where she almost wanted to ask him to keep the door open, but of course she wouldn't ask him that.

  
"Okay I'm gonna be blunt with you, yes of course you can use my restroom but if you're in there for too long I'm gonna open the door. Oh and don't you dare lock the door one more thing, I have a loaded pistol in my pocket kay?'

Joker simply smiled at her as if her were intrigued and simply nodded his head. He had trouble at first getting to his feet and felt dizzy for a moment and held his head in his hand for a moment and Iris saw this and felt her heart ache for him again.

"Do you need help?"

Arthur began to walk unsteadily a few steps away from the couch and when he walked closer to Iris to get to her hallway he stumbled and accidentally into Iris.

She held him so that he wouldn't fall and harm himself further and said to him, "Arthur, are you sure you're alright?"

Arthur found himself feeling better as he leaned on this warm, kind woman. The room was spinning and but, his bladder begged him to get to a bathroom so he stepped away from her trying so hard to keep his ground and said, "Yes I'll be okay...Thank you."

"Okay well my bathroom is right down there on the right. I'll he waiting by the door" she told him as she pointed to her short hallway.

Arthur didn't want any help just the same way he didn't want help when he was on the bus that day. He gained his balance and was able to make it to the bathroom fine. He shut the door and quickly undid his fly and finally emptied his bladder. It was such a relief and he did not even realize that he had to go so bad until he got to the toilet. 

Iris stood right by the door and waited for him to come out with her pistol loaded and ready in her pocket just in case. 

When Arthur was finished he went to wash his hands suddenly felt as if he were in a dream as he looked at his dirty hands and watched the blood and dirt wash off in the sink. When he looked up he almost jumped because he didn't realize that there was even a mirror there and on top of that he saw his own reflection. There was dried blood on one side of his head and all over his lips stretching past the corners of his mouth and his makeup from the previous night smudged and smeared all over his face as if he had just woken up from a night of binge drinking at a wild Halloween party. 

Arthur was totally lost in his own head, so lost in fact that he did not hear the sound of Iris knocking on the door. He was staring intently at his unkempt face in the mirror and he saw his own face glaring back at him as if he were another version of himself that had been locked away for many years. He touched the dried blood on one of the corners of his mouth and continued to stare blankly at his reflection until he snapped back into the other world of reality when the door opened....

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

And scene.....


	10. "We're Creatures of the Wind"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So ok I'm not gonna say much but things to start to heat up 😉 but things always take an unexpected turn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

**Beautiful Chaos**

**Chapter 10: "We're Creatures of the Wind"**

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Iris peered in first just in case she would be catching him urinating or worse. "Hey, are you decent?" she asked, making sure to look away in case he wasn't. 

"Yes", he answered simply, with a soft raspy voice and even opened the door wide for her to see he wasn't doing anything suspicious. 

Iris almost felt bad for being to cautious but she had to be, especially when I came to men. She noticed he was staring at himself in the mirror intently and he looked so lost.

"Do you think I could use your shower?" he asked awkwardly. Now that he was pretty much fully awake he despite wanted to shower and rinse all this makeup off.

Iris tried to not blush like a virgin and said, "Well...I guess I don't see why not but I'm only giving you 15 minutes okay?"

He was back to to staring into the mirror again and didn't answer her. 

"Arthur, did you hear me?" she asked, feeling a little sad when she saw the expression on his tired face. He snapped out his dissociative state and looked at her with reddened, lamentable eyes and said nothing at first but then his blood stained lips parted and what he asked her was very strange but also broke her heart.

He said to her, "Are...are you real?" He looked almost as if he were going to cry. His brilliant golden green eyes were almost flooded with tears and his lip was even quivering slightly, almost the same way it did when he was on the bus that day when he was sick. 

Iris came into the bathroom to get closer to him and it pained her to see him back away fearfully as if she were some ominous figment of his deranged imagination. He even backed up further and was breathing heavier and heavier when she tried to get closer.

Iris stopped when she saw what a panic he was in and stood still as not to frighten him further or make him trip and possibly injure himself even more. "Of course I'm real Arthur...I even met you on the bus before I even saw you on that show last night"

Arthur seemed to be having a panic attack. He would look at her but he seemed to be in another reality that was false and terrifying to him and when Iris was daring enough to try to slowly place her loving hand on his tense shoulder he backed into her tub and fell in pulling her shower curtain down along with the rod.

Iris gasped and was fortunately fast enough to catch the rob before it hit him in the head. That was the last thing they needed to happen. "Hey, Arthur you're alright okay?" she said softly as she crouched down at his level to seem less intimidating to him in the state he was in. 

He was still cowering like a traumatized dog waiting to be put to death and that's when she could clearly see that on top of panicking he was obviously stifling this relentless, chronic laughter he despised so much, but he could only fight it for so long and against his will his maniacal laughter was released.

Iris felt to badly for him and helpless and she could tell he was so embarrassed. She simply looked at him with warm, kind eyes and said to him, "Arthur it's gonna be okay. I know you can't help it"

That was the first time anyone had ever even tried to empathize with uncontrollable laughter and he was in awe...

Iris attempted again to bring her comforting hand to him and placed it gently on his knee and gazed at him with empathy gleaming on her face and to her surprise he allowed her to do this. "Don't worry you're safe Arthur"

He was still breathing heavily but his laughter that he felt unwillingly tethered to finally subsided and his body relaxed a bit. He was caughing a little trying to catch his breath after his laughing episode. He leaned back against the the wall in her shower and took a deep breath, looked at Iris who was still looking at him with soft, earnest eyes. He stared back at her looking exhausted from his episode and then closed his eyes for a moment when he felt a headache coming on.

Iris watched him intently waiting for him to notice that her nervous hand had ventured down to touch the top of his. Her eyes widened when she saw him open his and lock with hers. Her heart beat began to quicken as she saw his faded red lips part. He looked like he wanted to speak but suddenly seemed to be overcome with constricting emotions.

When she saw his eyes venture down and to see her hand on his her heart was pounding. She wanted him to grasp her hand, but instead he looked at her flustered face and said weakl, "She wasn't real...I thought someone loved me but it was a lie"

Iris did not know exactly what he was speaking of but that didn't stop her heart from bleeding for the wounds of his own. She still did not drop her captivating gaze even when he let out a short anxious laugh, in fact, her very fingers slightly caressed the top of his pale, thin hand. 

Arthur turned his head away from her desperate gaze and started to breath heavily again and she could see his eyes strain and at first she assumed is was from his injury, but she soon saw that as he was turning away helplessly in an attempt to hide an escaped tear that he failed to stifle. 

Iris was paralyzed when this beautiful man all dressed in burgundy look back at her with tears welling in his vivid green eyes opened his apprehensive mouth and choked out one of the most painfully honest things he's ever said in his entire existence, "I'm so lonely...I've been so lonely...always lonely"

Iris was trapped in his efulgent eyes now brimming over with passion that equated hers and she finally felt the tingling sensation of his hand grasp hers. Her entire body was now on fire and she moved closer to him and this time did not flinch but held her hand even tighter and to her pleasant surprise he pulled her in closer bringing her blushing face close to his.

Iris was frozen and even though her lips felt they belonged pressed against his she still hesitated. She could see that even though he seemed to feel the same way he was also entranced and frightened at the same time. 

"Arthur" she shallowly breathed as she brought her apprehensive hand to his painted, bloodied  
face and made the courageous yet reckless move of bringing her soft lips to his. As soon as her face drew closer to his he suddenly turned away and was breathing even faster now.

"I wish you were real..." Arthur croaked. 

Iris put her hand on his protruding cheekbone, her hand smudging his white makeup even more than it already was, and gently turned his benign face to look at hers. At first he looked away out of fear, but his eyes could only resist for so long before they were gazing at her again longingly and Iris wondered if he could hear how her heart was playing a melody that was just for him...she hoped he did...

Iris stared at him, her breath quickening, moving her hand to cup his chin and said, "Arthur...I am real...here let me show you" Arthur felt his body almost go completely limp and as her warm lips pressed against his he knew at that very moment that this woman was, in fact very real and he loved it.

Arthur found himself having many thoughts rush through his head as she kissed him...

"This is real...I can't believe it"  
"Is this okay?  
"Is this safe?"

Iris noticed that Arthur was resisting again slightly and to her surprise he pulled away again, but this time it was different. He looked like he was embarrassed of something like a child in school that was humiliated by his peers.

He still wouldn't look at her and he said, "I'm sorry"  
"Why silly?" She asked as the caressed his cheek with the back of her hand

He started to squirm like he wanted her off of him and she was almost offended until she saw both his hands go down to his groin and cup around his genitals that were hidden beneath his maroon pants.

"He has an erection..." she thought.

Even though Iris could see that he was very embarrassed she couldn't help but be intrigued and flustered on top of that, but she threw that all aside so she could comfort this poor man.

"Arthur...that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's perfectly natural honey"

He still wouldn't say a word. He looked like he was going to have another panic attack. She felt so bad but didn't fully understand why he was so ashamed to the point of almost hyperventilating which was of course followed by his insufferable laughter that he despised so much. 

"_What has this deplorable world done to this beautiful man...."_

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

"You touch me

I hear the sound of mandolins

You  
Kiss me  
With your kiss  
My life begins  
You're spring to me  
All things  
To me

Don't you know you're  
Life itself

Like a leaf clings  
To the tree  
Oh my darling,  
Cling to me  
For we're like creatures  
In the wind  
And wild is the wind  
Wild is the wind

Wild is the wind  
Wild is the wind"

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤


	11. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being at all intimate terrifies Arthur in more ways than one, but maybe he will lower his walls just a little for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're gonna love this 🥰😚

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 11: Stay**

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

He wished now more than ever that he could stop it and that he wasn't plagued by this nerve wracking condition. It bothered him more specifically now for two reasons, he did not want to look like an absolute weak fool in front of this woman that made his blackened heart smile and the other reason was simply because his ribs and chest were banged up badly and the laughing made it hurt twice as bad. 

Iris saw how he suffered greatly from this unusual condition and also could see how he flinched from all the horrible pain from the accident last night as he laughed, but he couldn't stop it. 

Seeing this uncontrollable laughter up close and personal she couldn't understand how anyone could think he wanted this or was doing it on purpose. She could see the pain and tension in his eyes even though his mouth was laughing. 

Arthur was having a hard time and he was in tears at this point from the pain internally and externally. He suddenly felt Iris take his hand and hold it in hers. He was looking away from her and had actually gotten into the fetal position without even realizing it. 

Iris saw how he was suffering greatly and caressed his hand while sweetly saying in almost a whisper, "You're going to be okay Arthur. Try and count to 10 slowly in your head and keep doing it until you start to feel better okay?" 

Even though he thought it wouldn't work he tried it and even though he was at the point where his laughing was so bad that he was gasping desperately in between laughing and even gagging at this point, he still little by slowly was starting to calm down.

Iris was even able to get him to count with her once his laughter wasn't quite so bad. One thing that helped more than she may have realized is how her soft hand caressing his and how it comforted him greatly. 

Finally he was just caughing a little and trying to catch his breath and shortly after he was alright again and she held his hand the entire time. His other hand was busy clutching his side from all the agony that his episode put his already aching body through. He was so tired now.

Even though Arthur was okay now he still was embarrassed and had a hard time looking at her. He felt he needed to close his eyes for a moment and to Iris' surprise he held her hand tight and brought it to his chest and curled up even tighter than before as he held it. His head started to throb again but nothing felt better right now to him than holding her hand to his chest while he was in pain. 

Iris, of course, thought this was the most precious sight she had ever seen and she slightly smiled and if she were in a cartoon her eyes would be two huge beating hearts springing out of her head. She thought he was so special.

"Feeling a little better?" She asked as she moved closer to him.

Arthur still had his eyes closed and was in a lot of pain and was even staring to feel nauseous again from his headache, but he still managed a weak smile for her and said with cracked voice, " Yes thank you"

"Are you sure? You look like you're in a lot of pain" 

He opened his eyes slightly and they turned to look at her and he yet again shot her that meek half smile that curves the corner of his mouth beautifully and she even noticed how he has the most precious dimples.

Little did she know that Arthur was having a flashback of something very painful that took place when he was only 15 and he didn't want to tell her so he shut his eyes tightly and uttered,"You don't understand..." 

"Arthur if you're a virgin that's fine" 

Arthur took a deep breath, opened his eyes and said, "No, I'm not a virgin, but my first and only time was a nightmare...they all laughed at me..."

"Who did Arthur?" she enquired and almost instantly after she asked that he broke into a painful fit of laughter again. He was hysterical.

Iris was saddened by this but all that she could really do but was trying to be soothing to him until it passed so she

Athur had vanished into his own mind as soon as she asked this.....

  
"_I can't tell her. She would think I was a joke, a loser...less of a man...less than I already am"_ Athur said inside his mind although just the day before he felt very much like a "man" and he felt powerful, but in this moment in the presence of this beautiful woman he felt like he 12 years old. 

**********

He's always felt very much like a child trapped in the body of a grown man that was begging to simply be heard and loved, but Arthur found that it was easier to ignore it to avoid reliving horrific past traumas. All the cries of that neglected boy inside of him fell on def ears and eventually he disappeared and was replaced by the very embodiment of his pain, rage and years of staying silent while he was beaten down and talked down to by almost every person in his life whether it was school, work, his tragic home life, or women that he thought he could trust including his own mother.

The constant burden of having to float around through this hell called life and not even feel he ever truly existed became so heavy that the weak little threads of what society would label as "sane" or "normal" had finally snapped and in turn Arthur then "snapped" as well and all the years of suppressing honest feelings and urges to fight back and stop wasting so much energy on how to fit in, have enough friends, have a great job, be good looking, be productive and over all basically to be fucking perfect.

When those thin threads finally snapped despite everyone else thinkng he was "crazy" something huge happened to him and he vividly remembered how he was suddenly struck with an amazing and indescribable feeling of the true and beautiful sensation of not caring what anybody thought about him for the very first time in his entire life. 

He was free and it was sensational...but with that being said he still had a lot of serious trauma that will forvever be burned in his mind and in the presence of this gentle, heavenly woman who took time to help him he still found that he was a nervous wreck.

_"I just can't tell her....I can't"_

*********

Arthur was was so exhausted from his previous episode and in so much pain still that as his body betrayed him yet again he hugged his ribs and felt tears sting his eyes and Iris noticed that gradually his painful laughter was becoming crying and then a little laughter again and then crying and so forth until eventually it finally stopped. He hurt so bad this time that he felt he almost couldn't even move at first so he stayed curled in fetal position with arms holding his sides with his eyes squeezed shut as he was trying to breath still without it hurting with every breath. 

Iris felt her heart sink seeing him in such a pitiful state and so she tried to take his hand again but she flinched when the second one of her fingers tips touched the top of his hand he jerked it away from her. Iris brought her hand back and asked him softly, "Arthur, would you like to be alone?"

_"Wow she trusts me...she actually trusts me..." Arhtur pondered._

Right when Iris tried to stand up she stopped when she felt his hand suddenly touch her knee. He was finally looking at her and all she wanted to do was taste him and she felt that maybe he wanted that too but something was holding him back. 

"Stay..." he murmured, his glazed over debonair eyes gripping her again. He calmed down some and still felt very sore but doing better now and pushed away his deep seeded fears for the moment and put his hand on her cheek and managed a tender half smile. He was developing feelings for her and that scared him. He was so used to either being used by girls as some kind of joke or loving from afar knowing that it would never be reciprocated. His heart was like a porcelain statue on the edge of a shelf that could fall and shatter easily at any moment. All it would take is a little push. 

_"Impossible...she's so beautiful and kind to me. How could she like me let alone want to kiss me like that?"_

Iris had no idea what he was thinking but she hoped that the pining look in her eyes would be enough to feel his lips on hers again if only for a moment. She only had to convince him with her avid gaze for only a few short seconds longer before she was melting into his tender kiss and his hands even gripped her waist making her swoon. 

Arthur was drunk on the incredible sensation of her gorgeous body pressing against his. He even let out a small moan that was muffled by her lips fitting perfectly with his and her tongue entering his mouth and entangling with his. 

Iris knew she should stop, but her body was crying out to be one with his, right as she ran her fingers through his luxurious, tattered green locks and her hand traveled downward to feel his stiff phallus she heard a knock at her door. They both pulled away from each other practically panting and looked at eachother as if the knock on the door wasn't real but unfortunately it was very much real...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

** _End Chapter 11 🌹_ **


	12. Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! Who's at the door??? Iris will see a different side of Arthur in this chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Iris both hate surprises which is yet another thing they have in common lol

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 12: Surprise!**

**🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤**

Iris could tell that Arthur was getting nervous and hoped he wouldn't laugh at least not in this particular moment.

Iris was still staring at Arthur hoping that whoever it was they would go away. Her heart pounded as all the realistic consequences of keeping this man here with her were all stabbing into her passionate fantasy at once. She could see that Arhur was anxious as well and she knew that when he gets anxious that can mean another spell of laughter and she could see on his face that he was having the very same fear. 

They both heard the incessant knocking again and Iris could see Arthur was trying hard not to laugh and she simply kissed his forehead and whispered in his ear, "It's gonna be alright Arthur okay?"

Arthur closed his eyes as he felt her hot breath against his ear and felt some comfort in her sincere words. He suddenly felt very awkward sitting in her bathtub with the curtain ripped off. 

Iris had an idea and she hoped it would work. She helped Arthur up and had him step out of her shower and quickly put the curtain rod back up with the curtain ripped but still attached and she turned the water on. "Okay I'm gonna go answer the door and just get in the shower and the water should relax you enough to hopefully stop any potential laughter"

Arthur looked at her nervously and nodded his head in response. Iris stepped out, shut the door, adjusted her now messy hair and walked to the door while taking a long deep breath. The knocking was louder now. Her heart was in her throat....

"Who is it?" she called out trying to sound as calm and normal as possible. Iris was so relieved to hear it was not the police but also extremely nervous and apprehensive about even opening the door. She heard the water running and hoped Arthur was okay but didn't want to open the door and invade his privacy especially after after his episodes.

"I'm-I'm coming!" She shouted which was followed by her silently cursing to herself. She took a deep breath and put on a false smile, which she was an expert at, and nervous walked over to the door. Every step she took towards the door her heart rate increased.

"Fuck...this is such a bad fucking time", she thought to herself as she finally approached the door.

She stood in front of the door for a moment feeling frozen with fear but eventually brought her unwillingly hand to undo her lock and then reached down to the rusty doorknob and cringed as she turned it. 

When Iris slowly opened the door she made absolutely sure that she had a smile on her face but not too much of a smile as not to look at all suspicious of something.

"Hi!" she said, her voice cracking. 

It was her sister Rose which was much better than the police and Iris was so lost in her head that she didn't even notice that her sister's 5 year old daughter was with her. Her eyes widened.

"Are you alright, Iris?" Rose asked, staring at her.  
"No, no of course not...everything is great" she stammered.  
Rose's daughter Ophelia looked up at her coyly but soon smiled at her. Ophelia was a very timid girl and technically speaking is not Rose's daughter, she adopted her a few years ago because her mother was a an addict who couldn't take care of her. She's very shy but a sweet, beautiful little girl. 

Iris was zoning out for a moment but snapped out of it when her sister said, "You said you'd watch her today remember?"

Iris completely forgot and with everything going on that made sense, but she had no idea what was going to do now. If she said she couldn't abruptly it would look very suspicious and on top of that it would be very unfair to her sister and especially to Ophelia. If this less than 24 hours ago she wouldn't have even considered letting her niece be in the same space as Arthur, but that was before she knew who he really was. She felt stuck....

"Oh my God what do I do?"

"Can you still watch her? If not I'm going to have to cancel my appointment" her sister said sounding somewhat irritated by Iris' odd demeanor.

Iris had to think fast. "No, no I'm sorry I just didn't sleep well but of course I'll watch her" 

Iris knelt down in front of Ophelia and smiled warmly at her and said, "Ready to spend some time with your crazy auntie?"

Ophelia smiled timidly and giggled saying "Yes" 

Rose still looked at her sister suspiciously, but trusted her with her with little Ophelia and knew how much it made her happy to spend time with her auntie.

"Okay so I'll be back in a couple of hours or so. She already ate, but she might want a snack, but no sweets" Rose said, looking down at her daughter sternly. 

Iris stodd up and took Ophelia's hand and said, "Okay well I'll see you soon" Rose smiled, hugged Ophelia and left. She took her little hand and brought her inside. 

"I have to go potty" Ophelia said. Iris immediately started to get anxious. She didn't know what to do or say. Arthur didn't even know what was going on and Ophelia isn't a big fan of men unless she knows them well. 

******  
Arthur didn't even hear anything that was going because he was trying very hard to just relax. Relaxing was extremely foreign for him so this was a huge challenge especially after everything that has happened this past month. Even sleep wasn't a common occurrence for him.

Arthur let the comforting hot water envelop his aching body and wash away his makeup. He watching mindlessly as the red, blue and white colors swirled around the drain before they were sucked away for good. It felt quite soothing so have the water run through his hair and wash away the remnants of last night.

He had his eyes closed and his head hanging downwards allowing the steaming hot water to gently hit the back of his strained neck and shoulders. His body was beginning to truly relax, but his mind was very busy. He kept thinking of his mother and how he pressed that hospital pillow onto her face and smothered the life out of her. 

It was initially an incredibly powerful rush at first and he felt justified and relieved to end her life. The way he was treated and the she allowed these repulsive men in her life to better him and even her was sickening to him. He even dared to wonder what kind of man he would be if none of those torturous things had ever happened to him.

***********

He took care of his mother day in and day out all the while not knowing the terrifying truth of what had really happened to him when he was only a child. He was so engulfed in rage that he did what he felt he needed to in order to cope. His adrenaline peaks so quickly that it can be disastrous.

Even last night when he was practically smashed by that ambulance while he was in the police car enjoying the beautiful work of art he had created he was knocked out and hurt badly but his adrenaline was so high that he didn't notice it. All he felt was a natural high that he could not even begin to describe. The rush was so volatile that physical pain didn't seem to even register. 

He always felt he was invisible and when he saw all the terrifying beauty he had created he truly felt he was somebody and he was simply being himself for the first time in his life and speaking words that he truly felt from deep within. Words that many feel as well but are too scared to express. 

Even before the crash he was brutally beaten by the police that apprehended him. They tackled him to the floor at the studio, interrupting a perfectly maniacal laugh, and after they kicked him repeatedly in his stomach and his ribs he did feel a lot of that but was so high on the euphoria of what he had just done that he didn't truly feel it until later.

They very likely may have cracked or broke a rib or two, but he didn't want Iris to know that. After being beaten by the police (which was in the same manner as the wicked men kicked him while he was down on the subway) with no pistol to defend himself he had to take the beating. He laughed the entire time and even egged them on, but at one point he remembered getting a boot slammed right into his head and he saw stars and blacked out.

When he came to, the right side of his face was pressed against the seat and he tasted blood. His head was throbbing and when he tried to touch his head he realized he had been handcuffed. He was very groggy and the cops in the front didn't notice he was awake until he slightly laughed incoherently but then started to caugh and gag. They laughed at him but he was too out of it to really notice. 

The police officers saw the state he was in and would even purposely jerk the car around making him feel like he was going to vomit and he suddenly felt he was Arthur Fleck (and also Arthur has always had a sensitive stomach which made him feel even more pathetic) again and not Joker. Just when he felt he was going to empty the nothing that was in his stomach all over his lap he noticed all the insanity flourishing all around him and he began to feel giddy and he was Joker again. 

It wasn't until shortly after his wickedly, devine dance of victory that he started to become hazy and nauseous. When he first woke up on top of that car he almost felt he was going to pass out again or be sick, but he saw all the glorious insanity that belonged to him and it gave him a little strength so that he could enjoy what he had started. He could even hear glorious music play in his head like tear jerking violins orchestrating his triumphant dance.

Finally when he was walking around that's when a the pain seemed to hit him at once and he collapsed in that dark alleyway and that's when he was rescued by the most beautiful angel and her name was Iris....

************

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

_ **End Chapter 12....** _

_**"**It isn't that hard boy to like you or love you_

_I'd follow you down, down, down_

_It's unbelievable _

_If you're going crazy just grab me and take me_

_I'd follow you down, down, down_

_Anywhere, anywhere..._

_One for the money _

_Two for the show_

_I love you honey_

_I'm ready I'm ready to go_

_How did you get that way_

_I don't know _

_You're screwed and brilliant_

_And look like a million dollar man_

_So why is my heart broke..."_

_🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀_


	13. Arthur and the Unblemished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur had always liked kids but found it hard to ever be around them for too long until his uncomfortable outbursts of laughter would often make their parents want to pull them away from him as though he were a monster. When he was on the bus weeks ago and trying to be his sweet silly self for a little boy he was once again the "freak" the "weirdo" as usual but perhaps he has come across another opportunity to make a child smile.

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 13: _Arthur and the Unblemished_**

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur has his palms pressed against the shower wall behind the shower head and his still facing down. He felt his body suddenly tense up and thought he felt another gut wrenching fit of relentless laughter creeping up on his relaxed state. He shut his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth, but something different happened this time...This time he felt tears sting his tired eyes and then he realized it was not yet another laughing episode coming on it was something else...

He suddenly felt the need to sit down on the shower floor and bring kis skinny knees to his bruised chest, bringing his hands to grasp the the sides if his aching head and that's when it happened. All the pain from his past and his present seemed to suddenly be too heavy and he crumbled under the pressure and he was actually crying...

Arthur put his hand over his mouth as he sobbed hoping Iris would not hear him. When he was taking his clothes off he saw how badly bruised up he was all over his ribs and chest and it hurt a lot worse than he let on. It wasn't even all the accident. He was also pinned down not too long after killing Murray and brutally beaten, but at the time his adrenalin was so sky high that he didn't even care or notice much. 

The hot water was at least soothing and even though he was crying heavily it felt good in some ways. It was something that he held in for too long and even though he was furious with his insane mother he still felt some remorse underneath his Joker side. 

He finally had stopped crying and unsteadily got up and was now looking to see if she had some kind of shampoo or something to wash his hair and soap to clean his emaciated body. He saw she had shampoo and conditioner that was a lavender scent and it made him smile without even realizing because he remembered the smell of her ravishing long hair. 

It felt wonderful to run his fingers through his shampooed hair and even though his head had been banged up it was mostly near his forehead so it did not really hurt.hair and wash most of the green out. Once he was done rinsing he put some conditioner in too even though normally he didn't, but he secretly hoped Iris would notice his hair being more sleek and soft. 

He saw also that she had some floral scented body wash and he put a dab in his hand and began to lather it up in his hands. He started washing his shoulders and made his way down to his midriff but winced in pain and had to be extremely gentle with himself which was something in many other ways he never would do. 

Suddenly Athur snapped out of his daydream when he heard some noise outside of the bathroom and he had nearly forgotten that Iris has gone to see who was knocking incessantly at her door. He finished washing himself and shut the water off, immediately holding still trying to see if he could figure out what the source of the noise was. 

He quietly stepped out of her shower but soon came to realization that he did now have a towel or any clean clothes to put on. Iris didn't even have a towel hung up anywhere.

"Shit", he cursed under his breath. It sounded like someone was coming to the door and he was panicking, but furrowed his brow in puzzlement when his alert ears heard what sounded almost like a child. 

"What the fuck?" he murmured. He nearly jumped out of his skin when suddenly the door started to open and he knew now that it was definitely a child indeed. He stumbled back into the shower but the door was already all the way opening so he had to think fast so he grabbed part of the curtain and used it cover his exposed privates.

Iris was cursing and calling out to this little kid but clearly her efforts went to naught. Iris shut her eyes tightly and squeezed the bridge of her nose when she heard her niece scream at the top of her lungs. 

Arthur was in a panic and close the curtain all the way and then slipped and fell I'm the tub and his lower back hit the faucet. He stifled a moan and just stayed curled up in the corner not knowing what else to do in this moment of panic and painful awkwardness.

"Auntie Iris, there's a strange man in your shower!" Ophelia shrieked, now starting to cry. Iris picked her up and held her trying to calm her down.

"No, no it's okay Ophelia he's my friend Arhur. He's a nice man okay?" Iris said in a gentle soothing voice.

Arthur heard the way she spoke to the little girl and the left corner if his mouth curved and he noticed that that's the same sweet manner she would speak to him. So kind, so tranquil.

After holding her hysterical niece for a few more minutes her sobbing was beginning to subside and Iris delicately put her back down. Iris kissed her forehead and told her to go I to the bedroom and close the door for a little bit.

"Oh my God Arthur I'm so so sorry" she exclaimed as she came into the bathroom. She kept her back turned to give him some privacy. Arthur grunted as he stood up and said meekly, "It's okay Iris...but who is she?"

Iris sighed heavy and said, "She's my niece, Ophelia and I forgot I was supposed to watch her today. Today of all days for fucks sake"

Arthur stood naked in her shower awkwardly for a bit before he finally asked softly, "Can I have a towel please?" 

Iris felt so bad not only for him for putting both of them through this uncomfortable dilemma. She realized she had not answered poor Arthur and said, "Of course you can. God I'm so sorry" 

She went to go grab a towel and she suddenly felt bashful about coming into the bathroom knowing he was totally naked standing in her shower even though he was hidden behind her curtain and, of course, there was another animalistic and passionate part of her that wished that she was in there naked with him.

Iris entered the bathroom, turned her head in the opposite direction of her shower and said, "Here you go" 

She heard him slightly open the curtain and she could only look in his opposite direction for so long before she quickly turned her eager head to face him. She looked at him with doe eyes and a flushed face as he coyly peered his head out from behind her curtain. She felt her entire body freeze and all she could do was try and breathe.

Arthur had a very hard time making eye contact with her as she stared at him, but finally he glanced at her and gifted her one of the sweetest smiles she had ever seen. His gorgeous, regal hair was wet and dripping down onto his neck and then slid down to his collar bone. There was still quit a bit of that vibrant green in it, but to her it mixed beautifully with his natural brown color. 

Arthur felt he was ugly and had a repulsive body and when Iris first ever saw him she did think he had really nice hair and was fairly handsome in his own way, but it wasn't until she spent time with him last night and this afternoon with him and feeling his raw emotion intertwine beautifully with hers that her eyes now saw much more than just the external, but the beauty that came from his heart pumping waves of relatable pain that equated hers in his own unique way. It was kismet...and his internal beauty opened her eyes to the beauty of him as a whole. She was terrified, but she was absolutely falling in love with this man...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

The more time she spent with him, more and more little details of memories of him began to come back to her...

Even though she had started to develop unwelcome feelings towards him from all the times she observed him on the bus, she was still afraid and uncertain. There were times when he would shyly glance her way, but before she could even give him a nervous smile, he would awkwardly look away. He was like an extraordinary mystery waiting to be unlocked and Arthur secretly wished that she would be the one with the key.

She even caught him staring at her bare legs a few times, but he always looked away immediately and would nervously run his fingers through his thick hair. For some odd reason, even though she felt she _hated _men for the most part, she almost _wanted_ him to keep looking. Even the way he looked away, anxiously, intrigued her and she thought it was rather cute.

It took her time to even think of him as anything more than another weirdo on the bus, but little by little, after months of observation, her heart started to swell and that day he was sick, was when she first really saw the radiant color of his electric eyes. They were red, tired and watery, but she still saw how beautiful they were and the way they stared into hers for a short moment.

Arthur doesn't fully remember their encounter that day, but he remembers how awful and scared he felt helplessly laying on the floor of that bus and how _embarrassed _he felt. He didn't feel good the night before and was barely able to get off the couch the next day, but he just never knew how to be gently with himself, or take care of himself in that way.

Once he got on the bus is when it got worse and he felt hot, cold, shaky, weak and extremely nauseous. When he reluctantly sat next to Iris because there were no other seats available and he felt he could no longer stand, that's when he got nervous and embarrassed, which made his stomach feel worse. It was his first time sitting next to the woman of his dreams and it was not the way he _wanted_ it to be.

He quietly said _hello _her of course, but had to look away because he was having a lot of trouble fighting the nausea. He felt so cold, but his head also felt like it was on fire and although it was certainly not his intention, he was so weak and feverish that he leaned against her, without meaning to. Iris wasn't sure how to feel, but she soon noticed something was wrong and she put the back of her hand on his cheek and he was so _hot_.

_"Jusus, you're burning up" _she said, gently to him.

Arthur was just thrilled that she touched him and wished it had been under different circumstances.Arthur somehow mustered a smile and started to say "_You're...You're r-really..." _

Right around when she asked him if he was alright is when he collapsed.

As he laid there and she looked over him with concerned eyes, he somehow, in his feverish state was able to mutter, "You're...you're really pretty..." He then started caughing badly and she touched his forehead and was quite worried and he was also clammy and shaky and kept saying he was cold.

The bus driver was asking if he was okay, but she didn't even know what to say.

She could tell he was not all there, but it still gave her..._feelings_. She simply smiled in response.

She looked away, feeling overwhelmed by the staggering beauty of his sincere eyes and the sweet words he spoke, as he gazed up at her. That's when he started feel sick again and to and shut his sacred eyes. Even the way they seemed to tell a tale of sorrow and pain, they still sparkled and gazed at her as if she were his angel. It was almost overwhelming her and her deeply empathetic heart. She saw herself for a moment in his pleading eyes and it was just too much for her at that time.  
  


When he started to vomit, that's when she turned him on his side and tried to mention the hospital, but he didn't want to hear it.

He wanted to fall asleep in her arms and not be laying on a cold hospital bed, _alone._

Iris normally would never have done this, but, she saw this poor human being suffering so badly that she just wanted to comfort him, so she began stroke his hair_.   
_

Arthur had stopped getting sick and closed his eyes when he felt the soothing sensation of her fingers touching his hair. He wanted to curl up and have her embrace warm his trembling body. He just wanted to lay there and die, but he wanted to look at her stunning eyes more than anything in the world, so he turned onto his back and looked at her. 

They were like diamonds and, in his feverish state, he almost thought she looked like some devine being and he would forever see her in his mind that way. That is how he truly thought about her, regardless.

<img src="

He even, shakily, had started to touch her hand, his hazy eyes locking with hers for a moment, which sent shivers through her entire body, but that's about the time he weakly got up. He almost fell a few times, feebly apologized, once again, to her and he turned to look at her, before he got off, like he desperately wanted to say something to her. He parted his lips slightly to say something, but he felt the nausea he had been fighting make his stomach clench.

Iris saw that he looked like he wanted to speak and she eagerly waited, but then saw how he suddenly cringed, put his hand over his mouth and quickly stumbled off the bus, but...he dropped something. It was a weathered looking notebook. The bus was ready driving away and she felt so sad for him.

The saddest part is that if he didn't feel like he was going to vomit again he would have even offered to help her clean up, even though he was very sick. He also might have asked her out...possibly changing the course of his entire future...🥀

Arthur was gone too quickly to hear her say "_wait!" _and what Iris did not know was that right when Iris turned around and stopped staring out the window at him, he stared back with sad eyes, right before he got violently ill into the trash bin near him. He didn't want any hospital and he desperately needed money, so he did go to work, but didn't last long before he passed out in the locker room and had to go home.

All he thought about, as he tossed and turned so sick with an awful fever that seemed endless, was the way she looked at him and how beautiful and bright her eyes were, but also hated himself for looking so pathetic in front of her. He finally had a chance to talk to her but was too sick to do it...and too _scared..._

Arthur hadn't realized he had lost his notebook until days later when he was fei g better, but just assumed it was lost or thrown away.

It was kismet...and his internal beauty opened her eyes to the beauty of him as a whole. She was terrified, but she was absolutely falling in love with this man...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur saw she was staring and was beginning to feel rather foolish standing naked hiding behind a shower curtain waiting for a towel to that he could come out. "What?" he asked, trying not to seem so uncomfortable so that she didn't think his discomfort was caused by her.

Iris walked closer to him and handed him the towel, laughed at herself and said, "I'm very sorry I know I was staring, but it's so interesting to me to have seen you on the television last night and seeing you now standing in my shower looking so fucking adorable" she stammered.

Arthur smiled and looked down while saying, "I really don't think you would ever want to see me in the state I was in last night, but I would never act that way towards you...never" 

Iris locked eyes with him and her heart was pumping faster again, but for two reasons, one being that she was afraid to be in love with anyone because she feared there being pain and the other being that even though he was a sweet, kind man right now he clearly has a short fuse to say the least.

Even though she knew it was wrong, but even last night when she saw him on The Murray Franklin show and he walked out on stage and was dressed ridiculously and had clown makeup on she loved the way he danced about, moved with such grace and confidence. He was silly and even before she knew anything about him she couldn't help but applaud when he admitted to killing those awful Wallstreet men on the subway.

She was ashamed to admit it, but there was something _sensual _and absolutely _sexy _about _Joker_ and somehow, even more fascinating and intriguing, knowing his true identity. Seeing him now, shy and simply adorable, standing naked in her shower, made her all the more intrigued and she just wanted to know every part of him.

If there was one thing she loved most of all of the way he spoke so smoothly on the Murray Franklin show even making murder sound humorous and yet poetic at the same time. She could still hear clearly in her overly active mind the exact way Joker responded to Murray when he asked the predictable, seemingly, moral question of whether or not he thought killing them was funny and Arthur/Joker looked directly at him and looked him dead in the eyes and answered him "_I do...and I'm tired of pretending it's not"_

Iris was floored and felt a deep sense of pleasure hearing him speak the truth even if it was frightening to most and she found herself wishing she was only that bold to not walk through life pretending. 

She also remembered how she was fascinated with his body language and impressed by the way he smoothly spoke despite being put on the show to be made fun of. Iris has been bullied her entire life but only ever fantasized about brutally killing the people that did, but Arthur Fleck didn't care what anyone thought anymore and she thought that was a beautiful thing because she knows how caged that can make someone feel... 

🥀

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

_ **End Chapter 13** _

_**"**_You are not alone  
I am here with you  
Even when you're scared  
I'll never leave you  
Standing in a storm

Making it insane  
Once again, I will try  
To enchain you  
But you open your eyes to the sky  
And whisper

That you are so lonely  
You are so alone  
You're so alone  
You're so lonely, so lonely

So I'm coloring my face  
While I am here with you  
Imagining the landscape of your sorrow  
Is it yellow or blue?

Coloring the sky, and the trees  
And the clouds, and the moonlight  
I'd colored your heart  
If you didn't I did

You're so alone  
You're so lonely, so lonely

And I wish you could just find home  
Mmm...mmm..."

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aren't they adorable??? 🥰


	14. The Funny Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ophelia doesn't know what to think of this strange man in her auntie's apartment but Arthur has a soft and gentle heart especially with the innocent. Seeing him on the Murray Franklin show in comparison to what Iris has seen since she came to his rescue in that alley was a huge difference but truly she loved both sides because they were a part of him as a whole. Iris has not seen Joker yet, but she knew that eventually she would...but she did not care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to post new chapters as fast as I can!! Comment and let me know what you think!!

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 14: _The Funny Man_**

When Joker finally stopped being insidiously goofy he finally told this silly television host and all of the massive amounts of people that watched that mindless show how he truly felt. He broke down and the raw pain and years of pent up burning rage were finally released from the little cage they had been trapped inside for so long. There was certainly immense and frightening anger in his voice, but she also very clearly heard his voice break as he shouted at this empty headed man about how he felt inside and he was sick and tired of being invisible and being written off as "crazy" as a lazy and simple cop out for "normal" people, living in their tiny little snow globe that they called a life, to push mentally ill people to the side like trash. Iris was one of those people too and she fucking understood.

She understood every word that escaped from his mouth like fire from a misunderstood dragon that was tired of being poked and prodded by a lowly knight. He grew tired of not having a voice and so he stopped pretending that everything was fine in the little snow globe because it wasn't fine anymore and it, in fact, never was to begin with. 

The truth was that he and other people like him that had felt like their mouths had sewn shut longed eventually be free of those threads and take action. In order to fit the mold they finally stopped pretending that they didn't see they were surrounded by glass that blocked them from being truly free and the time had at last came to fight back at the society that had clipped their wings years ago. All they needed was a little push and He gave it to them.

What she did remember very very well was that as he was screaming at this man she heard the pure unadulterated agony in his voice accompanied by rage that could start an enormous forest fire. She remembered smiling as she felt his same feelings within her heart and watched as he didn't hold back and it made her wish she knew him and didn't care how unusual and disturbing it sounded.

Iris wished she could sit ar a bar and just talk to him for hours and now she laughs to herself thinking the irony of of it all. Now she is actually getting to know this man and even though it was certainly not sitting at a bar laughing over expensive drinks, it was even better....

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

Arthur reached his skinny arm out and took the towel from Iris who was smiling at him blushing and he thought she looked absolutely incredible. He wrapped the towel and hesitantly stepped out of the shower and he then saw her smile drop and he didn't understand why at first until she saw her eyes looking at the state of his upper body with sympathy gleaming in her eyes.

Arthur looked away and said, "I'm fine don't worry"

"Oh Arthur you're not fine. Look at your poor body Jesus" Iris said, trying to keep her voice low so that Ophelia wouldn't hear, but it didn't matter because she was already opening the bedroom door.

"Ophelia I told you to wait in the room" Iris said as she looked down at her, but she paid her no mind because her eyes were fixated on the slender stranger standing in her Auntie's bathroom.

To Iris' surprise Ophelia didn't seem to so scared of him anymore and she even said to him, "You're the man on the TV" 

Iris' eyes widened as she said this and looked over at Arthur who was actually laughing softly at what Ophelia said, but he could tell Iris didn't like it.

She crouched down in front of Ophelia and said to her, "You're mommy let you watch that?"

Ophelia didn't seem to understand so she pointed directly at Arthur and said, " Yeah you're the funny man on stage laughing" 

Arthur was really laughing now and he was relieved that that was all she meant. What Arthur didn't know was that Iris had only caught the show right around when Joker danced out from the behind the curtains so she didn't even see Arthur's embarrassing little act. He was very relieved truth be told. 

Iris still didn't understand what her niece was talking about so Arthur chimed in. "The reason I was even on the show was because they got ahold of a recording of me attempting to do stand up comedy at a club and it was horrible because I was so nervous, so basically I got put on the show because they all thought I was, well, a Joker" 

Iris looked at him for a moment looking perplexed and said, "Oh...I had no idea. That's really fucking mean" Arthur smiled as he heard the anger in her voice that he could only guess was her feeling protective over him. 

Ophelia stared at him with two of her fingers in her mouth as if she was trying to read him in some way and said to him, "Why do you have so many ouchies?" 

Iris didn't even give Arhur a chance to respond and quickly said, Oh sweetheart that's because he was in an accident" 

Ophelia looked at Iris and then back at Arthur and said sweetly, "Is he okay Auntie?" Iris knelt down again and picked her up. She still stared at Arthur and he didn't want to look back because he did not want to frighten her or make her uncomfortable in any way, but the silence was soon broken by her saying, "Maybe you should make his booboos better like the way you do with mine"

"How do you mean sweety?" Iris asked as she glanced at Arthur for a moment and felt her heart warm when she saw he was softly smiling back at her. Ophelia looked at Iris and said, "You like Auntie Iris, you have to kiss his booboos" 

Arthur was genuinely laughing and Iris was blushing. She put Ophelia down and told her to go back into her room to give Arthur some privacy and she reluctantly did what she asked. 

Iris walked over to the bathroom and couldn't help but smile ear to ear when she saw Arthur doing the same. "Sorry about that. She usually never takes to strangers" 

Arthur looked down bashfully thinkng about little Ophelia's comment and then shot his breathtaking emerald eyes directly at Iris with a burning confidence in his gaze that he never processed up until their very moment. He wanted to desperately to feel her warm body against his again and when her eyes locked with his again he knew, despite his deep seeded insecurities, that she wanted that same thing.

Iris felt she was being pulled to him as if her were magnetic. She moved in close to him, never averting her gaze, and put her hand on his cheek and then gently moved her hands down to his bruised ribs. He was not sure what she was doing, but she bent down and slowly brought her velvet soft lips to his ribs and kissed his bruises which left crimson lip prints all over his torso. Arthur was on fire. 

While she was still kissing his body tenderly he brought both his hands down and placed his palms on the sides of her flustered face and slowly she stood up to meet his eager face and she thought they were going to kiss but instead he he wrapped his arms around her and held her.  
She closed her eyes feeling the warm comfort of his body pressed against hers and they were beautifully wrapped in a loving embrace that made her almost melt in his arms.

"You're so amazing" Athur whispered passionately in her ear, his hot breath giving her goosebumps. "Thank you for being so kind" 

Iris heard his voice break as he spoke and she looked into his eyes and saw that he was looking down attempting to mask his emotions. She put her fingers under his chin and lifted his face for his eyes to meet hers. She could see there were tears in his eyes and she was breathing heavy feeling all his pain from his past and present simply from looking into his incredible eyes. She wanted to speak, but could not find any words so she kissed him softly and said, "You don't have to thank me Arthur Fleck.

Iris knew she needed to go to her room to tend to Ophelia so she reluctantly let go of him and looked him up and down and said, "Oh Arthur...you're so thin. You should eat more" 

"My mother used to always tell me that", he laughed. 

"You want something?" She asked. Arthur simply shook his head, but when he saw the look on her face he sighed and said, "Sure maybe later"

Iris smiled at his response and kissed his forehead and went to her room. Arthur shut the door and found himself unable to remove the smile from his face. He started to laugh softly but stopped when he felt the awful pain in his ribs. He was truly in a lot of pain but didn't want to worry her. 

  
"_She's incredible"_

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When Iris came into her room she saw that Ophelia was petting her cat Tilly and when she saw her auntie she smiled and said to her, "Auntie Iris I really really need to go potty still. Is the funny man finished?" 

Iris had forgotten that Ophelia had asked to use the bathroom a while ago and she also suddenly came to the realization that Arthur didn't have any other clothing with him other than his blood stained burgundy suit. She didn't have anything that would fit him, but then she remembered she had a warm robe that would probably fit him because he has such a small frame. She worried he could be cold and also she obviously didn't have any underwear for him.

"I'm gonna go check okay sweety?" Iris said as she dashed to the bathroom door and knocked softly.

Arthur opened it and smiled, but she could see behind that smile and knew something must be wrong. She was an expert at the masquerade of false smiles. Arthur smiled weakly at her but she could see he was trembling. 

Iris put her hand on his pale cheek and said, "Hey, are you feeling ok?" 

Arthur nodded and she knew something was wrong but she also knew Ophelia desperately needed to use the bathroom so she would deal with Arthur's false smile in a moment. 

"I know you don't have any other clothes but I have a robe that would fit you, but unfortunately that's all I have" she said as her eyes examined his face as if he were a rare painting in a fancy museum. She adored every line, every sharp angle and most of all she cherished his beautifully tragic eyes and how they sparkled like diamonds. Most of all she loved how his eyes seemed to put an intoxicating spell on her lonely soul. She thought he was unbelievable....

"That would be fine, Iris....thank you for everything", he responded, his voice hoarse.

Iris walked with Arthur to her bedroom which made her feel an amorous sensation all throughout her body. It was electric and even seeing him near her bed made her heart race. 

Iris took Ophelia to the bathroom then returned to Arthur who standing by her bed with his head facing downwards with his eyes looking to the side like a shy school boy in the locker room. She could tell he was cold too.

"Here, this robe should fit and it's very warm and I have blankets too okay?" She said as she grabbed the robe from her closet and handed it to him. "I'll give you some privacy" she said, awkwardly walking out of the room.

When she shut the door Arthur reluctantly removed the towel from his boney waist, hoping no one would come in. He put the robe on and although it was warm and comfortable he really wished he had underwear because it would be awkward for him to sit down. He didn't want his naughty bits to be exposed.

Since Iris had left the room he really just wanted to get in her bed and sleep so that he didn't have to deal with the gnawing pain in his ribs and chest. His head still hurt but once the blood was washed away he saw it wasn't really so bad. 

Arthur couldn't help but notice how lovely and quaint her room was. Her cream colored dresser had beautiful glass figurines of birds and she had a Van Gogh painting hanging above her bed and he smirked when he saw it was his painting titled "Irises" which he also knew Van Gogh painted while he was institutionalized. She also had an old record player that looked as if it easily could be from the 40's and several records next to it mostly of female jazz singers, but the records she had most of all were of French singer Edith Piaf.

Tilly jumped on the bed and started rubbing her soft cheeks against his elbow and he pet her on the head and said, "Well, hi there" Tilly responded by purring heavily and sitting on his lap. 

As Arthur's curious eyes looked around her room he looked on her night stand and saw a pair of binoculars, but what caught his attention the very most was an urn that stood out right underneath the warm light of her stained glass tiffany lamp. It had a name engraved on the front of it that said Marcel. Next to it was a framed picture of a young man, probably in his late 20's who had long dark hair and intense dark brown eyes. As he dared to reach for the picture he immediately stopped when her heard a soft knock at the door. Tilly hopped off his lap and went over to the door.

Arthur sat on the bed and saw that she had a folded blanket at the foot of her bed and grabbed it and draped it over his lap to make sure his nether regions were completely covered. "You can come in"

When she opened the door he saw that Ophelia was staring at him with her fingers in her little mouth. Iris thought she was going to have to coax her into the room, but she wa shocked when she saw her walk right over to Arthur and say, "Are you a sad funny man?" 

Arthur looked at her with gentle, virescent eyes, smiled amiably at her and said, "I used to be" 

After those vague yet meaningful words were uttered Iris felt she wanted to melt into his arms. She didn't believe in God but she still couldn't help but think he was a gift, but...some gifts are not free...Nothing good in life comes without a price...

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_"Oh my my my, what you do to me_  
Like lightning when I'm swimming in the sea  
From the very first time we loved  
From the very first time we touched  
Walking on wires and power lines  
When you put your body on top of mine  
Everytime that you lift me up  
To the heaven and stars above  
  
O lord of mercy  
I'm begging you, please  
I'm feelin' drained  
I need love  
You charge me up  
Like electricity  
Jumpstart my heart  
With your love"

_🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀_

"When you hold me in your arms  
Burns like fire and electricity  
When you're close I feel the sparks  
Takes me higher to infinity"....

** _End Chapter 14_ **

** _Stay tuned!!_ **


	15. The Heart of a Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We will get to know Ophelia a little more here and see how someone as awkward as Arthur interacts with her, but Iris is really worrying about his banged up body and tries to find some sort of remedy to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've taken a while, but don't worry there's still much more to come! To make things fun, if any of you would be interested there is a song that basically encompasses Iris and Arthur's entire relationship and it's called "Million Dollar Man" by Lana Del Rey so if you want check it out. The lyrics and mood of the song are perfect ♡♡♡ Show me some love and leave some comments if you like what you've read ♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🖤**

**Chapter 15: The Heart of a Child **

Iris saw him shoot her a glance as he said those words and it made her heart swell. Ophelia gestured for him to lift her onto the bed and even though he wanted to he looked at Iris first as if to ask permission. She nodded approvingly at her.

"He's so fucking cute...God help me" She said to herself almost as if her brain was scolding her ever so eager heart. 

Arthur put his hands under this sweet child's arms and lifted her onto the bed. She stared at him again and he found himself wanting to be his silly self and try and make her smile or laugh even, but his mind flashed to that cross woman on the bus that day that yelled at him for making her son laugh and he stopped himself. He didn't want to frighten her even though that would never be his intention, but he also recalled that the little boy on the bus did laugh and enjoy his funny faces, it was his mother rather that was disturbed by it.

Ophelia touched the top of Arthur's skinny hand and said, "You're so cold and your nails are all gone" 

Iris giggled but saw that Arthur looked a little embarrassed and said, "Don't be rude now"

Arthur smiled warmly at Ophelia and even leaned closer to her and said, "I'm okay"

Iris did notice that Arthur's nails were bitten down almost completely and it made her sad. She noticed that Ophelia was actually smiling back at him and it warmed her soul. 

"Why do you bounce your leg like that?" Ophelia asked, noticing that Athur was bouncing his leg nervously. Arthur didn't even realize he was doing it (he usually didn't) until she pointed it out. 

Iris walked over to the bed and sat down next to Opelia and said, "Ophelia stop asking so many questions" 

Arthur saw Ophelia look at Iris innocently and then back at Arhur who smiled and stuck his tongue out at her and she giggled gleefully. She stood up on the bed and grabbed one of Iris' other blankets, stood behind Arthur and draped the blanket around his shoulders and said, There, now you can be warm, Funny man" 

Arthur smiled ear to ear at her, patted her on the head and said, "Well, thank you Ophelia"

Iris thought this very moment was one the sweetest things to ever take place in her complicated life. Ophelia almost never is talkative with strangers especially men. She couldn't believe it.

Arthur held the blanket tightly around himself. He was very cold which unfortunately made his pain worse. He tried to hide the agonizing look on his face when he tried scoot back on the bed, but Iris saw right through that. She was so worried.

Iris had no way of knowing the extent of his injuries and she was terrified that he may need medical attention or he would suffer greatly or worse. The second she thought of the worse case scenario her eyes became vacant and distant. She was lost in her head and without realizing it she kept glancing at the urn on her nightstand and then back to Arthur. He saw her looking lost so he put his hand on her lap and said sweetly, "Iris, I'm gonna be okay"

When she snapped back into reality and saw him looking at her earnestly and the words he said registered in her mess of a mind she slightly smiled. Arthur's smile faded when he saw that she had tears clinging to the bottom of her eyes that hoped she could conceal. He now knew that Marcel must have been a past lover, but he had no idea what happened to him and even though he wanted to ask he knew now was not the right time especially not with the child around.

Arthur gazed at Iris, smiled so tenderly at her bewildered face and said, "Don't be sad, beautiful" 

When Arthur uttered those words with those gorgeous, green penetrating eyes she smiled and immediately felt better. Ophelia saw the way Iris and Arthur were looking at eachother and said, "Is he your boyfriend?"

Iris felt her face flush instantly and giggled. When she saw Athur he wasn't laughing or looking uncomfortable at all. His eyes were fixed on hers as if to say that he would not be apposed to the idea. She was speechless and thought her heart was going to burst. She wanted to grab his face and taste his him in her mouth, but instead bashfully looked away.

Ophelia took Arthur's hand and said, "You look sad. Do you need a nap?" 

Iris and Arthur both laughed almost in unison. Arthur honestly was not opposed to the idea. He was still very tired. Iris stopped laughing when she saw Arthur suddenly stop and an agonizing yet quiet moan interrupted his genuine laughter.

It was starting to be far too much of a challenge for him to act as if he was alright and he laid back on her pillows with both his hands over his face, breathing very heavily and almost crying from the agony. What made it worse is that the pain made him breath heavier and also made him feel he was going to crumble and just start crying, but both these things unfortunately increased his pain. 

Ophelia touched Arthur's ankle, looked at Iris with a sad face and said, "Is the funny man sick auntie Iris?" 

Iris' heart almost fell apart when she saw Ophelia look so saddened by Arthur's unfortunate state and of course seeing the very man that had been capturing her heart suffering so made her hurt even more. 

"Yes, Ophelia but don't worry he will be okay, but in the mean time let's go in the other room for little while to let him rest" Iris said to Ophelia who looked disappointed. She reluctantly took Iris' hand and walked with her away from "The Funny man" but that didn't stop her from looking back over her should and running away from Iris to go back into the room with him. Iris gave up and went to go use the bathroom, but told Ophelia that after she was done she had to leave him alone.

Even though Arthur was in a lot of pain he still managed a smile for this sweet child and waved to her, but right after he went back to laying down and curled into himself.

This past day or so has taken it's toll on Arthur's frail, skinny body and he was feeling every bit of it. Even before he got to the studio he had been hit by a car and slammed onto the ground. He almost didn't know if he was going to be able to get up, but he was on a mission and nothing and no one was going to stop him. That's being said, he was truly feeling it as if there was God that was punishing him for his sinful acts.

Arthur was also getting a headache and headaches he's been getting since the car crash had also been making him nauseous, so he closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose trying to do anything just to feel a little better. His eyes opened suddenly when he heard Ophelia's innocent, little voice saying, "I hope you feel better Funny Man" Arthur couldn't even sit up so he just looked at her and said weakly, "Thank you very much Ophelia" 

She smiled at him and started to play with his hair, which for a 5 year old felt more like pulling and tangling, but he didn't mind it. She padded his head as if he were a kitten and said, "Take a nap Funny Man, it could maybe help" Arthur smiled as his eyes began to close and said, "I just might do that"

Ophelia was staring at him as he tried to rest, but only let him rest for a few seconds before she poked his cheek. Arthur opened his tired eyes, smiled again for her, yawned and said, "Yes, Ophelia?"

She leaned into his ear and whispered, "I wanna tell you a secret Funny Man okay?" Arthur was pretty much half asleep so he just looked at her, giving her the best attention he could give her and said, "Of course you can, sweetie" 

She giggled and whispered, "When my mommy told me to go to bed and I came out of my room while they were still watching that boring show they like that I saw you on my mommy yelled at me and told me not look at the TV" 

As soon as Ophelia said that, Arthur's eyes shot open. She then continued, "She was tellin me something scary was on the TV and picked me up and took me back to my room, but my mommy doesn't know that I saw that scary clown on TV, but he was just dancin' and grabbed the tv screen and he was funny like you!"

Arthur looked at her trying not to seem nervous and smiled at her saying, "Yeah...he was a crazy clown, but your mom just wanted to keep you safe"

Ophelia looked at him innocently and asked, "Is that what your mommy did for you, Funny Man?" 

Arthur didn't know what to say at first, but then simply gave her a loving smile and said, "Of course..."

Ophelia stared at him as if she knew something he didn't, but then gave him a peck on the cheek and said, "Don't be sad, Funny Man" 

Iris had been in the bathroom and came into her room seeing Ophelia playing with strands of poor, exhausted Arthur's hair. Iris couldn't help but laugh a little as she got closer to them. She looked at how much Ophelia seemed to be enjoying herself and Arthur was also enjoying her company even though he wasn't feeling well. 

"Auntie Iris can you make him smile?" 

"Let him rest now, honey" Iris said as she walked over and crouched down by Ophelia

Arthur looked at Iris and said, "Iris doesn't have to try and make me smile"

Iris blushed and said coyly, "Thank you, Arthur" 

Arthur wanted so badly to just feel better so that, if anything, he wasn't such a burden to her considering the already busy life she has. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut as his headache for worse and his stomach seemed to do a backflip. Ophelia petted his head, seeing he wasn't feeling well, and said, "Is your tummy upset? Cuz that's the same face Tilly makes before she throws up"

Arthur managed a smile and shook his head. The mere mention of throwing up made him feel worse, but he didn't want Ophelia to know that. "No...I'm f-fine" he croaked, even though he really wasn't. 

Iris saw how sick he looked and thought it best to take Opelia into the living room and have her take a nap and let him be. Arthur kept experiencing this awful vertigo on and off and it was miserable. 

Arthur felt he should probably get to the bathroom, but wasn't sure if he would make it in time. Iris took Ophelia's hand and insisted she come with her, but she protested and Arthur looked like he was about to puke so she thought she should go grab her trash bin for him, but Ophelia had already gone to drag it ove to him. Iris was definitely annoyed, but thought it was incredibly sweet as well. 

Arthur kept telling Ophelia he was fine, but he most certainly wasn't and was actually grateful she brought the bin over to him. "Are you gonna throw up, Funny Man?" 

Arthur shook his head, but knew it was coming. Iris grabbed Ophelia and said, "Ophelia leave him alone now and let's go" 

Arthur tried to hold it until they left the room, but he simply could not. He hung his head over the trashcan and started to drool into it as he felt that sour taste in his stomach come up. Ophelia got on the bed behind Arthur, started rubbing his back and said, "Want to me to hold your hair back?" 

Iris felt so bad for him and wished Ophelia would leave him be. _"For God's sake Ophelia leave this poor man alone"_

Arthur was violently dry heaving but not much was coming up because he had nothing in his stomach, but he still felt so sick. Ophelia held some of his back and said, "It's gonna be okay" 

Iris felt so bad for Arthur and also couldn't believe that the same man she saw on television last night was the same man she saw before her who was in her bathrobe vomiting into her garbage can. She was shocked at how sweet and gentle he was..at least from what she has seen so far...

Eventually bile came up and after retching a few more times he laid back onto his side feeling exhausted. His eyes were closed and he was trying to catch his breath. He was so embarrassed and could not believe this woman was helping him.

Ophelia tried to climb onto the bed to lay with him, but when she was trying to scoot in close to him she accidentally elbowed his ribs making him cringe. Arthur patted her on the head and said, "Thank you" 

Ophelia took his hand and said, "Maybe you can be like my pretend daddy cuz I don't have one"

Arthur felt suddenly very emotional hearing her say those words and looked at her and said, "I don't have one either" 

Ophelia hugged him and then Iris was finally able to coax her into coming to her. Arthur needed his rest and Iris was growing increasingly worried about him as the day went on. She wanted him to be alright, or rather, she _needed _him to.

Arthur closed his eyes and tried to rest and Iris took Ophelia into the other room.

Iris had Ophelia sit on the couch and she put the television on for her. Ophelia wasn't very interested in watching TV but knew she didn't have much of a choice. She kept asking Iris over and over of Arthur was okay and also if she could go back in the room with him. She sounded so sad and disappointed when Iris kept having to say no, but she thought it was best.

Eventually Ophelia was falling asleep and she gazed up at Iris who had her head on her lap and said softly, "I hope The Funny Man stays here forever Auntie Iris..."

Iris kissed her forehead and said, "I hope so too, baby...God, I hope so..."

_ **End Chapter 15** _

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**🥀**


	16. Those 3 not so Little Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ophelia is finally asleep and Iris waits for her sister to come and pick her up. Arthur is still in pain and Iris is desperate to find something, anything to feel better and just when she's almost given up hope she finds an old medication that might help. 
> 
> Iris wants to give her whole heart to him no matter what cost there may or may not be ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January  
This is our place, we make the rules  
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear  
Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?"

_ **Beautiful Chaos ** _

**Chapter 16: _Those 3 not so Little Words _♡**

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After Iris made sure Ophelia was asleep she gently took her off her lap and rested it on a pillow so that she could get up. Iris went into her bathroom and was frantically searching in her medicine cabinet for something anything that could possibly help him and just when she was getting frustrated and about to give up she saw she still had some weed stashed away from about 2 weeks ago when she had her sister over. Iris and her sister liked to smoke weed together regularly and maybe have a free drinks, Iris had been so busy with work that she hadn't even had the time to think about it. She was, in fact, very surprised that this whole ordeal since last night has not made it cross her mind at all, if anything she needed it more than him. 

Iris had it in an empty prescription pill bottle for psych meds she never refilled like she was "supposed" to, but strangely enough she found that the herb inside this pill bottle was much more effective than mind fogging medications. As she held this sweet smelling pill bottle in her hand her mind plunged into a fairly recent memory of her seeing her psychiatrist...

*********

It was about 2 months ago and Iris was trudging her way to her psychiatrist's office reluctantly from the bus stop. Something that her sweet Arthur did not know about her was that since she was about 15 she found that carving up her arms helped to alleviate an immense amount of stress, deep sadness and buring inner rage. This behavior continued consistently for years and even though now at the age of 23 she has for the most part stopped, but her arms were badly scarred from all the years of damage.

Since it was autumn in Gotham City the weather was cold so concealing it from people, including Arthur, was not difficult. She has been to therapy on and off for years, but pills always seemed to either do nothing or rip away emotions all together and even though she didn't want to be sad all the time at least it was a feeling. Iris knew she had a lot of problems, but she is also a very passionate and creative woman with a huge heart and she has no desire to be a robot.

Iris was going to this appointment, but she honestly didn't even know why anymore. She forces herself to go even though deep deep down she doesn't think it helps. She talks to these doctors but they do not ever really hear her and after she spills her guts to them all they do is jot things down on a prescription pad and send her on her way. She wanted to scream inside. She hated it so much and the very worst part of it was that it was as if she were nothing but a name on a long list of suffering individuals that had to be checked off so they can hurry and move onto the next one. She was just another body nothing more...

As Iris walked into the elevator to get to another tedious and mundane appointment she remembered feeling as though she was simply on autopilot and didn't even know why she was on this elevator to begin with. She could almost swear she had shackles on that were being relentlessly pulled by some rediculous made up concept that she needed to be normal in order to be "happy". That was another thing...the pressure to be happy all the time was enough to make her fragile sanity snap under it's unnecessary weight. 

When she sat down in front of psychiatrist she felt she wasn't even truly there and her mind was somewhere else entirely. Everything her robotic doctor said sounded like white noise and she almost didn't even realize she was responding because she had gotten so used to giving the same basic answers every time. It was like she had been reading the same script over and over again for months. 

When she walked out of her meaningless appointment with 6 different prescription slips in her hand she remembered looking down at the slips of paper and had a realization. "I don't want to be sad all the time, but I still need to be who I am. I am not a defective machine...I am a human being" 

When those words raced through her mind she stared at the slips and squeezed them tightly in her hand and when she get off the elevator and walked outside, she lit a cigarette, angrily ripped up those dreadful slips of paper and let the wind take them. She never went back and she didn't care...

*******

Iris wasn't sure if Arthur getting stoned off his ass would even be a good idea or if he's ever even been stoned in his entire life. She also worried about it making him caugh which would make him hurt even more. She didn't have anything that would help much that she could think of and if anything it would relax him, so she figured even if he was opposed to the idea she could at least smoke a joint or two herself, but then she stopped. She wanted to get stoned, but it would most likely harm him more simply because he would caugh and probably a lot. She was becoming desperate.

Judging from how much pain he was in he may have some broken ribs. She needed to help him some how even if it was just to get him to relax a little. She glanced hopelessly into her nearly bare medicine cabinet and sighed. One of her prescription pill bottles fell and she went to pick it up and when she looked back at the shelf to put it back she saw that behind was an old bottle of prescription sedatives that her deceased boyfriend had left here a good while ago.

Her late boyfriend was an addict, but also had a very difficult time sleeping and had horrendous night terrors, but these pills always seemed to do the trick. She grabbed the bottle and stared at it for a moment anxiously and was now worrying about the possibility of the pills making him sick or super fucked up and then it would be babysitting all over again.

Although she was reluctant, she heard Arhtur groan horribly from her bedroom and stopped getting lost in her head and snatched it.

She looked at the label and spoke what it said inside her mind "Methaqualone" 

When she stepped out of the bathroom she let out a huge sigh of relief when she saw that Ophelia was still asleep. Iris got her an extra blanket and walked away slowly, praying that she wouldn't wake up and then made it to her bedroom door and went inside. She was saddened to see that Arthur was curled up on her bed with the blankets on him and his eyes were squeezed shut.

Iris softly sat down on the bed and put her hand on his hip and said, "Arthur, how are you feeling?" She saw that he was struggling to even answer her so she sat down on the bed with him and laid next to him. 

Arthur opened his eyes and saw her laying next to him and he smiled weakly and said, "I-I just wish I could s-sleep...it hurts pretty bad and my fucking head still hurts" Even as he spoke he still managed to muster a feeble smile just for her. 

Iris put her hand on his head and ran her fingers through his thick, faded green hair and leaned in to press her caring lips against his forehead. "Arthur..." she murmured.

"Yes?" he breathed, still holding a slight smile for her. 

Iris took out the prescription pain pill bottle and said, "Look, I don't have anything that would do much for your pain, but these will help you to relax" 

Arthur squinted at the bottle and said, " Wha-what are they?"

Iris took one out and said, "Don't worry you will be okay Arthur. This will help to calm down and hopefully sleep for a while" 

Arthur didn't know much about drugs, but he was in pain and was willing to take anything that might help in the slightest so he stared at the pill for a second and said, "If it will help I'll take it...anything that will help"

Iris had a glass of water by her bed so she picked it up, handed him the pill and he swallowed it down with the water. "It's called a quaalude and it's 600 mg and it will definitely relax you" 

Arthur handed Iris the glass of water back and curled up and tried to close his eyes for a few minutes. "I'm sorry", he breathed. 

Iris moved closer to him and kissed his cheek and whispered softly in his ear, "You have nothing be sorry about" 

Iris also knew he was in pain so she went and got some more ibuprofen for his head and his ribs. She desperately needed a cigarette but was not able to leave at this moment with the difficult situation she was in. She was going to smoke a joint, but decided against it for now. When she went to her kitchen she very relieved to see that Ophelia was still asleep and she hoped she would stay that way until her sister came to pick her up. Speaking of which, Iris looked at the time and it had almost been 2 hours already and now it was dawning on her that Ophelia might say something about Arthur especially about how she saw him on the television and then saw him in her Auntie's apartment.

Ophelia is 5 so Iris hoped she could just say that it was a male friend of hers that she had over, if anything her sister might applaud her for finally having sex after nearly 2 years of none. The very idea of making love to Arthur instantly made her quiver and she wished he was inside her right at this moment, but the poor man was not feeling well at all. She truly hoped that he would be okay otherwise she would have to figure something out to help him with his injuries but she hoped she wouldn't have to. 

Iris heard a knock at the door and she hoped to fucking God that it was just her sister. She dashed to the door and anxiously peeked through the little peep hole in her door. She saw it was, in fact, her sister and felt an enormous relief. She opened the door with a smile that she hoped appeared real and not nervously forced. 

Her sister looked at her and said, "I know that smile...Do you have a gentleman over?" Rose grinned at Iris and winked at her.

Rose had an extremely deep trust with her sister so she wasn't very worried. Iris blushed and began to awkwardly giggle. "Yeah, you caught me, sissy." 

Rose came in and saw Ophelia sleeping on the couch. She was glad to see she was taking a nap because a lot of times that was a difficult task for Rose. "So...what's his name? Can I meet him?" Rose asked eagerly.

Iris felt stuck for a moment and couldn't find words. She almost just wanted to blurt out, "His name is Arthur he shot and killed Murray Franklin last night on live TV....and I love him" but of course she did not say those words out loud so instead she laughed and said, "His name is A-Anthony, yeah and right now he's asleep so maybe you can meet him another time because he's very tired. 

Rose giggled and said, "You wore him out didn't you?" 

"_I fucking wish"_

Iris looked down, put her hand on the back of her head, laughed and said to her, "Sure...yeah, you know me too well" 

Her sister squealed and gave her a tight hug and Iris felt so uncomfortable and hoped she wouldn't be able to see Arhur laying in her bed from where Rose was standing. 

Rose was happy for her sister because she had not dated anyone at all for nearly two years since her previous boyfriend passed so she simply wanted to express her excitement for her, but Iris just wanted her to hurry up and leave.

Rose walked over to Ophelia and gently picked her up and Ophelia woke up and said sleepily, "Auntie Iris, is the funny man from the TV okay?" 

Iris smiled from ear to ear and said to Rose, "Kids are so funny aren't they?" 

Rose knew something must be up, but didn't want to cross any boundaries so she let it be...for now...

Right when they were going to the door to leave Rose looked at her and said, "I just hope he's a good man and won't hurt you. I just want you to be happy" 

Iris almost teared up, but she didn't want her to see so she hugged her and said, "You worry too much. I am fine okay?" 

Rose simply smiled, said her goodbyes

and just when she was about to shut the door Arthur groaned from the bedroom and Rose winked at her and said, "You tired him out didn't you?" 

Iris was getting irritated now so she smiled and practically pushed her sister into the hallway. Rose laughed at her playfully and pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheeks and Iris rolled her eyes. "Have a good day" she said and then immediately disappeared inside and shut the door.

Once she locked her door she called out to Arthur. "Arthur I'm coming in there with you in just a second okay?" 

Arthur didn't answer. It had been about 30 minutes since he took the quaalude and he was thankfully beginning to feel very relaxed and, well, overall, pretty damn good. He felt sleepy, but also hazy and almost drunk. He actually liked it, but it also made his sensitive stomach queasy, but he felt so loopy that it didn't bother him much. 

Iris came into the room and smiled ever so warmly at Arthur and he smiled sleepily back at her. She got onto the bed and laid down next to him almost as if they have been together for years. She stared into his stunning Paris green eyes and could feel her heart grow like a flower that had been deprived of sunlight for a long time that was suddenly coming back to life. She felt giddy every time she had the privilege of peering into his splendid eyes. 

Arthur seemed to be feeling better so the first thing that popped into his mind was that he really wanted a cigarette. He couldn't believe he had even gone this long without one, but maybe the intoxicating presence and touch of this radiant woman was even better, but still needed a smoke nonetheless. 

"Iris...I really, really would like a cigarette" he said with a very raspy like someone who just woke up and she thought it was absolutely precious. Iris needed a cigarette too, but that brought her to the dilemma of having to go get them and risk leaving Arthur alone in her apartment and she knew taking him with her wouldn't work either especially because he didn't have clothing to wear. All he had was his suit that she knew for sure would get him arrested immediately. 

Iris touched his cheek and said, "I know you do and so do I, but I would have to leave to get them and I don't know if I can trust you here alone just yet" 

Arthur understood completely, but he wanted a cigarette so bad that he would do almost anything for one right about now. Arthur was definitely starting to feel loopy and he liked it but it also slightly reminded him of when he got blackout drink that horrible night in high school which made him feel a little nauseous. He turned to lay on his back, closed his eyes and covered them with his hands for a moment.

Iris was concerned and was worrying that maybe the Qualuudes had maybe been too high of a dose or that especially for someone so skinny on an empty stomach. "Are you alright?" 

Arthur felt like his head was fuzzy and was feeling a little dizzy. "What did you give me?", he asked with an out of place giggle at the end.

"It was just a sedative to help you relax" Iris explained. Arthur was really starting to feel it now. It had been about or 40 minutes which is the time for this medication to really kick in and Arthur has never done any drugs except a little weed a couple of times but it made him feel paranoid which was something he definitely didn't need. 

He kept looking at her and smiling at her in a playful manner. Iris giggled gleefully and said to him, "You're so funny Arthur...Don't ever forget that. You bring me immense joy" Arthur looked so happy to hear her say that and his eyes stared into hers with an immense glow of gratitude.

A big smile stretched across her face and she pressed her nose against his and said, "You're my funny valentine"

Arthur was quiet a while so Iris started to play with his damp, gorgeous hair. "Are you still cold Arthur?" She asked. Arthur didn't answer, but insread rolled over to face her and she was very pleasantly surprised when he put his face in her chest and started to nuzzle her like a cat. He giggled and said,"You're so warm and soft Iris...I think you're an angel" 

Even though his speech was muffled she knew what she heard and her heart skipped a beat. Unfortunately though, she could tell he was most certainly not sober so she had to shrug it off for now and just enjoy his warm body against hers. After a few more minutes when he still had his face nestled into her breasts she wondered if he had fallen asleep. She stroked his hair and kissed his head. She felt so jubilant in this moment. She didn't want it to ever end. 

Part of a song ran through her mind as she stroked his hair...

"_Behold the way our fine feathered friend,  
His virtue doth parade  
Thou knowest not, my dim-witted friend  
The picture thou hast made  
Thy vacant brow, and thy tousled hair  
Conceal thy good intent  
Thou noble upright truthful sincere,  
And slightly dopey gent"_

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"_Stay little valentine...stay"_

**End chapter 16 🥀**


	17. The Intoxication of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is getting very loopy now and Iris tries to take care of him which she has been doing since she met him it seems, but she does not mind. It's so strange to see this man that showed up on the Murray Franklin show all dressed up with his face painted like a clown who shot the talkshow host in the head now a gentle, loving and kind man. Iris was already beginning to feel she would do anything for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was fun writing this and Arthur is very adorable in this chapter and they get rather close 🥰

_**Beautiful Chaos **_🖤

**Chapter 17: The Intoxication of Love **

**🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤**

Arthur's breathing was slower now and even though she knew he was asleep she still found herself feeling panic from past trauma. She gently lifted him and put his head back on her pillows. He seemed to be asleep but Iris still was having emotional flashbacks and was trying not to cry and wake him. She shut her eyes tightly and placed her hands over her mouth to smother the sounds of her suffering being emitted. She turned away and sat on the edge of the bed trying to catch her breath, but she jumped when she felt a hand hold onto the back of her shirt. When she turned around she saw Arthur looking, half naked, tugging on the back of her shirt.

not even half awake clinging to her shirt. 

Iris was trying to hide her tears but even though arthur was definitely under the influence of this sedative she still saw his eyes calling out to her, begging for her to be hold him close. She turned her body to face him with tears still glistening in her deep brown eyes and his still trying to pull her to him. He looked like he was drunk but even so he finally opened his mouth and uttered words that erupted beautifully in her very soul...

"It's ok to cry...you're safe and you're so-so beautiful" Arthur's speech was a little slurred and sleepy, but she heard his words perfectly and her eyes saw them written on the expression on his face. She was most certainly smitten with him and his unbelievably eyes that spoke volumes all on their own. 

No one in her life has ever made her feel it was safe or acceptable to show emotions like that which is ironic because she is a highly emotional, deep feeling woman. She has always seen things from a different perspective than others and found a long long time ago that being herself, her real self was not acceptable and something to hide in order to "fit in" and unlike many others she found it impossible so pretend so she just mostly kept to herself. 

She would still go out and do things but discovered that she does not have to have people with her to go out and enjoy things like the cinema, birdwatching, going for walks, enjoying nature and a number of other things. She does get very lonely, but not just for "someone" but a unique individual that she could truly connect with, but unfortunately that breed human being didn't seem to exist...until now

Arthur still tugged on her shirt lazily and he smiled goofily when he saw the pleasant site of Iris turn her tearful face into a glowing smile that irradiated onto his face like rays of sunlight illuminating a darkened room. He loved to make others smile even if he never smiled much himself, but for the first time in his entire existence he smiled too, but it was not false or forced, it was honest and not just another mask to put on for show. He truly felt happy and it was intoxicating. 

Iris didn't hesitate this time and even thought she almost felt she might be taking advantage on some way because of how loopy he was she just could not resist. She curled up beside him and just couldn't stop smiling at him and she planted a kiss on his bruised forehead and said, "How are you feeling cutie?" 

All Arthur seemed to hear her say were that she called him a cutie and he giggled and instantly kissed her on the lips which she did not expect because he was never forward like that since he's been here. He was the complete opposite of forward. He was closed off and frightened very much like her, but for once he seemed to need her more than she needed him. 

Iris felt his kiss envelop her and she was already becoming aroused and felt her vagina clench, but she still knew that she didn't want their first time (if there was one) to be when he was all doped up. "You think I'm cute..." he mumbled in between kisses. 

Iris and Arthur both started laughing at eachother while their noses touched. Arthur saw she still had some tears on her cheeks that didn't dry so he wiped them softly off of her cheek and said, "You don't have to hide tears from me" 

Iris kissed his cheek and said, "Well same goes for you silly. I mean it" 

"You still didn't answer my question Arthur...Are you feeling okay?" 

Arthur was feeling more than okay. He loved that his mind wasn't racing for once and he felt so relaxed that he didn't notice the pain as much external and internal as well. He laughed I response then suddenly seemed to become wild out of nowhere and wrapped one arm around her lower back and pushed her into his body and began to suckle her neck. Iris moaned in response and felt this was a dream come true. She wanted him, all of him...She wanted all the parts of him and no regrets. 

Arthur baffled Iris even more when he began to grab her her breasts and start to unzip her black hoodie all the way revealing a skimpy burgundy tank top beneath it. Her nippled were hard and protruding through the thin fabric of her shirt. Arthur thought her breasts were perfect and so soft. It felt unbelievable...

Iris tried to hard to fight these urges because she didn't want to take advantage, but it was so terribly hard especially as he touched her body in such a way that it must be a sin. She needed him inside of her.

Arthur seemed like a different person. With his inhibitions lowered like this it seemed nothing would hold him back. Iris' hand began to daringly venture down below to grasp his cock, but Arthur seemed to be slowing down for some reason and then laid back and seemed to be almost falling asleep again. Iris instantly felt guilty.

"He's fucked up Iris just stop"

Iris decided now was not the time so she took a deep breath, zipped her hoodie up and asked, "Arthur maybe just try and sleep" She moved some of his gorgeous wavy hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. He sat up for a moment and seemed to want to get up and before Iris could try and stop him he slid of the bed and when he tried to stand he went down like a pile of bricks. Iris heard him laughing and even though she almost wanted to laugh too, she knew he needed help.

Iris got off the bed and saw him sitting on the floor and suddenly her face went crimson. He was so messed up that he didn't realize that his robe was open at the bottom leaving his genitals totally exposed. He had an erection and she felt the sexual tension was going to make her erupt. "Arthur, what are doing?" she asked, trying to hold back the lust that was gnawing at her. She saw he was just looking around and didn't seem to even notice her until he turned to look at her and smiled at her and then his smile fell and he looked away like something was wrong. 

All he did was gaze at her longingly with those soft, sweet eyes that melted her heart. His dark brows over his vibrant green eyes made them stand out even more and she just wanted to let them swallow her. Even though Arthur protested she forced him back in bed and quickly covered his privates and put a blanket over him. He was trembling a little, but seemed unaware that he was even cold. 

Iris ran her fingers through his beautifully disheveled strands of hair and they stared at eachother for what felt like a rapturous eternity. There seemed to be an invisible, silken string holding their longing eyes together and although the strand was fragile and thin it seemed unbreakable.

Arthur's eyes were half lidded and shiny and Iris' eyes were clear, full of fire and seemed to be engulfed in a dream. A dream that if it were painted into a picture would be his face and the way it seemed to shine brightly in her eyes and how deeply his soulful eyes penetrated her entire state of being. She was mad for him and he was, well, mad...but he was mad for her in a different way and it was transcendental. 

Arthur held his gaze for a bit but then seemed to be falling asleep again and only a few moments later when she was going to kiss his forehead and let him sleep he was trying to get I yet again. She felt this was worse than babysitting, but she also thought he was adorable. Arthur seemed to be trying to get to the bathroom, but his motor skills seemed nonexistent so Iris tried to guide him there. He kept trying to resist her and abruptly stopped trying to walk, leaned into her like he was about to pass out. "Arthur are you okay? What do you need baby?" 

Arthur snickered like a drunk after leaving a bar at 3am and said to her, "Iris....I need a cigarette and I th-think we need to go get them...now...right now"

Iris was starting to freak out and hoped she didn't give him too much. She held him to her chest and said, "How about this...I will go get them but only if you stay in the bed okay?" 

Arthur fell silent and then mumbled something she could barely make out. "What's that, honey"   
Arthur stepped back and stumbled backwards a little and she noticed his demeanor had suddenly changed. He looked almost cross with her and said, "Dont trap me...I-I'm not a dog" 

Iris was very concerned for him and felt horrible. He was now backing further away and went into the bathroom. "Arthur please..let me help you" Iris said as she walked into the bathroom rescuing him from yet another bad fall. He was now starting to look pale and leaned against the wall facing the toilet and slid down it.

Iris crouched down beside him and seemed to be on the verge of tears for reasons unknown to her. She felt helpless so she just stroked his hair in an attempt to comfort this poor man. 

Arthur rubbed the side of his face and said, "I thought she liked me...but she just used me as joke...they all took pictures..." 

Iris saw he seemed to be holding back tears and he looked pale and withdrawn. She knew nothing she could say would do much in this moment so she did something she never does with anyone and she held him to her chest, put her red lips close to his ear and began to sing softly to him.

Iris loved to sing and was very good at it, but only ever really did it in private. She saw Arthur's eyes slowly begin to close and he nuzzled her chest.

"Oh, my love, my darling  
I've hungered for your touch  
A long, lonely time  
Time goes by so slowly  
And time can do so much  
Are you still mine?  
I need your love  
I need your love  
God speed your love to me..."

Arthur let her soothing, velvet soft voice break into his walls and caress his damaged heart. While she sang into his ear he looked up at her with bloodshot eyes that sparkled and whispered, "You're amazing" He then held her tight and she almost felt she would cry but she continued to sing as she stroked his head and he allowed her to calm and sooth his distorted mind and put it as ease.   
Iris sang again while staring right at him as if her fear and insecurity had vanished for the one moment...and it was perfect...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

End Chapter 17....🥀


	18. "Please don't go"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is still quit intoxicated and Iris takes a risk and leaves her apartment for an errand and runs into someone with good advice for her. She realizes what tomorrow's date it and a mischievous thought pops into her head, but it may be too great of a risk...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this! Lots of adorableness!!

_ **Beautiful Chaos ** _ **🖤**

**"** **Please don't go" **

"Lonely rivers flow  
To the sea, to the sea  
To the open arms of the sea  
Lonely rivers sigh  
"Wait for me, wait for me"  
I'll be coming home, wait for me..."

Arthur was in awe and he couldn't believe how incredible she was. He felt as though since he met her he has been in a dream. He felt as if he died in that alley and awakened into a form of heaven where this angel named Iris came to show him that perhaps there is more than just darkness. As listened intently to her voice as it seemed to enter his disfigured soul and calm his inner raging demon. A demon that perhaps only appeared to be a "demon" but was in fact a terrified little boy that had been caged for what seemed like an eternity and has been crying out for love that the little boy never received from the human beings that were supposed to keep him safe. 

Iris finished the song and saw that Arthur seemed to have drifted off and she couldn't help but feel emotional. She had fallen for him which was not her intention and now she feared that there would be immense pain and suffering attached to loving such a man. She stared up at the ceiling as she felt unwanted tears sting her eyes. She had been through so much torment in her life and she questioned why she seemed to always seek out chaos even though she usually didn't realize it until it was too late. 

Iris also thought maybe down at the depths of her heart she did know that her quiet voice of reason spoke the truth but that voice of reason was smothered by her flaming desire for passion and beauty. Perhaps the saying "The heart wants what the heart wants" was more true than anything she's ever heard...she just wished her heart didn't always fly towards the deadly apple and allow it to poison her. 

Arthur stirred and Iris snapped back into reality. Arthur clung to her tighter and murmured softly, "Iris...I'm glad you're real"

Iris kissed his head and said to him,"I am very real Arthur and...and...I love you..." 

Iris immediately wished she didn't utter those words, but at the same time she needed to say it. Unfortunately she also needed Arthur to respond with the same words, but he did not say a word. He seemed to be sleeping and she could hear and feel him breathing in her arms and for a moment she looked down at this precious yet wild man with a savage soul and felt that nothing else mattered...nothing. There was no one else and nothing else in this world at this very moment except beautifully insane Arthur and herself, but she did wonder and fear that she would also meet Joker and maybe sooner than she could imagine.

Iris finally dropped off of her cliff of fantasy and hit the hard ground of reality and she reluctantly started to lift Arthur so that she could put him to bed. As soon as she started to move his frail body he shot awake and started to resist as first as if he was having a nightmare. She spoke to him soothingly as she lifted him ever so gently to his unstable feet. 

Arthur felt extremely inebriated and was having a nightmare that he was actually grateful that Iris rescued him from. He was now feeling very dizzy and as Iris was moving him he suddenly felt the ground was not stable underneath him and Iris had to stop him from falling a few times. He was groaning as she walked him to the bed. Before she laid him on the bed she pulled down her comforter and sheets so that he could put him underneath them make sure he stayed warm. She really wished at this point that she could strap him down somehow so that she could run and grab cigarettes. Even though Arthur needed a smoke Iris felt she definitely needed one more.

Iris very gently laid Arthur on her head and he laughed incoherently. "Okay time for bed now Arthur" she said to him as if he were a toddler. He let her tuck him in and then he looked at her giggling and winked at her. Iris smiled warmly at him, kissed his forehead and said, "Arthur you have to stay in bed this time okay?"

"Are you going to sleep with me?" Arthur asked with that same inebriated laugh. Iris looked at his sweet, pitiful eyes and said, "I will in a minute. I'm going to go get us cigarettes, but if you don't stay in bed and rest I won't be able to get any"

Arthur grinned at the sweet sound of the word "cigarettes" and nodded his head. He smiled gleefully and said, "Fuck yes" 

"I'll he back in about 20 minutes okay?", she said, her tone laced with worry. Arthur was starting to pass out again, but before she left she turned him onto his side and gently tilted his head up just in case he threw up. She wanted him to stay safe more than anything else in the world.

Arthur seemed to actually be asleep but she knew that could change any second so she quickly and very quietly got her shoes on, pulled her hood over her head, grabbed her bag and keys and practically tiptoed out the door, but not before taking one final peak into her bedroom to make sure he was still okay. 

"Oh god help me...I love him" She thought to herself as she walked out the door, locked it and walked to elevator. She hoped this risky errand wouldn't take long...

**********

As Iris got downstairs and pushed through the doors that led her outside she saw that it was dark. She seemed to have lost track of time since last night. This 24 hours had felt like a week and she cursed at herself for falling in love so quickly like she tended to do. 

Once she was walking to the convenience store she noticed things had died down, but there were still people walking around in clown masks and as her eyes were scanning her surroundings cautiously it dawned on her that tomorrow was October 31st. She had completely forgotten about Halloween which was very odd for her because she adored Halloween, but all the insanity going on it completely slipped her mind. 

There were police around every corner and Iris was beginning to feel anxious and it probably did not help that she smiled awkwardly at almost every officer she saw. She couldn't help but smile with an odd excitement when she saw that people were also walking around dressed as Joker as well. It seems that since last night Arthur had made himself into an object of worship and respect. She felt excited but also felt a hot stab of fear I'm her heart.

Iris was hearing the shop and she started to see more and more people with Joker attire and His makeup painted on their rebellious faces and that is when a very dangerous idea sprung into her deviously brilliant yet dangerous mind....

"What if Arthur and I went out for Halloween...?" 

She knew it was rediculous idea but then she thought that with all the people dressed as him and dressed as clowns it may not be such a huge risk as long as Arthur behaved himself. The only thing that did worry her truly was that Arthur is injured and should probably rest. She would ask him, perhaps and she what he said. 

"Iris...you're utterly insane" 

Despite her often ignored voice of reason her mind was already plotting. Iris is a very kind, gentle hearted woman, but she does not usually extend that same kindness and gentleness to herself so there were times where she just needed to free her ravenous and wild side and unlike Arthur she wasn't one to harm people physically or otherwise so instead she would partake in binge drinking and getting high sometimes especially on Halloween. 

Her brain was beaming with mischievous thoughts. She smiled as she she passed people wearing clown masks and dressed as her Arthur and almost wanted to cheer for then, but there were police everywhere so she thought it best not to. She was so distracted that she almost passed the convenience store. She stopped and walked in.

Her eyes looked behind the front counter seeing if they had her brand of cigarettes and they did, but she passed the front counter and walked over to the freezer section. She saw a number of varieties of beer that seemed to beckon her and she smiled in response. She didn't think Arthur was really an drinker and knew also that he shouldn't drink with the pill he took because it would likely kill him or make him violently ill. Despite a brief moment of hesitation she grabbed two 6 packs of Guinness and walked over to the register.

Iris did have enough sense to know at least not to drink much tonight if anything at all, but still she really needed a break. While she was in line someone tapped on her shoulder and said, "Hey Iris"

She nearly jumped out of her skin and turned around to see her coworker behind her smiling. It was Kelsey who was one of the few people she worked with that she didn't despise. Iris put on that same nervous smile that she had been putting on all day and said, "Hi Kelsey"

"Hey, are you doing anything for Halloween?" She asked.

Iris almost didn't know what to say to this simple question and also suddenly remembered that Kelsey was also a nurse and she smiled at her and said, "Well, I don't know because...my good friend A-Abby got hurt during these crazy riots and she is poor and may have fractured a rib"

Kelsey looked at her with generic sympathy and said, "Oh no that's terrible"

It was almost Iris' turn in line so she quickly said, "Hey you're a nurse...what would be a good suggestion for someone with a fractured rib?"

It was her turn in line and she was going to buy a couple of packs but with the way her and Arthur smoke she was smart and bought a carton. She paid and then stood to the side to let Kelsey go next. Once kelsey finished her purchase she looked at Iris kindly and said, "Well, for a fracture she should honeslty try and walk around and stay active but nothing like sports or anything strenuous. Also, tylenol and ibuprofen help and even if it hurts she should try and take deep breaths in and out throughout the day, every two hours if possible"

Iris nodded her head but inside she thinking, " So basically I've been doing everything wrong"

Kelsey seemed to be lost in thought for a moment and then continued speaking, " She also should try and have a cold compress to help sooth the pain, staying active is important...oh and keep a watch on her because there are times where fluid can build up and cause pneumonia"

Iris' face dropped when she said that and Kelsey saw the look of dread etched on her face and said, "But don't worry Iris, that's why those exercises and activity are important"

Iris smiled at her, thanked her and Kelsye went on her way. Iris was relieved that she knew what to do now, but also terrified that something could go wrong, but she was also thrilled that walking around was important because that meant maybe they could have some Halloween fun. 

"I'm absolutely insane" 

As Iris made her way back to her apartment building she saw news stands with Arthur's Joker persona all over every cover. She cringed for a moment and walked by them quickly so she didn't have to think too much about it. She lit a cigarette and when she inhaled she felt instant relief. 

Iris was looking down searching for her keys when she approached the front of her building and almost dropped her cigarette right out of her mouth when she saw two police officers talking to someone at the front doors and she almost bolted out of terror but knew how that would look. She took a deep breath and walked to the front doors. 

She could her heart practically puding in her ears as she neared the officers. She was almost to the doors when they stopped her. She turned around hoping she looked as normal as possible and said very abruptly, "Yes officer?" 

As the young officer approached her she thought her heart was going to explode. He smiled, stared at her for a second and said, "Are you alright miss?" 

Iris almost thought she was going to choke on her words, but finally spoke, "I'm fine, there's just so much insanity out there ya know?"

The officer smiled at looking like he thought she was acting odd and said, "That's very true, especially with that psycho in the loose"

Iris didn't know what had gotten into her these past two days, but as this officer spoke to her she almost had the urge to grab her pistol from out of her purse. She didn't want Arthur to be taken away from her like everyone and everything else in her life and as self centered as that may sound it was the absolute truth and she didn't care.

Iris looked down for a moment and then said, "Yes, I know I saw that on the TV last night.. it was horrible" She took a drag of her cigarette that was still hanging from her lips and said, "So, what's going on officer?"

When she spoke those words she almost didn't even want him to answer in fear that his response would shatter her diabolical little love fantasy. He looked at her, almost as if he were examining her face and said, " Well, there's been a report of a few break ins at this building and we were just asking some of the residents if they've seen or heard anything" 

Iris felt all her horrific anxiety and heart racing fears instantly wash away, at least for the time being, and she smile gleefully at him and said, "Oh...I'm sorry but no I have not seen anything, but I will most certainly let you know if I do" 

"Alright miss, sorry for taking up your time. You have a nice night" he said to her with a big smile, which Iris thought was very odd, but she didn't have the time to worry about what that may or may not mean so she wished him a good night and just as she about to open the door he stopped her yet again...

"Oh and on more thing miss"

Iris felt all her fears flood back into her unstable mind and she turned to him and said, "Yes?" 

He grinned at her and said, "Would you like to get coffee sometime?"

Iris almost wanted to burst out laughing but instead she smiled coyly and simply said, "As flattering as that is sir I have a boyfriend, sorry"

He looked down bashfully, still smiling, and said, "I figured as much. Well, you have a great night miss" 

She waved him goodbye and finally entered her building after what felt like the longest 7 minutes of her entire life and quickly got to the elevator and pushed the uo button several times, as if that would make it some how bend to her inpatients will, and finally the doors opened. Nobody was on the elevator which was a relief and as the elevator made it's way to her floor she felt and immense relief. She even laughed to herself briefly as the elevator stopped on her floor. The doors opened and she practically skipped to her door. 

Once her door was unlocked she immediately wanted to jump into bed with Arthur and snuggle up, but knew he was probably knocked out. She brought the beer to just bought into her tiny kitchen and put both 6 packs in her nearly empty fridge. She took one beer out, popped the lid off using her counter and took a small sip and let out a huge sigh. She felt guilty for enjoying some alcohol while Arthur wasn't feeling well, but wasn't going to drink much and needed a relief. 

After she took a few more sips she grabbed a pack of cigarettes from her purse and quietly made her way to her bedroom. When she came in Arhur was curled up in the same spot snoring softly with Tilly curled up behind him purring almost in unison with his snoring. Her heart smiled and she wanted to get right into bed with Arthur, but didn't want to disturb him either so when she was in her room she removed her sneakers, took her hoodie off and pulled her tank top off.

Her back was turned to Arthur who she thought was dead asleep until she heard him mumble something from behind her and she instantly turned around without thinking and saw Arthur trying to sit up. He didn't seem to take notice in the fact that her bare breasts were right in front of him but nonetheless she turned the other way and scrambled around her dresser drawer to find a shirt to put on. 

Arthur woke up because he was having strange dreams and didn't even remember where he was at first but when he saw Iris, even with her back turned to him he still mustered a sweet yet dopey smile. He managed to sit up and murmured, "Wow, you're so gorgeous Iris" His voice was very hoarse and he sounded like he was still dreaming. He wanted to get up to pee, but he suddenly felt very dizzy and didn't know if he could stand up, but his drowsy eyes spotted a pack of cigarettes on her dresser. He felt like a kid on Christmas and, without even thinking, tried to get out of bed, but crumpled to the floor like a mariette without it's master.

Iris put a black tshirt on and turned around and saw Arthur on the floor leaning on the side of the bed staring at her in a daze. She came to his aid immediately. When she was kneeling in front of him he smiled at her and said, "Can-can I pl-please have a cigarette...please?" 

Iris touched his cheek, looked at him with worry in her eyes and said, "Are you okay Arthur?" 

"Yes, I just really want a cigarette" he mumbled to her. 

Iris really wished he would just sleep, but he just seemed to be fixed on having a smoke so she didn't see any harm in it. "Okay, but let's just get you back in bed"

Arthur wanted to smoke so badly, but also needed to empty his bladder so he sighed and said, "I...I have to pee...I'm sorry" 

Iris knew it was going to be difficult to get him too the bathroom if he was still feeling inebriated, but she kissed his forehead and helped him to his feet and she was glad that he seemed to manage better than before. Once they were in the bathroom he looked at her lazily, with eyes that still struck her heart, and said, "Iris, I will be okay"

Iris kissed his cheek and left the room to give him some privacy. She stood and waited outside the door just in case he needed her help but he seemed to be fine. She heard him urinating and heard it stop, but then it was silent for a little too long for her fearful thoughts to stay at bay. She opened to door a crack and asked, "Are you alright Arthur?"

Arthur was done peeing, but was still feeling dizzy, foggy and was beginning to feel queasy so he leaned against the wall for a moment so he could close his eyes in hope that the room would stop spinning. He heard Iris come in and he looked at her and managed a weak little smile even though he was feeling sick. He wanted her to not have so many anxieties regarding him so he smiled for her, but this type of smile he made was for her and for her alone. 

Iris saw he looked pale and clammy and she saw his smile suddenly drop and he looked away. She saw him swallow and squeeze his eyes shut again. He was now holding his stomach and slid down the wall groaning. He hugged his knees to his chest and kept his head tilted back and she could tell he was probably trying to fight off a nasty bout of vomiting. Iris knew that dizziness, nausea and vomiting were common side effects but he had seemed fine up until now. She knelt down beside him and said with a gentle tone in her voice, "Arthur, are you feeling sick sweety?"

Arthur held onto her arm and looked at her for a moment with the most pitiful expression swallowed and said, " I'm sorry Iris...I re-really don't deserve you" and even though he wanted to say more he could not because he felt if he kept speaking he would vomit. Iris saw he seemed to be having a hard time and said, "Arthur, what's wrong? Talk to me"

Arthur looked at her, smiled faintly and statyed to say, "N-noth-" but then had to hang his head over the toilet so that he wouldn't make a mess of her bathroom. Iris ran her fingers through the ends of his sleek hair as he vomited. She felt so badly for him especially because he had nothing in his stomach to begin with.

"Poor baby" she thought, as she rubbed his back. Arthur was retching horribly and Iris was very concerned, especially because he kept groaning and grunting in between being sick and she knew it must be because this banged up ribs were hurting from retching. When he was finally done he reached for the toilet handle and after missing it a few times he got it and leaned back against the wall and slumped down into Iris' lap and said, "S-sorry"

She stroked his hair and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe his mouth, leaned down to kiss his cheek and whispered softly into his ear, "You don't ever have to be sorry Arthur"

Arthur had his eyes closed again and even though Iris didn't want to disturb him she really needed to get him back to bed. "Okay, Arthur let's get you back to bed" She lifted him to his feet and put his arm around her shoulder, but he was walking better than he was earlier. Once she made it back to her room with him she laid him back down for what seemed like the 100th time. He stared at her dreamily as she put the blankets over him and he couldn't help but smile. "Will you lay with me?" he asked. 

"Of course, Arthur, just a second okay?" she said with a huge smile on her face. She went to grab her beer and cigarettes and got on her bed. Arthur was out of it, but as soon as he saw her light a cigarettes his eyes seemed to light up. She saw the look on his face and giggled and handed him one without him even having to ask. He sat up and placed the cigarette in between his lips, eagerly waiting for her to hand him the lighter. 

Iris lit her cigarette and was going to hand him the lighter, but lit it for him instead and they gazed deeply into one another's eyes for a magical moment before they both leaned back on the bed. Arthur had the most satisfying look on his face. Iris didn't think she'd ever seen anyone look more pleased in her entire life.

Arthur was leaning back against her headboard with his head lifted towards the ceiling with his eyes closed enjoying his nicotine. Iris watched him as he exhaled smoke from his mouth and she just couldn't take her eyes of this beautifully disheveled man beside her. She wanted to have him right here, right now and make him beg for mercy. Arthur caught her ogling, yawned and said, ,"What?" 

Iris giggled nervously and said, "No no-nothing silly just go to sleep okay?"

Arthur protested and strongly claimed that he was not tired, but only about 3 minutes later his cigarette almost falling out of his mouth because he was nodding off. Iris took the drooping lit cigarette from his mouth and put it out. She adjusted his pillows for him, gave him soft kiss on his forehead and made sure he was warm and comfortable. She just could not help but stare at him sleeping for a bit. He looked peaceful and that made her smile.

Iris stayed up for a couple of hours after Arthur fell asleep and sipped her beer and even smoked a joint and just relaxed. She felt very relaxed and blissful laying in bed with this beautiful man, catching a lovely buzz and just soaking in the events since the night before. She simply could not believe that it had only been about 24 hours since she found this unusual man, this utterly extraordinary man.

It had felt like months since she met him and it frightened her in some ways how head over heels she has fallen for him. She feared greatly that there would be a price. Loving a man like him would most certainly come with a great cost, but right now all her eyes saw was this incredible, unique soul sleeping beside her in her usually lonely bed. 

Iris finished her beer, smoked another cigarette and got into bed. She switched light off and snuggled in close to Arthur as if he was a comfort blanket that she needed to feel safe. She listened to his steady breathing and his small grunts and sighs as he slept and it made her feel so warm...it was bliss. She held his hand and felt herself begin to feel emotional and her grip tightened slightly in his skinny hand. Her fingers explored the bones in his hand and she ran her finger over a protruding vein. Every little bit of him was like poetry and she wanted to read it over and over again...

She felt unwanted tears well up in her eyes and she held him closer. The tears that she wished would vanish spilled from her eyes as if from an erupting volcano and she brought her face right to his ear and whispered, " Please don't go...please stay" 

Shortly after she allowed those morose words to escape her broken soul and exit through her trembling lips Arthur rolled onto his side and held her in his sleep. Iris closed her eyes and was finally asleep and she hoped that even in her dreams she would be holding Arthur and never have to leave....

"_I had a dream my life would be_

_So different than this hell I'm living _

_So different now from what it seemed_

_Now life had killed the dream_

_I dreamed"_

_🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀_

**_End Chapter 18_ 🖤**


	19. The Beautiful, yet, Deadly Apple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has some powerful urges that he can no longer control, but Iris does not mind. We also take a trip into some of his past memories of his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺😍🥰😉

_ **Beautiful Chaos ** _

**Chapter 19: The Beautiful, yet, Deadly Apple 🥀**

**🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤**

As the sun rose on a new day, Iris and Arthur were still fast asleep holding eachother, frozen in a glorious and blissful embrace that could illuminate the blackness night deep within their sacred yet scarred up hearts. Iris rolled to her side still asleep and Arthur wrapped his arms around her from behind. They were the epitome unison. 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

It was about 8:30am and Iris was starting to open her eyes. At first she almost panicked because she works almost every single day of the week but she had requested Halloween off a month ago so she realized she had nothing to worry about. Arthur was still fast asleep and his arms were still lightly wrapped around her.  
Iris had to pee very badly, but also didn't want to wake Arthur. He nuzzled in closer to her sleepily, making it even harder for her to bring herself to move. Her cat Tilly suddenly jumped up on the bed and to her dismay, started meowing incessantly. 

Iris tried to shush her, but Tilly only cared about Iris giving her food and she would not stop until she did. Arthur sighed softly but didn't wake up which Iris was grateful for. Iris started to slowly and reluctantly remove herself from Arthur's warm embrace. Arthur stirred and grunted slightly but still did not wake from his much needed slumber. 

She took a moment to pause and stare at Arthur as he slept peacefully. She thought he looked beautiful. His cheek was pressed against her pillow and some thick peices of his dark, luxurious curls poetically curtained some of his closed eye. His dark lashes were long and curled upwards at the tips and blended beautifully with his thick curls on his head. She could see he was breathing steadily and even sighed a couple of times and even though he grunted slightly from the pain of his injuries from a couple of nights ago, he still stayed fast asleep. 

It brought her an indescribable amount of glee to see him warm, safe and enveloped in a deep slumber that, from the serene look on his face, must be free of any nightmares for once. Iris even dared to bring her hand slowly over his dreaming head gently move some of his gorgeous locks out of his eye. Just the light touch of his hair made her almost quiver with excitement.

She loved seeing him look so peaceful and her smile grew as she noticed that some color was in his face for once, instead of the pallid, sickly color he usually had. She almost was tempted to grab her Polaroid camera to snap a photo, but there was no need. This perfect image would be photographed in her memory forever.

Finally, after Iris carefully moved away from Arthur she got off the bed so she could go to the bathroom, but glanced at Arthur one more time and smiled when she saw him curled up sleeping soundly. Tilly followed Iris to the bathroom still meowing and Iris shushed and cursed at her on the way to the bathroom. When Iris was done peeing she went to go feed Tilly so that she would stop making noise. Iris leaned over Arthur on his side of the bed and have him a peck on the cheek before she went to go shower. 

Arthur was dead asleep until he felt something rough stroke his cheek. He grunted and tried to move away whatever was doing it, but it did not work. He reluctantly opened his eyes and saw Tilly staring down at him. "Hey....stop that" he said groggily as he pulled the blanket over his head. Arthur was still very tired and feeling foggy. Tilly didn't seem to care about Athur protesting and proceeding to climb onto his shoulder and Arthur soon realized that going back to sleep may not be and option anymore.

Sleep was either very scarce or fleeting for Arthur so the fact that he slept all through the night and still would like to sleep even more was shocking to him. Arthur didn't remember everything from last night, but he did know that he was given a sedative so that made sense. From the small bits and pieces he remembered what came to his mind the most was soft and gentle sound of Iris' voice and blissful sensation of her hand combing through his hair and how safe he felt. His mind then wondered into pleasurable memories of when Iris and him were touching and kissing deeply on her bed. He was still sleepy, but without him fully realizing it another part if his body was reacting to those pleasant memories as well. 

Arthur still had his eyes closed and was enjoying the warmth of the bed and the blankets enveloping his frail, abused body. Tilly eventually stopped bothering Arthur and he brought the blanket down a little so his head stuck a bit his usually racing and raging mind was being warmly embraced by comforting thoughts of his dark angel...Iris. 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Iris felt the relaxing hot water sooth her anxious mind and body as she washed up and her mind kept imagining Arthur in the shower with her. She thought of his nude body pressed up against hers and his gorgeous hair drenched from the streaming hot water and looking absolutely enticing. Her mind also wondered down some darkened halls where ominous thoughts lurked and whispered all of her worst fears into her ears with forked tongues and hot, flaming breath. 

The worst part for her is that her budding relationship with this unpredictable man that she saught out amongst raging insanity outside could very well end in a tragic Shakespearean way, or bloom into something celestial and devine, or perhaps, a combination of both. She did not know which road this new love would take her to, but she was certainly not about to give up and she also knew that it would definitely not be boring.

Iris finished her washing and pondering, turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. She brushed her teeth, quickly wrapped her towel around her body and exited the bathroom, tiptoeing eagerly to her bedroom. She saw that Arthur still seemed to be asleep, but moving a bit from underneath the blankets. She was about to walk over to him, but stopped herself so that she could put some clothes on even though that was not what her heart or body desired. 

Iris also realized that Arthur had not seen all her scars on her arms past times of relentless, internalized suffering and she suddenly felt self conscious. She was looking for something to wear, occasionally speaking over her shoulder to see if Arthur was peering at her naked, half hoping he was and half hoping he wasn't.

Arthur thought he heard something, but he was half in a dream and half in a foggy reality. Normally his mind would be plagued with horrifying flashbacks and traumatic anxiety, but his mind was fixed on Iris and nothing else. He rolled onto his back and was quickly reminded of the beating he took and the car crash from the other night as the pain started to come back the more he woke up. It did not feel as bad as it did yesterday and was most definitely grateful for that indeed. He wished he could sleep all day and the only thing stopping him from doing that was his beautiful woman.

**************

Arthur normally had an extremely hard time sleeping, but there were also times when he was off from work and his lack of sleep and high stress would catch up with him and he would just lay on his couch and sleep for hours upon hours. His mother, even though she was "crazy", would check on him and try to get him to eat, but he would just become irritated and dismiss her.

When he had those days where he could finally sleep and not have to deal with the world and it's heavy weight pushing him down all the time, he would collapse on the couch, curl up with a blanket and sleep. He would only get up occasionally to use the bathroom and to smoke, of course. She hated that he smoked so much, butb that just made him want to do it more. Lack of sleep was definitely a huge problem all throughout his life, but sleeping too much has always been an issue as well.

It made his chest feel tight when he thought of his mother. He killed her and there was no denying it and there was no excuses. He did what he did and she was dead. He just could not deal with all the horrors of his childhood that he read in that file and having to find it out all at once was extremely overwhelming. The worst part of it was, he had no one and shortly after he found out that his "_girlfriend" _was only an illusion. He just couldn't take it. He would want to almost turn to his mother, but he had realized she was not a comfort anymore and truly never had been. 

Arthur smothered the life out of her nearly lifeless body the same way she wrote his tragic life story from the time he was a boy from the horrific way she raised him. He often wondered if he would have been different if she had been a real mother to him and as some of those memories flooded back to him, it almost made him sick. It was simply too much...

It did make his blackened heart hurt when he thought of past memories in that apartment. She was mostly absent or the one needing all the attention and the one getting all the coddling. There were times though when he would go through those times where he would just sleep the days away where he would catch her sitting in her chair watching over him. She usually stayed in her room especially in the evening, but she did, in her own way, care about her son.

She would try and make him eat, but he would just ignore her and go back to making sure all of _her _needs were met, rather than his own...

All the times Arthur was sick and he would be resistant and would still try to overwhelm himself with tasks and his job she would try and make sure he got some rest. He had a rather weak immune system and his lack of care for his overall health didn't help either. The time he passed out at work and his friend Gary had to help him her home she did worry, but truly did not know how to be a mother. Arthur had a bad fever that night and was tossing and turning on the couch and the few times he would wake up and was slightly lucid he saw her sleeping in her chair.

That night she sid not leave that chair. She even tried to give him water and make him eat something, but would shoo her away, so that he could go back to suffering in silence. He even woke up at one point and saw she had left a trash bin next to him because she knew he had a weak and nervous stomach especially when he was ill. He was sick for days and even though she wasn't good with words she tried to be present sometimes in her own silent way. 

Unfortunately most of his experiences with her were the very cause of his ptsd and severe trauma. Arthur still felt a surge of satisfaction knowing she was dead and that he was the cause. In his mind, she had gotten what she deserved. 

He was alone in his pain, with no one to confide in, so he used the power vengeance to ease his suffering...

************

He fully awoke and found himself trying to reach for Iris, but she was not in bed with him. He heard some noise on the other side of the room and turned his head over and saw a sight that nearly took his breath away. Although his eyes were still not fully open, and squinting from the sunlight shining through her half open curtains, they were fixated on the stellar sight of Iris taking her towel off of her freshly bathed, naked form. 

Arthur was conflicted because he didn't want to be rude, but he also just couldn't seem to look away. Arthur had little sexual experience and even when he did it was unpleasant and very awkward. There was also usually alcohol involved to numb his overactive nerves making matters even worse. He only truly had sex once, but he was extremely intoxicated and the girl that was fucking him was doing it as a joke while other fellow classmates took pictures and videos. He had made out with women several times throughout his life, but he would start to recoil or lose his erection from paralyzing memories of his first sexual encounter hence the women would either be offended or have no further interest. 

Arthur never really liked drinking much, there had been many a time where he would use alcohol to calm his nerves so that his laughter wouldn't be such a problem. He also used it to make it easier for him to talk to women, but then he would continue to drink to feel even more bold and better causing absolutely catastrophe for him and hence loss of interest for the women. Arthur eventually gave up and avoided sexual encounters completely and dating altogether. 

He longed for a special someone and was indescribably lonely, but had given up all hope until he met about two days ago and now he had other worries brought on by the sheer fact that he was actually falling in love with this woman which made his need to impress her and be a "man" even greater than it ever had been. 

To make matters worse he still had a hard time allowing himself to feel joy from her presence in his life out of fear of the unknown and most of all that insidious paranoia that hid in the back of his mind telling him that she was just another illusion. He couldn't bare another earth shattering disappointment like that again. He also knew that as much as he adores her he couldn't promise her, himself or anyone that he would "behave" and he no longer lied to himself or others and he especially would never lie to this magnificent woman, but he still asked himself "Can I quell my beast from within for her? And even if I can...would it last?"

He did not want to frighten her, but he also knew the animalistic darkness that dwelled from within could not be smothered anymore as it had been for so long. Iris was a devine human being and although he could not guarantee being on his best behavior, he could absolutely promise that he would never intentionally harm her or drag her down with him if things ever became too dangerous. He thought she was someone worthy of the best even if he did not share the same feelings for himself...

**********

Iris was using the towel that had been covering her naked body to dry off her wet skin and Arthur watched her every move as if it were a breathtaking timeless film. She reached down to her ankle with her towel to dry her leg and his eyes spotted a number of scars on what he could see of her right arm as it reached down to dry her leg. Some of them were wider than others, some were smaller and shorter, but his eyes saddened when he saw that most of them seemed to have been from deep self inflicted wounds and there were also several little spots on her arms and calf that looked like cigarette burns. He instantly wanted to hold her and show her how bright of a beautiful light she truly is.

Iris was drying off her chest now with her towel and she was even humming softly a lovely tune that Arthur didn't recognize at first until she hummed more of the song. He smiled when he heard it was a song that he loved since he was a child. It was called "My Funny Valentine" and he just could not believe how amazing she is and how the scars on her shapely body reflected that she was a strong woman and a survivor. 

She continued to hum the song that unbeknownst to her was a song very close to Arthur's heart and seemed to be lost in her own little world. Arthur fought inside his head with himself with the powerful urge begging him to get up and become engrossed in her beautiful heart and body like an enthralling novel and become one with her, but he could only fight it for so long before his passionate soul pulled his body out of bed. 

His sore body and his timidness were nowhere near as powerful as the magnetic yearning in his heart, very much like the adrenaline that pumped through his veins the night he took the life of a mundane talkshow host, that lifted him up despite his injuries and just as pure. The undeniable difference, of course, being that he wanted to be close to this human being and put that same energy into doing something good. He desired nothing more than to show her how much he cared for her and it took a great amount of courage on his part, but he saw her as someone much braver than he could ever be simply because, despite all her suffering she still had such powerful empathy inside her that surpassed his all of his explosive rage...

Iris was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Arthur approach her at first, but she gasped and turned around when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and saw that it Arthur and instantly put her towel back around her flustered body, but then she froze and stared into his eyes that shined like a pair of emeralds and this time he did not avert his gaze. He was still slightly trembling with anxiety, but he didn't allow that to stop him this time. 

Iris was breathing heavy as she stared at him and she was trying to keep her towel in place. She looked at him like a helpless deer, but despite her fears she didn't protest when Arthur made the daring move of taking the towel from her hands that were holding it in place and simply let it crumple to the floor. 

"Arthur" she breathed as his hand cupped her chin and she noticed how much taller he was than her. He seemed to tower over her in this moment in more ways than one and she loved it. He held his magnetic gaze on her and leaned in to kiss her and she closed her eyes ready for him to take her...all of her...right now...

Arthur's mind started to race suddenly and drift out of the present moment and Iris saw his eyes change and she knew exactly what it was. The look of hesitation in his eyes was all too familiar to her because she shares that same fear. His confidence began to slightly shrivel and he looked away and said, "I'm sorry Iris"

Iris knew he just didn't want to harm her somehow, but she took the reins and showed him that he had nothing to be sorry about. "Arthur...I need you..." she whispered into his ear and with those words she was then suddenly engulfed in his kiss. He ran his fingers through her fragrant, wet hair and slightly gripped the back of her head passionately as his curious tongue went further into her mouth. 

They both pulled away for a moment to catch their breath and they just stared at eachother, both with eyes that seemed to scream at eachother, begging for them not to stop. Iris was breathing heavily and said to him "Arthur..." 

He gazed into her eyes in the most gentle manner she had ever seen in her entire life, leaned close to her ear and whispered, "It seems that my entire life has just been one bad day until I met you..." Iris closed her eyes taking in the pure beauty of those words and thought she might cry. 

Iris leaned her face into his slender neck and breathed, "It seems that my entire life has been me, only fading into the background until I found you...and I know what you've done and I know I may regret this, but...I just need you inside of me" 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

**End Chapter: 19 🥀**

🍎


	20. Unison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Arthur finally want their bodies to truly become one, but will Arthur be able to quell his nervous disposition in order to make it finally happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok one thing, when I describe Arthur's length I didn't want to make it like a cheesy porno so I looked at a slowed down gif image I made on my phone of him when he swings his hips forward in his cute white undies and I saw that he does, indeed, have "great lenth" lol. I just needed to clarify that! Enjoy! Comments are always welcome lol ♡

_ **Beautiful Chaos ** _

**Chapter 19: Unison 🥀**

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur closed his eyes taking in the almost unfathomable words that just escaped her perfect lips and then felt himself become fully erect. He started to become nervous again and had to smother an unwanted giggle with his hands. He felt the same way he did when he was on stage at that comedy club except that this meant more to him and he wished he could just make it stop. He turned away from her as he laughed tearfully, but soon felt Iris' tender lips kissing the back of his neck. He covered his mouth with his forearm as more laughing plagued him, but Iris did not walk away or ridicule him...She just continued to kiss his neck as if his illness didn't matter.

"You're okay, Arthur" Iris said softly in between kisses. She could tell that his laughing was sounding now like a combination of crying and laughing this time. He kept saying sorry in between his laughter and covering his mouth with both of his hands. She walked over to face him and she saw tears in his eyes. She stood on her toes and kissed his neck and moved down to his collar bone. Arthur could feel himself slowly begin to calm down. The very touch of her was much more effective than any medication he has ever taken. 

Arthur's relentless affliction slowed down the more Iris kissed his neck and collar bones and finally it was gone. Iris soothed his restless soul in a way that he could not even fathom. He was catching his breath now and all his mind was focused on now was the sweet sensation of her powerful yet delicate touch. 

Iris stopped and held his face in her hands and said, "You don't and shouldn't ever have to apologize for having an illness and no one should ever make you feel as though you should act as if you don't" 

The very second that Iris finished that impactful sentence he wasted no more precious time and pressed his lips against hers and held her torso with his hands making Iris moan in between kisses. The enegery between the two of them was so incredibly powerful that they were almost untouchable. None of their dreadful memories of their past mattered and none of their fears, anxieties or cruel words from others that were burned in their minds from the past mattered either. All that mattered was the indescribable heat of the moment. 

Iris thrust her torso forward to be closer to the heat of his own. They were all over eachother and even though Arthur didn't have much experience at all it didn't seem to matter with her. Even when they ended up backing into her dresser that didn't stop them. The room could be on fire and they still wouldn't stop even if that meant letting the flames consume them. 

Arthur attempted to pick her up much like what he's only seen in films, but even though Iris was not a heavy set woman she still outweighed Arthur and he only started to pick her up before he couldn't hold on. He felt so embarrassed, but Iris laughed playfully at him and she saw him smile slyly at her signaling that they should continue where they left off. 

Iris looked into Arthur's glowing green, bedroom eyes sinfully, undid the belt on his robe. Arthur felt nervous but he allowed her to remove the robe and, without him expecting it, she felt her soft, warm fingers wrap around his fully hard phallus making a soft moan exit his mouth.

Iris noticed for the first time that shy, timid Arthur Fleck has quite a sizable and perfectly thick manhood. She was in awe that he hadn't had more sexual experiences, even if they were only sex and nothing more and then it dawned on her that he may not even be fully aware how large he is and that thrilled her.

Arthur almost felt limp as her hand gripped it tighter and slowly moved her hand up and down. His eyes rolled back in his head and he did not even know that being intimate like this even felt so good. It was like a dream come true for him. He even thought to himself that he was very glad that he was not intoxicated this time, so that he could have the full beautiful experience for once in his lonely life. 

Iris stopped and looked at him with smoldering eyes and took his hand leading him to the bed. Even Iris touching his nether regions made him feel as though he was going to explode right there, but he's glad that he didn't so that he could keep his orgasm restrained for her body. The very second Iris sat on the edge of the bed Arthur had a brief moment of what felt like stage fright before he ravished her.

Iris laid down with her legs open for him and he bent down over her and started to deeply kiss her and grip her breasts. She wrapped her legs around his back pulling him closer to her, her body begging him to slide inside of her. 

_"I'm so fucking glad I never stopped taking my birth control" _she thought to herself.

Arthur was now on top of her on the edge of the bed kissing her chest as if he had been starving for intimacy for too long, which was true. He had not felt the real touch of a woman in years, but because of this he was very nervous that he would climax too quickly leaving her unsatisfied. Arthur was now sucking on one of her perky, firm nipples causing her to let out the most exquisite whimpers Arthur had ever heard in his life.

Flashes of the night he was fooled by his classmates and horribly humiliated entered his mind a few times almost making him want to stop, but when gripped his cock yet again they all vanished. Arthur was always a very quiet man so he found himself even trying to make his sounds of pleasure silent as well, but the more she moved her hand up and down he released a soft but pleasured moan. 

Iris adored the way he sounded as she gave him much deserved pleasure. She saw as his eyes roll back in his head and he rested his head on her chest and she absolutely loved it. Suddenly when she felt his hand caress her right arm and glide over her raised scars on her skin she turned her head away from him. 

Arthur didn't understand at first and was terrified he had done something wrong, but soon realized that she was ashamed of her scars, ashamed of her battle wounds. Arthur cared not about such things, but understood completely why she would feel shame. Her shame was not warranted, but he felt the same way about his body and his awful laughing outbursts, Iris did not care about any of that.

Arthur started to plant little kisses down hee right arm, carefully kissing her scars in a more specific and softer way. Iris felt she would cry, but before a single tear could ever fall from her face Athur's finger caught it and his glistening eyes stared passionately onto her thrilled yet frightened eyes and only seconds later they were enveloped in a series of warm kisses. Their tongues intertwined with eachother and their lips moved like a pair of very talented dancers...Every move just right...

Iris combed her fingers through his green tinted locks, every strand feeling like China silk in her hands. Arthur was kissing her chest as she continued to stroke his man hood. It felt so intoxicating that he could no longer smother his sounds of pure ecstasy and he moaned and felt limp. His sweet little moans were beautiful to Iris. 

Arthur soon had to stop her from touching his erection because he was afraid he might climax. Their eyes were intensely locked onto eachother in a way that was unbreakable. Iris saw him looking adorably bashful for a moment and kissed his forehead and said, "I'm ready for you Arthur...I'm more ready than I've ever been for anything in my entire life..."

When those words fully resonated in his often raging mind he smiled at her and said, "I'm so glad that you're real, Iris"

Iris smiled, kissed his slender neck and scooted back on the bed so that she was leaning her back against the pillows. She stared at him with eyes that glimmered with a beautiful desperation. Arthur saw the look on her face and it was as though her look was a lasso pulling him to her. He crawled to her and they were kissing passionately again. 

When he crawled over to Iris he looked like his timid Arthur side has taken a backseat and she could see some Joker come out to play and as demented as it may sound, she had some thoughts of him on the Murray Franklin show and the way his eyes seemed to flicker like a flame that could penetrate someone's soul and it made her want him even more. She thought of how he danced onto the stage and flicked his cigarette with a unbelievably sexy confidence. Her mind even dared to think of how he spoke with a wild intensity to Murray and how raw and passionately out of his mind he was. She simply could not help herself. 

Arthur suckled on her neck and Iris moaned and clawed at his back begging him to enter her finally. Her eyes widened instantly and she gasped when she felt his incredibly hard phallus shoved into her much quicker than she expected and she could feel his great length almost completely inside of her. The way it felt to have his firm cock nearly all the way inside of her made her entire body quiver. She was on fire. 

It was as though Arthur became someone else as soon as he slipped inside of her and when he saw how she let her head fall back, cover her mouth to suppress a scream and was just glowing with satisfaction made him feel powerful. Her hands were over her head clawing into her headboard and she moaned as he thrusted in and out of her. She grabbed his hair, pulling him down to kiss her. 

Arthur's ribs were hurting, but he didn't care. He pressed his head onto her chest and was softly crying out in ecstasy as he continued to slide in and out of her. Iris was almost screaming as she felt his speed increase. 

Iris could not believe that the man she saw shoot and kill a talkshow host on television only two nights ago was now making love to her in her apartment. Having him inside of her felt sinful, but it also felt more right and meaningful than anything ever has in her entire life.

Iris and Arthur were staring at each other as they made love and Arthur leaned into her ear and breathed, "I love you"

Iris heard those 3 words and at that precise moment she let go. She held back no longer and screamed out his name wildly as her eyes rolled back in her head. As soon as she climaxed she almost felt like she was going to pass out and she saw stars and fireworks. It was a grand sensation that was poetically intoxicating. As she was gasping for air she took Arthur's face in both of her hands and breathed, "I love you too and I don't care if it's wrong...you're fucking beautiful"

Arthur took in the words she said with a bit of disbelief, but as he pressed his face into her neck and slid in her one more time he released himself inside of her. He cried out and whimpered as he was nuzzling her neck and she held his head in her arms as he came. 

"One for the money  
And two for the show  
I love you honey  
How did you get that way?  
You're screwed up and brilliant  
And look like a million dollar man  
So why's my heart broke?

"It isn't that hard boy  
To like you or love you  
I'd follow you down, down, down  
You're unbelievable   
If you're going crazy just grab me and take me  
I'd follow tou down, down, down  
Anywhere, anywhere..."

Arthur felt as though he was in a dream as he rested his exhilarated body on top of her. He moved off of her and laid down on his back beside her. They both looked at eachother and said nothing, but their eyes said everything. He gazed upon her face with eyes that bled ecstatic beauty into her soul. He looked so, well, happy...

Arthur rested his head on her chest as she ran her fingers through his matted hair. She was so indescribably joyous to see him so jubilant. Even when she used to see him on the bus he looked as though a rain cloud hovered over his head at all times making him look so morose, pale and drawn. She used to notice too how he would gnaw at his already chewed up nails like a rodent chewing at it's own leg to break free from a trap, but this is the first time she's seen him glow.

_He was absolutely radiant..._

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

**End Chapter 20 🥀**

_ **Unison ** _

** _🥀_ **


	21. From Fear to Fascination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more vivid memories of Arthur on the bus resurface the closer Iris gets to him and something she hears on the radio brings the heavy wall of reality crashing down upon her. Can she accept that the man she loves is a murderer and that she can never erase or change his true nature?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for taking so long to post another chapter, but here it is! ♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🖤**

**Chapter 21: _From Fear to Fascination _🥀**

Iris thought he was odd and didn't want him around her on the bus, but she used to examine him at times and how he would press his head against the window staring blankly out at the city. It reminded her very much of a caged parrot with clipped wings that would stare longingly out a window watching other birds fly free and how the parrot would just watch helplessly as it plucked out it's own feathers. She didn't even really find him visually appealing but rather the opposite at first, but when she used watch him as he leaned his head against the window like he did she felt a strange sense of distant unison.

There was one day where she saw him on the bus and saw him keep sticking his hand in and out of his jacket pocket. He would slide his hand into his pocket as if he were grasping at something, but then remove his hand from his pocket again and nervously chew his nails. He would also look around occasionally and then stare out the window and repeat the same odd behavior. Iris made sure to look away if she saw him look anywhere near her direction. 

She saw how people would treat him as though he were diseased and didn't want his illness anywhere near them. There were even regulars that would call him names purposely causing him stress and anxiety to trigger his laughing. The day she saw him sticking his hand in and out of his pocket it was as though he was trying to be prepared for an attack. She even saw him giggle to himself occasionally as he did this repetitive ritual. 

Finally she caught a brief glimpse of what was hidden in his pocket. She saw what looked like revolver and she instantly felt a twinge of fear. She half expected it to be drugs or something to that nature, but no...

Arthur seemed very much like a little boy in so many ways when she used to watch him. She was afraid of him, but fascinated. It reminded her of how she used to be petrified of bugs or any arthropod for that matter, but something changed over time and that fear became fascination and later evolved into a love and respect. She found that the misunderstood were always the ones with the most beauty and the most fantastic energy. 

Besides the day she saw how horribly ill he was on the bus there was one other time that will be forever tattooed in her mind was one evening where he must have been having a bad day, but not like his common tragic disposition, he looked different this time. He looked sad as usual, but he kept look at what looked like a newspaper clipping with a man's picture on it. She couldn't make out who it was a picture of, but kept looking at it with lost and tearful eyes. He looked at it one more time with an out of place giggle which instantly stopped and became a melancholy sigh. 

Arthur stared at the picture one more time with tears that shimmered in his bright green eyes as the sun hit his face and he then stared out the window as if to suppress any sort of painful thoughts that the picture might evoke. She had never seen him look this broken before and she almost wanted to sit next to him and be a friend, but she was still frightened of him. The pain that was radiating off of him seeped into her heart with an explosive feeling of sheer empathy. She recognized that look of poetic torment painted upon his face and that is because she is infected with it as well...and it was terminal...

She felt her heart break as she saw him lower his head and choke back tears, gritting his teeth and his boney fingers squeeze the picture, crushing it. He kept the painful photograph crumpled in his trembling fist for a while until his knuckles were white. At that very moment as he squeezed the picture in his tightened fist he lowered his head further and his hair fell forward covering his eyes. He softly laughed and then would cover his mouth with his hand and release smothered cries. 

Iris watched as he silently cried and trembled, but she suddenly became stricken with fear when she saw his right hand reach into his pocket and somehow she knew...she knew what he was feeling. She knew not of his personal journey of anguish, but she knew the overwhelming feeling of wishing more than anything to stop these feelings. Sometimes when the feelings are just too relentless and the negative, demonic voices that seek to destroy you become too loud, the idea of ending all feelings for good sounds like the sweetest melody that has ever existed. 

Arthur kept moving in his seat as if holding still was not and option for his mind to allow. His hand would go in and out if his pocket and he pushed his bowed head into the window. The bus then stopped and a group of teenagers that she had seen a dozen times before got on the bus and as soon as they saw Arthur crumpled in his seat it was as though they spotted easy prey. 

One of them, a boy, sat in the seat in front of him and started to poke him saying, "Hey, what's wrong freak?" The young man then saw Arthur's precious pack of cigarettes and snatches it and began to taunt him. Iris felt her heart jump when she saw Arthur grasp his gun in his pocket again, but this time he did it with his left hand and just kept his head down. 

Arthur knew these awful kids because they have shouted at him and made fun of him before from the fire escape at his that he would walk by often. They would scream and even throw things at him and it has almost drove him to murder on several occasions, but he would always just walk with his head down, hoping they would leave him alone just this once.

Iris stood up and snatched the cigarettes from this evil boy and handed them back to Arthur who didn't even make eye contact. He just put them into his pocket and murmured, "Thanks" It seemed that this simple act of kindness was enough to quell his homicidal and suicidal urges, well, at least temporarily...

The other kids were cursing at her and still taunting Arthur, but he was so broken that he he did not react. The bus stopped again and Arthur practically ran off the bus. As much as Arthur felt invisible, Iris was the one that seemed to be invisible to him the times she saw him on the bus which was really what she wanted, but still he just seemed so lost and it made her sad. 

She watched him as the bus drove away. He instantly lit a cigarette with his quivering hands and then walked off with his hood up and his cigarette hanging from his lips. She was intrigued, but stayed away...until now. It was almost serendipitous that the same man that she saw crumpling like a marionette without its master was how resting his head on her chest where he could hear how her heart sang for him.

One other thing she noticed was how he stared at the window of the bus with such a deeply sad disposition, but when she saw him as Joker he had a sort of free and joyous insanity about him and the raw truth is she fucking loved it...

_"This is our place, we make the rules_   
_And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear_   
_Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?_

_Can I go where you go?_   
_Can we always be this close forever and ever?_   
_And ah, take me out, and take me home_   
_You're my lover"_

Iris and Arthur sat up and reached for the cigarettes on her nightstand and laughed at eachother in a melodic unison. Iris grabbed the pack, took one out, placed it in her mouth and lifted the pack over her head and didn't let Arthur have them. He laughed and playfully tried snatch them from her, but his ribs were hurting so he had to stop. Iris fell back into reality when she saw Arthur cringe from the pain and she handed him a cigarette and kissed his forehead.

Iris took Arthur's hand and said, "Arthur you're supposed to do some deep breathing exercises otherwise you could get fluid built up which can cause pneumonia, so please make sure you do that every 2 hours or do okay?"

Arthur smiled at her and nodded his head. After he finished his cigarette she guided him with the breathing exercises and she could tell it hurt, but it was important. If he caught pneumonia she would have no choice but to take him to a hospital.

Arthur felt tired after doing the deep breathing and he rested his head on her warm chest. He felt sleepy and felt a headache coming on and he hoped it would go away. 

Arthur has had horrible migraines on and off since he was a teenager, but he hadn't had one in a while until a couple of nights ago and unfortunately when he did get them they were usually really bad so that's why he hoped and prayed it would go away especially after such a joyous experience with Iris. The accident with the ambulance and banging his head on the backseat window, knocking him out instantly didn't help either.

Iris saw his brow furrow in distress and asked him, "Arthur, are you alright?" 

Arthur nuzzled into her chest a little more to block out the sunlight. He grunted and said, "I'm fine"

Iris almost laughed, but instead pet his head gently and said, "You're a really bad liar, Arthur Fleck"

He grabbed a pillow from behind him, put it over his head and mumbled, "So are you" 

Iris laughed, but she really was concerned so she pinched his thigh and said, "Arthur, come on...talk to me please" 

Arthur started to mumble something, but then yawned instead. He sighed and said, "It's nothing, I just get bad migraines sometimes. I've had this issue since I was a teenager"

Iris squeezed his hand out of compassion and ran her nails gently up and down his back. She heard him sigh sleepily from beneath the pillow and it made her smile. As much as she understood that the poor guy was exhausted and wanted to sleep she also remembered what her friend Kelsey said about how moving around is important. With immense hesitation Iris leaned in close to him and said, "Arthur, I know you really want to sleep more, but I asked a friend of mine who's a nurse about fractured ribs etc. and one of the most important things she said was to stay active and not lay in bed all day, baby"

Arthur was wiped out, but didn't want to make Iris worry anymore than she already was, so he took the pillow off of his head and reluctantly agreed to get up. "Can I shower?" he asked as struggled to sit up.

"Only of you drink some water and promise to eat something after"

Arthur smirked at her, ran his fingers through his unkempt hair and said, "Sure" 

Iris glared at him, scanning his vague expression and said, "You better mean it, especially about the water. You threw up like twice yesterday and the night before and have no nourishment in you, Arthur" 

Arthur har no memory of their being a second embarrassing bout of puking and felt so rediculous. He looked at her with apologetic eyes and said to her, "I'm so sorry...I don't even remember that. I'm embarrassed"

Iris came from behind him, kissed his neck and responded with, "Stop apologizing Arthur. At least you didn't do it on the floor this time"

Iris joked trying to lighten the moment, but she could clearly see that Arthur was genuinely embarrassed so she nibbled his earlobe and said, "There's no need to be embarrassed, honey. You have been through a lot and haven't been feeling well"

Arthur got off the bed and smiled warmly at her. He knew she meant what she said and that she was not false like everyone else was in his life. Iris stood up and gifted him with the most humble smile he'd ever seen and said, "You're amazing Arthur, now go and shower. I put a clean towel in there for you okay?" 

Arthur nodded and then headed to her bathroom. Iris took a moment to take in the glorious thoughts of making love to this beautiful soul and then got up to get some clothes on and start her day. 

Once she was done changing she walked over to the mirror above her dresser and started to apply her makeup. As she ran her soft brush across her cheek to add some rouge to her smooth and milky complexion she looked at her reflection and saw that she was smiling without even realizing it. She overflowing with pure joy, but although this was a drastic and positive changed compared to how she normally felt she still had little voice of worry in the back of her mind speaking words of caution in her ear. She planted her palms onto the top of her dresser and looked down wishing these ominous feelings would leave her mind. 

Please just let me have this...please" She pleaded to the voice of warning that was now practically screaming in her head. She walked over to the radio that was on her nightstand to put something on to, perhaps, silence those haunting voices that seemed to be trying to suck the joy right out of her like mosquito. She switched on the radio and the news was on, but right when she was about to change the station to put music on she froze...

The voice on the radio, much like the voice that clawed at the back of her mind, spoke of the man she just finished giving her body and soul to. Most of it was about the show and how he was still at large, but...she also heard some things that she had no idea about. 

Apparently a past coworker of Arthur's named Randall was also murdered in a brutal and horrific way and her eyes widened when she heard that his mother was found dead in the hospital a few days ago. They were saying that she had a stroke and that was why she was there, but even though she may have just died from the stroke they were also stating that she died not too long after Arthur came to visit her. 

The cold stab of reality plunged directly into her heart and she crumpled to the floor and found herself wishing she never turned the radio on at all. She knew that the truth could only be avoided for so long, but she was so enthralled in her love affair with this unhinged man that she just had not even thought much about the unfortunate fact that as beautiful and unique of a soul Arthur possesses...he was not just quiet and endearing Arthur Fleck, but someone else that she had not yet seen. 

She quickly changed the station and with tears burning her eyes she stood up and walked back over to the mirror. The song that happend to be playing on the radio was "Smile" by Jimmy Durante, which was a much more upbeat version than the one she always listened to. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and saw the look in her eyes that seemed to speak volumes to her and she felt rage rise up inside of her. 

"Leave me alone! Let me have this!" She thought to herself in hope that her voice of reason would stop raining on her dangerous yet blissful parade. She wanted to just have this fantasy...she needed it. She needed a reason to get to get up in the morning, a reason to have a genuine smile, a reason to live and not just exist. As much as she has read and heard others say that she had to find peace and joy within herself and not need it from people, things, drinking and shopping etc. she always just wanted to grab and shake those people along with the words they spoke and scream right at them saying, "I can't! God knows I've tried, but I am in a cage that you will never comprehend in your simple mind!" but instead she puts on a smile and nodded her head like a good little girl.

Peace and serenity were never constant in her life and although she tried to grasp onto them like a life boat she always seemed to just sink. She would sink down low and the more pressure she put on herself to have this peace within or perfect joy the further down she would sink into a dark abyss. Playing with fire at least made her feel something and that was better than nothing at all like all these medications she's had shoved down her throat for years from vacant doctors that would never understand the true torment of mental illness. 

Iris turned her head and stared at her radio as if maybe it was speaking to her, as if the content of the song was telling her something. She always sang and listened to the Judy Garland version of "Smile" and that version was a slower pace and had a much more melancholy tone. The one that played on the radio now was much more upbeat. Even though it was upbeat sounding it still didn't change the truth within the lyrics...

"_Smile though your heart is aching_  
_Smile even though it's breaking _  
_When there are clouds in the sky_  
_You'll get by_  
_If you smile through your fear and sorrow _  
_Smile and maybe tomorrow _  
_You'll see the sun come shining through _  
_Light up your face with gladness _  
_Hide every trace of sadness_  
_Although a tear may be ever so near_  
_That's the time you must keep on trying_  
_Smile what's the use of crying _  
_You'll find that life is still worth while_  
_If you just...smile..."_

Arthur was rinsing the conditioner out of his already sleek hair and enjoying the hot water as it warmed his body and watching some green still come out and circle the drain. All he could think about was...her. The more he thought about her the more he also thought about how wonderful she is and how although she loves him, he felt a deep seeded fear that she would get hurt. It almost felt like ever since he was rescued by Iris his life was in a sort of intermission in the middle of a tragic movie. He is wanted by the police, he's a murderer, he has a very short fuse and he just didn't know if he could keep his Joker side dormant forever. 

"_You could break my heart in two_  
_But when it heals it beats for you"_

"I love her..." he whispered to himself, almost wanting to cry. His mind was racing and the more he contemplated on all the risks and dangers of someone like him being in a deep, passionate relationship the more he just wanted to grab hold of her hand and take her with him into his thrillingly chaotic world as is queen. He just wanted the touch of her flesh to his to go on forever and for her vibrant, kind eyes to never be absent from his treacherous life. Just as his mind began to wonder further into endless state of rumination he quickly turned around when he heard the shower curtain abruptly open. It was his lady, his light, his love, his Iris....

She said nothing, but stared into his eyes, her chest moving up and down fast as if she had just ran a mile. They said nothing to eachother and they didn't need to. "I don't care what my cluttered mind tells me, I want you, all of you, every day no matter what happens," Iris said and with those passionate words she quickly removed her clothing, that he had only moments ago just put on, and stepped into the shower with Arthur, pinned him against the wall and practically devoured him with her starving lips.

He could still tell that she was distressed in some way so they stopped kissing and he stared into her eyes and said, "You're okay, Iris...It's all okay"

Iris suddenly broke down and pressed her head against his chest and he held her and let her cry. As he held her he kissed her head and kept telling her it was all going to be okay even though he had no idea if it would, but his heart and hers seemed to have made their choice despite what their minds said. 

Iris finally stopped crying, but she knew that even she was crying for hours he would still hold her and never leave her side. When they held eachother it was as though they weren't even on earth, but somewhere better, somewhere made uniquely for them only.

"_As I leave this Earth and sail into the infinite cosmo of the universe_  
_The wars, the triumphs_  
_The beauty, and the bloodshed_  
_The ocean of human endeavor_  
_It all grows quiet, insignificant_  
_I'm nothing more_  
_Than recycled stardust and borrowed energy_  
_Born from a rock, spinning in the ether_  
_I watch my life backwards and forwards and I feel free_  
_Nothing is real_  
_Love is everything_  
_And I know nothing"_

Arthur was everything in this moment, there nothing else and as Iris allowed him to hold her in a time of need she felt nothing else mattered. He warmed her like a blanket on a cold night and she never wanted to let go.

Iris was trapped in Arthur's deep, green and expressive eyes and as she was locked in his powerful gaze she could see...she could see everything...She could see years of suffering, but when his dark brows creased the skin in the middle of his forehead she saw something so sincere that it almost took her breath away. His eyes suddenly became bright and vibrant as he continued to look into her dark eyes and although she could clearly see pain and anguish painted in his eyes, she saw something different when he stared into her eyes. She saw a tragically beautiful soul, that had been caged his entire life come to life when his eyes met hers.

The eyes she saw in this perfect moment were not the same eyes she saw when he was staring blankly out of the bus window, no, they were full of life and illuminated by her essence. Their gaze could only stay for so long before they were engulfed in a kiss. The water on their bodies felt so warm and comforting, but the heat of their kiss was enough to burn an entire city to the ground. 

** _End Chapter 21: From Fear to Fascination 🥀_**


	22. Lips of Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a new experience that he never thought would have, not even in his dreams...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this will he a treat I promise!

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 22: _Lips of Passion_**

Iris looked at him again with a kind disposition and said, "You know what's funny, a fucking police officer hit on me last night" 

Iris was laughing, but she quickly saw a change in Arthur's expression and her smile faded. "A police officer?" he asked sternly. 

"Yeah, don't worry baby he was just asking about some break ins that have been happening in the building" 

"Oh...ok", Arthur said, as he ran his finger through his drenched locks, took a deep breath and looked away. Arthur

looked very displeased and Iris was confused. Arthur turned to face her again and smiled at her, but it was not his usual soft smile, it was different, ominous. "We should get out" he said, as he shut off the water and stepped out and snatched his towel off the rack. When Iris got out he seemed to be avoiding looking at her and asked if she had an extra toothbrush. 

Iris wrapped her arms around him from behind and said, "Yes I do my love" 

Arthur didn't respond to her embrace and was very stoic. Iris let go of him and grabbed him her extra toothbrush. He wet it and put the toothpaste on it, still not uttering a single word.

Iris felt awkward so she kissed his neck and went back into the bedroom. She dried off with the towel she used earlier and got dressed. When she finished brushing her hair she began to fix her makeup again and finish applying the final touches. When Arthur walked in he saw that Iris just continues to put her makeup on and not acknowledge him. 

Although Arthur knew it was rediculous he still felt a stab of jealousy from hot blade of insecurity. He knew she was very attractive and had no idea why she would be into him in the slightest so he immediately felt possessive, but he knew he had to push those irrational feelings down. He sat on the bed, ran his fingers through his hair again nervously, sighed and said, "Iris...I'm sorry I acted strange. You're just so beautiful and you could have anyone you want, so I felt insecure about another man making a pass at you"

Iris finished putting on her deep maroon lipstick, turned to him and said, "I understand those feelings Arthur, but I have no interest in anyone but you and honestly, I almost never have interest in anyone because they either bore me or there's just no deep link, but you...you have brought me to life, Arthur and I need you to know that"

Iris walked over to him, sat down and while wrapping strands of his wet thick hair she said, "Arthur, there is no one else...only you"

Arthur felt bad for his attitude towards her over something so crazy. He looked at her with bright, innocent eyes and wrapped his arms around her tightly and spoke to her in a soft tone that was laced with his deep, gruff smoker's voice saying, "I'm sorry Iris"

The way he said those gentle words to her made her melt. She ran her fingers through his faded green hair and kissed his head. Iris had been so caught up in the moment that she had nearly forgotten about what she heard earlier on the news. She wished she could wipe it from her memory, but to no avail.

As her precious Arthur held her tightly and felt the soothing sensation of his thick, silken hair between her fingers and the way it had such a lovely mixture of green still with his true color on beneath some of the green that nearly matched his eyes. She couldn't shake what had pierced into her fantasy on her radio. She was silent for a while and Arthur asked her if something was wrong and he looked up at her with those adorable puppy dog eyes and she just wanted to squeeze him, but she simply had to ask him...

Iris almost couldn't bring herself to say anything while he was looking at her in such an endearing manner, but she looked away for a moment, sighed and said, "Arthur...the news was on the radio today and it was about you..." She stopped suddenly and felt anxious.

"And?" Arthur said as he kissed her neck, making it even harder for Iris to finish what she was saying. She choked back tears and finally released what was plaguing her mind...

"Arthur...they were saying...they were saying that you may have also murdered someone named Randall and...your own mother while she was in the hospital" 

Iris finally stopped averting her gaze and directly into his eyes, but now he was the one who looked away. Arthur simply could not lie to her...

"Yes...yes, it's true Iris...I can't lie to you"

Iris knew what he was, so she knew she shouldn't be surprised. She knew ever since she came to his rescue what he was, but she scooped him up, along with all his problems and murderous reputation, nonetheless. 

Arthur saw she looked very upset and she pushed him away from her with minor aggression. Arthur sighed and said to her, "Iris...you knew what I was didn't you? You saw me on the television and even though I know it may not justify what I did, Randell was a horrible blemish on society and my mother...my mother..." 

Arthur had to stop for a moment because he was starting to feel choked up at the very mention of his mother. Iris finally looked right at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Your mother, what?"

Arthur was trying to hide his tears from her, but Iris could see that he was very distressed and even though she knew what "right" thing to do was tell the police, but she wanted to hear what he had to say and actually _listen _to him and give him the chance to be heard for once in his life, without it being forced. A chance that most people in a lot of have pain have had to suppress until it would just boil over and cause irreparable damage. Arthur should have had that chance as a child and into his adult life and been able to grow as a person without toxic obstructions suffocating him almost to death.

Above all else, she didn't want to have to walk away from this passionate yet dangerous love affair with the man that held her very heart in his blood stained hands. Her mind took a backseat once again, so she stood, put her hand on his shoulder so that he would turn his beautiful face to look at her with those captivating, shimmering, green eyes. Her heart strings simply could not put a stop to the powerful melody that played for him...and it played for him alone and it was such an ecstatic sound, that it drowned out any of words of a warning that may be trying to knock at the entrance of her mind. 

Arthur didn't turn his head at first because he didn't want to Iris to see the intense pain in his eyes. "Tell me" she asked and with that Arthur looked back at her. Her eyes stared into his as if you tell him he could trust her and with hesitation he finally parted his lips and spoke.

"My mother is main reason I turned out this way, Iris and I know that must sound cliche, but it's true..."

Iris saw he was breathing heavier and seemed very distressed because of the subject matter so she brought him to sit down on the bed with her. "Arthur, you can tell me anything" 

Arthur felt her warm hand grasp his and it made him feel safe. "She was very mentally ill and abusive and a lot of the horrible things she put me through had been buried away in my mind for most of my life until very recently" Arthur had to stop again because of how much the subject of his mother seemed to cut into his heart so deeply that it made it hard to even speak. 

Iris squeezed his hand and said, "It's okay, take your time Arthur" Arthur gazed at her with troubled eyes full of tears and she could see that they were tears from many years of suffering that could fill an entire ocean. The depth of his sorrow was surely something that even herself could not fully comprehend. As she held Arthur's hand and placed it on her lap she saw him put the back of his other hand over his mouth in an attempt to barricade his anxious laughter from breaking through his quivering lips. He could only last for so long until a small, sorrowful giggle came up. Iris still held his hand and simply tried to comfort him the best to her ability. 

As Arthur's excruciating laughter increased he still kept putting his hand over his mouth in a feeble attempt to stop it even though he knew it would not suffice. The once forgotten memories of his childhood seemedto be rising up from depths that for too long have been smothered by to protect him. Very much like trying to bury a monstrous, hateful human being who was still alive, but for the safety of his mind had to be temporarily put to rest. 

Iris watched in pure agony as Arthur was now doubled over absolutely hysterical and laughing while also sobbing in between. Iris rubbed his back, feeling so helpless as she listened to his suffering and how painful it sounded as he gasped for air in between his insufferable bouts of laughter. She pressed her cheeks to his back and hummed a song softly, trying to calm him down. 

Arthur had tears practically pouring down his face and in a lot of pain from laughing. His ribs were on fire. As he felt the warmth if Iris' soft cheek against his back and heard her soothing voice humming his laughing started to gradually slow down and transition into a few brief cries. He would apologize in between sobs and Iris simply kissed his back and said, "You're okay baby, it's all okay"

Iris went to grab some tissues off of her nightstand and handed them to Arthur. He was still not facing in her direction, but he took the tissues and wiped his nose and face, but still would not turn around, but Iris just put her arms around him from behind and continued to hum softly to him. She was humming "My Funny Valentine" which was a special song to him since he was only a boy, untainted and still pure. 

Arthur's breathing began to steady as he focused on the pure sound of Iris' gentle voice that radiated through his anxious mind and body, enveloping him in a warming blanket of trust. She placed her hand on his again and this time allowed her to lace her fingers with his. He sniffled, had a few more short, distressed laughs until finally they finally came to a halt. 

As Arthur was finally catching his breath Iris was covering his back in soft kisses and he was, at last, ready to speak....

Arthur's voice was low and gruff sounding, but also so sad and innocent which was such a strange combination, but Iris understood completely. Arthur took a deep breath, wiped his nose again and said, "The things my mother did to me were unspeakable and the worst part...the worst part about it is that she was my world for years...I took care of her, but...she deceived me..." Arthur's voice broke and he unlaced his hand from Iris' and ran his fingers through his hair. 

Iris played with his hair and kissed the back of his neck and whispered, "Whatever she did to you, Arthur doesn't have to shackle you anymore.. I'm here..and as insane as most people would think I am...whatever you've done, god help me,_ I still love you" _

Arthur heard what she said to him, but his mind kept flashing to his memories with Sophie that had been fabricated by his battered brain and how it was too good to be true and hence it was not. Lonely was an understatement of how removed from other people and the joys most of them seemed to have, but the happiness he wanted above all...was the exquisite and blissful joy of sharing a true bond with a romantic partner. He used to be walking to the bus stop, heading to yet another day of ridicule, stress and exclusion at his job, and see people holding hands and being affectionate with eachother and his heart hurt because he knew it would never happen for someone like him. Although now it has happened he still is terrified of her lying to him or all of it being a sick joke. 

Finally, Arthur turned and faced her, with eyes that were glazed over and his lips parted and the words that had been hanging on them almost ever since her met her finally escaped. "Iris, I need you..._please don't leave me"_

Iris looked at him, now with tears in her eyes as well, and said nothing but gently gripped the hair on the back of his head and smothered all his fears and insecurities in a single kiss. When they stopped, Iris softly stroked his cheeks with the back of her hand and said, "Arthur, I will never leave you and now that I've found you I can't imagine a life without you" 

Arthur felt tears stream down his cheeks as he stared into her intensely, sincere eyes and he held her and put his head in her lap and finally allowed himself to release some of his pain and cried. Iris combed through his hair with her fingers and grasped his hand and said, "it's ok Arthur, you don't have to hide or pretend with me. There's no need to ever hide behind a mask when you are here with me..."

Arthur was not just crying, he was sobbing and squeezing her hand. Iris knew that whatever happened between him and his mother must have been horrific and she just wanted to comfort him. He needn't speak of her ever again if that is what he chose. She simply wanted him to know that he his loved and not alone. 

Iris found herself wondering if Arthur's life would have been completely different had she attempted to talk to him more on the bus instead of judge him and avoid him. She wished she had.

Arthur started to calm down as Iris stroked his hair and hummed softly for him. His ribs were really hurting and he wanted to ask her if she had something for the pain. He finally lifted his head from her lap, sat up, didn't utter a single word and just started kissing her. Iris felt a warmth in between her legs that she could never begin to describe and she instinctively stuck her hand underneath his towel and ventured in between his legs while they kissed. 

Their eyes were closed, absorbed in a perfect dream, and Arthur's eyes then widened when he felt the touch of her hand on his manhood so unexpectedly. Arthur still was not used to being touched this way, or at all for that matter so it may take time for him to not flinch when he is touched in a sexual manner, but Iris knew that. 

Iris kissed his forehead and softly assured him that he was safe and he closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of her breath on his face and he instantly relaxed. She asked him permission to continue touching him down below and he responded by pressing his face into her neck and sighed saying, "_Absolutely" _

Iris smiled, kissed his head and asked him to lay on the bed as she gripped at his phallus which was now almost all the way hard. He couldn't even answer her because his words got lost in an exquisite moan. The way she touched him was pure poetry and the most incredible part was that she did not just touch him for empty lustful reasons, she touched his body in an indescribable way, almost the same way she touched his heart and soul and it was phenomenal. 

What Arthur was not aware of was that Iris' intention this time was not to have him inside her, but rather to have him deep inside a different part of her. Iris removed the towel that clinged to his boney hips and she got all the way onto the bed and took his hand as if he needed her to guide him into some unknown realm of ecstasy and unbridled passion that was unknown to him.

The look on her face made Arthur feel excited, but also awkward inside because of his lack of experience and that she looked too sexy and breathtaking and he felt he appeared the complete opposite. What he loved most was actually that she looked rather wicked, almost like a succubus that had an immense power over him and it aroused him even more. She looked hungry for him and he has never seen a look like that for him in the entirety of his existence.

Arthur went to climb on top of her and she stopped him, smiled and told him to lay on his back. "Sure, okay" Arthur said, already feeling stupid, as if he made an obvious mistake. When he got on his back, Iris looked at him again with flaming eyes and he watched as she did not get on top of him like he thought she was going to, but instead grasped his large erection. His eyes widened as he watched her lick it. Just the sensation on her tongue licking the base of his hard penis made him moan and drop his head onto the pillows. Even though it felt amazing, Arthur stopped her and said, "Iris...I-I-I've never had oral sex before"

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur felt so embarrassed. He was trying to catch his breath, but he just could not believe that she was doing this for him. He almost wanted to lie to her, as not to look foolish, or look like less of a "_Man" _but he just could never lie to this glorious woman. Her tender lips on his erection was enough to make him release right then and there, but he didn't want to embarrass himself. He's 37 years old and she's 23, but yet she knows so much more of the beautiful pleasures of the sensual touch of the body. 

Arthur Fleck dreamed of moments like this, but all he mostly ever had was his left hand to pleasure himself, accompanied by his vivid imagination. This moment, though, was better than anything he ever imagined and could not believe that a gorgeous, young woman would even dream of putting her soft lips around his manhood. If he was dreaming, he hoped he would not wake up.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Iris cocked her head to the side and said, "Oh baby, it's okay, you'll really like it I promise" Arthur was nervous, but it was mostly because he almost felt guilty, as if she didn't really want to or that nobody would want to for that matter...

Iris kissed his stomach and said, "Just lay back and relax, baby" 

Arthur was hesitant, but when she began drag her wet tongue across his shaft again he couldn't help but lay back. She gripped his unbelievably firm manhood and slowly wrapped her lips around his tip and slid further down and heard Arthur release a perfectly exquisite moan. When his tip hit the back of her throat he raised his arms behind his head and gripped the pillow tightly, as if it was just too pleasurable for him to handle. He had no idea what he had been missing out on his entire life and he couldn't believe this was happening when he was not blackout drunk, or at all for that matter.

Arthur tilted his head back with his eyes closed, his hands still gripping the pillow, mouth open, unable to control the sounds that exited it. Iris slid her mouth up and down slowly at first, but soon started to quicken her pace and Arthur tilted his head even further back as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and grabbed the pillow beside him and put it over his face to muffle uproarious sounds of ecstasy that poured out of his mouth. 

Arthur heard Iris gag a couple of times and when she did it again he took the pillow off his face and said,in between gasping, "Iris, are y-you alright?" 

Iris had to try very hard not to laugh at how adorable he was being, plus her mouth was occupied at the moment anyway, so she simply looked up at him with her large, brown, doe eyes and gave him a thumbs up. Arthur waited for a second to make sure she was okay, but only for a few seconds because her lips felt so amazing on his cock that he couldn't even stay sitting up. He raked his fingers in his hair as he felt himself draw closer and closer to bursting inside of his beautiful women's perfect mouth. 

Iris was now going even faster and her hand that was on his stomach could feel how it moved up and down and how his body quivered as she nearly sucked the life out of him. His toes curled, his body tightened and he felt as if he weren't even on this plane of existence. He put his hands over his face and he knew he could not hold it any longer...

Iris felt his firm penis hit the back of her throat one more time before she heard Arthur cry out loudly and his pelvis thrust forward a few times and Iris felt him release himself in her mouth. She loved it and Arthur could tell from the way she groaned and swallowed his entire load that burst out of him like water from a broken dam. 

Iris ran her fingers down his flat stomach as she released her warm mouth from his still hard penis and Arthur just laid there trying to catch his breath. He had his hands on the sides of his head trying to take in the unimaginable orgasm that she her sweet lips had gifted him with. He lifted his head and saw her looking at him with a devilish smile stretched across her face. 

Arthur suddenly felt a slight twinge of guilt, as if he had made her do something she had no desire to do. Iris licked her lips and gazed upon his face of disbelief with eyes that that glowed with satisfaction. She soon saw that he had a look of shame etched on his face and she cocked her head to one side, laid on her side next to him and asked, "What's wrong, honey?"

Arthur stared at the ceiling, giggled nervously and said, "I guess...I feel bad, like you did something you didn't want to do because pretty much no woman has done that for me or would ever want to for that matter"

His voice sounded hoarse and gruff and she loved the way it sounded. His voice clearly sounded like someone who has been a heavy smoker for years, but Iris found it to be rather endearing and sexy.

Iris twirled strands of his gorgeous, thick hair, playing with the green strands and twirling them together with some of the brown ones. She absolutely adored his hair the loved every curl and loved how his natural color intertwined with the vibrant _Joker _green, much like his personality. She kissed his nose and said to him, "Arthur, I wanted to. In fact, I've wanted to ever since I laid you on my couch that night and you told me I was pretty"

Arthur looked at her almost blushing and laughed because he had almost no memory of that night. He just couldn't believe such a beautiful and fascinating woman like her would want to do such a thing. "Actually..." she stopped and smiled coyly for a moment and Arthur became anxious, expecting her to utter words of regret or disgust. She stared right at him and said, "I had no idea you were so, well, _big__"_

It took Arthur a moment to comprehend what she meant and once he did his pale face became flushed. He grabbed a cigarette from her nightstand, lit it and began to laugh. "I never really thought that" he said as he exhaled smoke from his nose and mouth. 

"_God, he's fuckin' sexy"_ she thought, watching the way he could hold the cigarette so perfectly in between his lips. She just wanted to be all over him at all times and the fact that he didn't even think he deserved it made her desire him even more.

Arthur may be unaware of the fact that even though he thinks Iris is a beautiful goddess, she mirrored almost all of the same feelings he has about himself and that she is odd and undesirable. She was just as flattered that he deeply desires her as he is that she desires him. 

Arthur got lost in his head for a moment, smoking his cigarette intently and staring off into space. Iris snapped him out of his daze when she brought her face close to his ear and nibbled his earlobe. Arthur smiled and said, "Yes?"

Iris knew his mind was miles away and she also knew that with people like him that usually wasn't any sort of normal or healthy reflection, it was almost always rumination. She knew because she often did it too. Rumination was almost all Iris knew. Reflection was almost nonexistent to her and she could only assume it was for him too, so when she stared at him as he smoked and stared off at nothing with eyes blank eyes she knew he was stuck in a whirlwind of endless possible doom in his mind.

Iris smiled at him sweetly with soft, sincere eyes, kissed his neck and cooed softly in his ear, "Come back to me Arthur"

Arthur finished his cigarette, put it out on her ashtray, leaned in close to her face and kissed her lips. She closed her eyes and dug her fingers into his hair, taking in the warmth of this moment. When they released from their passionate kiss Arthur looked at her with the sweetest eyes she's ever seen, his dark brows curving in a way that made his brilliant green eyes glimmer with sincerity and said, "I adore you, Iris" 

Iris smiled, kissed him deeply again and their lips parted she said to him, "I adore you too, Arthur Fleck"

_October 31st has come....🍾_🍸🍺🍷🥃🤡👻🎃🤢🖤

** _End Chapter 22: Lips of Passion_ **

"_Love, is it real love? It's like smiling when the firing squad's against you_  
_And you just stay lined up"_

🥀


	23. The Dance of Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris finally asks her love how he would feel about going out for Halloween. Arthur falls more and more with her and finds that he might do just about anything for her, even if it was risky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter is very cute and lots of fluff, but it's always the calm before the storm? Next few chapters will be a little more intense, but here's some romantic fluff and beauty 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 23: _The Dance of Escape _🥀**

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Iris wanted to stay there in bed with him all day, but she also knew Arthur needed to do some deep breathing again and she also had just remembered that today is October 31st and she wanted to see if Arthur would be up to going out, otherwise she would just stay in with him of course. She put her clothes back on and sat down to help Arthur do some deep breathing.

Arthur was laying down on his side feeling even more sleepy than he did earlier and just as he felt his eyes begin to close, Iris tugged on his ankle and said, "Hey, I know you're tired baby, but I really, really can't let you stay in bed all day and I gotta have you do those breathing exercises or you could get pneumonia"

Arthur grunted and tried to protest, but eventually he reluctantly sat up. His ribs were still very sore, but a little better than yesterday, still nonetheless, he asked her for some ibuprofen. Iris, of course, said she would certainly give him some, but she gave him a condition. 

"First, you have to take some deep breaths with me okay?" She asked.

Arthur did what she asked even though it was painful and he just wanted to go back to sleep. There was a part of him that wanted to sleep not just because he was physically tired or physically in pain, but he also felt foggy and depressed. He was overjoyed to have met such a love as Iris, but a lot has also happened this past month and he almost felt as though he didn't even know who he was anymore, or that he ever really did. 

Iris saw that familiar faded look deep within his eyes, so took his hand and said, "Arthur, even though this world may have tainted you or even me in some way, right now, at this moment you are here with me and I love you"

Arthur looked at her with tired eyes and smiled at her. She kissed him and went to go him some ibuprofen. Arthur grabbed another cigarette and heard her ask him if he wanted coffee. His mind felt so slowed down that he had to think for a moment, but after he took his first drag he exhaled saying, "Yes, thank you" 

Iris remembered she also needed to do laundry and wash her clothes, but also wash at least Arthur's underwear and socks because he had nothing else. She decided she would wash some of her things with his socks, underwear and his button down. 

Iris got him some ibuprofen with a glass of water, put the coffee pot on and practically skipped back to the room to be near her Arthur again. She saw Arthur sitting on her bed naked, smoking a cigarette and she considered trying to have her way with him yet again, but didn't want to wear him out. She handed Arthur the water and the pill and went over to get something out of her drawer as he swallowed down the ibuprofen. 

"Do you mind if I smoke, Arthur?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder at Arthur. He shook his head and thought it was an odd question considering he was smoking and that they have smoked together many times already. When she turned around he saw that she was not lighting a cigarette, but joint. He laughed and said, "Oh, that's what you meant"

Iris took an long drag and held it in for a moment. She saw him smiling at her as if she had done something amusing. She turned her head away from him, exhaled and asked him, "I'm sorry, did you want me to stop?"

Arthur was not really into drugs and even when he drank he would get way too drunk and get very sick, but he thought it was somewhat endearing when it came to her for some reason. "No, not at all...I just think you're cute" Arthur said bashfully, as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

Iris blushed and thought the way he smiled softly like that and the way he would look down for a moment as he spoke was the sweetest thing she had ever seen in her entire life. She swore she could hear the sound of violins playing heart wrenching music in her mind when he would look at her in such a precious way. She sat down on the bed and immediately laid her head on his lap and stared up at him with eyes that smiled. He gave her a smile back that was the epitome of contentment. 

"You look like you have something on your mind" Arthur said, as he played with her long hair. Iris smiled mischievously at him, took a long drag off her joint and said, "Well...I do..."

Arthur saw the look on her face and could see that she seemed hesitant and said, "What...what's wrong?"

Iris sat up, scooted in close to him and said, "Well, today is Halloween and I was wondering...I was, well, gonna ask if...if"

Arthur saw she was having some difficulty finishing what she wanted to say and immediately thought it must be something awful. Iris saw how his face suddenly looked very worried so she kissed his cheek and finally spit it out, "I know you won't want to, which I understand, but...would you want to go out tonight...for Halloween?"

Arthur did not expect her to ask him such a question. He had not gone out for Halloween in years and although it was very intriguing and he would love to get out and have some fun with Iris, he was afraid of getting taken away by the authorities. "Iris...I would love to, but...I would be arrested"

"I know this sounds insane, but when I went out to get cigarettes yesterday I saw that literally everyone was either wearing clown masks or had their faces all made up to look like a clown and some even had their makeup done like yours, plus everyone else will be dressed up too, but we can stay here of course too baby"

Arthur looked at her and then looked away for a moment, trying to take in everything that she was saying. He grabbed another cigarette and smoked a few drags in silence.

Iris almost felt bad that she even asked. She did not want him to think that because she asked he was obligated to do it, or that he had to pretend he wanted to. She knew it was extremely crazy, but Iris did not have a very sane train of thought most of the time. Iris was about to tell him to forget it, but then he leaned down, kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear, "I would love to my Iris"

What he would not tell his dear love is that even if he did get arrested it might be best for her and all the more reason to show her a fabulous time, as if it were his last day on earth.

Iris was absolutely thrilled. She smiled from ear to ear, took another drag and said in a high pitched tone, "Oh Arthur, you won't regret it!" 

Arthur coughed a bit when she blew smoke in his face without realizing it and she laughed and said, "I will keep you safe" 

Iris heard the coffee pot beep and she dashed to the kitchen to grab them both coffee. She shouted from the kitchen asking how he liked his coffee and he simply said, black. Arthur was now starting to think about the fact that he had no clothing to wear other than his suit from a few nights ago and he knew that would be a bad idea. He wasn't sure how this was all going to work properly, but he was more than willing to try. 

"Oh, I'm going to wash your socks and underwear baby okay?" She called out to him.

"Thank you", he softly called back.

Iris came back into the room with two cups of coffee and put them both on the nightstand. Iris got on the bed and laid in his lap again, looking up at him grinning and she let out this laugh he hadn't heard come out of her since they met and it was happy, yet loud and sort of untamed sounding, almost more of a cackle. She almost sounded wicked, but it thrilled him.

Iris took her last drag of her joint and laughed that same wild laugh again as smoke came out of her mouth, but Arthur turned his head away this time. She was very lively suddenly and got up and started looking through her closet. Arthur watched in amusement and thought she was just an unfathomable being, with a gorgeous darkness in her that drove him mad. 

Arthur lit another cigarette and just watched as she searched her closet and talked to herself incoherently. "Ah hah!" she at last, as she turned to Arthur holding a black dress in front of him with a big smile on her face. It was a beautiful dress. It was all black with tiny skull and crossbones embroidered onto it and lacey, thin straps. He couldn't wait to see her in it. 

Iris held it in front of her and the way she smiled at him like a wild and free being, unchained and untainted by the robotic structure of society, made his heart almost burst. He couldn't believe she was really here right in front of him smiling at him in such a way that was not deceptive. He knew that it was not in an insidious manner made to fool him, but an authentic and beautifully mad way that shined down on him warmer than the rays of the earth's sun. 

Iris was full of excitement and when she saw the way Arthur's eyes lit up when he saw her hold the black dress in front of her body she smiled even wider, opened her mouth, stuck her talented tongue out and winked at him. He was awe struck. Her inner suffering was being pushed away by his presence.

_"Wow",_ he thought to himself.

He wanted to capture this very moment in his mind forever and keep it safely put away so that it could bring him joy during dark moments. He could not remove his eyes from her ecstatically beautiful madness that was sculpted in her face. He still felt shy around her at times, like a teenager, but when he looked down smiled timidly as he smoked his cigarette almost down to the filter, he felt Iris' soft hand under his chin as she lifted his head to look up at her.

She winked at him and pressed her lips to his and his eyes closed as he automatically grabbed her torso, pulling her closer. She straddled him and when their lips finally pulled away from eachother, after a few failed attempts, she gazed deeply into his bright green eyes with the most gripping eyes and said, "Arthur, baby...I can't wait to see you _as...Joker"_

Arthur's smile faded when she said that. He was intrigued and flattered, but he was not sure if she truly knew what she was saying. She saw him looking distant and said, "Baby, it's okay I'm just being playful. I just thought you looked so sexy dressed like that when you danced"

Arthur looked at her for a moment lost in his chaotic mind, but chose to simply smile at the woman that held his heart in her hands and say to her, "Thank you, Iris"

Iris got off of him reluctantly and asked him, "Do you have your makeup with you?" Arthur laughed at her and said, "No, silly"

Iris knew that was a stupid question, but she wasn't sure if she still had her good Halloween makeup from last year. "I figured as much" she laughed. Iris went over to her nightstand to sip some of her coffee and then grabbed another joint out of the drawer and she saw Arthur laughing at her as she lit it. 

Arthur never liked weed, but when he saw her with that joint tucked in between her crimson lips it almost looked tempting. Iris grinned at him and said, "What?"

Arthur laughed and said, "Nothing...I almost want some, but I've never been very into getting fucked up...I'm already pretty fucked up and when I do get fucked up, I get _way _too fucked up" 

Iris just thought Arthur looked so precious, especially the way he lowered his head timidly and the way his long, black lashes looked when he did that. Her heart danced for him. His lashes are long and the way they curve slightly upward at the ends made her blush at the very sight. They were like Harp strings, made to produce beauty. 

"What?" Arthut inquired, as he looked up at her with an endearingly shy smile. 

Iris suddenly realized she was zoning out and snapped herself back into the present.

She looked stricken with guilt. "I can put it out, baby" 

Arthur smirked and shook his head saying, "No, no, I don't mind it at all, Iris. You look sexy doing it anyway" 

Iris normally would try and limit herself to one joint in the morning and no more until later in the day if at all, but when she gets excited like she has been she will usually smoke or drink more than usual, almost as if she was trying to hang on to the scarce feeling of joy for dear life. She often didn't feel this elated, so she wanted to celebrate in a sense. She subconsciously just wanted to feel good forever and never let it go and being intoxicated almost made it seem like, perhaps, it could go on forever. 

Arthur was cold so he put his robe back and put her comforter over his skinny legs. 

Iris took a couple of more hits and was really feeling it. She suddenly dashed over to the radio on her nightstand on the other side of her bed and switched on the radio. The news came on immediately and she quickly changed the station to find some music and after some time of trying to find a song she enjoyed she came across the perfect song.

Iris couldn't believe that this particular song just happened to be playing in this exact moment, almost as if the universe gifted it to her. Iris walked back over to her other nightstand and put her joint out. She stood in front of Arthur, extended her hand to him and said, "Dance with me, _Funny Man" _

Arthur heard the song that was playing and it spoke to his heart in numerous ways. It was "My Funny Valentine" by Ella Fitzgerald, which was a song he played often throughout his childhood, especially during the dark times and there were times he used it to drown out the sounds of chaos in his home. It was that made him feel safe. He almost felt he would cry as he looked up at this amazing woman who held her hand out to him with warm and welcoming eyes. 

Arthur was hesitant at first, especially because he felt rediculous in her robe, but Iris took his hand and pulled him to his feet. He had a half smoked cigarette in his other hand and as he pressed his chest to her and laced her fingers with his she took his cigarette, took a drag and smiled at him gleefully. When she exhaled she put the cigarette out on the ashtray and began to move her body to the sweet sound of the song that they equally adored in different ways. 

Arthur felt stiff and awkward at first, but as the warmth of her smile touched his heart he felt his body loosen and flow with the song. Arthur obviously loved dancing and was quit good at it, but he was nervous about looking a fool in front of his perfect woman. 

Iris moved her feet to the song and she saw Arthur was now smiling beautifully at her and the melody of the song and the beauty of the lyrics sunk into his mind and body. He suddenly came to life and he moved perfectly with her to the song. He even twirled her and then pulled her body to his. 

Iris was in heaven. She was very high and with the combination of the marijuana and the natural high she got simply from looking at the mysterious man, she felt she was on another plane of existence. She was in love with the way he suddenly took control.

As the song came close to the end he dipped her and his eyes were on fire with a boldness that she had not yet seen. Iris almost fell apart when he leaned in and kissed her. She felt as though she were in a film that sparkled with passion on the silver screen.

The song ended, but the powerful link between them did not end and Arthur lifted her back up to him, twirled her and brought her back to his eager face for yet another perfect kiss.

Arthur could only hope the rest of this beautiful Halloween would not go awry and shatter this perfect dream the way the opening eyes of reality often did, especially for someone like him...

_"Behold the way our fine feathered friend,_   
_His virtue doth parade_   
_Thou knowest not, my dim-witted friend_   
_The picture thou hast made_   
_Thy vacant brow, and thy tousled hair_   
_Conceal thy good intent_   
_Thou noble upright truthful sincere,_   
_And slightly dopey gent_

_You're my funny valentine,_   
_Sweet comic valentine,_   
_You make me smile with my heart._   
_Your looks are laughable, un-photographable,_   
_Yet, you're my favorite work of art._

_Is your figure less than Greek?_   
_Is your mouth a little weak?_   
_When you open it to speak, are you smart?_   
_But, don't change a hair for me._   
_Not if you care for me._

  
_Stay little valentine, stay!_   
_Each day is Valentine's Day_

_Is your figure less than Greek?_   
_Is your mouth a little weak?_

  
_When you open it to speak, are you smart?_   
_But, don't change a hair for me._   
_Not if you care for me._   
_Stay little valentine, stay!_   
_Each day is Valentine's Day"_

"_My Funny Valentine" written by: Lorenz Hart / Richard Rodgers_

**End Chapter 23: _The Dance of Escape _**

** _🥀_ **


	24. The Intruder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Iris are entangled in pure bliss and something puts a wedge between that and her sweet Arthur Fleck may take a backseat....and Iris may be in danger, but not from Arthur, but from what repercussions could come from Arthur acting out. He is very protective over her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last chapter may have been a bit boring, but this one gets intense and I really hope you enjoy and leave a comment if you wish 🖤

_ **Beautiful Chaos 🥀** _

**Chapter 24: _The Intruder _🖤**

Arthur almost took her breath away when he lifted her to him and kissed her in such a way that made her feel as though she would fall to pieces all over her bedroom floor. Arthur smiled at her and Iris mirrored the same smile with the same jubilant manner. Iris almost looked as though she had tears in her eyes, but yet her lips smiled. Arthur did not fully understand this...he thought it could only be one or the other, never both. It puzzled him.

Iris had tears in her dreamy eyes, but they were the very rare tears that were pure and untainted. She saw Arthur looking rather confused as he held her and she wrapped her arms around him, giggling and said, "Arthur, it's alright, I'm happy...I don't know if I've ever been this happy"

Arthur closed his eyes as he held her body against his and felt tears sneak up on him as well. He had not been this happy in his entire life either and he held onto her tight as if something was lurking around the corner to snatch her and the serenity she brought him away from him. As his eyes were closed while he embraced his love he suddenly had a flash in his mind of a dark figure sneaking up behind Iris, but, it had no face. He quickly opened his eyes so that he could stay here in this perfect moment with this almost unreal woman and breathe in her very essence like oxygen. She was his lifeline and he was hers...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur has never been in a relationship before, so most people would have either been in many by now and have gotten married, or been in a long term relationship with someone. He was 37 and had not had any of the normal experiences, the good and the bad, that people learn from dating and having a partner, so he might as well be that same awkward boy in high school who only dreamed of being with a pretty girl that he would be able to hold hands with and kiss tenderly. Even having intimate sex for the first time made him feel the way most boys would have felt in their teenage years. 

Now, even thinking about her velvet touch on his bare flesh made hot blood rush to his loins and fill his boyish heart with pure excitement. Iris, even though she was 14 years younger than him, certainly knew much more about sexual experiences, but were both very much like little kids, living in a dream. Iris had more carnal experience, but Arthur had a bit more experience of the harsh realities of life especially with everything that has happened these past few weeks. 

What Arthur also was not aware of, or ever knew to even _be_ aware of, was that codependency can often be a huge problem between two live wires like Iris and himself. Iris, on the other hand, was very aware and has always found herself drawn to exciting, yet dangerous men that had beautiful, vibrant souls full of life, but shrouded by a dark cloud. Growing up, chaos was a regular in her family and so was being bored easily by the norm. She did not think she would fall for this man, but even still, she saught out a murderer and brought him back to her apartment and took care of him like she would an injured sparrow. 

Arthur, though fragile and gentle, was not a sparrow, he was much more like a beautiful, iridescent crow from an Alfred Hitchcock film. All her lonesome and fanciful eyes could see was someone hurt, helpless and misunderstood, laying in an alley all alone...with the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. She knew what she saw on the television that same night and knew what he was, but...he certainly wasn't boring and his soul was _alive _in a world full of robots. He was a rarity indeed.

Even though Iris took him home and helped him, it would not change what he had done, or how doing things that he's done _change _someone permanently. The thing is, someone can mean well helping a venomous snake and nurse it back to health, but when the snake sinks it's toxic fangs into it's rescuer they may find themselves being shocked, but...nursing a snake back to health will never stop the snake from being what it is...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur had her sit on the bed and he sat beside her and kissed her forehead. He held her face in his hands and made the sweetest face. He smiled, but his handsome, dark brows lifted slightly, drew closer together and his already large eyes widened, making him look like an innocent feline. Iris thought it was the most endearing thing she'd ever been privileged enough to gaze upon in all her years of existence.

Her mouth curved into a smile fit for a blushing bride and the tears of that her deep brown eyes had been swimming in, finally fell and she said, "I wish I had talked to you all those times I saw you on the bus, Arthur...You're truly a dream come to life"

Arthur and Iris both were looking into each others eyes and had smiles on their faces as their noses touched. Cupid's arrow had truly struck Iris right in the heart and dragged her to this forbidden, handsome stranger the very second she brought her binoculars to her curious eyes. 

Arthur had also been stuck right in his lonely heart with Cupid's deliciously, deadly arrow the second his weary eyes saw her face in the darkness and in this instance, Iris was, in fact, the "Knight in shining armor" and the second she helped him up in his delirious state he felt he had been lifted into another dimension. It was a dimension where he was safe and loved, which were things he never knew. 

Iris and Arthur kissed, cuddled and held eachother for a while before she went to do some laundry and she returned, she saw that Arthur had fallen asleep again. She was had put her clothes and some of Arthur's in the washer, only his socks and underwear because she didn't want anyone to see his Joker uniform, and was now waiting for them to finish. She softly and quietly walked into the bedroom, trying not to wake him. He was curled up, holding one of her pillows to his chest, with some of his face buried into it as well.

Iris could hear him breathing calmly and he sighed sleepily every now and again which made her into mush. When she carefully sat down on the bed beside him he didn't move. He was in a deep sleep from being so tired, along with all the abuse he had put his body through these past few days or so. 

Iris could not resist, so she grabbed her Polaroid camera from her dresser and gently sat down beside him again. She watched him for a moment and sane how his eyes were moving rapidly from beneath the cover of his eyelids and his brow would furrow occasionally. She wondered what he must have been dreaming about, or perhaps, it was something Arthur would never want her to know.

Iris lifted the camera close to her face and snapped a quick photo, but the sound made his eyes open quickly and he woke up in a panic. He sat up, gasping and looking around, as if he was about to be attacked. Iris felt so bad and put her hand on his thigh and said, "Arthur, I'm so sorry. It was just me"

Arthur saw her ernest eyes and he held her hand and said, "I'm sorry"

"Were you having a bad dream?"

Arthur was used to having a night terrors, but did not want to make her sad by telling her the nature of his nightmares. He looked at her and simply said, "Yeah, but I'm okay now"

The way his glimmering, bright green eyes gazed right into hers as he said that he was okay, seemed to tell her that she was the reason he was okay. He never had comfort from others until now and he felt he wanted her to know what a gift she is in any way he could, whether it was with words, touch, or even a soft gaze into her doe eyes. 

Iris wasn't sure if he was really okay, but he leaned into the nook of her neck and let out a sigh of relief. She played with his hair and when he looked at her lap he saw she had a camera with a photo of him sleeping next to it. He felt he looked rediculous and ugly, but he laughed anyway.

Iris wasn't sure why he was laughing, but she realized he saw the picture of him asleep and she laughed too. "What? I think you're so cute when you sleep"

Arthur reached over to the nightstand to get a cigarette and as he lit it he giggled and said in a sleepy-sounding, raspy voice, "I've never even known what I look like sleeping until just now and I do not think it's _cute"_

Iris laughed when she saw how embarrassed he looked and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She smiled as she watched him lay back onto the pillows and giggle. Arthur yawned and stretched his skinny body, but flinched when he felt his ribs ache again.

Iris stared at how incredibly skinny he is and asked, "Hey, want something to eat? I can make something"

Arthur never thought much about eating until he felt he would almost collapse if he didn't, but he saw the sadness in her eyes and said, "Sure"

Iris knew he did not really want to, but she was so worried about him not eating, especially if he was going to drink tonight with her. "Okay, I'll make some eggs or something" 

Arthur smiled at how caring about his well being made her so happy and enthusiastic. He never knew anyone could care about him in such a way. 

While Iris was in the kitchen making food it was still hard for him to stay awake, even though he tried. He can't remember ever being so tired like this, but it may also be that he has been tired like this many, many times in his life, but never felt he could truly just _rest._

Arthur nodded off, after several failed attempts to stay awake and he was once again curled up on her bed sleeping and right before his eyes had closed he felt immense comfort because he could hear Iris' velvety, beautiful voice singing away in the kitchen and he was in heaven.

When he was on all those medications he remembered some would make him feel like he was just faded out all the time, or like he would fall asleep any time he even sat down. He knew he was never to consume alcohol on his meds, especially since he took benzodiazepines at one point because the combination could be deadly, but that made him want to do it more at times.

This time, though, he was just exhausted and beaten and was in a safe place with a safe person for once, so he was finally able to just close his eyes and not feel any fear of what might happen if he was off his guard. The sedative from last night had also taken a lot out of him and his body still felt very sore. 

Iris made some scrambled eggs and toast and once she was done she was very excited to bring it to him and she hoped he would like it, but she remembered she had to go get her clothes out of the dryer.

Once she quickly got her clothes and came back she felt so excited to eat with Arthur. She knew that since Arthur had not said a word that he had probably fallen back asleep, so she was not surprised when she saw him passed out on her bed again. She put the two plates of food down on the nightstand where the ashtray is and knelt down next to her sleeping Arthur. Tilly had also joined him and was curled up above his head on top of the pillow. She gently moved some green and brown strands of curls out of his face and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

This man that people were terrified of looked so different to Iris, especially at this moment. Even when she found him and he was asleep on her couch she only saw a scared, lost soul that was too good for this world. Iris gently whispered in his ear, "Arthur...it's time to eat"

Iris smiled as she saw his eyes slowly open and admired how long and pretty his lashes are. He turned his head to face her and he smiled and said groggily, "I'm sorry I keep falling asleep"

Iris ran her fingers along his sleek hair and said, "No need to be sorry for being tired, silly" 

Once Arthur sat up, he immediately reached for a cigarette and Iris stopped his hand with hers, stared at him and said, "Eat first"

Arthur saw the food on the nightstand that she made for him and he actually took a bite and saw the joy it brought her, which also brought him joy. She sat on the bed with him and they both ate together and it made her so relieved to see him finally eating. He even finished the plate. 

Once Iris finished hers she kissed him and handed him a cigarette. He lit it and said, "Thank you for making me food, Iris"

Iris giggled gleefully and simply kissed his forehead. Even though Iris and Arthur were tangled in a splendid moment of sacred serendipity, the moment was quickly put to a halt when Tilly dashed off the bed when there was a knock at her door. They both stared at eachother with wide eyes and Iris gave Arthur a peck on the cheek. Arthur could feel his anxiety spike as he heard the knocking continue. Iris held Arthur's face in her hands and said, "Arthur, just stay here and I'll shut the door okay, baby?"

Arthur nodded his head nervously and watched Iris as he she walked out of the room as if that was the last time he would see her again. He hoped with all of his black heart that the knock on the door was the police. He knew that if that were the case he would hope they would just leave, but he knew that very well may not happen. Most of all, he did not want Iris to suffer any horrible repercussions from the law because she was helping him.

He smoked his cigarette anxiously and he really wished he had clothing to put on, but his clothes from the other night were still in her bathroom. That was another thing he thought of, was that his clothing from when he murdered Murray Franklin were on her bathroom floor and his shoes were in her living room. His leg was starting to bounce up and down and he just kept smoking, hoping would not laugh. He heard Iris open the door and it sounded like it was a man at the door.

Even though Arthur wanted to try and be on his very best behavior, his eyes kept glancing back and forth to her nightstand drawer where he sneakily saw her put her pistol the day before. He took another drag of his cigarette, ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

"_You need to be good...she needs you to behave" Arthur told himself._

Arthur stamped out his cigarette butt on her ashtray and grabbed another one. He started to pace back and forth, taking a drag almost every 5 seconds and was trying hard to take his mind away from the thought of opening that drawer. He crept up closer to the door cautiously, trying to hear what was going on. 

He heard a man's voice and whoever he was, he sounded angry. Arthur took a long drag of his cigarette, trying not to make a sound and the man was arguing with Iris and seemed to be calling her names. He heard Iris yell back at him addressing him as "Johnny" so he, at least, knew now that he must not be a cop, but this man sounded like he was upsetting his woman and he didn't like that...not one bit...

Iris wished she hadn't answered the door. It was her nasty ex boyfriend, Johnny that she dated for about 8 months and they lived in this apartment together at one point, but he was a drunk and made her do all the work and take care of him as if he were a child. He was mentally abusive and when he was very drunk it would get physical, too. They had gotten together at a very fragile time in her life. They started dating a year after Marcel passed away and they broke up about 4 months ago. The truth is, Iris wasn't sure she even ever really loved him, but was only filling a void.

Johnny was wasted and was cursing and yelling at her about her seeing another man. Apparently he had heard from her nosey neighbor that she had seen him with a man the other night. As Johnny got closer to her and continued to raise his voice she kept glancing back at her bedroom door, hoping with all her might that Arthur would keep his cool. 

Johnny got right in her face and was screaming belligerently, "You were with another man, don't fucking lie to me!" 

He was now shoving her and the Iris pushed him back, trying to fight her urge to grab a kitchen knife and end his pathetic existence. He was out of his mind and pushed her even harder and Iris knew Arthur was hearing all of this and she kept thinking about the Murray Franklin show and all the things she heard on the radio earlier and she was panicking for a number of reasons now. Above any other reason, though, was that if her Arthur did anything there was a great risk he was would be snatched away from her and she just could not allow that to happen.

Arthur was standing by the door smoking yet another cigarette and he just could not allow her to be treated this way, but did not want to scare his woman. He heard Iris screaming at him, begging him to leave and he could tell she was in tears. 

Iris ran to the bathroom to try and just get him away from him as she had done many times when they lived together. She went in the shower and cowered in the tub with the curtain closed. She heard him come in and say, "Don't walk away from me!" 

Arthur heard him say those words and at that moment he felt timid, little Arthur that had allowed himself to be stepped all over in whole life, fall away and he was gone. He took another drag of his cigarette and instantly walked over to her nightstand and opened the drawer. He stared at the pistol for a short moment as if trying to listen for a voice of reason, but even if there was one he would not bow to it's whim, not anymore. The small flicker of any self control completely vanished from his intense green eyes and his hand grabbed the pistol. He smiled for a moment when he saw it was the same as his.

Arthur heard a loud noise and he quickly checked to see if it was loaded and he was very pleased to see that it was. He held it in his left hand as if it were something precious and he quietly walked to the door and pressed his ear against it and waited like an ambush predator in the wild. 

Meanwhile, Iris shrieked when her horrific ex boyfriend yanked the entire curtain and the rod off and grabbed her arm tighly and harshly pulled her out of the tub towards him. She begged and pleaded for him to just leave, but what he did not know was that the main reason she needed him to stop was that she knew Arthur may not be able to contain himself and deep down, she did not want him to. She knew he was a sweet, timid and tender man, but that was just the side that she saw and she did not want Joker to awaken and cause irreparable damage. 

Arthur was going to just burst through the door in a blind rage, but he stopped for a short moment and rummaged through Iris' closet for something to conceal his infamous face. Arthur was skinny and had a small frame, so he knew he would probably fir into a jacket or something of that sort that she may have.

Arthur found a black zip up hoodie that he had seen her wear practically since they met. He quickly put it on and lifted the hood over his head. It smelled like, like his muse, his lady, his reason to live...and now his reason to_ fight..._

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

**End Chapter 24: _The Intruder_**

** _🥀_ **


	25. The Bow and the Heart Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur can't contain his beast anymore and knows his heart and soul, his lady, is in danger and he needs to stop it. Will it be detrimental to their relationship? Or will it somehow make them closer in some way? Or will the police finally drag him away....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really worked hard on this and I'm so sorry for the delay. Comments would be appreciated if you enjoy it. ♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🖤**

**Chapter 25:_ The Bow and the Heart Strings_**

_Sometimes containing a beast that dwells within _

_Causes too much pain to it's master than allowing it to be unleashed_

_It can only be chained for so long before the beast will take drastic measures _

_And even if the chains are too strong to break_

_The beast will chew off it's own hand just to be free_

_And the chains that bound him will cease to exist _

_The interesting thing about those chains was that_

_They were never meant to be chains at all_

_But over an extended period of the beasts cries being ignored _

_They soon became horrid screams full of rage _

_The chains were once a place of comfort _

_But they could only be a comfort for so long before they became a hindrance...._

_The beast was not really a beast at all_

_But the child's cries fell on deaf ears for far too long_

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

Johnny pulled Iris to him he saw some clothing shoved in the corner of her bathroom next to the toilet and the flames of murderous jealousy grasped onto his easily influenced and intoxicated mind.

"I love you! How fucking could you?!" 

Before Iris could even utter a single word to this drunken scum he had her in a choke hold. Strangely enough, she still had empathy for him and wished he would just try and get some help, but, perhaps, for some there is no help.

Johnny had severe bipolar and could be a very bright and exciting man, but for him all the years of abuse in his life had only led to blind rage and years of drinking himself into oblivion. Some people on this small dot labeled earth are so tainted by the unnecessary pressures that society has pushed upon most of them, that they do not change or learn from their suffering and they become rotten. Johnny was one of those unfortunate souls and she simply could not help him.

Iris could smell the liquor on his fiery breath as he held her tight and she felt as though she were a rodent trapped in the coils of snake, very much like their entire relationship.

He held her tighter and she squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth. His insane mind flipped a switch suddenly, as if often did, and he loosened his grip, backed away from her towards the door frame and started to cry and apologize. Iris was trying to catch her breath. She wanted to tear him to shreds. 

As Johnny backed away closer to the door frame he was about to pointlessly apologize to her with a malicious intent, as usual, but Iris saw slender arm wrap around his neck and she saw a trail of smoke follow Johnny as he was pulled to the side, out of her sight.

Iris could hear Johnny kicking and gasping for air. He sounded like she did, when he had her in his scornful grasp.

She watched in shock as blood seeped into the tile floor of her bathroom where she stood stiffly with her mouth agape in utter disbelief. It happened so fast that Iris felt frozen. It was like watching a suspenseful film where the eager viewers sit on the edge of their seats, biting their nails, glued to the screen. If only it really was just a film. Iris was so trapped in the moment that she didn't even hear herself scream, "_Arthur no!" _

Iris backed further into the corner and put her hands on the sides of her head and just kept crying out "No, no, no!"

Arthur Fleck was nowhere to be found in this very moment and Joker had awakened and wad pumped with blood full of unadulterated fury. He had Johhny in a choke hold, squeezing him; his lit cigarette still placed perfectly in between his lips. He lifted his prey to his feet and squeezed him tighter. Iris could now see what was happening.

Her love, her man, her gift from the universe, was suddenly not there and she saw Joker and something she saw as her precious Arthur pulled a corkscrew out of her ex lover's thigh, was that all the insidious clown makeup and the eccentric clothing meant nothing. This was not a game anymore, this was a real life horror film happening right before her awe struck eyes and with warm tears streaming down her face, she clutched her chest and murmured, "_Joker..." _

Johnny was struggling, but Arthur did not release his coils. Johnny had now become a tiny insignificant mouse that crossed the wrong path in the black of night and was now nothing but an easy kill. Iris could see Arthur's nose and mouth, but his dark brows and breathtaking eyes were hidden under the shadow of a black hood. She watched in horror as she saw Arthur holding Johnny with her own loaded pistol to his demented head. 

Johnny looked at Iris with eyes full of terror, but he couldn't speak. She couldn't move...she didn't want this to be real. Only hours ago they were making love and dancing gleefully with eachother and now this fascinating, yet deadly extension of Arthur, had taken the wheel. She saw the pistol pressed against the side of Johnny's head, the deep crimson blood soaking right pant leg, and saw how it seeped out of the place where her lover had plunged her very own corkscrew into his thigh and all she could do was cry and beg her Arthur to stop, if he was still in there somewhere...

What was left of Arthur started to hear his lady's cries and the way she pleaded, but _Joker_ was not yet finished with his prey. Arthur took one more long drag of his cigarette and as Johnny whimpered and cried for his life, Arthur gritted his teeth in blind anger and pressed the hot cherry of his cigarette onto the side of this intolerable man's face. Johnny tried to scream, but Arthur put his right hand over his mouth and breathed into his ear and said in an almost demonic tone, "Don't ever come back here again, because if you fucking do, I will put my thumbs into your eye sockets and make the rest of your face _unrecognizable _"

Iris' pounding heart finally began to slow down with the relief that the other half of him took the reigns for a moment. He wasn't going to kill him and that made her feel so much better. Even after seeing the man she just had inside of her put his cigarette, that he had managed to keep perfectly tucked in between his thin lips, out on the side of her abusive ex boyfriend's cheek she still wanted him more than any words could even begin to describe. 

Arthur's change in his tone of voice was very apparent and she could now tell the difference between Arthur and Joker. They were two halves that make a whole and Iris knew she would have to learn to love them both.

Iris watched as her abusive ex boyfriend squirmed and whimpered like a disobedient dog with a choke chain on and there was a part of her that bloomed with satisfaction. 

All those months of this repugnant man's abuse and the way he cared about the bottle more than her and all of his relentless stalking even after she ended it suddenly slipped away. He would surely never bother her again and even though she wished it didn't have to come to this, she was partially glad it did. 

Joker was alive and well, especially in the sly way he spoke. He put his mouth right to Johnny's ear and said gruffly, "Do you understand me?" 

When Johnny kept looking at Arthur's devine woman and still not responding to what the true alpha male said, Joker strongly grabbed the hair on the back of Johnny's head and growled, "Here, let me help you" He then used Johnny as a puppet and made him nod his head forcefully. 

Johnny was crying and Joker was becoming impatient, so he pulled the hammer of the gun back with his thumb, bringing a chamber into perfect alignment with the barrel, and said to him in an ominously playful tone, "That's funny, I could of sworn I asked you a question, so I'm gonna need you to answer yes or I will be forced to pull the trigger and spray your useless brains all over the place" 

Iris was silently crying, shaking her head and whimpering, _"No...please don't"_

Iris suddenly saw her Arthur glance at her from beneath the shadow of the black hood and she saw his effulgent, ocean green eyes lock with hers. She just looked him with tears in her eyes, shaking her head, mouthing _Please, Arthur..._

His eyes were sharp and intense and glowed with murderous intent. His eyes almost had the same glint in them that a wolf's eyes have in the bright headlights of a car, as he peered at her so intensely that she could swear he was peering into her very soul. His brows knitted slightly and he knew he had to stop. His only reason being simply that she asked him to and he knew all too well what it was like to be around horrific violence that was no fault of your own. 

It was the same way he looked at little Bruce Wayne that day that he went to Wayne Manor and became angry at their butler and his hurtful scoffing. He remembered seeing Bruce's young, innocent eyes looking at him and he suddenly saw himself and his heart hurt for him, so he released his potentially deadly grip from that useless man and took off.

In this moment he looked at Iris with the same empathy and he knew he needed to stop, even though his rage urged him to continue. 

Thankfully, her stubborn ex boyfriend finally answered Joker and said "yes" Joker let go of his hair and was now practically dragging him into the living room and brought him to her balcony. 

Iris dashed out of the bathroom, stepping over the blood on the floor and yelled, "Don't!" 

Iris ran to the balcony as soon as she saw Joker bring Johnny out there. She thought Joker was going to push him off the balcony, but thankfully she was incorrect. With a lot of struggling, Joker put the pistol into his pocket and he hissed into Johnny's ear, "_You're lucky..."_

The way he said those words gave Iris chills for more reasons than one and she instantly felt ashamed. He was so intense just like he is with his_ love, _his passions, his words and even his anger. Even in his voice you could hear the years of holding back and being stepped on dwindle away as he became anew, thanks to his other half that had been there for many years, but Arthur just had not manifested him yet, until the last month or so.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Iris still thought he was absolutely _beautiful, _even in his intense anger and the way he just let go and really, Johnny could have killed her and instead of calling the police that would only provide a temporary solution, Arthur came to her rescue. She only truly feared that Arthur would have to be _taken _away from her.

Johnny is the main reason she had to obtain a gun and she had to do it illegally, but it was _necessary..._

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Iris was on the edge of her seat. She didn't know what her lover was going to do to him, but somehow she knew that when that glimmer of her Arthur shined into her own eyes, that he was not going to kill him and she was right...

Joker released Johnny and allowed him to pathetically climb down the fire escape and he watched his prey limp away out of the alley.

Thankfully, there was no one around to see anything, but Iris worried that Johnny would tell the police, but knowing him, she seriously doubted it because Johnny had a couple of warrants out anyway. 

She also saw that despite the blood, his wound wasn't that bad and knowing Johnny and the way he lives, he would simply wait it out and drink the pain away and with all the riots and insanity in the city she doubted anyone would notice it much. She still greatly feared her reason for this new electrifying life force that this intensely beautiful man had brought about in her, would be yet another wonderful thing stolen from her.

Iris saw the trail of her abusive past lover's blood on her apartment floor and she was just in absolute shock. It all happened so quickly that it almost as if it weren't real. When she was watching her beautiful Arthur suddenly disappear, she felt fear. The fear she felt in her heart was not the natural fear that she would witness a murder, but that her Arthur would be taken away from her in more ways than one. 

In one way this insidious Joker side of Arthur had taken him from her and in another way, she was utterly terrified that he would literally be stolen from her by the law. As mad as it may sound, what she truly was petrified of the most was him being taken away from her by the authorities and not his wicked side devouring him. She loved every bit of him, even the sharp, jagged pieces and she loved the tender parts of him. 

Iris knew that even though he possessed a bow that played splendiferous music when it met her fragile heart strings, that his bow was rough. The roughness of his bow mattered not when it met her longing strings because the music it produced with the two of them combined was untouchable and was their life line. A perfect harmony...

Not that long ago on this all Hallows Eve morning she was holding him and dancing with him beautifully. When she held him tight she could hear a powerful symphony of love play and echo all throughout the walls of her mind, but when she saw Joker emerge she heard the symphony's orchestra transform into a painfully dark and ominous tone, but, somehow...it was still beautiful to her. 

The violins in her mind that played such fanciful music of love suddenly became shrouded in blackness and the bows that once played songs of love and passion on her heart strings were now changing. The bows dragged across the strings with a painful harshness, making the music become that of a horror movie, but, perhaps there could be an equally incandescent symphony from the two combined. She still thought any song that came from his essence was something of exquisite beauty....

**End Chapter 25: _The Bow and the_** ** _ Heart Strings_ **

** _🥀_ **


	26. A Tale of Tethered Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris is very upset with Arthur, but she is also grateful that he came to her rescue. She thinks he took it too far, but at the same time she finds herself wanting him even more and this frightens her...
> 
> Arthur wants nothing but for her to be safe, happy and loved. He wants her forgiveness, but she does not seem to want to give it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! This chapter I worked hard on and reviewed very thoroughly so I hope it's enjoyed. I'm not sure anyone reads this or likes it much lol but I do. Enjoy!
> 
> 🖤🥀

**Beautiful Chaos 🖤**

**Chapter 26: _A Tale of_** ** _ Tethered Hearts _ **

"_Love_  
_I said real love, it's like feeling no fear_  
_When you're standing in the face of danger_  
_'Cause you just want it so much_  
_A touch_

  
_From your real love_   
_It's like heaven taking the place of something evil_   
_And lettin' it burn off from the rush_   
_Yeah, yeah_

_Darlin', darlin', darlin'_   
_I fall to pieces when I'm with you, I fall to pieces_   
_My cherries and wine, rosemary and thyme_   
_And all of my peaches (are ruined)_

_Love, is it real love?_

  
_It's like smiling when the firing squad's against you_   
_And you just stay lined up_   
_Yeah"_

_🥀_

Iris saw Arthur walk back inside and he pulled back his hood, revealing those same damn eyes that had pierced her right in her heart with cupid's sharp arrow. Those eyes are that captured her that night when she knelt down before him, helping him light a cigarette, and she shivered just thinking about it.

The way he slowly looked up and and captured her with his exhausted, bloodshot eyes that spoke volumes; the way his cigarette hung lazily from his blood painted lips and the way his eyes begged for _love_. She wanted to give it to him immediately, but simply could not and even though she did end up falling down the rabbit hole with his beautifully, mad soul...she almost wished she _hadn't...almost._

Iris thought about how much her heart sang for his and suddenly felt overcome with rage. 

She hated that she just couldn't stop loving him even though he was 5'8" of pure danger and a fascinating dark, radiance that she could not free herself from. She did not know what else to do except point all her confusion and inner anger right at the very man that caused it. 

Arthur saw how she was looking at him and those dark brows; that she adored so much, suddenly knitted together, molding his face into that of remorse. He had absolutely no remorse for what he did to that man, but for how he made the woman he loves, with an amount too great for this entire universe to fit, feel unsafe and upset. He just lost control and his other half plunged his fangs into him and Arthur was gone...

He had music in him and sometimes it played a wild and deadly tune that only played in his rambunctious mind.

Arthur dared to take a few steps forward to get closer to the object of his affection. Each small step he took, he took with caution. He could see how her punishing eyes leered at him, red and glazed over with furious tears. The way he looked at her, with his head slightly bowed, was almost like a disobedient child awaiting his punishment for his bad behavior. He came even closer and saw the way way her fists were tightly clenched at her sides, knuckles white. 

Iris didn't want to look at him because she knew that if she did; she would be locked into his tainted, but beautiful green eyes that glimmered like diamonds and those same violins that dragged harshly across her fragile heart strings would begin to play a different melody.

Iris watched as Arthur tossed her pistol on the floor and walked closer to her with a slightly quickened pace. 

Iris suddenly dashed to grab her pistol and pointed it right at him with tears streaming down her face. Arthur froze and still took a few steps forward. 

"Why did you do that?!" She croaked, her voice breaking. Her hands shook, but she did not drop her guard. She even went so far a as to bring her index finger to the trigger.

Arthur looked down and simply looked back up at her with pleading eyes that almost made her heart melt. He said nothing, but he didn't need to. She could see it all in his eyes, hence, she lowered her gun and began sobbing. She felt she was going to fall apart.

Her arms suddenly felt weak and she dropped the pistol; put her hands over her eyes crying hysterically and right as she felt she was going to crumple to the floor, she felt Arthur's slender, yet strong arms wrap around her writhing body.

Arthur held onto her as her knees buckled and gently knelt down as she crumbled to the floor. She tried to push him away, but he still held her as she cried. She began to weakly hit the sides of his arms, but just couldn't bring herself to use enough force to truly harm him. She was in too deep now and there was no way out. He had her heart tethered to his. 

Arthur watched this magnificent woman; that he loved more than anyone, or anything in existence; shatter to pieces right before his very eyes. All he felt he could do was let her cry and simply hold her. Each piece of her that fell to the floor was a part of her, which meant that each little fragment that he witnessed fall to the floor were not only pieces of her, but pieces of himself. 

Iris was becoming exhausted and felt drained from all the horrid stress and emotional pain from the terrifying scene that she just viewed. She was mad at Arthur, but most of her anger was truly coming from within and all aimed at her, as if Cupid's arrow had suddenly become poisonous. She also was trying to ignore the sheer fact that part of her wanted him, even, _needed_ him to get that man away from her and out of her life.

Johnny could have killed her and Joker just may have saved her life and for that, she was grateful. Perhaps, much of her upset was from being reminded of what her lover is and that he is not just a soft, brilliant and loving man, but an unhinged and wild man who could never be domesticated.

Arthur still did not not release her from his embrace and he could feel her breathing begin to slow and her body became more relaxed. He said nothing; there were no words, no excuses, nothing that he could say to justify frightening her the way he did. Arthur could now feel her head begin nuzzle in to the crook of his neck. He felt her fresh tears against his skin. He still held her and he was not about to let go. 

Iris pulled herself up and got right in Arthur's face and slapped him harshly across his sorrowful face. He was shocked by the impact, but he understood why she acted out and struck him. It hurt, but not nearly as much as his heart hurt, knowing the pain he caused her.

She acted out in violence because she just could not find the words and felt she was going to burst under the pressure of the mere thought of her fears coming true. Arthur deeply undersrands hat feeling and he knows he is a wanted man and cannot be taking risks like that, but he also could not risk anything happening to her either; so that, they have in common. 

Arthur almost looked scared and pitiful, as he put his hand on his cheek; feeling the sting of her anger burn his face. She hit him surprisingly hard and little did he know; Iris instantly regretted it and felt bad for causing him pain.

He looked like a dog that had been _"bad" _and she was the disapproving owner. He even had an innocent look in his eyes that seemed to say to her "_I'm sorry, can you ever bring yourself to forgive me?" _

Iris pushed herself up; leaving Arthur looking up at her, looking small and pitiful. She bent down and brought her face right to his, their noses almost touching and said, "I'm not talking to you right now....I'm angry"

Arthur looked down shamefully, brows knitted together in guilt and said to her, with a soft yet husky voice "I know you're angry....I just wanted to protect you..."

Iris almost became puddy in his bloody hands the second he uttered those words, with that same tone that made her heart overflow with immense love and adoration. She was glad he protected her, but he took it too far and she couldn't stand to have him taken from her. 

Iris moved away from his face, glowered down at him and said, "I know Arthur... but...you could have been taken away from me...and I won't go through that again because you were being reckless"

As soon as she said "_Again" _Arthur instantly thought of the urn sitting quaintly on her nightstand with the name _Marcel _beautifully engraved on it. He wanted to ask, but now was not the time.

Arthur sighed heavily and got to his feet and tried to put his hand on her shoulder, but she recoiled.

"I am so sorry, Iris...you are the kindness human being I have ever met and I am sad that I hurt someone as beautiful as you"

Iris could only look into his green eyes that glowed beneath his thick, dark brows for only a short moment before she had to look away. She _knew_ that if she stared into them for too long she would be captured. She could not allow that at this time. She needed him to know that she was angry and that she would not enable such behavior, but most all...she needed him to know that she could not bare to lose him.

Arthur ran his fingers through his tousled hair and suddenly grabbed hold of her and held her lower back, pushing her torso against his. She looked at him with wide eyes, like a deer trapped in his effluent, green eyes that nearly blinded her like headlights. Her heart rate immediately began to speed up and all she really wanted in this moment was to pin him against the wall and ravish him. 

Arthur kept his hypnotic eyes fixed on hers and he would not avert his gaze. He needed her to love him and never stop, even if it meant forgiving his unforgivable behavior. Iris could feel the heat between them and the fire that burned down below as he thrusted into her. She almost quivered, she wanted him so bad. She noticed something new seemed to have awakened in Arthur that he did not possess before he met her and had himself deep inside of her. He was addicted and so was she.

Iris knew that if she kept staring deeply into his fluorescent eyes; she would crumble in his arms, helpless, but she could not let that happen at this time. She could not lead him to believe that his behavior should be rewarded. 

Arthur felt her body tense up and felt an unbelievable pain in his heart when she released herself from his grip and stepped away from him. Iris glared at him and said, "I'm going in my bedroom, grabbing my things and I'm going out and you are going to stay here. Whatever you choose to do at this point is not my problem, Arthur" and with those seemingly harsh words, Iris stormed into her room, leaving Arthur standing there as if he had been stranded on a deserted island...all alone.

When Iris stormed into her room; she immediately glanced at Marcel's urn and suddenly had the urge to smash it and curse his very name for leaving her. She thought of Arthur and how beautiful souls often leave this world too soon.

Iris has often thought deeply about being free from this world; just like many other misplaced souls that wonder about, trapped in shells that block them from their true potential. 

Iris was so full of pain and emotion that she just couldn't hold back, so she burst back into the room; where Arthur stood, anxiously lighting a cigarette. 

"Arthur..."

He perked up immediately and looked at her with wide, hopeful eyes; his cigarette hanging from his lips, nearly falling out of his mouth. 

Iris glared at him with tearful, blazing eyes and began to walk towards the couch; the very same one he slept on very recently and then stopped, her eyes still fixed on him. He watched glare at him and point to the couch, with a shakey hand.

There was madness in her tears and she abruptly walked over to Arthur, grabbed his face and cried, "Look at that couch, Arthur...look at it!"

Arthur saw the immense sorrow and grief in her eyes and he felt it hurt his heart too, just from looking at her. She turned his head to make sure he looked at it and let go.

"That is where a beautiful soul left this earth and is now that pile of ashes, stuffed into an urn in my fucking bedroom!"

Arthur wanted to take her pain away and hold her, but she did not seem to want that. 

"Marcel died on that couch while I was at work, with a needle in his arm, Arthur..."

She tried to speak more, but started to sob and when Arthur tried to hold her she resisted, but very weakly. He hugged her and let her be angry and even let her shove him harshly away from her a few times because he knew she was in a world of pain. She shoved him one more time; nearly knocking him over, still crying hysterically.

"I know it's different, but you're rare and somehow you found me and I don't want you to be gone...please..."

She was sobbing and done resisting, so she now allowed Arthur to hold her as she cried out in agony. He now knew the tragic tale of _Marcel..._

He put his cigarette in the ashtray on the coffee table and walked back in front of her.

Iris was still angry, but, for now, allowed Arthur to give her comfort and the support she never truly had. He held her close and spoke into her ear with that same gruff and gentle tone, saying, "_Iris..you were the one that found me...and I think you're truly and angel"_

With those words he felt her grip tighten and her fingers were digging into his back, but he didn't care...

It began to rain outside and he still held and let her cry until she felt she was finished. The sound of the rain brought some comfort to them both; in the same way that that their two bodies warmly embracing, brought great comfort to their wounded hearts.

"_Oh, be my once in a lifetime_

_Lying on your chest, in my party dress_   
_I'm a fucking mess but I_

_Oh, thanks for the high life_   
_Baby, it's the best, that's a test_   
_And yes, now I'm here with you and I_   
_Would like to think that you would stick around_   
_You know that I'd just die to make you proud_   
_The taste, the touch, the way we love_   
_It all comes down to make the sound of our love song_

_Dream a dream, here's a scene_   
_Touch me anywhere 'cause I'm your baby_   
_Grab my waist, don't waste any part_   
_I believe that you see me for who I am_   
_So spill my clothes on the floor of your new car_   
_Is it safe, is it safe to just be who we are?_   
_Is it safe, is it safe to just be who we are?_

_Oh, be my once in a lifetime_

  
_Lying on your chest, in my party dress_   
_I'm a fucking mess but I_   
_Oh, thanks for the high life_   
_Baby, it's the best, pass the test_   
_And yes, now I'm here with you and I_   
_Would like to think that you would stick around_   
_You know that I'd just die to make you proud_   
_The taste, the touch, the way we love_   
_It all comes down to make the sound of our love song"_

Song by: Lana del Rey 🖤

**End Chapter 26: _A Tale of Tethered Hearts 🖤_**

** _🥀_ **


	27. Devastation and Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this has a huge nsfw scene in here and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it *swoon*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lust, lust, lust...that is all lol
> 
> OH AND IM SO SORRY I LEFT THIS OUT CHAPTERS AGO BUT...IRIS IS ON THR PILL SO ARTHUR CAN CUM IN HER. 
> 
> I will go back and add that lol. I'm so sorry

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 27: _Devastation and Desire_**

**🥀**

**"**I want a little sugar in my bowl  
I want a little sweetness down in my soul  
I could stand some lovin', oh so bad  
Feel so funny, I feel so sad

I want a little steam on my clothes  
Maybe I could fix things up so they'll go  
What's the matter daddy, come on, save my soul

I need some sugar in my bowl, I ain't foolin'  
I want some sugar in my bowl

You been acting different I've been told  
Soothe me, I want some sugar in my bowl

I want a little steam on my clothes  
Maybe I can fix things up so they'll go

  
What's the matter daddy, come on, save my soul

I want some sugar in my bowl, I ain't foolin'  
I want some sugar  
In my bowl

-Nina Simone 🖤

🥀

Iris allowed Arthur's loving arms envelop her in a blanket of comfort, but her mind soon began to race again and she pulled away from him. She stared into Arthur's devastated eyes and she felt bad...

It was not his fault that Marcel died and she knew that, but she was angry at the terrifying fact that she truly had no control over others and what their fated were to become, not even Arthur's.

Arthur saw the pain in her eyes and he touched the side of her cheeks and said softly, "Iris..."

Iris suddenly felt her adrenaline spike, as if she were in immediate danger and needed to run for her life and even though she was not; perhaps her heart was.

"Arthur, don't...It's not your fault that I suffered a great loss...but, I-I have to go"

Iris began to turn away, but was stopped by Arthur's tight grip on her hand. She wanted to jerk her hand out of his, but she was simply frozen by his magnetic touch. He saw her devastatingly beautiful face turn slightly to him and her large, glassy eyes pierced his own and he felt his body shudder.They were both stuck like statues for a moment; their eyes both speaking their own unique language to eachother, without the assistance of any vocalization.

Sometimes there are no words, only _feelings..._

Arthur saw the way her eyes were wide and her chest began to move up and down faster the longer he stared at her and gripped her resistant hand. Her mind was being smothered by fear, but her heart could feel his pulling her to him and the more she tried to let fear take the wheel, the harder it was to fight what her _body _truly desired. 

Arthur's body felt transformed ever since he made love to her and now he felt he wanted it merely from the touch of her hand, or just the sight of her exposed collarbone that stood right above a perfect breast. He never wanted to ever be without it now he has had a taste. 

Making love to Iris was like taking that first bite of a sweet strawberry in the summertime; such perfect bliss and pleasure. Her luscious body had truly brought him a confidence he had never known and with a woman such as Iris, that he knew actually desired him too, he knew that the pleasures of the flesh would no longer be scarce.

He wanted to taste her again and he _knew _she felt the same, even if her pretty-little-mind willed against it. He felt a confidence surge through his entire body that equated the same immense and new confidence he felt when he danced his heart out on those stairs days ago. 

Iris turned her head away from his powerful gaze and made another attempt at walking away again and felt her heart jump when Arthur grabbed her wrist tighter and pulled her body to his. She was breathing heavily, staring at him; both her wrists now being gripped tightly by his hands and her she was going to use her racing adrenaline to shove him away from her, but her carnal urges took over.

Before she knew it, she was kissing him deeply; feeling the hot sensation of his tongue intertwining with hers and feeling his hands release her wrists and pull her torso against his groin. 

When their lips were parted from eachother Iris looked at him with starry eyes and said, "God, I want you so bad, Arthur"

Arthur suckled on the side of her neck, feeling her racing pulse against his lips and breathed into her ear, "I _know"_

His low, smoker's tone of voice in her ear, make her body tremble. She could not believe this was the same timid man she had seen sitting awkwardly on the bus all those times. He was wild underneath all that guarded shyness and beautiful beneath that morose, pale complexion.

Arthur and Iris locked eyes with eachother, breathing heavily, for only seconds before they were all over eachother; simply _ravenous _for eachother. As Arthur's left hand squeezed her soft right bottox and his other cupped her perfect left breast, he couldn't help but think about how he had often thought of how her backside looked when she would walk past him; so beautifully round and ripe.

He lost count how many times he had touched himself simply thinking of her, but it was not crude or dirty and he respected her. He thought she was an incredible woman, with a fantastic body that he longed to touch. Even thinkng of the way her calf would look sometimes when she would cross her legs sitting on the bus, staring out the window; completely unaware at how she made his mouth water. 

Iris was raking her fingernails, roughly through Arthur's hair, moaning passionately when she felt him reach down her shirt and slightly squeeze her firm nipple. She began to nibble on his earlobe and she breathed her hot breath into his ear saying, "To _hell _with the consequences, Arthur...just take me"

Iris felt Arthur's penis harden against her thigh almost instantly after she said that and Iris gasped erotically in response. Her thrilled hand traveled down south and she grasped his erect phallus without hesitation; her bedroom eyes staring at him as she did this. 

He pressed his cheek against the side of her neck and he released a hitched moan of ecstasy when her grip on his cock tightened. He couldn't wait anymore, so he rabidly began to remove her clothes and she helped him remove his, leaving their bodies both naked and free like their hearts.

Arthur and Iris began kissing again, even faster this time, like fiends who hadn't seen the opposite sex in decades. "I fucking love you, Iris", Arthur breathed as he put his hands on the side of Iris' face, his gleaming eyes peering right into hers. 

"I love you too, Arthur" Iris said, feeling his eyes practically pierce her heart with their beauty. Arthur smiled at her, looking soft again and Iris smiled, too. 

Arthur stared for a bit before he was touching her curvaceous body again, feeling the amazing sensation of his cock brush against her thigh as they pressed their nude bodies against eachother.

Arthur suddenly seemed to become playful and pushed her away from him, but smiled at her mischievously. Before Iris could try and touch him again he grabbed her by the sides of her shoulders, pushed her close to the couch and shoved her onto it.

Iris loved it and she loved it even more when he climbed on top of her, kissing her breasts and sucking on her nipples. She was soaked and Arthur was rock solid. "Just get inside me, baby", Iris moaned.

Arthur kissed her cheek and said, with a husky voice, into her ear, "It would be my greatest pleasure, my dear"

Iris had to stifle a scream when she felt his length thrust into her with a more powerful, dominant force than last time. She dragged her nails across his back as she felt him thrust deeper inside her.

Arthur leaned over her and was biting her neck, which drove Iris wild. 

It was as if nothing had happened. As if Arthur didn't just stab her ex boyfriend, as if their wasn't blood on her apartment floor and as Iris' dear Arthur Fleck was just her boyfriend and not someone she was keeping hidden from the world like a drug addiction. 

Arthur's eyes rolled back into his head, feeling weakened by how intense it felt to be sliding in and out of her. She was so wet that he didn't know if he would make it much longer without bursting inside of her. 

Arthur was kissing her again, but pulled back when she had to move his mouth away from hers to release an exquisite moan; her fingers pulling at his hair on the back of his neck. He knew what that moan meant and that's when he finally released himself and nuzzled his face into the side of her neck as he came.

He slid out of her and they both looked at eachother in pure adoration for a moment before they kissed again. 

They held eachother in bliss for a while and right when Arthur almost felt he might fall asleep in her arms, she suddenly stirred and said, "Arthur, that was so amazing...but" she stopped, feeling her voice break.

Arthur looked at her with those sweet eyes that could melt the polar icecaps and said, "What's wrong?"

She just couldn't find the words and simply got up and walked into her bedroom, trying to ignore all the blood on the floor. Once in her bedroom she put on her black dress, grabbed some of her Halloween makeup and other accessories. 

She walked out of her bedroom looked right at Arthur and his jaw almost dropped, with a freshly lit cigarette in his mouth, when he saw her in that sexy black dress and he felt he could stare at her forever, but all he could do was stand there with his puppy dog eyes and she felt her heart break. She just wanted to hold him, but she just suddenly felt so stricken with fear. That nasty, familiar sting of fear-of-abandonment. 

Right when Arthur was about to say something to her she walked right to the front door and he felt his heart plummet into the dark depths of despair. He felt some hope for a second when he saw her head turn to look at him.

"Arthur..." she began, trying to mask the fragility in her tone.

Arthur looked at her with the biggest, most innocent pair of eyes that she's ever seen him possess and waited eagerly for her to say something and hoped it was maybe some words of reconciliation and that they would be okay.

"Don't try and find me" and with those words she was gone, leaving Arthur alone with his unpredictable mind.

He knew she was scared, but didn't quite expect her to actually leave him, let alone in her own apartment by himself. It was strange because even though he was devastated seeing her walk out that door, he almost flattered at the same time that she had that amount of trust in him. 

Arthur felt his chest become tight with anxiety and his mind began to swarm with traumatic memories that all mixed together and formed two words "_Everyone leaves" _

He took a long drag of his cigarette and walked over to the couch to grab the robe. He could almost hear the sounds of hundreds of doors slamming, ring in his ears. Another thing stabbed into his sensitive heart and fragile ego as well...

_"She...she used me; used me and then...left me" _

Arthur has always been told to stay out of his own head, but he never seemed to be able to fully achieve that and even if he did, it was for a short period and even those short periods had become shorter and shorter over time. He always just felt he was going to be on the other side of a slamming door for the rest of his life and Iris walking out like that seemed to reaffirm this. She was _supposed _to be different though and that made him hurt even more. 

His mind became flooded with negative thoughts; thoughts that always were waiting around in the dark shadows of his mind, like ambush predators that flourished during moments like this. Arthur's mind would then quickly become flooded with other harmful thoughts as well and they were simply like a video tape that someone would rewind to see all the good parts to avoid the sad ending. 

_"Iris" _he said, as he finished off his cigarette and stamped it out on her ashtray. 

Iris was his dance partner and the unique dance that they had worked so hard on together would now be incomplete. The dance would cease to exist without her and in a sense he felt he would too.

He was now beginning to feel angry, but it was mostly at himself and even if he tried to be angry with her he knew it wouldn't last. She was his angel.

Arthur didn't know what to do, so he decided to go into her bedroom. He was greeted by Tilly, who rubbed against his ankles and purred. He reached down and pet her and walked over to her nightstand.

Arthur understood she was very upset and that he had dug his own grave, but he was beginning to feel annoyed. He snatched the pack of Marlboro reds off of her nightstand, opened it and almost wanted to run out into the hall and tackle her to the floor when he saw that the pack she left was not a new one, but an opened one that had only 4 cigarettes left in it. He glared over his shoulder, contemplating going after her, but instead he closed his eyes and took a deep breath through gritted teeth. 

Four cigarettes would not even last him 2 hours, let alone the rest of day and into the night. Arthur yanked one out of the pack, angrily threw the pack back onto her nightstand and lit it up with an intense desperation. He inhaled deeply, feeling a bit of relief. Arthur felt strange for a moment when he inhaled and started caughing badly and that's when he tasted it and looked at his hand and saw that it was not a cigarette, but one of her joints rolled up that she had put in the pack for later. 

His ribs were aching from the caughing, so he sat down on her bed for a moment and noticed he felt a slight rush, but he was even angrier now that he realized that there were only 3 cigarettes and not 4 as he had thought originally. Tilly sat on the bed with him and, even though she was simply sitting beside him on the bed, it brought some comfort, but not enough...

"Fuck" he said to himself.

Arthur put the joint, stood up out and lit a real cigarette this time and began to pace back and forth in her room, not knowing what to do. He took a drag, it seemed every 6 seconds and all he could think of was her and her velvet touch against his frail body. He sat on her bed for a moment again and just sat there smoking his cigarette down to the filter as his leg bounced up and down, anxiously.

He couldn't get the image out of his head of her radiant face and her soft, perfect cheeks soaked in tears that he had caused. She had every right to be upset, but he still felt angry and wished he could force her to forgive him and just be near her again.

He just needed this awful feeling to go away. He put his cigarette out harshly on the ash tray and after a few failed attempts to curl up on her bed and escape from this pain through sleep, he got up and walked into her living room, stepping over the blood as if it weren't even there.

He went into the kitchen and pressed his palms on her counter and hung his head low and he knew it was coming, it was taking hold of him again. His chest became tight and as much as he tried to will it away, he started to slightly giggle and with his head still hung low, he pounded his tight left fist on her counter. 

It didn't take long before he was hysterical and resting his elbows on her counter with his hands on the sides of his head. Even though he justed wanted to tuck himself into a corner until it passed he still knew that his beautiful lady had been hurt by his actions, so he wanted to try and make it up to her somehow. He grabbed a role of paper towels off of her counter and searched her kitchen for something to clean the blood and although he knew he could clean all the blood off of her floor as if it never happened, it still wouldn't erase the event itself. 

He _wished _that it were that easy...

🥀

"_Feet don't fail me now_  
_Take me to your finish line_  
_Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take_  
_But I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine_

  
_Walking through the city streets_   
_Is it by mistake or design?_   
_I feel so alone on a Friday night_   
_Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you're mine?_   
_It's like I told you, honey_

_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_   
_Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why_   
_Keep making me laugh_   
_Let's go get high_

  
_The road is long, we carry on_   
_Try to have fun in the meantime_

_Come take a walk on the wild side_   
_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_   
_You like your girls insane_

  
_So choose your last words, this is the last time_   
_'Cause you and I, we were born to die_

_Lost but now I am found_   
_I can see but once I was blind_   
_I was so confused as a little child_   
_Tried to take what I could get_   
_Scared that I couldn't find_   
_All the answers, honey_

_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_   
_Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why_   
_Keep making me laugh_   
_Let's go get high_

  
_The road is long, we carry on_   
_Try to have fun in the meantime_

_Come take a walk on the wild side_   
_Come kiss me hard in the pouring rain_   
_You like your girls insane_

  
_So, choose your last words, this is the last time_   
_'Cause you and I, we were born to die_   
_We were born to die_   
_We were born to die_

_Come and take a walk on the wild side_   
_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_   
_You like your girls insane_

_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_   
_Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why_   
_Keep making me laugh_   
_Let's go get high_

  
_The road is long, we carry on_   
_Try to have fun in the meantime_

_Come take a walk on the wild side_   
_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_   
_You like your girls insane_

  
_Choose your last words, this is the last time_   
_'Cause you and I, we were born to die (we were born to die) _

-Lana Del Rey 

🥀


	28. Pride, Ego and Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is distraught and going crazy, like a caged animal, left alone in her apartment and Iris just wishes she was with him. Pride, ego and fear are things they both have in common, which can be a harmful combination, but they both love eachother more than any words in existence could ever describe. Will their love be enough to fight these demons?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I just wanted to say that I am sorry if the last couple of chapters have been too dark and sad, but when I write I also write from the heart and a lot of things feelings I describe are feelings that I have as well. This film is the most relatable film I have ever seen as far as the feelings go anyway. I wrote this chapter straight from my heart. Mental illness is no joke and the pain can be intolerable at times, but most people don't understand and that makes it worse. Anyways, I do hope you all like this chapter ♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 28: _Pride, Ego and Fear _**

🖤

Arthur finally found some deluded bleach, spray cleaner in her cabinet under the sink and walked over to the mess he made. He put his hand over his mouth as if that would stop the wretched laughter even though he knew it would not. He fell to his knees and put folded his right arm over his mouth as his laughter got even worse and with shaking hands began to scrub the blood out of her hard wood floors. 

He could not and would not let her abandon him.

*************

Iris walked down the street, ignoring all the madness and all the crazy crowds of painted faces and cheap clown masks and practically ran into the little dive bar she often went to. She walked in and was relieved to see it wasn't very crowded yet and after sitting at the bar, trying to collect her racing mind, and ordered a drink. She kept wanting to run back to her apartment and just let him devour her, but instead she lit a cigarette and waited impatiently for her liquid courage to be placed in front of her hungry eyes. 

The bartender was not the usual woman she knew and she was glad. She didn't want anyone to see the distress in her eyes and have to make something up in her head to make them go away. She kept feeling his arms around her and the way he smelled like cigarettes with just a hint of lavender and how she could practically taste the nicotine in his mouth when his tongue was sensually tangled with hers.

Just thinking about it made her feel a tightness between her legs and a deep longing in her heart. She almost could _feel _his beautiful hands on her thighs, spreading her legs. She was not here, not in this bar, but in a world of passion in her mind and all the alcohol in the world would never and could never quench such a thirst. The thirst she has for him would never leave her as long as he heart still pumped blood through her veins. 

An ash dropped from her unattended cigarette, landing on her lap, snapping her back into the present moment. When she quickly looked down and swept the hot cigarette ash off of her dress she saw that, without even knowing it, she had opened her legs. She immediately closed them and felt like a young nun who had just had impure thoughts in the house of God.

"_Arthur..." _she murmured, blankly staring at her glass with eyes that _burned._

As soon as she finished her cigarette she immediately lit another and sipped her usual gin and tonic and tried so hard to stay in her seat and not sprint back to her building to be pressed against her dangerous lover. She even tried to look around and examine her surroundings to try and stay in the moment and keep her mind busy, but even when she looked around at people drinking, laughing and conversing with eachother while having drinks, she still saw his face everywhere. 

She glanced at an empty table and it was as if Arthur appeared in the chair, with his unkempt and gorgeous hair, looking just the way she liked it and his slender fingers grasping a cigarette, as plumes of smoke slowly exited his mouth. She wanted to cry, but instead she leaned down and almost sucked her drink dry. As soon as she finished the first, she asked for another immediately.

Arthur and Iris have so much in common that it seems almost like he was sent to her, well, that's the way it _feels _to her anyway. She was not in Arthur's head, but he felt the same way and now, even though he is not here with her, Arthur could feel her presence in him. They both were apart from eachother, but felt as though they each had a ghost of eachother that followed them. A ghost that was frightening and haunting, but also thrilling and miraculous.

She also couldn't help but worry about Arthur, especially since he was injured and could possibly contract pneumonia. She kept picturing the police slamming him to the ground right outside of her apartment building and taking him away from her forever. She harshly stamped out her cigarette into ashtray on the bar, as if it had wronged her, or was somehow responsible for Arthur's absence. 

She lit yet another cigarette and took a few deep breaths and finished off her second drink as if it were her last day on earth. If she was never to see him again, she wished it was her last day on this wretched earth. She felt so bad for getting so angry and although Arthur very clearly has severe mental issues, so does his lady. They simply manifest differently. Iris has her own version of _Joker _and maybe that's what drew them together, even before they had ever even spoken to eachother. 

_"What have I done?"_

When she said that to herself, she made it seem as though she was chained to the bar and couldn't go back into his loving arms unless he came to her. She was just so full of fear and had a wall of pride surrounding her...and seemingly protecting her.

_"Please...please come find me"_

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Meanwhile, all alone in Iris' apartment, Arthur was halfway through the last cigarette in the pack she had left for him and it had now been a couple of hours. He was only just now finally beginning to recover from his maniacal laughing spell. He was sitting on her bed, his leg bouncing and his eyes kept darting back and forth from her clock back to the hallway. He took one last, long drag from the cigarette, put it out and glanced at the clock again as if looking at it would somehow tell him when his Iris would return to ease his suffering. 

Arthur laid back on the bed with his fingers in his hair and he could feel the walls closing in on him and whenever he begins to feel trapped in any sense of the word, his mind flashes back to his most recent stay at Arkham asylum. He laughed, but it was not an attack this time, it was as though losing what was left of his sanity was somehow humorous and perhaps, making the matter at hand seem at all funny was a cushion for the pain he felt throbbing in his heart. His mind was slipping away the more he sat alone in her apartment and the thin threads of his fragile version of sanity would surely not hold it much longer.

Arthur has felt this way many times before in his own apartment, but this time it hurt so much more because this time he was in love and as much as the word love brought about thoughts and images of beauty and warmth, Arthur was also beginning to feel the anguish and horrific suffering it can bring as well.

Arthur cackled madly and covered his face with his hands as he laughed. Slowly his laugh evolved into crying and he rolled on his side and put a pillow over his face to smother a moan of despair. He knew trying to turn to his method of sleeping the pain away was not an option with his mind and heart racing as they were, so he got up and as he began to walk towards the door he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, saw the tears in his eyes and his glistening eyes beheld a little boy.

As much as Arthur thought, or wanted to think this was all about what happened with Iris, it was much more. Anyone who was even supposed to love or protect him, only caused pain and deep scars in his mental and emotional state that would never heal. The kind of suffering he had to carry around all the time was the kind that would forever go unnoticed unless he broke down, but when someone like him has an episode or becomes too sick to function, people react to that often times with repulsion, fear, disgust, judgment and above all...ridicule.

He could not handle another powerful blow to his psyche like the one he felt reading that file of horrors, or seeing the face of the man he thought could be his estranged father, look upon him with revoltion; or finding out that when he finally found a nice woman for him, that she was only an illusion. 

He simply has just been through far too much in far too short of a period to be able to take it all in. He had to take the pain, the panic, the sadness, the nightmares, the loneliness and all the relentless hysteria in his mind all at once and all alone. 

Seeing tears in his eyes made him feel angry for some reason, so instead he brought his attention to what he was wearing and he found himself laughing again, making his chest throb in pain once again. He could only maintain his crazy and out of place laughter for a bit before he felt tears creeping up again. Looking at himself in the mirror was always hard for him and even now he saw an ugly, gangly, weak looking creature dressed in a women's robe and a black hoodie. He wiped his tears and his nose and sighed heavily. He just did not want to feel anymore...

Arthur put his hands on her dresser and hung his head down in shame and also in an attempt to avoid his unpleasant reflection. He laughed a little again and looked over to his left just to avoid looking back up at the mirror...but his reddened eyes spotted something that gave him a sinister idea...

He wiped his tears again and he seemed to be hearing some sort of disorganized, insanely lovely symphony in his head. His starving body even began to move to this nonexistent music and he looked back at the mirror and watched himself as he began to move his hips around and twist his body around like a serpent. He closed his eyes and eloquently raised his arms above his head, bended his arms slightly and held onto his left hand by the wrist and he twisted his skeletal torso around and moved his legs slightly to the chaotic music that only existed in his mind. He put his fingers in his hair as he felt the music in his head get louder, drowning out all the obsessive thoughts that almost had strangled him to death. 

Arthur moved his shoulders rhythmically to the mad music that played for him in his bruised up brain and he felt the insanity of his made up symphony rain down upon him. He put his hands on his heart as he swayed back and forth with his head still down, but beneath his green locks, that covered most of his face, a devilishly haunting grin could be seen stretching across his face like a ghost in a dimly lit hallway. He now hugged himself as he swayed side to side and lifted his arms slowly above his head, still moving his torso like a deranged belly dancer and he stared at his true reflection with frightening, bloodthirsty eyes. 

As Arthur glared into his own eyes, his demonic smile faded, leaving his face looking even more terrifying. His bright green eyes that Iris _loves_ so much, looked dead and as if the Arthur she adores so much had vacated the premises and all that seemed to be left were eyes that had been starved of excitement for far too long...and Joker was tired of being chained up inside. He was hungry...and, unlike his neglected body, he would _not _be ignored.

Arthur grinned at himself again right before he did a strange, yet graceful twirl and then he giggled slightly and walked into the hall. He went into the bathroom and began to remove his robe and her hoodie. When he took her black hoodie off he stopped for a moment and felt a stab of sorrow pierce his Joker state of mind and he held the soft material inside against his nose. 

He closed his eyes as he inhaled her intoxicating scent of cigarettes and flowers and he slightly smiled when he thought of the radiant smile she had just for him that brought warmth to his cold heart and then his smile was suddenly erased from his face when he thought about the pain in her heavenly eyes and the way she slammed the door when she left him all alone. He could hear that hateful sound ring in his ears and it plagued him with thoughts of never seeing her again and being abandoned yet again in his pathetic life. The sound of his woman leaving him alone echoed in his mind, interrupting the dark symphony that was consuming his unwanted thoughts of her. 

As Arthur held her soft hoodie against his face, he suddenly fell to his knees and began to sob. He clutched her sentimental article of clothing in his hands and pressed it to his chest where his mangled heart beat for her. He was falling apart, but she was not there to pick up the pieces and miles away from where his pieces were scattered all over thr floor, Iris sat alone in a bar wishing that she was there to with him. 

Every time Arthur even got the slightest bit close to anyone, if showed any sort of anger or annoyance, he would immediately feel the immense pain that a normal person might feel if they lost a loved one or were abandoned alone in a dark forest left to fend for themselves. He always had to prepare himself for the worst possible scenario even if it may never come true. He would put himself through extremely painful emotions just so that he could be "_ready_" and this was no different. He felt that he was discarded like a used up towel, stained and useless.The worst part about being thrown away like garbage was that he already felt that way to begin with.

Arthur leaned forward as he cried, his face almost touching the cold tile. He cried for what felt like hours and hours, but eventually it turned into weak laughter, then crying, then laughter and then finally, soft weeping and sniffling. His ribs were throbbing just as his heart was. He took some deep breaths just as his prefect woman had kindly told him to do as to not catch pneumonia. At this point he didn't care what happened to him, if it meant not feeling her lips against his ever again...

Arthur shakily sat up and fell back against the wall clutching his ribs and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to catch his breath. He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling as if she would appear in the heavens as she did when he was laying in that ally, badly hurt and vulnerable, but alas she did not appear. He giggled weakly with an undertone of sorrow and stared blankly at the wall above her toilet. His eyes were exhausted and swollen from the overflow of tears that had flooded his eyes. 

Arthur's tired eyes glanced slightly to the right which was when he spotted his infamous clothing from the night Iris found him. The second he spotted those clothes on her floor the wheels in his mind began spinning. He turned away for a moment and thought of his lady and leaned his head back against the wall trying to keep his mischievous eyes away from that ominous pile of clothing on her floor, but was not working very well.

His frazzled mind instantly told him he needed a cigarette, but there were none and he took full advantage of that excuse to act out on his impulsive and conniving thoughts that bounced around violently in his mind. His eyes, still shiny from his tears, suddenly changed and he stared at his clothing as if it were armor that served a great purpose, but it was a purpose that would only make sense to someone unbalanced like Arthur or rather, his better half. 

He wiped the tears from his face, got to his feet, stared at his Joker uniform for about another 2 seconds before he picked it up at last and went into her bedroom. He began to look in Iris' vanity drawers to see if she still had any of her Halloween makeup, but all he could seem to find was the regular kind. He looked in a few other places but still found nothing and just as he was about to give up, he spotted a white plastic back she had under the chair in front of her vanity mirror. He picked it up and searched through it and practically lit up when he saw that not only was it the colors he needed, but it was same brand he used as well. 

The thought of Iris having the same good taste in makeup made him smile and what made him smile more was the thought of getting to get out there and find her.

Even though Arthur almost never drank, he knew Iris had beer in her fridge so he went into her kitchen to grab one. Beer was his least favorite, but he just needed something to take the edge off. He cringed at first when he took a couple of sips, but the more he drank of it and felt its warming effects on his skinny, starved body, the easier it got to have more.

Once he finished the first one he grabbed another and brought it with him back to her bedroom. Arthur was a light weight and hadn't had a drink in months and he barely even ate, so he felt it fast. It almost made him feel sick to his stomach for a minute, but as he drank more and finished off his second beer he started to feel some relief. He put the empty bottle down and emptied the plastic bag to see what exactly she had. 

He looked at himself in her mirror again, ran his nervous fingers through his hair and stared right into his very own distraught eyes and softly sang a line from a Connie Francis song, "_The clock will tick away the hours one by one  
Then the time will come when all the waiting's done  
The time when you return and find me here and run  
Straight to my waiting arms...."_

This song was the same song he used to sing to himself as a boy in an attempt to drown out the cruel and neverending sound of slamming doors. He hoped this would not end up the same way that it usually did and that on the other side of that recent slamming door he would find the ever elusive, _unconditional love..._

"If it takes forever I will wait for you

  
For a thousand summers I will wait for you

  
Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you

  
Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

Anywhere you wander, anywhere you go

  
Every day remember how I love you so

  
In your heart believe what in my heart I know

  
That forevermore I'll wait for you

The clock will tick away the hours one by one

  
Then the time will come when all the waiting's done

  
The time when you return and find me here and run

  
Straight to my waiting arms

If it takes forever I will wait for you

  
For a thousand summers I will wait for you

  
Till you're here beside me, till I'm touching you

  
And forevermore sharing your love"

**End Chapter 28 🖤**

**🥀**


	29. The Windows of Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Arthur share the same feelings of sorrow being apart, but have almost too much in common and this time that is putting a wedge between them, but that does not stop their hearts from being connected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter is one I adore and I hope you like it too and I'm sorry if its boring at all. I loved writing it

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 29: _The Windows of Fate_**

🖤

Arthur found himself feeling a bit sad seeing his lover's makeup and picturing it painted upon her perfect face. He wanted his hand to touch her velvet cheek again and he would see to it that it happened soon.

She had found him and now he was going to come and find her...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

_ **Iris** _

Iris was almost finished with her 3rd drink and about to light another cigarette when she glanced up at the television and saw that Arthur's infamous face was plastered all over the news and she got up to go to the bathroom. Even as she walked to the restroom she saw someone reading the paper which had her lover's face on the front page. She practically ran to the bathroom now, as if she were also running from the truth, hoping that it would not find her.

Iris missed him and she just wished nothing more than to be with him and hold him and tell him all was forgiven, but she felt trapped in fear's deadly vice. She got into the bathroom and felt tears burn her eyes and she wished she could will them away. Even seeing his face on the television and the newspaper where he looked wild and deadly made her miss him too. She knew now more than ever that Joker was a very real part of Arthur, but that couldn't ever erase the radiant beauty that shined in his eyes for her. 

Iris sniffed and continued to fight back her tears, but they soon slid down her cheeks. She stared at herself in the mirror and saw how broken and lost she looked. She wiped her tears with some tissue and decided she was going to do her Halloween makeup now. As she searched through her things she soon realized that she had left her Halloween makeup in her apartment and had brought the wrong bag.

"_Fuck"_

🖤🖤🖤🖤🥀

She could feel goosebumps spread all over her body when she closed her eyes for a moment and could almost _feel_ Arthur's beautiful hands on her hips and his hot breath against her neck. She melted into another dimension where the only thing that mattered was the steady beat of Arthur's heart and the way is hummed for her. Her mind traveled to the memory of when Arthur was struggling badly and fell into her tub in her bathroom and way she held him as and the way that same beat of was so much faster.

She remembered how, as she held him and truly showed him the love that he had never received, his anxious heart slowly became that unfamiliar, steady beat again. Iris had never received that love either, especially in the young years when it is _vital. _

Iris knew she could not take away the pain of his tortuous past, but simply knowing how indescribably painful it can be made her able to help him. She did what she wished had been done for her. 

She just wanted to feel his precious hand on top of hers and touch his morosely, gorgeous face with her other hand. 

Fear made her believe that she was being kept _safe_, but fear is a deceitful devil and it saw how her heart sings for this man and sunk it's sharp canines into her tender flesh. She simply was not immune to it's deadly poison and neither was her lover.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Suddenly, Iris leaned over the sink and began to weap heavily and all she desired at this very moment was for her Arthur, even if that meant it was Joker, to appear behind her and wrap his slender arms tightly around her body. She just needed him to take the pain away. 

Iris kept thinking of the way his green eyes, that looked like breathtaking stained glass windows, stared at her when she put her dress on and how they gripped her with their intensity. She had never seen anyone look at her with such pure, undying love and passion. 

Her heart that was tethered to his was too far apart from her partner, but little did she know that the silken strand that held their fragile hearts together was slowly bringing them together yet again. That same thread that held them together, as if it were the very hand of fate, was also just as thin and breakable as Arthur's sanity. 

Iris looked in the mirror as if somehow her love would appear behind her, but she knew he would not and she wished she could stop feeling this pain. She took her small hair brush out and began to mindlessly brush her hair and hum to herself and at one point; through a pair of tragic, numb eyes, she almost felt he was looking back at her through this filthy bathroom mirror. It as if it were not simply a mirror, but a window and she wished that her sweet Arthur would open the window and hold her.

A darker hallway of her complicated mind saw something else and it still made her feel her heart sing, but it was just a different tune. In this ominous hallway in her mind she saw that same imaginary window, but instead she saw her lover's, equally beautiful, alter ego. She saw Joker see her through the window and smile at her with a hungry look in his eyes and when she slowly brought her hand to the window, suddenly he broke it.

Joker smashed his fist right through the window and as glass flew all over the place he grabbed her hand roughly and pulled her through and with that she qas gone.

She fell from that window and right back into this bathroom, only to still he without him.

Her face was frozen and blank as her vacant eyes stared at her dead reflection. She looked almost like a porcelain doll, stiff and stoic as she brushed her hair, ignoring the tears that spilled from her eyes. 

She tried to force a smile and as her lips curved into a smile her eyes did not express joy, but sorrow. Her false smile slowly formed back into a frown and she just continued to stare into the mirror and brush her hair. She had shut down, the pain was too great and when she gets into a state like this she usually has urges to hurt herself and even though she had gotten stronger over the years in resisting these urges, she felt almost too vulnerable right now.

Iris knew that the events that lead to her walking out that door in her apartment, leaving Arthur lost and alone, were not her fault, but she was angry with herself for falling in love with such a man, but also thrilled. She was even angrier with herself for the fact that she knew the fire she was playing with, but still _had_ to look, had to touch and _needed _to know him. Still, she didn't care about any of that right now and any sort of rational thought had been devoured by her love for this strange, deadly and exquisite man. Her heart would beat for him even if it meant never beating again...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

** _Arthur 🥀_ **

Arthur was on his 4th beer now and was definitely feeling the effects. He looked at all the colors of makeup Iris had in her bag and he only had to look for a moment before he found the ones he needed. He took a couple more sips of his beer and began looking for makeup brushes. He was very pleased to see she had quite a bit to choose from. He picked the one he needed and began to run the bristles over the white makeup he needed for his face. 

Arthur was remembering himself doing this exact same thing, but in his own apartment, before his life changed completely and how it was like putting on some sort of frightening war paint that would define the rest of his life. The same white makeup that he carefully brushed onto his cheek had also changed the course of his entire existence in a way that he could not have predicted in a million years.

He was remembering how he had painted his face completely white and before he could finish it his doorbell had buzzed. That same shade of white was also once decorated with spatters of an enemies blood. Arthur closed his eyes for a moment, feeling some euphoria in that sharp memory. He had brutally killed a man, but that was not the point; the point was that he had stopped allowing Randall, or anyone for that matter, to hurt him anymore.

That tremendous pain that he felt since he was just a quiet little boy, who learned to be quiet and keep his head down just to be safe, had suddenly been expelled and his madness suddenly became is best defense. 

With every stroke of the brush on his face he thought about if he had not become Joker he would never have finally gotten to truly know Iris as more than a mysterious and mesmerizing woman on the bus. The very thought of never having the chance to really her to know her, let alone be able to be blessed with the soft touch of her lips, made him feel pain in his heart.

He never knew that she noticed him at all on the bus, but he did remember her kindness. The times he did look at her he thought she wanted to be left alone so he just went about his business, but that did not stop his mind from obsessing. He still remembered the day he was very sick and she was the only one who helped him. He wanted to get to know her better, but he just assumed it would just be another painful rejection, so...he wrote to her and wrote, and wrote and wrote, but was never able to bring himself to give them to her. 

He had thought about himself being someone _different, _someone with panache and more confidence. He did have all of those things, but they were simply buried underneath the protective mask of a shy, insecure man. He truly liked her, which was rare, so the very thought of her rejecting him was just too much to bare. He had no idea that she had a bit of an eye for him too...He wished he did. 

Maybe his life would have been a completely different path and he wouldn't have been pushed to such a desperate point all simply because someone showed him _love, _but not the way he thought he had been shown love before, but unconditional love. He had only ever seen some distorted version of what someone else thought love was for him. Iris just loves him and it was and is as simple as that.

Arthur continued to apply his haunting white makeup and his mind continued to overflow with thoughts of her. With every meticulous stroke of the brush against his already pallid complexion he felt himself gaining more and more confidence. 

This was the only mask that was only a mask to others, but to him was who he really is.

The more any thoughts of horrific guilt would sneak into his mind, the more he would drink his beer faster and faster. He wanted a cigarette so badly and that was definitely a huge motivation to leave her apartment as well. He had almost finished painting his entire face with the ghostly white makeup and now he was just making the final touches. 

Arthur was always very obsessed with detail when he did his makeup, even at his previous job, but this time he brought even more attention to every detail because he wanted to look as good as possible for his radiant woman. The green in his hair had faded a bit, but it faded in certain areas for some reason, but unfortunately there was nothing he could to do about it, given the circumstances.

Arthur finally felt satisfied with the white on his face, put the brush down and took the lid off of her blue one now. He kept looking at his hair and noticing how it didn't look vibrant as it did the night he murdered Murray Franklin, but he wasn't sure what could be done about it.

Some strands and pieces were almost fully green while others were more his natural color. He hated it and hoped Iris wouldn't really care. He ran a brush through his hair, trying to get all of it out of his face, but it did not do much good. The last time he did his hair he had everything he needed in his apartment, but there was no way he would be able to go back there now. 

Iris didn't seem to have much hair products, but he did find a small aerosol can of some hairspray. He took the lid off and sprayed it over as much of his hair he could cover and slicked it all back. He smiled with satisfaction when he saw that it worked out very well, even though he was dissatisfied with the color.

His face looked like that of someone's nightmares, especially when he smiled. It was not a normal smile, it was chilling and full of excitement and malice. He finished his beer, picked up one of the thinner brushes for the makeup around his eyes and dipped it in the deep turquoise color, that just so happened to be the perfect shade of blue, and began to add some color to his blank canvas of a face. 

Arthur brought the thin tip of the brush right above his left eyebrow and carefully began to strategically paint the triangular shape perfectly, trying especially hard not to make a mistake, as if to make up for the horrific mistake he made with Iris, even though the sex afterward was phenomenal.

Arthur's slender fingers that held the brush gently, brought the tip of the turquoise triangle above his left brow to a perfect point and he went on finish the rest of his left eye. When he moved on to his right eye he suddenly began to hear a beautiful chorus echo in his mind, singing a song of passion that practically screamed her name right into his ears. He closed his eyes as he swore he could feel her warm breath in his ear as if she were whispering his name to him, beckoning him to her. 

_"Is this only a dream? Is it she only a dream?" _Arthur pondered, as he stared intently into her mirror.

The very hair on his arms stood on end just at the image of her body and her soft, luscious lips being only inches away from him. As he painted his right eye it was as if he was in a transe and his hand just moved automatically, but it still came out perfect...perfect, just like her. As he brought the very tip of the brush just about halfway down and brought the end to a perfect point he kept picturing Iris' delectable lips against his and he instantly felt his groin heat up. 

"I need you..." he murmured to himself, in a scratchy, broken voice.

When he got out the red for his lips it made him think about her deep crimson lips and he even noticed that she had left remnants of her kisses on his neck and it made him feel sad. He could not bare being away from her for much longer...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

** _Iris_ **

Meanwhile, Arthur's object of adoration and obsession was still staring into the mirror with empty eyes. She stopped brushing her long, burgundy hair and was now trying to work with the makeup she had and was trying to come up with something and she also just needed something to occupy her mind and her hands with. With eyes that were glazed over, looking like eyes of a statue that glistened with tears, she took some tissue from her purse and and began to robotically dab the tears from her cheeks.

She had no idea that this was almost the same way Arthur felt every morning at work when he applied his makeup, drowning out the noise in the locker room and the sorrow in his mind. 

She soon began to hear another "_Arthur"_ melody play in her head as she took some different makeup pencils, lipsticks and brushes out. It sounded like a haunting tango which seemed rather appropriate. A tango is a passionate dance between two people who express love and powerful emotion between eachother by the way they move their bodies together. 

She could picture Arthur and herself tangled in a sinful dance that could set a stage on fire. Her mind played a chilling violin that dictated how the dance would go. Although the dance was beautiful to watch, it was a dance of life or death between the participants and the finale was Arthur, twirling her like a windup toy and letting her fall to the floor.

She was in the dark on the stage as the final spotlight switched off and Arthur was nowhere to be found, but as she sat weeping in the dark for a few painfully long moments a hand extended down to her out of the blackness, but as she hesitantly grasped this mysterious hand she soon saw that it was not Arthur...it was a murderous clown that had the most beautiful and devilish grin she had ever seen. 

Iris felt the hairs on her arms stand on end when she thought about feeling his hands grab her waist from behind her and seeing his sinister Joker face in the mirror as he breathed into her ear words of beauiful chaos. She lifted her head up with her eyes closed and and ran her fingers through her hair, wishing they were his. She could almost swear he was really there behind her swaying back and forth with her to their own personal tune of passion and madness....

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur was already feeling tipsy, but went to grab another beer, despite his better judgement, but as he began to walk back to her bedroom he stopped and as he was taking his first sip he froze and slowly brought the tip of the bottle neck away from his lips and didn't think twice about what he was about to do.

Iris had somehow forgotten her pistol on the floor and he hadn't noticed before while he was cleaning because it must have gotten kicked under the coffee table, but now that his scheming, devilish emerald eyes had seen it, he raised an eye brow and the left corner of his mouth curved up into an evil little half smile. 

He decided not to grab it right away, but to be patient and finish his makeup and get his clothes on first. He sat back down in front of her vanity, took a few more long swigs of his alcoholic beverage and delicately grasped a slightly thicker brush for the red of his Joker smile. Shrunken, sad little Arthur was almost invisible now and he was loving it. 

Arthur brought the tip of the brush to his face and began to paint on the outline of his wicked clown mouth, bringing each tip to a perfect point, as he perfectly lined up the narrow ends of the corners with his sharp cheekbones. As he began to carefully color in the inside of the lines he stopped and stared into the mirror for a moment.

His eyes turned slightly to the right and he kept thinking he saw his Iris in the mirror as if she were right behind him, smiling with that perfectly mad smile that he loves so much. He sat perfectly still with the brush still touching his face as if she would become real if he waited long enough.

She did not, but still he would wait...

**End Chapter 29: _The __Windows of Fate 🖤_**

** _🥀_ **

**_"_**There's no more chasing rainbows (ah)

  
And hoping for an end to them (ah)

  
Their arches are illusions (ah)

  
Solid at first glance

  
But then you try to touch them

  
There's nothing to hold on to

  
The colors used to lure you in

  
And put you in a trance  
(Yeah)

Sometimes it feels like I've got a war in my mind

  
I want to get off but I keep riding the ride

  
I never really notice that I had to decide

  
To play someone's game or to live my own life and now I do

  
I want to move

  
Out of the black (out of the black)

  
Into the blue (into the blue)

  
Out of the black (out of the black)

  
Into the blue (into the blue)

  
Out of the black (out of the black)

  
Into the blue (into the blue)

_-Lana Del Rey 🖤_


	30. The Missing Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is finishing up getting ready, but he begins to have lustful thoughts of Iris and feels the need to take care of an urge. 
> 
> Iris finds the perfect missing piece to her costume and she still keeps thinking of Arthur just as much he does. 
> 
> He is ready to set out and find his lady...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: NSFW lol that is all...

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 30: _The__ Missing Strings 🖤_**

** _Arthur_ **

What frightened him, though, was that he had imagined an entire relationship with a woman not too long ago and even though he was almost positive that this is not the case this time, that fear would still creep up every now and again. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then continued painting his lips. 

_ **Iris** _

Even though Iris knew he was not with her she hugged her own body, wishing it was him. Suddenly, Iris could hear someone coming into the bathroom and even though she knew it was silly, she looked to see who was coming just in case it was him... 

_It wasn't..._

It was an older woman who seemed to be intoxicated and she went into one of the stalls. Iris was now snapped out of her daydream and began to put some makeup on. She did her lips deep red in a pout, doll-like shape. Iris noticed, as she was putting on some of her deep turquoise eyeliner, that the woman in the bathroom was not using it to empty her bladder, but to partake in the use of cocaine. She could hear her sniff several times and Iris almost wanted to ask her for a bump.

When the woman came out, snorting and sniffing, she did offer Iris some. She stared at the little baggie in the women's palm, but she shook her head and said, "No, thank you" 

The woman smiled back at her and said, "What's a beautiful girl like you doing all alone on Halloween?" 

Those words made Iris' heart ache and she didn't even know what to say, so she simply smiled and shrugged her shoulders. The woman, who was dressed as a jester, looked at herself in the mirror for a moment and then said, " Well, be careful out there tonight. That crazy Joker character is still lurking about"

Iris felt her heartbeat speed up when she said that, but she didn't want her to see the anxiety in her face so she nodded her head kindly at the woman and she exited the bathroom leaving Iris to be by herself again. 

_"I wish that crazy Joker character was here...with me..."_

When she looked back into her disheveled reflection she almost wanted to scream and run back to her apartment, but instead she continued to apply her eyeliner, hoping that she would not weap and ruin her makeup. 

She stopped for a moment and walked over to an empty stall to grab some tissue and when she slowly swung the door open she saw, hanging on the hook on the door, that someone had left a pair or beautiful black angel wings hanging there. She thought they were a perfect addition to her costume. She took them off the hook, put them on and stood in front of the mirror.

She thought they looked lovely, but all she wanted was for Arthur to see. She loves the way they look, but somehow it only made her miss him more because he had told her before that he thought she was an _angel..._

She walked over to the sink, stared into the mirror and grit her teeth, as she felt the familiar sting of tears fill her eyes again.

"Please come back to me..." she said to herself as she hung her head low and clenched her fists tightly. Her patience was wearing thin...she needed her man, her untamed, wild hearted man and his electric soul...

The battle she was having with herself was torture and she just wanted to run to him, hold him and forget all of this nonsense. She is so afraid of the future that she is missing out on the beauty of the present.

_ **Arthur** _

Arthur Fleck's face was no longer his own, but the face of the man had been born inside of him many years ago, but laid dormant. It just grew and grew from all the years of abuse and horrific internal rage and now....he is alive and his name he gave himself, that was intended to be an insult, a word spoken from an ignorant bully, now became a title of a pure unadulterated transformation. What was meant to be a cheap insult became the name of his perfect name of his madly beautiful alter ego, _Joker._

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur could suddenly hear Murray Franklin's voice in his head from the night his mother ended up in the hospital.

_"Here's a guy that thinks that if you just keep laughing it'll somehow make you funny, check out this Joker"_

Arthur remembered how foolish he felt for being excited seeing himself on television, thinking that his dream somehow came true. He felt so enraged and with everything else that had been going on, it was just another weight added to his already heavy load.

It felt like every little painful thing was just tugging more and more at his one thin, silken strand of sanity just like snapping the final string on a violin. Just like snapping all of the strings of a violin, once Arthur's final thin strand of sanity would snap he would be deprived of his use. He then had to find a greater use and find some new strings as he now possessed the bow; the one with the power to make the music go in any direction he pleased. 

One huge thought that crossed his mind when he saw Murray Franklin shamelessly play that humiliating footage of himself having an episode, blinde to his immense suffering, and it was that he hoped Iris hadn't seen it. He did not think it would matter because she would never want to be with him anyway, but it still pierced his anxious mind with great force.

Once Arthur got to be on the show; the very show that he watched with his mother all the time for many years, he vividly remembered staring into that huge mirror, touching up his makeup, and seeing her serene face in his troubled mind. It was one of the many conflicting thoughts and reasons that were spinning all through his mind, as he sat in that dressing room, smoking and trying to just watch the TV and giggle at the _chaos _that he had just caused on the subway, but it was hard...

Tears just did not seem to want to leave his eyes that entire night. He hadn't had any tears in his eyes until he got into the firing room and finally sat down. He had brought his "_book of jokes" _with him and was skimming through the crumpled pages when he came towards the back of his notebook where his letters and poorly written poems to Iris were.

When his luminous, green eyes, that were glowing with an insane eagerness, saw those pages, they changed and that is when the unwanted tears made their appearance...and they never left his eyes that entire night.

Those annoying tears didn't care that he was on live television, or that he was going to be face to face with Murray Franklin, or that he was not supposed to look weak, and they certainly didn't care that he spent a long time perfectly applying his makeup...for the last night of his life...

They only appeared for various reasons, but, strangely enough, the biggest one was not that he planned to put a bullet through his head, but...that he would never see Iris again, even if it was just a kind smile from her usual seat on the bus. 

The reason this was strange is because from the way he thought about her and felt such strong emotion, simply picturing her smile, you would think that they were long term lovers that had broken up, or that she was his lover that had died recently. Arthur had never asked her out, never really said much to her, never gave her any of his letters and never even did all the things he pictured in his head doing for her, simply because...he felt like he was never meant to be happy with anyone. He felt she was too good for him and would _never_ agree to spend time with him.

He would picture over and over again hundreds of ways she would reject him, or be disgusted with the very idea and he just _knew _he would only look foolish. What truly turned out to be foolish...was that he didn't ask her out...

Now his dream seemed to have come true, but the circumstances have made things more difficult for two people such as themselves to be together. Very much like a classic story of star crossed lovers that when in a story are a very good read, but in real life people like that many times discover that hearts really can truly break like something so beautiful and perfect like a priceless glass figure that would shatter simply from a little push...

Once Murray Franklin greeted him in the fitting room, right after he just had his .38 pointed perfectly underneath his chin, and Arthur saw him face to face he felt like a little boy for a moment. He had seen him on tv for years and it was something he had dreamed of for so long, but Arthur knew now that he was "_Just like the rest of 'em" _and that was utterly disappointing.

After he had his fan boy moment and put on a delightfully deceitful smile for this man, he felt fucking great. He loved the way he could lie and look right into this man's eyes and have someone else be the damn fool for once and it was so much easier than he had anticipated. He was even able to hide the physical pain he was feeling from slamming into that car's windshield on his way there. 

Words will never be able to describe the pleasure he felt whe he asked to brought out as _Joker _and the naive man next to Murray asked, "What's wrong with your real name?"

"That's what you called me on the show, a _Joker, _you remember?" Arthur's words were smoothly spoken but also sharp, venomous and seething with resentment, Murray had no idea. He had no idea that this Joker's face would be the last face he would ever see.

Arthur had right then and there gotten his new title

** _Joker_ **

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

His Joker makeup was complete and he immediately felt a surge of confidence that Arthur was not capable obtaining. The former Arthur Fleck stood up and took off his robe, tossing it on the bed. He went to go get his Joker clothing from her bathroom. They were a bit tattered, but they would do just fine. He brought them into her room and remembered that his lady had washed his underwear and socks, so he looked for them. They were in the basket with the other clean othes she had brought up from the laundry room.

As Arthur began to pull his underwear up past his skinny legs and over his genitals, he thought about how Iris' mouth felt wrapped around his cock. His painted eyelids closed for a moment as his mind traveled back to that moment. He knew he needed to hurry, so he tried to snap himself out of it, or he knew he would get an erection.

He grabbed his turquoise button down shirt and put it on, he began to botton it up and he wasted no time after and immediately put his gold vest on. He made sure he looked good for Iris, tugging at any tiny wrinkle or imperfection on his shirt and vest.

Arthur looked at himself in the mirror and noticed the unmade bed behind him and sat down on it for a moment. His hands touched the sheets and as he spread his fingers and ran his left hand across them, he laid back onto the bed. He could practically hear Iris' exquisite moan of pleasure from earlier. He knew he needed to finish getting ready, but his body had other plans.

He really wanted a cigarette, but him wanting them wouldn't make them appear, so his left hand began to venture south and his put his hand inside of his underwear. He sighed, as his mind wondered to a world of ecstasy and passion. He could see her perfect thighs and the way they opened for him earlier. His cock was rock solid now.

Strangely enough, even though his dream came true and he got to make love to Iris, he found himself still thinking of the sensual way she would cross her legs on the bus when she was wearing a skirt. There was something so sexy about the mystery of her unexplored body.

Arthur let out a soft moan as his hand began to stoke his manhood. His hand gripped his solid cock and he began to fully engage in one of his favorite past times...masturbation...

He could hear her, see her, feel her, taste her and smell her intoxicating scent. All of his senses were kicking into overdrive as he continued to pull up and down and up and down. 

He pulled his underwear down because otherwise he knew they would be a mess by the time he was done.

_"Iris...", _breathed, as his eyes fully rolled back into his head that was flooded with unholy thoughts. Her perfect body was all his mind saw and he gasped as his mind wondered even furthur and he thought of the wetness of her pussy. His hand just couldn't stop and was now soaked in precum, making him have to smother a scream from how amazing it felt. He could feel her hot breathe on his neck and feel her tongue wrapping around his.

He was speeding up now, faster, faster, _faster._

"Iris!" He cried as his eyes shot open, revealing nothing, but whiteness of his corneas. His hand kept going; more, more, more...

Arthur couldn't hold back anymore and his weakened, red lips parted and cried out, in a breathy whisper, "I love you, Iris"

His head tilted all the way back, his toes curled, his breath hitched, his heart raced and his phallus released itself all over his left hand. He was gasping and moaning as he came.

_"Iris..."_

Once he caught his breath again he laid there for a while and stared up at the ceiling and he remembered seeing Iris' hand and the way it reached down to him that darkly magical night, as if she were an angel pulling him out of hell. It was like a dream.

He started to feel a sleepiness come over him and he yawned, but knew he had important business to tend to. He reached over to her nightstand, closest to him and was relieved to find some tissue. He cleaned himself up and forced himself to get up.

Once he pulled his underwear up and he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, something caught his full attention.

"Fuck, I can't wear this...I might be caught"

Arthur had to think for a moment. He had a few more sips of his 5th beer and as he was facing the bed he could feel the powerful energy radiating off of it from their previous time between his lady and himself. He didn't want to feel anything, so he drank the beer even faster and chugged it until it was empty. He could really feel the effects and he normally would try and avoid alcohol, but he just needed something to take the edge off.

"Okay, after this beer no more for the night" Arthur lied to himself.

He knew that he was definitely a light weight and tended to be the one falling down, blacking out, passing out and his favorite, becoming violently ill. Just the thought of how bad his hangovers have been in the past almost made his beer drenched stomach lurch. Most of all, he didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of Iris.

Suddenly he had an idea. He decided he would wear his pants, but he would wear her black hoodie over his shirt, with the hood up. He had grabbed his clean white socks and clumsily put them on. As he put her black hoodie on he breathed in the sweet smell of his Iris and felt his heart skip a beat. 

"I fucking love her...I've never loved anyone...she's the love of my life", Arthur whispered to himself, as he zipped the hoodie up. He did not want to be a snoop, but he opened her closet and when he looked down he actually saw a pair of black converse high tops that looked much too big for Iris. He assumed they were from an ex boyfriend, so he picked then up to see the size and they were his size. He was in luck.

Arthur didn't really wear sneakers and he knew it didn't quite match up with what he was wearing, but he needed to try his best to not be conspicuous. Arthur sat on her bed so that he could put them on and then it dawned on him who they must have belonged to. He glanced to his left and his eyes saddened slightly when he saw the urn that sat on her nightstand. He knew they must have been his and he hesitated, but...he did need shoes. He could only hope that she wouldn't be mad. He just _needed _to find her.

Arthur sighed heavily and proceeded to put them on. He laced them up and stopped for a moment...Something had dawned on him. He suddenly heard words in his head that Iris had said to him.

"You could have been taken away from me...and I won't go through that again because you were being reckless" 

She has suffered great loss and it was a loss that Arthur could only imagine. He understood what those words meant. She was afraid of losing someone else that had her heart in their hands. She loves him greatly and he had disappointed her. He needed to correct his sins....

_"I wish that you would hold me, or just say that you were mine_  
_It's killing me slowly_

_"Dream a little dream of me_  
_Make me into something sweet_  
_Turn the radio on, dancing to a pop song_  
_Fuck it, I love you"_

_Oh, be my once in a lifetime_  
_Lying on your chest in my party dress_  
_I'm a f*cking mess, but I_  
_Oh, thanks for the high life_  
_Baby, it's the best, passed the test and yes_

_Now I'm here with you, and I_  
_Would like to think that you would stick around_  
_You know that I'd just die to make you proud_  
_The taste, the touch, the way we love_  
_It all comes down to make the sound of our love song"_

Arthur nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Iris' cat make an appearance and rub against his leg. She jumped up on the bed and sat on his lap. Since Arthur was feeling tipsy he felt delighted to be petting this feline more than he usually would. She was purring joyously as she rubbed her cheeks against his hand. He finished lacing up his sneakers, pet Tilly a bit more and put her gently on the bed.

When Arthur got off the bed he took a look at himself in the mirror and did a little twirl gracefully and smiled dangerously at his morbid reflection. Although he had an ominous smile and look about him in his attire and makeup, his smile was really molded onto his face from the hands of his thoughts of her, his Iris...

He ran his fingers through his slightly faded green hair and put the hood over his head. He was ready. Arthur was now becoming anxious and he also had no idea where she was. While he was looking at himself in the vanity mirror he noticed she had some polaroids of her and some friends, they were at a bar, and in the background he could see a name behind the bar and it read "The Drunken Dive" and he was absolutely delighted because he has been to that bar and knew where it was. 

***********

The last time he was there was mostly a blur, but he did recall having to get home on the subway barely able to walk and trying not to vomit and make a fool of himself. He also had nearly missed his stop because he kept passing out on and off. Once he got off and was stumbling home around 3am he tried to quietly get to the couch and just pass out, but of course his mother was waiting for him to come home and answer to her as if he were 16 years old. 

She scolded him and he just drunkenly told her to fuck off and then had to make his way to the bathroom before he threw up on himself, but he only made it inside the bathroom and then puked on the floor. The next 4 times he did manage to make it to the toilet. What he remembered the most was trying to clean up his vomit so his mom wouldn't see and he could barely function and eventually passed out with his cheek pressed against the toilet seat. 

Penny always treated him like he a child and he hated it with every fiber of his being. He often wished she lived in a home and he could just be alone, but at the same time he loved her and being without a father, she was all he had his entire life.

He remembers her pounding on the bathroom door calling his name as if he were her servant and he felt so hungover and just wanted to sleep, but he constantly felt he was a full time babysitter for a grown woman. He worked and then had another job when he got home, so sometimes a night out drinking, even though it was almost always disastrous, felt like a nice vacation, even though he mostly drank alone.

It was strange, because once Penny would calm down she was very sweet and even helped him to the couch and stroked his hair as he passed out. He wasn't fully conscious, but did recall she kissed his forehead before she left for her room. She always confused him with her abrupt change in moods and it deeply affected him growing up. She was almost like a baby taking care of another baby...

He has gotten drunk before with some of his coworkers, but they held their liquor better than he did. They would make fun of him and it always ended up that Gary, once again, would have to come to rescue and try and make sure he was alright. No one else cared and he figured no one ever would. Being alive was a chore and he just didn't want to do it.

**********

Arthur now noticed there were more polaroids of her and friends at this same bar. When he saw her face even in slightly blurry photographs he was astounded by her beauty and her breathtaking smile.

Arthur felt Tilly rub against his leg again and he crouched down, looked at this lovely cat and said, "Wish me luck, kitty" and with that he walked into the living room and he was about to leave when he decided to grab her last beer. 

Arthur went to grab her pistol and stopped for a moment, but he had no room for rational thought and took the gun nonetheless. He shoved it in his pocket, popped the cap off of the bottle, using the edge of her coffee table and practically skipped out the door. 

He was on a mission to take back his woman and nothing and no one was going stop him, not even himself...

🖤

** _And scene...🥀_ **

** _🥀_ **


	31. Bright White Jackets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did Arthur end up in Arkham before the film even began? In this chapter we will find out and we will see through Arthur's eyes how it feels to have mental illness. We will see how hard it is to be suffering in silence and feel there is no way out and how Iris has been his angel in more way than he has even realized fully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter is an Arthur flashback to before the movie started and his counselor asks him why he was in Arkham in the first place and simply dismisses it as being much of anything. I wrote this months ago and wasn't sure when to post it, but it's very relevant to the rest of the story and I hope you like it ♡ 
> 
> Also, the title is the name of a beautiful song by April Smith called "Bright White Jackets" and I highly recommend listening to it while you read it or after of you want ♡
> 
> Warning: this chapter has some very heavy stuff having to do with mental illness and suicide

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 31 _"Bright White Jackets"_**

🖤

** _🥀_ **

_ **Arthur:** _

_ **"I think ** _ _ **I** _ _ ** felt better when I was ** _ _ **locked** _ _ ** up in the hospital..."** _

**Counselor:**

** _"And have you thought more about why you were locked up?"_ **

_ **Arthur: "Who knows...** _ ** _"_ **

** _Flashback to 3 nights ago..._ **

"_No, this isn't right you need to be in a hospital" she said as she put her hands on the sides of head._

_The very second she uttered those words he tightly grasped her wrist and looked at her with so much pure intensity that she almost felt her nether regions set aflame. _

_"No, no hospital" he said through gritted teeth. _

_For some reason she just felt speechless and all she could do was stare. He was serious. She didn't even expect him to have even that much strength._

_When she said those words Joker felt his fiery adrenaline race through his broken body and grant him some strength to be sure this woman knew he was serious._

*************

All he thought about were those 4 walls and that horrid, binding straight jacket, making him feel more caged than he already did. His mother was the one who had him committed last time, which made him want to scoff now, and how he was just treated like a burden on society and another box on a long list of _sick _people to he checked off. Another number, not a human being desperately needing help.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Not too long before his life unfolded into what it has become, his mother was worried about him. He would not eat, he could not sleep and if he did it was far too much. He was suffering greatly and becoming aggressive, but he never laid hands on her, of course.

His laughing bouts had become crippling and she had to stop him from swallowing a bunch of pills at one point, but that didn't do much. He was in their bathroom, sitting on the cold tile floor sobbing and laughing hysterically. She didn't know what to do and when she tried to hold him, he resisted and she got scared.

The prison of his mind was closing in on him and he could feel himself panic. He _needed _to get out, but he was trapped. His mind was trying to kill him, so one night while she was asleep, he was sitting on the couch, chain smoking and trying to watch television, but he just could not focus.

One night Arthur Fleck had gone to a nearby liquor store and even though he _knew _that alcohol combined with his antipsychotics his treacherous state of mind was never a good idea, that didn't stop him from buying a bottle of cheap vodka. He was not someone who drank often, but it was usually a disastrous and sad state of affairs when he did. 

He walked through Gotham square, seeing happy looking couples pass by and he felt his burnt heart crumble. As he walked his left hand opened up, as if awaiting his soulmate to come along and grasp it.

It was the beginning of August and summer was almost over and Arthur found himself thinking about how he wished his life was like a passing season and it would soon be gone just like the summer. He sat on a close by park bench and looked to his left and, of course, saw a young man and woman, laughing and holding hands and as he looked at them, he felt tears sting his eyes.

Seeing that sweet sight only reminded him that he would _never _have that and then a whirlwind of other hateful thoughts. His mind began to spiral and he just wished his useless heart would stop.

As the night wore on and he decided to stand up and head back to his lonely home, he found himself having trouble walking correctly. He was drunk.

Arthur felt a chill in the wind, signaling summer's goodbye and he pulled his hood over his head and lit a cigarette. His played a tragic song, filled with the sounds of bone chilling cellos and violins. 

He trudged last a fastfood restaurant and stopped for a moment. He saw _her; _he saw the kind woman that he saw on the bus every day and he saw the look of despair in her beautiful eyes, hidden behind her smile. He saw himself in her and he remembered the warming feeling she gave him by simply showing him compassion and kindness. 

The restaurant was called Gotham's Laughing Fish. He smiled slightly when he saw the title. He had pages filled in his notebook of sloppily written letters and attempts at poetry written for her. 

He felt his heart sink and shudder at the thought of another devastating rejection and right as she glanced towards the window and seemed to look at him for a second, he quickly walked away.

He felt his stomach churn when he stepped into an alley for a moment and chugged down more of the bottle's burning contents. He faught the nausea, finished his cigarette and took off.

Arthur under the influence of alcohol was rare, but never good when he chose to partake...

He made his way across the street and onto the subway train he needed to be on to get home. Negative thoughts strangled him with wicked and influential hands that made him feel as though he was trapped. 

Those dangerous little demons that whispered into his ears were instantly more drawn to him than usual because his inhibitions were lowered. They flocked to him like vultures to a corpse. They knew it would be easier to take hold of his already weakened mind, while it was also drenched in alcohol.

  
Once he staggered out of the subway train and made it to his street, he stared at the long and treacherous flight of stairs that he had reluctantly ascended for many years and he wanted it to be the last time.

  
He never wanted to go up those stairs ever again; he never wanted to get on that depressing bus ever again; he never wanted to hear the taunting voices of bullies ever again and most of all, he never wanted to feel that lonely, unending ache in his sunken heart ever again.

Arthur trudged up the stairs; tripping a few times and having to regain balance, but he soon made it inside. He got to the elevator and took another nasty swig. When the elevator shook; it almost made him fall, but once the doors opened he walked unsteadily to the front door.

It was after midnight, so he knew his mother would be fast asleep. He opened the door and went inside, instantly lighting another cigarette.

He took yet another swig of that ominous bottle and stumbled over to the couch. He felt the alcohol swimming in his stomach and numbing his usually frantic mind.

Arthur knew he was going to regret this and end up feeling horrible and sick, but...if he was dead he wouldn't have to feel a damn thing...

His cigarette hanged in his mouth and he grinned for a moment at the thought of death. He was _ready._

Tears were streaming down his sunken in cheeks and he was so tired, but he found no sleep, nor comfort. His eyes kept staring mindlessly at the television and then darting to the bathroom where the medicine cabinet dwelled. He could here it beckoning him...

He scraped his fingers through his matted hair; his leg bouncing; his heart pounding, his alcohol drenched mind deprived of any rational thought and his cigarette placed in between his lips with an excessive length of ash on the tip. 

One more tear of loneliness slid down his damp cheek and he laughed slightly, putting his cigarette out harshly on the ash tray. His stiff and weakened legs stood him up and he slowly began to traipse towards the bathroom.

Penny was asleep and he knew she would not know....she never knew...

He stopped dead in his tracks for a moment; feeling frozen with fear and softly laughed to himself again, with tears still pouring down his cheeks. There was a small, hidden part of him that wanted to wake his mother and beg for some comfort, some affection and some loving words. He did not do that and instead walked right into the bathroom, his mind finally finding some comfort.

When he stood in front of the mirror and saw his pale and dead looking face he cringed and immediately opened the cabinet door. He saw all his medications all lined up neatly beside eachother and he reached a shaking hand out and grabbed one of the bottles.

He grabbed two different pill bottles and one was an old prescription of benzodiazepines that he never took much of because he didn't like them and, perhaps, somewhere in dark recesses of his crippled mind, he had been saving them for such an occasion.

When he screwed the lid off; he glanced over his shoulder, as if maybe his mother would burst through the door and stop him. He knew she wouldn't and he lowered his head for a moment and put his hand over his mouth to smother a tragic laugh, which was followed by a soft sob. There was no stopping him now.

The other pill bottle was just another useless medication that was supposed to "help" with his terrible depression that did not work. He looked at this pill bottle with resentment for a moment before he aggressively took the lid off and tossed it to the side.

The rest happened so fast it was almost a blur and it was done. He had swallowed, in several increments, a bunch of pills and he didn't even know how many, but right after he took them he looked at himself in the mirror for what he thought would be the last time and actually smiled a little, with glassy, exhausted eyes.

He casually strolled back to the couch where he sat down and lit a cigarette, as if nothing had happened at all. He leaned back on the couch, exhaled smoke, stared at the spinning ceiling and...waited...patiently...

After a while his mind started to feel slower and foggy and he suddenly decided to try and find his notebook. When tried to stand he immediately stumbled and hit the coffee table with his lower back and was on the floor, barely propping himself up with his elbow.

  
He was sure his mother would have heard that and interrupted his mission, but to his relief, she did not.

His vision was beginning to blur and he felt the room was spinning. Spinning just like his cycle of neverending negative thoughts, but he smiled weakly at the thought of them finally being gone. He was no longer lucid, but still tried to crawl to the desk.

He kept feeling like he was going into a dark tunnel, as he crawled to the desk, but somehow, he made it. His weak arm reached up and knocked his notebook off of the table, along with his pen that was beside it.

He was beginning to feel nauseous, but hoped he wouldn't throw up and lessen his chances of dying. The side of his face hit the floor, but he still opened his notebook and wrote, sloppily on the first page that he came to...

_ **"I just hope my death makes ** _ _ **more** _ _ ** cents than my life"** _

Right after he had written those words, his eyes rolled back in his head and there was only blackness and he heard a song ominously play in his muddled mind, as if he was being sang to sleep.

_"I started a joke which started the whole world crying_  
_But I didn't see that the joke was on me oh no_  
_I started to cry which started the whole world laughing_  
_Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was_ on me

I _started a joke which started the whole world crying_  
_But I didn't see that the joke was on me oh no_  
_I started to cry which started the whole world laughing_  
_Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on m_e"

_I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes_   
_And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said_

  
_'Till I finally died which started the whole world living_   
_Oh if I'd only seen that the joke was on me_   
_Oh no that the joke was on me..."_

When he fell into the pitch black of his dying mind, he only saw one thing and it was strange. It was not a memory; it was not flashes of the pain he may cause by his actions, but...it was a soft voice and a hand reaching down to him. The voice was soft, but he could not make out the words, only the gentleness of the foreign voice.

Arthur's wish had come true...His heart stopped. 

_Ladies and gentlemen, Arthur Fleck was free._

_3 minutes pass..._

_🥀_

Right when this stranger's hand seemed to grab his and pull him up, suddenly his eyes opened and he felt foreign air filling his lungs. His annoying mother was breathing air into his lungs and turned him on his side and shoved two of her fingers down his throat, instantly making him feel sick. He was so full of booze and pills that its didn't take much to bring them all up.

_He hated her for this..._

His body convulsed as vomit spewed out of his mouth right when she pulled her fingers out of his throat. He was laying on his side and was vomiting onto the floor and when his half lided eyes rolled to side, he saw his open notebook laying on the floor where he had left it.

On the page he had scribbled on before everything went black, he saw that the page beside it was one of his letters he had written to the woman on the bus. His watering, bloodshot eyes could only helplessly stare at it , before he felt his whole body tense up and he was getting sick again.

He wished he had the strength to pin his mother down and beat her senseless for bringing him back into this fucking nightmare.

He could not make out any words, or even think, but he still never forgot seeing his notebook beside him, filled with his secret love for the lady on the bus. His eyes were rolled back in his head again and his body was rebelling against his attempt to poison it, all because of _Penny Fleck._

He could not stop throwing up and it was torture and he rolled onto his back, which was making him now drown in his own vomit and that's when suddenly he could hear his mother's voice.

It was so strange, he kept thinking he was so cold and wet, with only the warmth of a hand tightly grasping his, and he kept hearing a voice say...

_"I need you to stay awake, okay?"_

_"Stay awake! Please stay awake!"_

It was a familiar voice, but he didn't know who it could be. The only person who would ever care, even a little about his life was his mother. She was certainly not a good mother, but even so, she was the only person truly _in_ his life even if it wasn't positive. There was no one else, there was _never _anyone else. All the more reason to be gone from this crooked world.

Her voice was shrill and stricken with panic. "Oh, Happy, no! You need to stay on your side, baby!"

She immediately rolled him back on his side, tilted his chin up and was stroking his hair, but his mother was almost _never _affectionate. 

_Strange..._

Arthur's eyes were white; his beautiful green irises hidden beneath his eyes lids, making him look like a ghost, which is precisely how he's always felt anyway...like nothing but a ghost...

The thing Penny did not know was that he didn't want to wait anymore for things to possibly be "_Okay"_, he just wanted to be free from this sickness. 

He does not remember much after that, except the sound of sirens and feeling something being shoved into his nose. The pain was a nightmare and he resisted greatly. The terror he felt was immense and even though he was in and out of slight conciousness, he still remembers the _pain. _

Arthur faught like crazy and he remembers the sheer panic he felt when he had to be restrained like an animal, as this terrifying procedure was performed. He felt like he was being choked to death and he could feel this intrusive tube scratch his throat as he swallowed.

He was _screaming_ as he felt this awful tube inch by inch, slither it's way through his nose and down his raw throat.

He kept hearing, "_Stop __caughing into the tube!" _

Arthur kept gagging and retching and the way these voices yelled at him and he felt hands holding him down only made it worse. 

He was on his left side and felt a nasty cold sensation in his stomach from the saline, but he didn't know any of that; he only knew that he was being tortured. 

Arthur's mother sat in the waiting room; wringing her hands anxiously, crying and feeling immense guilt. She was mentally ill and was not a very good mother, but she still was a mother and kept thinkng about the time he was 16 and drank too much and how sad he looked laying in his bed. She was sobbing now, clutching her chest.

Once Arthur's stomach had been pumped he was totally out of it and went right to sleep. He had no idea how long he was out, but when his heavy lids slowly opened and he saw the pale, florescent lights above his head and heard the steady sound of the monitor beeping to the rythm of his heart, he instantly tried to get up, but he was unable to escape.

His head was pounding and he wanted to rip the I.V. out of his hand and yank those annoying tubes out of his nose, but he soon saw that he had been restrained. His wrists were tied down and he wanted to scream. 

A nurse came in, telling him to calm down, but he glared at her with bloodshot eyes and growled at her, "Get these off of me _now"_

"You tried to kill yourself; these restraints are for your own good" she said, robotically.

Arthur was clammy and felt nauseous, but that didn't stop his adrenalin from racing through his veins. He kept helplessly trying to escape, even though he felt drained and weak.

The nurse was angrily telling him he had to stop, but Arthur was in fight or flight mode. He felt like a little mouse trying to flee from a predator even though he was caught in a mouse trap. 

Arthur wanted to cry and wanted to scream; not really because he woke up in a hospital, but because he _woke up._..

Suddenly his mother walked in and she looked at her son with tears in her eyes, which instantly triggered a painful laughing fit from Arthur. He fell back against the pillows; wishing he could cover his face, but the restraints made that impossible. Tears streaming down his pale face and his breathing became rapid.

"Happy, what happened, how could you do that?" She said with a shaky voice.

Arthur turned his head away from her, still trying to smother his laughter. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight his horrible, unwanted laughter. His hands trembled and his body tensed up, as he felt overwhelmed with emotion.

His mother came to him and placed her hand on his. Right when she tried to touch his face that's when he flinched, sat up; looked right at her with piercing, glassy eyes and said, "What happened? How could I do this? Because, I'm not _happy, _stop calling me that!"

His throat hurt and yelling took almost all of the little strength he had left. He also felt,achy, queasy and he felt so cold. He felt he was getting sick on top of everything else. It was almost just like how he felt that night he woke up horribly hungover ans freezing, years ago when he was only 16. 

Penny just couldn't cope and never knew how to truly be a mother, so she did what she has always done and stepped away. His tired, tearful eyes followed her as she walked out of the room. 

He saw her talking to the doctor and he _knew _what was about to happen. His eyes were now flooded with tears; his throat was sore and raw; his head ached, but not as much as his poor heart did.

He laid back down on the pillows and simply waited. He knew they were coming, just the way they used to come take his mother when he was growing up and he laughed for a moment, thinking of the tragic irony. 

Eventually Arthur's exhausted mind and body fell deeply into a dreamless sleep. He had failed...he was still alive. 

He soon was awakened by a nurse and when his groggy eyes opened, he saw a doctor looking over him and even though he was talking to Arthur all he heard was static. He's heard it all before and he was just so _tired_ and couldn't fight anymore.

Suddenly; even though he felt limp with exhaustion, as soon as he felt the nurse loosen his restraints, he felt a surge of rage and adrenaline explode in his body. He ripped the tubes out of his nose, yanked his I.V. out savagely, grabbed the nurse's wrist and tried to push her away.

Arthur saw red and before he knew it he was being grabbed and held aggressively by orderlies, as he cried out in agony. He knew he would not be treated as a sick person needing help, but as a rabid dog that had no use. 

He felt hot and cold at the and it was awful; like the beginnings of the flu, he knew they wouldn't care, so he said nothing. 

Arthur thought about moments like this being repeated his entire life and it made him fight the orderlies even more. He heard tragic cellos play harshly in his mind as he cried out as he watched some blood trickle down his hand from where the needle had been.

Right as he saw the doctor holding a syringe in his hand and the way the tip ominously squirted bits of its toxic contents into the air, he looked to his left and saw his mother with her hand over her mouth, crying.

He had a moment of guilt, but right when their eyes locked she turned her back and walked away. She was jus never equipped to deal with his sickness, just like she was never equiped to deal with her own.

He had stopped resisting for a moment; distracted by the sight of his crying mother and he felt his tired body become even weaker than it already was. 

He felt shaky, sweaty, cold, feverish and nauseous. His high anxiety made him feel sick and he feebly resisted the staff a bit more, right as he saw the doctor come towards him brandishing that threatening needle. 

Arthur was crying, but suddenly felt his empty stomach burn and hung his head down and vomited into the floor. He was retching and crying and laughing simultaneously and that was when he felt the sting of the needle in his buttocks. 

That was it...he was now _"committed", _as they say, and as he sat in that padded cell, which was where he had been placed for "_acting_ _out_", he still thought of _her_ and that was the only thing that brought him even the slightest bit of comfort. 

Sadly, the only other comfort he found was either violently sobbing, or banging his head against the window, as if he needed to punish himself. He would do _anything _to numb the pain and all he could think about was how he had _failed._

He was also clearly sick, but nobody there cared. They never did...

When the nights were late and he found no sleep, the only thing that brought any comfort at all was imagining that the lovely woman on the bus was there with him; providing him with the love and affection he had never known...

Those short 3 minutes he was dead did not feel short at all. They felt so much longer, as if _days_ had passed....

_The rest is history... 🥀_

_"_ _They've called the doctors_

_Today's the day_

_I've lost it finally_

_And they're putting me away_

_I'm sure I won't be quite the same_

_So before I go_

_I wanted oh I wanted you to know._

_That a million men in their bright white jackets_

_Could never erase you from my mind_

_But when they bring me back to you_

_And tell you that I'm shiny new_

_The_ _man_ _that you see_

_May not be me behind these eyes_

_Anymore._

_I've never loved another_

_As I've loved you and do still_

_But I wonder when they're through with me_

_I wonder if I will_

_So remember things I've said to you_

_And say them back to me_

_And maybe you can rescue me from lunactic_

_And let million men in their bright white jackets_

_Try to erase you from my mind_

_But when they bring me back to you_

_And tell you that I'm shiny new_

_The man that you see_

_May not be me behind theses eyes anymore._

_Oh they're making me_

_They're making me_

_Take these awful pills_

_Assuring me they're curing me_

_Of all my evil ills_

_They say they're saving me_

_They're saving me_

_So they'll have me think_

_I was fine before they got to me_

_But now I'm on the brink_

_Of utter madness._

_They've called the doctors_

_Today's the day_

_I've lost it finally_

_And they're putting me away_

_They tried to steal my thoughts_

_And all my memories of you_

_But I clung tight to them_

_Because I always knew._

_That a million men in their bright white jackets_

_Could never erase you from my mind_

_But when they bring me back to you_

_And tell you that I'm shiny new_

_The man that you see may not be me."_

🥀

_-April _ _Smith_


	32. The Elevator and the Porcelain Doll ♡

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur finally leaves her apartment, but something happens while he is on the elevator and Arthur begins to wonder if he's losing it again. Iris finishes up her makeup and starts to drink her sorrows away, but keeps seeing things and hearing the news on the TV, making her heart ache for him even more. Arthur leaves her building finally...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if these are too long, I just really engrossed in the details of my writing. I hope you like it 🖤
> 
> I also finally figured out how to post images and gifs! I have always pictured Iris looking and being a lot like the character Effy Stonem from the show Skins, so I'm gonna be using some good gifs of her for my fic because unfortunately Iris is made up so I can't find pics of her lol.

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 31: _The Elevator and the Porcelain Doll_**

**🖤**

_ **Arthur 🥀** _

Once Arthur reached the elevator and walked inside, there was an older woman with a toddler with her. Arthur stood still in the elevator, stoic and silent as usual, but he simply couldn't ignore the eyes that were staring inquisitively at him. The second the old woman saw _Joker, _she pulled the little boy closer, but the little boy still stared at Arthur with large, curious eyes and when Arthur looked back, he saw the child instantly smile at him. The boy was at the magical, innocent age where the torments of adulthood hadn't yet tainted his outlook on this strange thing called "life" and he found himself thinking of Bruce...

That day that Arthur met little Bruce Wayne and he attacked his butler from the other side of the gate like a starving, caged wolf, he remembered something. He remembered how his overwhelming adrenaline took control, as it usually does, and how the only thing that truly made him release his prey was Bruce Wayne's still innocent eyes.

Arthur saw himself, for a moment, in Bruce and remembered how he never truly had a childhood and instead had to become accustomed to abuse, violence, screaming and inappropriate touching. He didn't want Bruce to feel the way he felt as a child, even if it was only one memory, hence, he released his prey and took off before he caused anymore harm to an innocent child. Innocence was something that Arthur was robbed of growing up and he would never wish that on any child. 

The boy had some of his fingers and seemed very intrigued by the ominous looking clown, with a black hood over his head, standing beside him. It was funny how a small child didn't see him as someone frightening, but something mysterious and appealing. The boy kept smiling at Arthur, so he stared down at him and gave him a big smile. 

The boy smiled back, giggled and asked, "Mister, are you going trick or treating?" 

Arthur looked down at the boy and said, "Something like that"

The old woman instantly scolded the child and told him not to talk to strangers. The elevator stopped on their floor and as the old woman pulled the boy out of the elevator he still stared at Arthur who smiled and winked at him, his hood almost fully shadowing his eyes, and he saw the way the boy looked so pleased. The boy smiled back and waved goodbye and Arthur waved back just before the doors closed. 

Once the doors closed, Arthur took a few more swigs of his beer and felt his wicked heart jump with excitement and fear. Suddenly the elevator shook and the lights flickered. Arthur felt dizzy and nauseous for a second, like he was in and out of a dream. It was very odd and he found himself wondering if maybe he was dreaming this whole time and then his mind dared to wander further into his colorful mind. As the light continued to flicker and the elevator shook, he suddenly panicked when he saw someone standing on the other side of the elevator. It was him..It Arthur

His heart was pounding and he tried to shut his eyes and hope the strange figure would vanish, but it didn't work. The Arthur he was looking at was looking at him with white eyes and his face was pale and gray, like a corpse. The lights kept flickering and as they did, the figure kept getting closer and Arthur thought he was going to have a heart attack...

The elevator came to a shaky halt and the lights stopped flickering and Arthur was now surrounded by blackness. He knew how his mind can toy with him and he kept having flashes of being in that horrid cell and having all those pills shoved down his throat; the indescribable pain of that tube snaking its way down his throat when he overdosed; the screaming voice of his mother; the way he felt like an animal when he was strapped down in that cold hospital bed; and something else...

His head was suddenly pounding and he thought maybe he remembered something from that night, but most of that night was fuzzy, plus most of it was spent in a blackout. He felt nauseous. He knew he heard his mother's voice, but now he was questioning even that, but he never knew what to trust in his mind. He suddenly remembered rain, but it didn't rain that night, or did it? Arthur was so lost.

He did here screaming, but it was so foggy and he was so fucked up and in and out of a blackout that whole night. He doesn't even remember how long he was asleep after that terrifying ordeal, but he suddenly found himself remembering the feeling of a hand tightly squeezing his and it was freezing wherever he was, but he knows that must be another delusion, just like the one with Sophie and he was not at all lucid after taking all those pills with that bottle of liquor. 

All of his racing thoughts came to sudden halt, just like the elevator did, and all he heard in his mind was a faded, echoing voice saying "_I need you to stay awake, okay?" _

Iris said those same words to him the night she found him and put him in that stolen car. The other words that played in his mind like a grainy old record player were "_Hang on, hang on!" _And suddenly the lights flickered again, snapping Arthur out of his dreamy, delusional state and the air became cold.

The lights went out again for a moment and when they began to flicker again, Arthur screamed when he felt icy cold hands choking him and he saw his own face glowering at him, with white dead eyes. He was foaming at the mouth and leaned into Joker's ear and said "_You should have died that night"_

It looked like a battle between Arthur Fleck and his savagely free alter ego, Joker...

Arthur was petrified and he dropped his beer, but strangely, that's not what it sounded like. It sounded like a pill bottle and the zombie-like Arthur released his grip. Arthur was caughing and gasping for air and he felt he was going to throw up, so he hunched over and began to retch. When he looked on the floor he saw that his beer was not there and instead he saw pills scattered all over the floor. He was panicking.

He wondered if perhaps he had truly killed himself and was stuck in some alternate reality...

The lights were flickering so bad now that it was making his headache worse and throwing off his equilibrium. He was breathing rapidly and tried to lean against the wall and try and catch his breath. He tried to walk towards the door, but fell and tried to crawl there. He thought he was going to pass out.

He has had so many vivid hallucinations and delusions in his life that he just didn't know what was real sometimes, or what thoughts he could trust. He had so many racing thoughts sometimes that he did even know which ones to listen to. His traumatized brain had literally created a relationship with a woman that literally only encountered him once on the elevator. All she had to do was smile at him and that was it.

He was so dizzy now that he could barely keep his head up, without immediately feeling ill. He clawed at the floor and began to weakly cry and the only word he was able to even say was _Iris._

_"Iris...I-Iris...Iris, Iris..."_

He kept thinking Iris wasn't real and that his worst nightmare was true. He just kept weakly calling her name until the lights went out and his eyes rolled back in his head. He passed out...

******************

Suddenly Arthur's eyes slowly opened when he felt the sensation of his face being lightly slapped. He heard someone talking to him.

"_Hey, are you alright, sir?" _

He was unable to answer and he felt like his head weighed a hundred pounds. He kept opening his eyes and then closing them. He just wanted Iris...

"_Come on, open your eyes" _

Arthur finally opened his eyes and saw a blurred face. His heavy eye lids opened wider and he murmured, softly, "I-Iris?"

"Iris? My sister?" The voice said, sounding clearer now.

Someone was touching his hair and he flinched at first until he saw a familiar face. It was Ophelia.

"Funny man, you can't take naps on the elevator, silly"

The elevator was stuck in between two floors, very much like Arthur's fragile state of mind, stuck delicately in between fantasy and reality. 

The elevator shook, but still didn't budge...

Arthur tilted his head back and saw that Ophelia was staring down at him, smiling. He was waking up now, but still just wanted to curl up in Iris' bed with her and sleep. 

"_O-O-Ophel-Ophelia...Ophelia?" _He breathed.

"You look silly, Funny Man" she giggled. He felt like he was on a small ship that wouldn't stop rocking from the choppy water and it was horrible and sickening.

"Are you gonna throw up again like last time?" Ophelia asked, instantly making him feel embarrassed.

Just her mentioning that made him feel queasy, but he simply swallowed hard and said, feebly, "N-no...I'm fine"

He unsteadily propped himself up on his elbow and saw there was a woman kneeled down in front of him. She looked a lot like Iris. She even had that same look of empathy on her face.

"Are you alright?" She asked, as Arthur slowly sat up. His head was spinning.

"Yeah..." he grunted, still trying to wake up.

"You know my sister?" She inquired. She saw how comfortable Ophelia was around him and she was shocked. She never saw Ophelia so thrilled being around a man. 

"Oh, you're the one that was in her apartment?"

Arthur winced in pain when he tried to stand, his whole body hurt. Rose helped him to his feet, even though he said he didn't need help, but he clearly did. He stumbled a bit at first, but was able to stand steady after a little while.

Ophelia immediately wrapped her arms around Arthur's leg, which almost made him fall over, but he didn't mind. 

"Honey, give him some space" 

Arthur looked down at Ophelia and saw the way she smiled up at him innocently and even though he didn't feel well, he still mustered a warm smile for her. Rose smiled and said, "Wow, she never likes anyone, especially not men"

"Yes, I know your sister...she's amazing" Arthur said, in a soft hoarse tone and smiled timidly at her.

Rose is very protective over her little sister and Ophelia, but there was something soft and kind about this man. 

"Ophelia, how did you know it was me?" Arthur asked, sounding sleepy.

"You're fingers have no nails, so I knew it had to be you!" She said gleefully. 

"Are you sick?" Rose asked.

Arthur was a little lost in his confused brain and kept scanning his surroundings, especially the floor. He remembered all the pills on the floor and the way they crunched under his feet, but they were gone. His beer bottle was on the floor, but nothing else. 

_"Just another delusion..." _, he murmured under his breath.

"What?" Rose asked, still waiting for an answer.

"N-no, I'm fine...I just got dizzy from the elevator and the lights flickering, made me feel sick" he lied.

"I think my sister has talked about you before. You ride the same bus?"

Arthur was surprised to hear her say that. "Yes..." he said very softly.

"He's the Funny Man!" Ophelia yelled, randomly.

Arthur and Rose both laughed, but Arthur hoped she wouldn't say anything about seeing him on television. Thankfully, she hadn't...yet.

Rose felt happy seeing how excited her daughter was seeing him. Even though Arthur looked a bit frightening with his black hood over his ominously painted face, she saw he had the kindest smile...just like her sister. 

"Are you meeting up with her? I ran into her and she was heading to her spot, but she did look upset"

Arthur felt his heart ache when she said that. He looked directly at Rose with his soft eyes and said, "Yeah, I'm...meeting up with her to surprise her" 

Rose saw the sincerity in his eyes and she felt it in her heart. She looked at how happy Ophelia looked and then looked at Arthur again. He was getting nervous now.

To his relief she simply smiled warmly at him and said, "Well, she seems to really like you a lot and Ophelia fucking adores you, which is still very shocking to me. Go find her...I think she's waiting for you..."

Arthur felt his heart brim over with immense emotion and he looked down at Ophelia and smiled.

"Are you a scary clown" Ophelia asked, pulling on his pant leg. 

Suddenly the lights flickered an

Arthur had to think for a moment and laughed at the irony. "Yeah, sort of..." he laughed.

He looked back at Rose and said, "I have to go...I need to go be with her"

Rose felt the sincerity in his voice, smiled and said, "Alright, as long as you're gonna be okay"

"I will be once I find her..." 

Rose felt her heart melt when he said that. "Well, get going then" she said with a laugh.

"Come on, Ophelia, time to leave this poor man alone"

Ophelia resisted, but Rose pulled her away from him. Rose then picked her up and Ophelia wrapped her arms around her neck and smiled at him. 

The elevator doors finally opened on the ground floor and they all stepped out. Arthur felt a chill in his bones as he walked out and looked over his shoulder nervously, as if someone was following him.

"Have a good night" Rose said to him, as she turned in the opposite direction.

Arthur snapped out of his darkened corridors of his mind and smiled at her and waved to Ophelia as they walked away.

"I'll miss you!" She called out to him. 

Arthur almost felt tears in his eyes when she said that, but he didn't know why.

He took a deep breath and walked towards the exit. He felt some of his wickedly, delighted confidence return to him as he walked to the doors. 

Arthur looked rather villainous with the black hood over his sinfully painted face. Once he pushed the front doors open he grinned nice and wide when he saw all the other people wearing clown makeup, masks and other costumes. It was almost like a masquerade ball from hell and he was the host.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

** _Iris 🖤_ **

Meanwhile, Iris had finished her makeup, which she somehow did on autopilot and it coincidentally looked similar to her love's. Her lips were a deep red with the corners elongated in a perfectly thin line, touching her soft cheekbones. Her eyes were painted with a stunning turquoise color and in a sort of cat eye shape around her eyes. She also made her face look much more pale than usual with some theatrical looking rouge on her cheeks, the same cheeks that Arthur had kissed only hours ago, with sensationally, dealy lips.

When she took a good look at herself in the mirror she realized that she had painted her melancholy face almost the same way as her lover's more frightening half. Looking at her face painted in such a way made her miss him even more. She almost wanted to wipe all of her makeup off, as if it would erase her memories of him. 

_3 days.. _

_3 days is all it had been, but it still felt like years..._

Iris put her things away, trying not to cry and dashed out the door to get another drink. She needed a fucking drink and perhaps, several more to numb her internal wounds. Once she got to the bar she noticed it had gotten much more crowded and she almost felt she was going to shatter to a million jagged pieces when she saw that most of the patrons were wearing clown masks and Joker-looking makeup. She wished they would all disappear and Arthur would walk through those doors and look at her with those piercing, green eyes. Even just a look would make her heart come to life.

Iris noticed several imposter clowns glare at her with thirsty eyes and it just made her feel homicidal. She hated the majority of men and absolutely _hated_ feeling like she had to be on guard for some sick fuck to bother her, or worse. She made a beeline to the bar and sat in an empty seat as far away from the men as possible. 

The woman behind the bar was beautiful and Iris knew her from other times she's been there and her name is Corinne. She smiled at her kindly as she shook up someone a martini gracefully and said, "Hi beautiful, what would you like?" 

Iris forced a smile and almost didn't know what to say for a moment because her head was like a train engine racing out of control. Iris snapped out of her dissociative state and said, "Sorry...Umm...I'll just take a Corona and two shots of Southern Comfort, please" 

As the lovely bartender brought her the beer Iris watched her pour her chilled shots and her mouth watered. She knew she needed to try and not get carried away, but she just wanted to forget even if it was dangerous...dangerous like _him..._.

Iris stared at her first shot for a few moments, as if rational thought may stop her if she waited, but there was no sign of any such thoughts in her haunted mind. 

Iris nervously lit a cigarette, took a long drag and downed her first shot and sipped her beer as a chaser. She could hear the news in the background and it was killing her and she didn't hesitate to swallow the second shot and slam the glass on the bar and smile ever so slightly as she felt the alcohol burn her stomach and shoot a miraculous warmth all through her body, instantly slowing down her racing mind.

  
The cigarette that sat in between her maroon painted lips made her think of how it drove her mad to see Arthur sitting on her bed unclothed smoking a cigarette almost down to the filter and how beautiful he looked. Just the thought of him looking so statuesque and his pathos posture. She could almost smell the nicotine in his breath and she felt as though she would melt in her seat. 

As Iris was drinking her beer, but something she heard on the television instantly caught her attention. She heard Arthur and when she looked at the TV she saw a video of him at some comedy club having an attack of his painful, nervous laughter and she finally saw what had drove over the edge. People around her laughed at him and made judgmental comments about how he's a weird, sick person as if they were pure and without sin.

Iris saw how Murray Franklin had mocked him on live television calling him a Joker....and suddenly it all made sense. She had to fight back tears when she heard the agony in his false laughter. She saw how he tried to cover his mouth and fight the nerve gnawing anxiety, but it only made it worse. She had missed this part of the show and she had no idea that he had gone through such torment before he lost his mind...his beautiful, sacred mind...

The people in the bar spat words of blind hatred and ridicule and worst of all, they laughed at him. Arthur could only take so much and even though Iris would never kill someone like that she still felt his anguish deeply in her heart. She could feel his suffering stab her right in her soul and she couldn't stop her unwanted tears any longer. She turned away from the bar as she felt them plummet from her eyes like a waterfall of despair. 

****************

At Iris' job she often felt the same way, but she would take it out on herself. There were many occasions that she would be talked down to and treated either as if she were invisible, or just treated like she was odd and unwanted. She would often times try and spend as much time as possible cleaning the lobby while she could hear her coworkers laughing and talking and although, at times, she wished she fit in and could join, her deep seeded fear of rejection and ridicule stopped her dead in her tracks.

Even just being quiet and trying her very best to mind her own business, it seemed that ordinary, insecure people liked to be bullies, so they would see her as easy prey and treat her like a someone in a freak show that the audience would throw things at. She just couldn't seem to win.

Sometimes when she was taking orders she would be so distressed that she would be smiling and speaking kindly and robotically to the customers all while digging her finger nails into her arms for some _relief._

There were times when she thought some of them liked her, or were her "friends" only to discover that they spoke cruelly about her behind her back. They would make fun of her scars as if she was a dangerous monster, so yes, she understood Arthur's _rage._ She often had graphic thoughts of killing them all, but instead she killed herself a little inside each day she was there...she was not a person...she was a joke...and it had no punchline...

"_There is no punchline, it's not a joke"_

_*****************_

** _Arthur 🥀_ **

Arthur desperately needed a cigarette, especially after having all that alcohol and that terrifying elevator experience, so he stopped at a corner store and bought two packs with the little bit of cash he had left. He knew he had three twenty dollar bills and he knew she must have taken them and surprisingly, it made him smile. He loved every bit of her, even her angry and mischievous side. The cashier stared at him for a moment, but Arthur simply smiled at him and the cashier suddenly looked down. Arthur hoped he wouldn't have to take out his ID, especially since he's 37 years old. 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

When Arthur suddenly thought about his age, it was as if he never realized how old Iris is even though she told him. "_She's only 23 years old"_ he thought to himself. He knew her age, but he felt as if the last three days were a dream, as if he had been in some alternate reality that had been shattered by the piercing argument they had. Arthur is 14 years older than her, which cut slightly into his perfect little fantasy. She is a woman, but that is a rather large age gap, even though, in many ways, she seemed older and wiser than him. 

_"She has her whole life ahead of her"_ he thought to himself as he took another long drag from his nearly finished cigarette. He thinks she's so incredible and he just cannot fathom why she would even come close to feeling the same way about him. He had fallen hard and fast for her almost instantly and in some ways he felt guilty. Arthur knows that she sought him out, but he chose to stay and he was starting ponder that perhaps he shouldn't have...

Arthur is soft and gentle and had always had a very deep tenderness about him, especially when he was a boy, but now, over time, there was very thin line between that kind and soft demeanor he possessed and it had finally been crossed and it was that night on the subway when he fired his gun, putting bullet holes in three human beings, _killing them._ There was such a massive difference between the first time he fired a gun like a curious child, hiding it from his mother, and the second time when he aimed all those years abuse and burning rage at three bullies and took their lives. 

When he shot them, at first it may truly have been self defense because they were brutally beating him, but when he saw one of the men try and flee like a scared little rabbit he suddenly felt a predatory urge race through his veins that told him to pursue his weakened prey. His mind had only one thing that seemed to take hold of him, like his inner demon puppeteering him, and it was to finish this pathetic little man and to make it known that he was no longer going to be in that pathetic position again. The hot gun in his hand gave him power and it was a power that he never had before that night.....

Once Arthur had taken lives it got easier to continue it, just like a potent drug. It may sound insane, but the fact that he did not kill Iris' alcoholic ex boyfriend truly meant that he loved her more than words could describe. He certainly would have killed him if it not for her and her pleading and her compassion for others that Arthur no longer seemed to have, unless they had not done even the slightest bit of harm to him, but if they did, even if it was just paranoia, there would no longer be anything stopping him...only her...but he could not promise that he would always hold back, especially if they were harming her in some way.

Anyone causing her any sort of harm would make him rabid...he never loved anyone until she found him.

Since Iris came and reached her hand down to him while he lay helpless and delirious, he has felt as if he were pulled out of his own self loathing and madness and brought into a world he could only dream of. 

He couldn't believe she stayed by his side while he was beaten up and battered, passed out on her couch and keeping him safe. No one ever showed him kindness as that and, maybe, if he did have that sort of love and acceptance in his life he would have been a happier and a much more stable man. Even though, unfortunately, that was not the case; if he was treated differently and had a totally different life, he never would have met his beautiful beacon of light, his bright moon that lit him up inside. Any life that meant he never would have met Iris, he didn't want anything to do with...

He wanted to take her hand and run away on a crazy and passionat journey, but he hoped that he wouldn't bring her crashing down if he could no longer hold on tight enough, bringing a tragic end to their captivating song.

🥀

A/N: Ok, I have a special treat for my readers...Here's a tiny little sneak peek at the next chapter...

"_I can't breathe" he said to himself, as his left hand clutched his chest. His heart begged him to run to her, but his anxious mind and deep fear of abandonment paralyzed him._

_Arthur suddenly heard a familiar song come on from inside the bar, it was the song "Smile" sang by Judy Garland, a song that he felt summed most of his life and as it started to play he could see Iris lower her head and he could feel her agony in his own heart because he felt it too. Just seeing her look like that for even a moment made tears pool at the bottom of his eyes. He took a puff of his cigarette and felt frozen. His eyes were captivated by her tragic beauty and he felt he could fall apart right where he stood."_

Stay tuned!!


	33. "I Can't Breathe"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur finally sees her, but his nerves almost get the best of him and his mental disorders seem to be kicking into overdrive. Will he be able to stand up to them and make it to his lady?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so things are getting intense, but I enjoyed writing this one. 
> 
> The lyrics that are scattered in this chapter are from an Arcade Fire song, but the one that I listened to while writing it are a beautiful cover by Peter Gabriel and they have so much significance.

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 33: "_I Can't Breathe"_**

** _"The origin of the universe is Oneself. In fact; the origin of everything is Oneself. Yes, including Life. Although the above is correct, it remains an abstraction of sorts. Why? Oneself is the origin of itself. There is only Oneself experiencing itself. The purpose? To escape aloneness, to have companionship. Yes, Love indeed. It's all about Love. Love is the greatest commandment, Oneself is essentially Love."_ **

** _-Wald Wassermann 🥀_ **

Arthur was so lost in thought and tipsy that he had almost walked right into 3 people. They could have shoved him over and spat in his face and that would have been fine, as long as he can still make his way to Iris.

All those years of pain and abuse seemed to have vanished the second her soft hand grasped onto his filthy, bloodied hand he had been lifted into a new world and it was a world where he felt that it was finally okay to really be himself. Perhaps, it always was okay, but Arthur was the only one who's third eye had finally opened, while others were still blind.

***********

Thankfully, the cashier did not ask for his identification and simply smiled at him and went on to the next customer in the long line behind him. Once Arthur stepped outside he instantly took a cigarette out and lit it, inhaling it deeply and exhaling such a beautiful relief. He was beginning to get nervous and it was also very cold out and he only had her light hoodie to keep his skinny body warm. 

He bought a beer, also, and started mindlessly drinking it the second he stepped outside. He was so nervous and it made his stomach turn, but somehow the beer helped. Later on may be a different story.

He swallowed down the rest of his beer, chucked it in a nearby garbage can and felt the lovely warmth surge through his body. He felt an intense, dizzying head rush and lost his balance for a second, but was able to walk on anyway.

_"I drank that way too fucking fast" _he thought to himself, almost feeling like he was gonna puke.

The feeling passed, but when he started to walk again, with the big, rushing crowd of people, he felt it come back with a vengeance. He dashed in the alley he was passing, leaned his hand against the wall and got sick. He felt so stupid, weak and embarrassed. He knew people saw his pathetic display and even heard a few laughs, but he still needed to trudge on.

Surprisingly, he wasn't really that sick, he just needed to empty his stomach a bit and then he was okay, tipsy, but okay. He lightly wiped his mouth with his sleeve, laughed to himself, lit another cigarette and kept going.

He knew this was terrible thinking, but he immediately thought.

_"Now I have room for more"_

He scolded himself, but his racing mind was slowed by the alcohol, which was truly all he wanted. It's all he's ever wanted. 

He actually felt _good_ and felt better after throwing up. A lot of it might have bee nerves, or a combination of the two and he just needed to get sick in order to feel better. Sounds very contradictory, doesn't it? 

He just needed to find her and he knew getting obliterated would not help in the slightest, but he was just so nervous. 

Every time he would drink he would scold himself on the fact that he should eat something beforehand, but he never did and he was having one of those moments as he felt the alcohol burn the lining of his empty stomach. It honeslty felt good, but he rolled his eyes because he knew it always did in the beginning. He had to try and control himself this time so he didn't look like a fool in front of Iris. 

Arthur was coming closer and closer to the bar that he hoped and prayed his beautiful woman was in. He knew that she easily may not be there, but in a strange way, he swore he could feel her slowly and cautiously pulling that thin thread, between their two hearts, nearer and nearer to him. He heart strings were lonely and _begging _to be graciously stroked by his bow. It was as if he were a ship lost at sea and her love for him was bright like a lighthouse, guiding him to the safety of her loving arms.

Arthur had smoked his cigarette down to filter before he flicked it into the street. He was relieved that no one seemed to really notice him amongst the sea of his followers. His heart jumped when he saw the bar right across the street. Although he was dressed as his superior half, when it came to his lady, he still felt butterflies like someone on a first date. 

His head started to hurt all of a sudden and his heart was pounding in his ears, but he knew he needed to get across the street and find her, even though his stomach was reacting again to his high anxiety and alcohol saturated stomach. 

"_Fuck"_

As soon as he thought about the warmth of her loving kiss, he lit another cigarette and dashed across the street, almost getting struck by a car at least 3 times, but he didn't care. It has happened before, after all, but he was glad that he was not fleeing from the police this time. He was not fleeing from anything, but doing quite the opposite and that is why it was so much more nerve racking. Never seeing her again and never feeling the loving touch of her hand in his, terrified him much more than prison. The loveless prison he had been living in for 37 years was far worse.

He could almost feel her presence make his hair stand on end. He crossed the street and to him it felt as though he had crossed a treacherous ocean just to reach his dark angel with raven, beautiful hair that shimmered brilliantly against the flames of his undying desire for her.

He was out of breath when he made it across the street. There were some people standing outside of the bar in costumes, smoking and conversing. He had arrived, but now that he was so close to possibly finding her his heart rate sky rocketed and it made him feel nauseous again, but he cringed and fought it off.

Arthur was so anxious about her still hating him that he he didn't just walk right in, he stood on the side of the doors and leaned his back against the wall, as if he were in a shoot out. He was trapped by his fears again...

"_My body is a cage_

_That keeps me from dancing with the one I love_

_My mind holds the key..."_

_ _

He took such a long drag of his cigarette that he actually coughed. He felt like a fool, like a boy in high school and even more awkward than usual. He felt his attire and make up did not match how small he felt inside, but that is what love has reduced him to.

He has not had anxiety like this since he had that crush on that "pretty" girl he went to high school with when he was 16. That did not turn out well at all and just the thought of that blurry, embarrassing night of drinking made him have to try and think of something else to make his stomach stay still. That night was a nightmare and the next day was almost worse because he was still alive and conscious through all the sickness and internal suffering he had to deal with. He had to feel it all.

This made him even more of a mess, though, because this girl, this _incredible _woman, was so much more. He had admired her for months and months and never in his wildest dreams did he think that the woman of his mad heart's deepest fantasies would reach down into the deadly flames of his loneliness and pull him out before they consumed him. She is no mere "pretty girl" or just a childish crush, she is everything, she is what his heart needed to keep beating.

She was his breath of life 🥀

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his slicked back hair, trying not to make his hood fall. As he stood there, nervously, smoking and occasionally biting his nails, he looked up and saw a woman approach him. It was not his woman so he instantly got anxious that she recognized him, but he soon became very puzzled.

"_Is she...is she smiling at me?" _He thought, as he looked behind him to see if she was smiling at someone else, but there was clearly a wall behind him. He was such a wreck.

This woman had blonde hair, a short pinup red dress, black heels on and she had a mixed drink in her hand. She looked like she must be a bit intoxicated. Arthur kept smoking and looked away, pretending not to see her, hoping she would go away.

His mind was going so fast and he was now getting flashes of his suicide attempt and how scared he was. He remembers almost none of that night, but he somehow remembers the _pain. _He gulped and shut his eyes for a moment, trying not to think of that awful tube snaking it's way through his nose and down his throat and that voice...that strange voice that echoed in his mind to this day. It made no sense.

He barely even remembers being at Arkham with all the meds they pumped him with. He was out of his mind when he got there and very self destructive. He had to be stabbed with a needle several times, but all needed was help, _someone _to just _listen. _Eventually they just put him on meds that made him practically lifeless. He mostly slept, wouldn't eat, couldn't do much of anything except lay there. 

He would fall in and out of dreams where he thought he was on the bus with Iris. Nothing else felt pleasant, only the image of her coy smile that warmed his dying heart. 

First, he had to be put in the observation room because he was "_A risk"..._

He was out of his mind and was angry that he was still alive. He felt so confined, so he resorted to self harm. He felt like an animal in a zoo and he couldn't stand it.

"_My body is a cage_

_That keeps from dancing with the one I love..."_

"_My mind holds the key"_

_🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀_

He has to fight off these memories or he was going to panic, so he puffed on his cigarette frantically and kept running his fingers through his hair and that woman who was looking at him was not helping.

It was very bad timing to be wasting time with a drunk stranger and he was so horribly anxious that he really just needed to be alone. It took all he had to not vomit only moments ago. He used to have the same issue when he was younger when his anxiety would get really bad, but it hasn't been this bad since he was probably a kid, or when he was waiting to get on stage at the comedy club. He swallowed hard and was about to try and peak inside, but he kept glancing over and getting distracted by that woman who seemed set on getting his attention.

He looked away, as he saw her come closer.

_"Fuck, why is she coming over here?"_

She walked right up to him with a hungry smile and said, "I like your costume, what's your name?" Arthur stared at her dumbfounded and even looked to his left and right to make sure she was talking to him, even though clearly she was. Arthur's heart belonged to Iris, but he couldn't help but notice how physically attractive she is and how her tight dress hugged her curves.

She is an attractive woman, but she was invisible to him because all his love, affection and devotion was tightly chained to only one woman and it certainly wasn't this stranger that stood in front of him, slurring her words.

Even though Arthur was nervous and distracted, he still was very flattered that an attractive woman would even approach him, so without much thought, he looked at her and half smiled and glared at her with a captivating gaze. He was shocked to see that she actually smiled back at him and got out a cigarette and said, "You got a light?"

Arthur stared at her for a moment, like he was examining her.

"_I know you..."_

_***********_

He recognized her, but he wished he hadn't. It was a girl named Abby and she was the "_pretty" _girl that made a fool of him when he was 16. She certainly wouldn't recognize him with the way he looks now and the with all the makeup. She wouldn't recognize him anyway, most people from his high school only knew him as a target. Just the thought of that night and being in and out of consciousness, hearing the sound of his belt being undone and the room spinning violently, made him almost retch.

***********

Arthur nodded his head, lit her cigarette, also lit another one for himself and, without any warning at all, she leaned into him and put her face close to his ear and whispered, "You wanna go somewhere?"

He could smell the cheap vodka on her breath and he felt very uncomfortable having her in such close proximity to his face. He kept leaning away from her face, hoping she would get the message. What was once flattery instantly became discomfort for him.

He kept thinking of how she smiled at him that night with a false, insidious smile. He knew she was on top of him at one point. He did want to be intimate with her, but they _knew_ he would fall for their sick joke and that they would get him wasted. Abby didn't like him and her false acts of intimacy that night were, truly acts of deceit. 

He felt sick and he wished she would get away from him. There was also a part of him that just wanted stare her dead in the eyes and empty a round of bullets into gut. She got even closer to him now and he just couldn't stand it anymore, so he suddenly shot a harsh glance at her. 

"Can you _please _step away and give me some space?", Arthur asksd, though gritted teeth.

"Alright then", Abby huffed, as she reluctantly stepped back and took another sip of her drink, scoffing like an adolescent.

Arthur continued to ignore her and peeked to his left so he could see inside for a second and his eyes widened and his heart swelled. There she was...his moon, his _angel_, his love...and she looked _magnificent..._

His mouth opened slightly in absolute awe and softly murmured...

**_"I can't breathe_**"

As he uttered those words, his left hand clutched his chest. His heart begged him to run to her, but his anxious mind and deep fear of abandonment paralyzed him.

Abby puffed on her cigarette, angrily, as she continued to stand there impatiently. He let out a heavy sigh, rolled his eyes, looked at her and said, "Yes?"

He hated having near him. It made him feel homicidal.

She didn't answer...

She was drunk and was most likely using him because she was drunk and needy, or her boyfriend upset her and she wanted revenge, or something to that degree. He truly didn't know or care. She saw he was completely disinterested and she felt resentful. She didn't understand what was so important in that bar that would make him not want to pay attention to her. 

Arthur suddenly heard a familiar song come on from inside the bar, it was the song "Smile" sang by Judy Garland, a song that he felt summed most of his life and as it started to play he could see Iris sitting at the bar and she looked so lonely. He saw her lower her head and he could feel her agony in his own heart because he felt it too. Just seeing her look like that for even a moment made tears pool at the bottom of his eyes. He took a puff of his cigarette and felt frozen. His eyes were captivated by her tragic beauty and he felt he could fall apart right where he stood.

He saw her sitting there alone smoking a cigarette, wearing that same black dress he saw her storm out in and she had beautiful makeup on, as if she were a porcelain doll. "Porcelain like her heart..." Arthur mused. He also saw she was wearing black angel wings and he almost though he was hallucinating.

_"Iris"_

He wanted to just throw caution to the wind and run right to her as if it were a romantic film and they would kiss passionately while birds flew around them, gracefully. If it were a film it would certainly not be a film like that, even if they wished it was.

Arthur just couldn't bring his body to move with his eager mind, even though when his eyes suddenly saw her he felt that time had frozen and that all the other people in the bar had vanished so that there was only her and only him. Nothing to obstruct their path to eachother and no hurdles or hesitations in their troubled minds either, only the two of them. 

His heart was pounding and he felt like he needed another drink, even after what happened when he had one previously. His anxiety was making him feel stuck.

Abby figured this was a great time to try getting close to Arthur again and he flinched. He had almost forgotten she was there. She was playing with his shirt collar and his breathing got faster.

"Why so jumpy, huh?" she said right into his ear. She just could not take a hint. Part of him wanted to laugh at the irony and another part of him wanted to show her the same courtesy he showed Randall. 

"Uh...umm"

She may as well have been a mosquito. She was drunker than he thought and she leaned in closer to him and said, "Hey, sexy let's go back to my place" she was twirling a piece of his hair with her finger. Arthur stepped away from her, took another drag of his cigarette and kept peering into the bar. He was trying to keep his cool. The woman seemed displeased and wanted to see what he kept looking at.

The woman was becoming relentless and saw who he was looking at and said, "Her? Come on honey you don't want her, she's fucking crazy, I've seen her here a lot" 

When Arthur heard her speak such offensive words, that were directed towards his lady, he glared at her with piercing, cold eyes. She still didn't seem to realize she wasn't wanted and she suddenly thought it was a good idea to grab his crotch and try and kiss him, practically falling into him at the same time. It was, in fact, not a good idea. He knew she was very drunk, but he didn't need this right now, especially with his lover right inside that bar. His eyes widened and he instantly pushed her away from him, covering his gentials with his right hand and with his left hand he was clutching the deadly steel weapon that was hidden in his pocket.

"_Don't do it, Arthur.._.." he said to himself, trying maintain some composure.

***********

All he really knew was that when she grabbed him like that, he was ready to fight. His mind had harmful memories scattered all throughout his subconscious and many have been coming to the surface lately and he was not sure why he felt such a need to attack when being touched like that, but his body immediately was ready to fight. He did not want to touched and he honeslty could not recall a time where he ever really did, until Iris.

Arthur instantly felt like he needed to hurt her. It as if he was on that same bed again, drunk, young and vulnerable, with her hands all over him. When she grabbed him like that it triggered sickening feelings inside and he almost suddenly felt he would throw up, or have a panic attack. His heart raced and he almost felt like cowering. Some of these feelings confused him, but they also made sense at the same time.

Arthur knew that he had been through horrible events all through his young life and into his adult life, but this was a new kind of fear and all he knew was that when this horrid woman touched him in such an inappropriate manner he instantly wanted to attack her or even kill her. He wanted to make her _pay._

His left hand was trigger happy and still clutched the pistol in his pocket and more his mind brought him back to that night, his index finger slowly moved onto the trigger and rested there. He was breathing heavily, his eyes on fire as they glared into hers. Just when he felt his rage begin to rise and almost consume him like it had been ever since that night on the subway, he glanced back into the bar and his eyes instantly softened.

He saw Iris and he came back to earth...

Arthur took his hand out of his pocket, which was deprived of the weapon he deeply desired to use, glared at her with eyes full of rage and practically hissed at her saying, "Don't ever fucking touch me again" His words and the way he spoke them, with such a threatening tone, seemed to frighten her. 

Some people were looking, but simply seemed to think they were a typical, fighting couple and minded their own business.

He felt like a deadly rattle snake that someone was poking with a stick, despite the warning that the tail was dictating, until the venomous snake struck. Arthur wanted to sink his fangs into this disgusting woman and fill her blood stream with his deadly, hemotoxic venom and watch as the nercrosis destroyed her. He did not act on his feelings, but if Iris was not right inside that bar he certainly would have.

**************

Abby threw her cigarette at him and spewed obscenities at him and walked away from him. Arthur was furious, but she wasn't worth it. He did not like to be touched, unless he had complete trust in that person, which almost never happened. As she walked away he finished his cigarette and flicked it at her, watching it hit her right on her bare shoulder, but he ducked inside so she wouldn't come after him. He thought he was hilarious, but she certainly didn't. 

_"Disgusting", _he said to himself, as he looked around for Iris. He truly wanted to get revenge and harm Abby in some way, but he had to try his very best to focus on Iris and not fuck this up. He did have to fight sickening memories from making him lose it, but he just thought of the serene sound of Iris singing to him and he felt alright. 

The shape of Abby's body, or the symmetry of her face, or even her eagerness to _fuck,_ were not desirable to him. She might as well look like the elephant man because she was ugly to him. She was a monster just like everyone else. 

When Arthur's eyes desperately scanned the bar, he only saw other patrons with clown makeup and other costumes, but no Iris. The music was loud and no longer playing his song and made it hard for him to focus. He wanted to see her so badly, but he was also terribly nervous. As he walked further into the bar, he saw the bartender look at him and say, "You okay?" 

Arthur ignored her and dashed to the where he saw the bathrooms. He knew she wouldn't be in the men's room, so he opened the ladies room door and saw two other women inside, fixing up their makeup, but not her. They glared at him and looked scared, but he didn't care. He went inside and checked the stalls. They were all empty...

"Hey, get thr fuck out", one of the women said to him, but it was as if they weren't even there. Arthur just _needed_ to find her and everything and everyone else was insignificant. 

Arthur felt his heart sink and he almost began to wonder again if he was just having another psychotic episode, but what is scary about that, is that he usually can never tell until something really bad happens. Sophie hasn't been the only vivid hallucination he has suffered from...

*********

He literally just thought he was being choked to death by a ghost of himself on the elevator and even before that, he has been having tactile symptoms where he thought he felt a bone chilling presence and even had been experiencing strange tastes in his mouth that didn't make sense. When he really thought about it, the foreign tastes, the sickening headaches, the delusions, hallucinations, they are all symptoms he has had before from his past head trauma. He had not had severe symptoms like this in years.

The bad headaches, nausea, vomiting etc. had not started to get bad again until his beatings from the police. When he felt sick in the car, it was most likely from being kicked in the head. Banging his head from the accident seemed to make things even worse. 

Arthur is not a doctor, but it added up mostly, but he still felt he was going insane...

Iris is the only thing that didn't frighten him...

He felt the ground of reality beneath his feet quake and cause him to question everything around him and cause him severe internal and even external distress. 

He was afraid...

"_My body is a cage_

_That keeps me from dancing with the one I love_

_My mind holds the key..."_

_I'm standing on a stage_

_Of fear and self doubt_

_It's a hallow play _

_But they'll clap anyway..." _

_ _

*******

The women were staring at Arthur and they were cursing at him, but Arthur was beginning to feel overwhelmed again. The fluorescent lights suddenly became blinding, their voices sounded frightening and threatening, just like the men on the subway train, and he felt his head throb. He almost felt he was going to lose his balance.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?", one of the girl's yelled. 

Arthur wanted to leave and not cause problems, but he felt like he was panicking and suddenly dashed, unsteadily, into one of the stalls and shut the door. He sat on the toilet with his hands pressed to the sides of his head and his eyes tightly shut, trying so hard not to burst into distressed laughter.

Their voices began to sound distorted, the light was now flickering and Arthur felt his heart pounding. He tried to get up, but the second he did and his eyes opened, seeing the awful bright lights, he instantly leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath and fight his nausea. He ended up sliding down the wall and having to crawl to the toilet. He heard the girls laugh, as he began to retch, but he wasn't even sure if they were really laughing, or he was just being fooled by his psychosis.

He wasn't even sure if they were even really there. He wasn't sure of anything anymore.

The ladies were really there, but they just assumed this scary looking clown was just very drunk and didn't think much of it. They thought it was funny.

"Someone's a light weight" one of them laughed as they heard Arthur began to throw up.

Eventually they left and Arthur just stayed on the floor vomiting and he could taste the alcohol. He wished it was just that he was drunk, but he knew it wasn't. He just wanted Iris.

After resting his head on the toilet seat for a while with his eyes squeezed shut, he finally started to feel a little better. He waited for a bit to make sure he wasn't going to feel sick again and grabbed some tissue to dab his mouth and nose. He still felt his head hurt, but it wasn't as bad as it was. He sniffled and took a deep breath. 

Once he started to feel lucid again, he felt annoyed that he probably had messed up his makeup and would look a mess if he saw Iris. She was all that seemed to be keeping him on this earth and when he thought of her angelic face he suddenly felt some strength and he shakily stood up. 

He looked in the mirror for a moment and saw that some of his eye makeup had smeared down to his red mouth line on the left side, but he just left it. He thought his reflection looked unreal. He didn't even look like Arthur, but perhaps, that was the point.

Arthur stared at himself and thought he could see a ghost of himself behind him, but when he turned around there was nothing there. He just wanted to find his woman. Real or not real, he just didn't care anymore. 

"_My body is a cage_

_That keeps me from dancing with the one I love _

_My mind holds the key.._

_My mind holds the key..._

_My mind holds the key_

_I'm living in an age that calls darkness light_

_Though my language is dead_

_Still the shapes fill my head..."_

************

Arthur finally left and looked outside in the back of the bar, but she was not there. She was nowhere to be found. He felt as though he was all alone in a desert with miles of nothingness around him and nowhere to go. He wanted to lay down and die.

As he walked back towards the bar, with the intention of leaving, he saw the bartender smile at him again. He smiled back slightly at her and just as he was going to exit she stopped him saying, "You feeling okay, honey?"

Arthur didn't want to stop, but his broken heart and sad mind felt they needed some warm, temporary comfort, even though he knew he had already consumed too much and he was already tipsy enough. He was very confused as to why two attractive women in one day had even given him any attention at all. 

Never before have women ever even given him a passing glance, but he really did want a drink, so he came over to the bar and sat on the edge of the stool and she saw his nervous demeanor and how his leg bounced up and down. He looked down and she heard him try and suppress a hiccup. She leaned over the bar, gazed at him and said, "What's wrong honey, drunk already?"

Arthur smiled at her and said, "Oh, nothing I'm fine, I just need...another drink" His voice was raspy and laced with anxiety. 

"Okay, I just hope you're not driving tonight, but what can I get you?" she asked as she put her hand on top of his. Arthur recoiled and looked away. The bartender was not offended, but saw the way he desperately was looking all around the bar. "You looking for your lady?" 

She caught his attention and he looked right at her. She smiled and turned around and poured him a shot of what looked like gin. Arthur instantly knew that he definitely should not take it and she saw the way he stared at the shot glass, giggled and said, "What, you don't like gin, honey?" 

Arthur heard what she said and decided he just didn't give a fuck, especially if Iris was not here and his mind seemed to already be melting into a mad abyss, so he took the glass and drank it down in front of her. He almost started to gag, but once he felt the soothing burn his stomach, he instantly calmed down. Corinne giggled at him and he felt embarrassed.

Arthur then looked right at her with a smug little smile, lit a cigarette and turned away again. The bartender saw and asked if she may have one as well. Arthur looked back at her with his piercing emerald orbs, that had become quite glassy from the alcohol, and he shot her a rather, unexpected, devilish grin. He handed her a cigarette and even lit it for her. He was getting high on the fact that a pretty girl was paying attention to him at all, even though he was not truly interested in her, or anyone...there was only one.

Arthur felt tipsy and loved the way this woman looked at him with somewhat flirtatious eyes. She lingered for a moment as he lit her cigarette like a sinister gentleman. She could see something dark and indescribable in his eyes, as the flame of the lighter illuminated his vivacious color, making her heart rate spike. He could see red begin to color her cheeks as if she were a water color painting and he grinned at her. 

"My...my name is Corinne...what's yours?" She asked as she stepped back a bit, hoping to hide her flustered face.

Arthur had no interest in her and he was drunk, so he was just having some fun, but truly his heart ached immensely. He was fooling around as a distraction from the insufferable longing in his charred up heart. This woman, who seemed to be drooling over him, was insignificant to him, the same way he was always insignificant to everyone, especially females.

Arthur orderd another beer and sat in the stool, smoking his cigarette as he used the alcohol to cradle his aching heart, even though it was only a temporary fix. He was so very, very lonely...

"_**I used to think that my life was a tragedy **_

_ **But, now I realize it's a fucking comedy"** _

"_I'm living in an age_

  
_Whose name I don't know_

  
_Though the fear keeps me moving_

  
_Still my heart beats so slow_

_My body is a cage that keeps me_

  
_From dancing with the one I love_

  
_But my mind holds the key_

_You're standing next to me_

  
_My mind holds the key_

  
_My body is a,_

_My body is a cage_

  
_We take what we're given_

  
_Just because you've forgotten_

  
_That don't mean you're forgiven_

_I'm living in an age_

  
_That screams my name at night_

  
_But when I get to the doorway_

  
_There's no one in sight_

_I'm living in an age_

  
_That laughs when I'm dancing with the one I love_

  
_But my mind holds the key_

_You're standing next to me_

  
_My mind holds the key_

_Set my spirit free_

  
_Set my spirit free_

  
_Set my body free_

  
_Set my body free_

_Set my spirit free_

  
_Set my body free..."_

_-Arcade Fire_

_🥀_


	34. The Barmaid and the Lonely Jester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur keeps drinking to smother his pain and finds himself losing all hope...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I moved this past week. Anyways, so, now you get two chapters!! ♡♡♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🖤**

**Chapter 34: _The Barmaid and the Lonely Jester 🥀_**

_ **Iris** _

Just about 20 minutes earlier Iris had gone out back to smoke and gather her chaotic thoughts. She could think of nothing but his pretty face, soft touch, his adorable simples when he smiled, his laugh, his silky thick hair and his electric soul. She took a few more drags of her cigarette and sighed. She just wanted him to materialize in front of her.

There were men eyeing her and she hated it, so she went inside, ordered another shot and headed to where the music was playing. _"I started a Joke"_ by, The Bee Gees was playing and Iris saw people dancing and most of them were couples. 

She felt tears burn, her already blood shot eyes, but she fought them and danced to the _music....alone._ She moved her body elegantly to the song and the lyrics made her even more depressed. They reminded her of him...

As Iris twirled and felt the music burn her heart, she felt as though she was back on that dark stage, but now she was completely alone. She could not find her love, her heart, her reason for living, anywhere. She moved her hips and raised her hands above her head, her palms on the sides of her head as she danced. Her hands slowly moved down and hugged her body as she lowered her head with her eyes shut tightly. Tears sparkled as they fell from her closed eyes and she could feel the loneliness begin to swallow her.

_"Arthur...", _she murmured.

She wanted him, _all _of him...both uniquely beautiful sides of him... 

Iris swayed her body back and forth, still hugging her body, but suddenly the music changed and she stopped. Nina Simone came on and it was "Wild is the Wind" 

Iris felt the same pain and passion that the song expelled. She danced, holding her body as if she was her only partner now and as she gracefully twirled again she felt as though she was going to fall. Her heart felt it could not longer beat and pump life into her body because there was no longer any reason to.

"_Give me more_

  
_Than one caress_

  
_Satisfy this_

  
_Hungriness_

  
_Let the wind_

  
_Blow through your heart_

  
_For wild is the wind_

  
_Wild is the wind_

_You t_ _ouch me_

  
_I hear the sound o_ _f mandolins_

  
_You k_ _iss me_

  
_With your kiss m_ _y life begins_

  
_You're spring to me_

  
_All things_

  
_To me"_

Iris now vanished into that darkened stage that only existed in her mind and she seemed to vanish from the painful reality that surrounded her...

As the song was coming to a close and the piano became more intense and powerful, Iris crumpled to the ground and just waited for her heart to stop and suddenly she saw blood dripping on the floor. She soon saw that it was coming from her chest and when she placed her palm on it her hand was covered in dark red blood that matched the lipstick she loves so much. 

She became hysterical and was sobbing in between hyperventilating, but in her external environment, she was simply dancing in silence, just the way she seemed to always dance through life, silencing her true thoughts and feelings.

Her heart had been ripped from her chest and she could not find it and it was too dark to even see anything. She knew not how she was even still alive and after frantically feeling around on the floor, as blood seeped from the gaping whole in her chest, she stopped and laid down on her side in the fetal position crying out into nothingness.

<

Iris thought she would never be able to stop crying and what she was the most upset about was that she was still alive, even with this bloody hole in her chest. "Just let me die!" she screamed out into the blackness, but there was nothing to be seen, nothing to be heard, there was simply...nothing...

Eventually she just laid there staring blankly at nothing and smearing her blood on the floor, as if it were water colors. Every now and again she would whimper, but she didn't have much energy left and she was just waiting for death at this point and hoped it would come soon.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

** _Arthur 🖤_ **

Arthur was on his 6th cigarette since he sat down and he kept looking around as if maybe he had missed her somehow, but he still did not see her anywhere, which only made him want to drink more. This Corinne woman was yammering on and on about something he had no interest in, but he would smile at her and she would serve him another drink, not making him pay which was the purpose of his mischievous smile and it worked like a charm. 

********

He wanted to tell himself that he should stop drinking _now, _but at this point, he felt there was no reason to stop. He knew he would hate the following day, but he also knew that his days of freedom were numbered anyway. He's survived horrific hangovers before, but not having Iris by his side is far greater than any sickness could be, or any broken bones, or any physical pain could ever be and even his banged and beaten rib cage was nothing compared to the bleeding hole in his heart. Hangovers and other meager sufferings always subsided at some point, but the pain of a broken heart does not go away so quickly and many times, it never does...

********

Arthur found this to be both fascinating and thrilling because, although he had no interest in this woman, never in his life has he ever felt that he could charm a woman and it felt powerful in a way. Most of all, he liked how it can be used to his benefit.

The more Arthur sat there, the more he figured he should just leave and right when Corinne was about to ask him if he was married (even though he had been paying her no mind the entire time) and he just looked at her with a smile, his cigarette still placed perfectly in between his red lips and asked, "You have any gum?" 

Even though Arthur, deep down, knew he may not be lucky enough to find her, subconsciously he kept hoping he looked nice enough for when she would finally appear. The very thought of never looking upon her devastatingly beautiful, bright blue eyes again made him feel as though his heart could stop right where he sat. So, when he asked for the gum, it was as if Iris was just about to walk through the front doors and he wanted to make sure his breath was fresh for when he would at last kiss him. He wanted to breathe in her life saving essence...

His reason for _hanging on..._

"

She felt a bit embarrassed that he didn't seem to acknowledge a word she had said, but loved the way he smiled at her and said, "Yes, especially for you"

She brought her purse over to the bar where Joker was seated and began looking through it, but Joker stopped her and asked, "Can you get me another shot first, please" 

Are you sure that's wise, honey?, she laughed. 

_"Absolutely not wise at all" _Arthur's tiny voice of reason practically _screamed _inside of mind.

"I'm sure", Arthur giggled, with a small hiccup, despite his efforts to suppress it. 

She laughed at him, as he lit up another cigarette, and said, "Alright, but, how you feel tomorrow ain't my fault, okay?"

He didn't really think she was funny, but he knew she would like it if he laughed, so he did it. First fake laugh that he was _aware _was fake and not just another laugh that didn't match how he truly felt inside. It's true that he did not think that her obvious attempt to be cute and funny, wasn't, well, _funny, _but he did find it amusing that she was so gullible. So, he was not laughing at what she released from her overactive mouth, but at the sheer fact that someone as obviously vacant as her, would never know the difference. What was false, was how he was making her feel because it did not match how he felt, but it is certainly far more pleasant to finally be the deceitful one and not the one left in pieces.

"_Perfect", _he murmured as she stared at her with that same smile. A smile that had same delightful little mix of ego, drunkenness, brilliance, madness, humor, grace and wit. All of these things all mixed up together are the perfect recipe for an unpredictable disaster. 

*******

Arthur did feel the familiar surge of confidence that he has felt that glorious day when he danced on those normally depressing stairs. The very same night he fired a single bullet into the empty head of the famous Murray Franklin on live tv for all to see. He wanted all of them to fucking see. They needed them to see that he was no longer going to be walked over, as if he were insignificant because of what was in his wallet, or his occupation was, or symmetry of his face, or his _mental illness._

They finally knew he existed and it made him feel a high that was unbeatable. No one could touch him anymore. He no longer cared what was in other people's dull and boring minds and how they judged based on his illness, not knowing the hell he has been through. Not ever trying to look at why he was cracking and breaking the glass on a mirror. They only saw the cracks in glass and never hesitated to make it worse.

People would be cruel, point their fingers, yell, scream, judge, bully and all they were doing was adding more and more cracks. Eventually, there were just too many cracks for the, already, fragile, mirror to support any sort of normal shape and as the glass shards began to fall, they did not fall in silence. They came together and rained down on those who caused harm. 

People are quick to judge someone different, especially the quiet, timid ones because they were easier prey. People don't like _different _and an individual such as, Arthur Fleck, only appeared to be a freak, or someone with "problems" and the truth is...just as trees have roots, so do human beings. There is always a beginning and there is always an end and Arthur's actions were not rooted in _evil_, but from a life of prolonged abuse and horrendous trauma. People talk shout the root of all evil, but evil is truly such an archaic word, just like the close minded views of those who dare to cast the first stone. 

_"Up until a little while ago, it was like nobody ever saw me. Even I didn’t know if I really existed."_

_But...she saw him..._

The only person now that made him feel any sort of empathy or much of anything was Iris. He was beginning to feel like his better half now, but he still had an indescribable longing that burned in his cold heart every time her angelic face came to his alcohol drenched mind.

*********

Corinne gave him some gum and she stared at him as he stuck it in his mouth and took another drag of his cigarette, grinning at her, with glazed eyes, as smoke trailed out of his nose and mouth. Her eager attention suddenly was now fixed on the television. The video of Joker screaming at Murray Franklin.

Arthur watched gleefully, as he heard his own wrathful tone on the television. Arthur saw himself on the screen as he pointed the gun at Murray's head and, of course, they cut the glorious bullet to the head scene to shield the viewers sheltered eyes. 

********

Even though he felt a rush seeing this, he also remembered how emotional and in pain he felt. No one would see that, of course, but he was running on pure, raw emotion and adrenalin. What the audience saw was a mad man, a soulless killer, but truthfully, deep inside he was hurt so badly that he simply could not continue to smother it. There were tears in his eyes the entire time, but no one would ever know that or try and comprehend what would drive him to do such a thing.

He was just..._crazy..._

_*********_

Arthur was grateful that Croinne wasn't paying attention to the television for very long before she looked at Arthur, put his shot on the bar and suddenly asked, "Honey?"

Arthur was very lost in thought and didn't snap back into reality until a hot cigarette ash feel on his lap. He put his cigarette out and saw that Corinne had put his shot in front of him, but he didn't even notice, he was so lost in thought. He heard her laugh and looked at her and said, "Hmm?" 

"You're looking for someone aren't you, baby?" 

Arthur glanced over his shoulder for a moment when Corinne asked him that, as if all his wishing would make her appear behind him and make everything okay. 

Corinne laughed and said, "I'll take that as a yes"

Arthur turned back around, stared at his full shot glass for a moment and said, "Doesn't matter"

She saw the way he was nervously played with his glass and figured he just didn't want to say, so she let it be. She could tell he was very lost in his head and she saw the way he fidgeted in his seat. 

"You want some water instead, honey?" She asked, sounding genuinely kind, which was somehow comforting to him. He truly wanted to crumple to the floor and sob, but instead he took a deep breath, hesitantly looked at her, with distant eyes and said, "No...I'll just drink it down...No reason not to"

Arthur's leg was bouncing and when he noticed it he pushed his hand down on his left leg and slid it down to his knee. He didn't really know why, but he always did that when he became aware that he was bouncing his leg, but normally it was only when he was around people. He always felt embarrassed about how he would fidget when he was anxious and didn't want people to see. He never wanted anyone to _see. _

Arthur stared at the shot of gin for a moment before he quickly drank it down. It burned and made his stomach turn. He was afraid he was going to be sick and Corinne saw the sour face he made and the way he began to cough and cover his mouth with back of his hand. She felt bad for him.

"The bathroom is back there if you need to puke, honey" she said, as leaned in close to him, trying not to be quiet. 

Arthur fought the nausea and croaked, "No...no I'll be okay"

Corinne sighed heavily and said, "You look so...sad"

Arthur was not expecting her to say something so blunt...blunt, but true. He swallowed hard and saw the way she looked at him with concerned eyes, as if she knew him and he instantly averted his vulnerable gaze. He was a complete and total mess and he hated that it was so obvious. 

"Was that you pukin' in the ladies room earlier?" She abruptly asked.

Arthur laughed anxiety, pulled out another cigarette and said, "Uh...yeah...yes that was me, unfortunately..."

"Yeah, I thought so. I was in the stall next to you and I felt bad"

Arthur felt so embarrassed. He smiled at her awkwardly, lit his cigarette and said, "Apparently, I'm not very good at holding my liquor, but that doesnt stop me from having more..."

There was a very uncomfortable silence for a moment and Arthur looked up and saw she was staring at him, smiling like she wanted to laugh. He stared for a moment and they were soon both laughing.

Arthur laughed until it started to make him hiccup, which he hated, so he finally asked her for water. He desperately needed water and he also accidentally swallowed his gum. He just wanted to find Iris, go back to her apartment, plop onto her bed and just curl up with her and sleep. 

He couldn't stop thinking about the way she would put her fingers into his thick hair and run them through his hair. Just thinking about him made him feel sleepy and warm. She somehow knew how to touch and even, _when_ to touch him and the right way to touch him with fingers that graced him with such a kind and delicate touch. Her touch always made him feel safe and comfortable. He also has not slept through the night in years until he slept in her apartment. Anywhere she is, is home to him. 

Arthur looked rather comical as he sat slumped over on the bar stool, hiccuping in between smoking and trying not to look foolish. He drank water and tried to hold his breath. Eventually they went away and he yawned. He was ready to just curl up in a warm bed and pass out. 

Corinne was doing some cleaning and straining up behind the bar. She heard him yawn and said, "Tired, honey?"

Arthur took a long drag from his cigarette, his elbows now resting on the bar. He was ready, at this point, to just lay his head on the bar close his eyes. 

"Yeah..."

"Want me to get you a cab home?" She asked, her voice laced with compassion. 

Arthur scanned the bar again and then simply took a few more drags of cigarette and said, "No...I'll be fine"

"Okay, just let me know if you change your mind"

"I'll be fine..." Arthur insisted, as his dazed and drunken eyes searched the crowd yet again.

Corinne smiled warmly at him and said, "Well, I'm cutting you off, though, sweety"

He mustered a weak smile and said, "I guess I don't blame you..."

Corinne smiled again, but this time it strange. He could swear that he heard her tone change and her voice deepen and distort. She then leaned over bar and said to him, "Good luck, honey"

Arthur got chills and he backed away. He put out his cigarette out on the bar and tried think of something else because his mind was starting to feel as though it was taking a few more dangerous steps on the tightrope of insanity. He wished he never got smashed into by that ambulance. He was almost certain that that was the reason for all of these repeated headaches and hallucinations, but he wasn't even sure anymore. He's had issues with psychosis for many years, but not like this.

When he looked at the lovely bartender she was simply wipng down the counter. She wasn't frightening anymore. Just normal...

_What is wrong with me?_

"Thank you", Arthur said, as he turned around the stool, so that he could see if the woman that holds the rusty key to his lonely, charcoal heart was somewhere...anywhere. He felt as though he was dying....

** _End Part 1 🖤_ **

** _🥀_ **


	35. The Dark Cloud and the Dark Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur almost gives up and leaves, but...something tells him to wait...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm so sorry I took so long!! I moved recently into a new apartment. So, I made 2 chapters instead of one!!

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 35: _The Dark Cloud and The Dark Angel 🖤_**

Suddenly, Arthur realized he had to urinate very badly, but he had some trouble walking for a bit, right after he practically slid off of the stool. He felt awkward when he walked, but he was okay. When he made it to the men's room and walked in, it was empty and the fluorescent light above his head flickered and it reminded him of unforgettably glorious night that he shot those three wastes of space on that subway train. He remembered how he heard darkly, triumphant music play in his mind as he danced slowly. The night his suppressed self finally came to life.

He walked over to a urinal, unzipped his fly and sighed in relief as he emptied his full bladder. When he was done he zipped it back up and turned around to walk over to the sink, but the floor was wet and he slipped forward, banging his forehead on the front of the sink. He held his head in his hands and groaned. His head was already banged up enough and he was drunk to top it off.

There was no blood, so he knew it probably wasn't so bad. He tried to get up, but had to stay where he was at for a moment because he felt too dizzy to walk. As he sat there on the dirty bathroom floor, he didn't feel like Joker, he felt like poor, sad little Arthur and he hated it. 

He shut his turquoise painted eyes tightly and murmured, "Iris..." 

Arthur could hear music begin to play in his foggy mind, but it was not an orchestra or anything like that this time...

This time, it was the soft, soprano voice of his lady as she sang "Unchained Melody" to him on the bathroom floor last night and even though he was not very coherent he could hear and feel the way it made his entire mind and body relax and feel safe. He felt like a pathetic fool, drunk, alone, sad and worst of all...he remembered feeling the same way when he was a little boy...

Arthur could not remember it all clearly yet, but in this moment as he sat on the dirty bathroom floor, feeling sad and helpless and his hand grabbed the cold porcelain sink, he swore he could feel himself tied and unable to move. He began to giggle, but thankfully, he was too intoxicated to have a full blown episode. He heard someone open the door.

His better half immediately took over and pulled the pistol out and with his head still lowered, his blood shot eyes glared up at the person walking in. The flickering light made it hard to see him, which was good, so all the unwanted man saw was a pair of glassy eyes glaring up at him from a pale, ominous clown face mostly shadowed by a black hood, with a gun pointed right at him. 

"Get out!" He growled 

The man standing, terrified in the frame of the open door, was extremely intoxicated, so he simply stumbled out of the bathroom in a panic and left the bar. Luckily, he was far too drunk to make sense, even if he tried to tell someone and even if he did, they would probably just think he read too many Stephen King novels, but the worst part was that Arthur wasn't sure if he was even real. He just wasn't sure what was real anymore.

Once again, all Athur looked like from the outside looking in, was a monster, but what this man didn't see, or perhaps would not see, were the tears in Arthur's troubled eyes and the fear and panic that surged through his broken body. No one ever saw, except Iris and she wasn't there...

Arthur felt himself delve deep into the darkness of his mind and he felt sick. He was beginning to recall how his wrist hurt and stomach begged for nourishment when he was only a child and how he would cry for hours, unable to move or run away from harm. He could swear he was tied to the sink and couldn't move.

<

Arthur began to gag, but right as he felt he would have a meltdown he heard Iris singing in his frantic mind and he closed his eyes, trying to focus on that beautiful memory instead of the horrific memory that was plaguing him. He put the pistol back into his pocket and tried to collect himself for a moment.

After closing his eyes for a little while he was finally able to stand up. His head hurt, but not as much as the memories that crept up on him like a thief in the night. He took a moment to look at himself in the mirror and he saw that his blue makeup had smeared almost all the way down his cheeks on both sides, but he left it as it was. He could see his Joker face in the mirror, but he didn't feel like he was truly Joker in this moment. He felt like a scared little boy, starved for affection.

_Her affection_

He took his hood down for a moment and ran his fingers through his tousled hair and took a deep breath. He hung his head low and when he looked into the mirror again he kept imagining that Iris would come from behind him and kiss his neck, but there was no one there. He was alone with only his chaotic mind to keep him company...

"_Iris..."_

<

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

_ **Iris** _

Iris continued to dance her heart out, trying to exert all her energy into the movement of her body, trying to keep his pretty face from her lonely mind. She felt that if she stopped dancing she may fall to a million pieces because she would not be able to stop her mind from thinking of him and seeing his precious smile and the way she loves his dimples, or how beautiful he looked when he slept soundly beside her. She was at a point where she would either stay at the bar and self destruct, or just go home and cry herself to sleep if Arthur was not there. 

Iris slid back into her imaginary dance sequence and she instinctively clutched her chest...

The stage she was laying on, waiting for death, suddenly had a dull spot light shine down on her wilting body. She sat up, blood still all over her, and her eyes tearful eyes began darting all around the stage. She was frightened.

Iris was breathing quickly as she looked all around, wondering what horror was waiting for her now. She felt her chest ache and looked at her hands that were all painted in dark crimson and began sobbing. She put her palms on the floor, hanging her head low and felt her life slipping away.

Her eyes that dripped with infinite tears were beginning to droop and her body felt it could no longer stay propped up. Even though she could feel her life slipping away she still mustered a weak smile when her fading mind thought of Arthur and the way he smiled down at her in her bedroom as he dipped her and the way he twirled her so elegantly. 

She knew it was over and her chapped lips that were caked in blood, parted and she weakly murmured, "If only we could have danced...one last time..."

<

When what she thought would be her last tear to ever shed, hit the floor, she heard Arthur's voice and swore she felt his hand grasp hers. Her eyes could no longer stay open and she knew he was not really there, but suddenly she felt jolted back to life and her eyes shot open, as she laid on her back waiting for death to finally grace her with it's presence. 

"_Arthur_" she breathed...

Arthur was looking down at her with those eyes that made her heart sing and suddenly she touched her chest and her gaping wound had vanished and all the blood was gone. He leaned forward over her weakened body and she could feel his warm lips kiss her forehead. 

She breathed in his nicotine, floral scent and it was as if the oxygen she needed for her heart to keep beating had filled her lungs...and she was _alive_...

Iris closed her eyes as she felt his comforting breath in her ear as he softly spoke, "_Iris_"

Iris felt a tear of pure jubilance slide down her blushing cheek, as his lips pressed against her forehead and when she opened her eyes and her heart was beating again. She had a reason to live again. 

He kissed her cheek softly and whispered, "_Stay awake"_

The very second he finally held her she could hear "Unchained Melody" begin to play and he held her tightly to his heart. She was smiling, but crying as she held him tight. She was never going to let go. Nothing and no one would ever pry her arms from his body ever again. He helped her to her feet and she looked into his incredible eyes and she still couldn't believe how beautiful he looked, even in such a dark place.

As Iris and Arthur moved their bodies to the music she suddenly felt her heart jump when she felt someone tap on her shoulder from behind and she slightly glanced over her shoulder but saw nothing, but when she brought her starry eyes back to the attention of her precious Arthur he had been replaced by someone else and even though it frightened her she also felt thrilled...

<

Right as she was about to take this dark figure's hand, she felt her body jolt and reality came back and her eyes shot open suddenly... and there she was, in the bar dancing alone, but her heart still felt as though he was there with her....

"_I can't breathe..."_

_🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤_

** _Arthur_ **

Arthur pulled the hood back over his head and saw he how haunting he looked with his makeup and black hood shadowing his face with the light flickering above him. He could even see that Joker rage burning in his bloodshot eyes and it was the same way his eyes looked on the infamous night he made his deadly appearance on the Murray Franklin show, but as dangerous and frightening he was on the show that night, his eyes were also brimming with tears. 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

He was sure he was going to die that night by his own hand and he did feel fear, even if the only way to ever know would have been to look right into his shiny, deeply distressed eyes, or be in his mind; know his past and all that he has suffered. He did hate his life, but that didn't mean there wasn't going to be some anxiety and even some hesitation. Arthur was ready to pull that powerful steel right out of his jacket and send a bullet right into his chaotic mind and finally put all of his maddening, raging and deeply harmful thoughts to rest and this time he knew he would not fail.

Arthur did not believe in God or anything silly like that, but even if there was a hell for being sick enough that you feel compelled to end your own life, he did not care. Something changed deep within the depths of his mind and in his ailing, glass heart that was pounding in his chest and his mind suddenly became silent right as he sat in that chair next to Murray Franklin himself, staring at a page in his notebook that read:

_"I just hope my death makes more cents than my life"_

He barely even remembers writing it because he was barely even conscious that night. It was the night he thought would truly be his last. It almost felt unreal. As he thought about that night he kept hearing those same words "_Stay awake" _and he knew he was found by his mother, but the rest is all mostly a blur and the worst is he remembers the horrific pain from having his stomach pumped. Just thinking of it reminded him of the chalky, sour taste made him cringe. 

He does wonder if what he remembers from that night is only what he _thinks_ he remembers. He did not even know what to believe was real, or if what is "real" is truly all only real inside of the person who experiences it. What is called blue to someone else based on what their eyes see, may not be the same color to another person, but neither of these people would be wrong.

Everyone has their own, unique cinema screen in their minds and for Arthur, that screen, was only scaring him and confusing him. It seemed that anything outside of Iris was becoming frightening and distorted. He hoped that she would not become something terrifying as well.

<

Murray had cracked a joke, but Arthur did not even hear it and what he had not told Iris and probably never would, was that as he sat in that seat in front of a live audience was that he thought of her....

<

He did not even know her name, or much about her at all at that time, but he noticed her everytime she was on the bus with him, but he never said much. He knew that it would have just been another rejection and reminder that he would be alone for the rest of his life and he did not want to bother her. He thought she was beautiful, but he also thought she had a kind and gentle demeanor. She thought he didn't really think of her, but he thought about her all the time.

If Iris were ever to look through his notebook she would see pages that were filled with letters and little poems that he had wanted to give her. He wanted to see if she ever wanted to get coffee with him, or just spend time together, but he never found the courage in himself to give any of them to her. Most of them started a certain way and then would have words and sentences scratched out and replaced by others, but eventually he would just close his notebook and sigh because he just knew he would look like a fool, like a lowly court jester in love with a princess.

The day that she stuck up for him on the bus when he was being bullied he was so touched, but he was in a very dark place that day and he just still could not bring himself to speak to her other than a simple "thank you" as he got off the bus. Iris would never know...and maybe somewhere inside of him he knew that his life was going down an unpredictable path.

The day that he was sick and she was the only one that helped him, even though his memory is fuzzy from that day, he remembers her face looking down at him as he laid there, vulnerable and weak just like the night their long awaited love affair finally began. When he woke up with her standing over him, what she did not know, was that the only reason he calmed down was because he remembered her and just knew he was safe. 

So, when he was on the show and knew he was going to end his life, she did cross his mind while he sat silently in that seat and he felt tears almost fall from his eyes, but instead he masked his pain, swallowed it all back and told a joke. The joke was offensive, of course, because it was a joke that he actually thought was funny, not one that he wrote to please others, so even with with tears still burning in his soulful, bright green eyes he laughed and it was real. 

As the show went on, Arthur's emotions were overflowing and the more he looked at this man, that he had watched on television with his mother for many years, the more he could feel that black figure grow and glower over him and right as Murray was telling him the same things he has heard from dismissive people his entire life about excuses and having the finger pointed at him again, without being heard, yet again, that's when something changed.

As Murray was talking over him not allowing him to have a voice just everyone else does, he just had had enough and all the times he was treated like a burden, like a freak, like he was invisible, ugly, unwanted, slow, stupid, worthless and, most of all...unlovable over the years had all seemed to have been waiting silently until this moment. Arthur always somehow believed that he deserved all the abuse that he had taken his entire life and as Murray talked over him, being yet another person not to acknowledge their cruelty towards him, that's when he said it...

"_You get what you fucking deserve!" _

<

And with those words, his life of being a small, insignificant cog in a clock that went nowhere was over. He felt he had finally had a voice and he smiled as he stared at what he had just done and there was no turning back after that, he didn't care and even after all of that Iris still helped him when he was in trouble, even though she did not know who he was at first. Maybe their hearts have been tethered together longer than they had thought.

Maybe she felt that silken strand in her heart being tugged into that alley and she just didn't know it. He knew that the darkness that dwells within him could not be touched, not even by someone as kind as his Iris, but he still yearned for her.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Being kind and quiet his entire life stopped working for him years ago and all the abuse he allowed had created the man he was now looking upon in the mirror, but he simply smiled, lit another cigarette and walked out of the bathroom.

The bar was crowded and Arthur was heading to the front doors, but when he heard the song that came on something in his tethered heart told him to stop and...when he did he felt as though he needed to turn around. When he turned around all he could see was a bunch of people slow dancing to the familiar "_Unchained Melody"_ and it made him want another drink to stop the sadness inside and stop himself from remembering the sweet sound of her voice singing that same song to him the night before.

Arthur stood at the door for a moment and right before his hand was about to push the doors open he stopped...He suddenly felt as though the carpet was being pulled from beneath his tired feet. He leaned his arm against the side of the doorframe for a moment. He felt dizzy and he just felt like he was being crushed to death by the deceitful hand of fate. He rested his head against the doorframe and felt like he was going to just start sobbing into his folded arm and that's when that familiar little, black cloud began to sneak up on him again.

The little black cloud hovered over his head and when that cloud clings to Arthur's vulnerability it can be extremely dangerous, even fatal. He moved to the side and leaned his back against the wall. That ominous cloud that would latch onto him during his most stressful times has found him again and there was something dangerous inside of it.

Many times in comic books you see people have thoughts and it is in a cloud floating above the character's head. For Arthur, this seemingly harmless, cloud was no simple thought or pleasant little daydream. It was also a master of disguise, making it seem minuscule, just looking like a harmless, small cloud just like in the comics, but that black cloud contained Arthur's deadly safe haven and it was called...

_Suicidal Ideations_

Arthur's left hand began to reach into his pocket thsy contained the .38 and he held it, feeling a strange comfort in knowing that he can still always kill himself if things became unbearable. If he had lost Iris he truly had no desire to live. The dark cloud was now growing. 

Arthur swallowed back some tears and knew there was nothing for him in this bar if she was not here, so he simply didn't know what other choice he had other than to give up. He shut his eyes tightly for a moment, as his hand held the gun tighter. Suddenly, he heard that disembodied voice echo in his mind again...

_"Stay awake...please, stay awake"_

His eyes felt compelled to open and right as he had finally given, up he froze. His cigarette almost fell out of his red, painted lips when his glazed, green eyes beheld what was only feet away from where he stood. It was real, it was not another hallucination that his mind created for comfort. It was really her and the dark cloud above his head was gone.

"Am I dreaming?", he murmured. 

Sunddely all his fears and reservations vanished and his body moved forward. The bar was crowded now, but he saw nothing but the his dancing, dark angel all by herself, looking like something out of a beautiful fantasy novel, as her curvaceous body swayed and moved to the music. He also could feel and see the pain in the way she moved and the sadness in her face.

Arthur puffed on his cigarette and even though he had many worries and deadly fears of abandonment, somehow he knew that it didn't matter. All he had to do was move one foot in front of the other and get to his queen. He moved passed people that were in his way as if they were invisible and could feel his heart being reeled in by hers. She did not see him, but his eyes were completely hypnotized by the way she moved her body.

Arthur even tripped and almost fell a couple of times, but there was no time for feeling embarrassed, no time for hesitation and even though he felt weary he still came to her. She was not far away, but he felt as though time had slowed down. He saw her caress her own body as she danced and it nearly made him melt. Her back was turned to him and as he drew nearer he became full of excitement and his heart raced.

She had black angel wings and her face painted like a fragile, porcelain doll and the way she moved her body was like a hypnotic dream. His heart nearly burst once he made it to her. She was the only one dancing alone, but that was about to change.

Iris still did not see him, but once he stood right behind her she stopped dancing and she felt her heart begin to race and when she glanced at the window that was right next to the exit door, that's when she saw him...

Iris stared at the reflection, frozen in disbelief for a moment until she saw a trail of smoke come from behind her. She almost felt she was going to fall to the floor when she felt a hand touch her shoulder and a familiar, low, raspy voice whisper into her ear saying, "It's okay..._I'm here_..."

She was almost afraid to turn around, but she closed her eyes when she felt his hands grasp her hips and she nearly melted onto the floor when she felt the warmth of his torso touch her lower back. She was instantly enveloped in his glorious energy. Her eyes widened when she felt his slender fingers grasp her lonely right hand that was clutching her chest and that is when her tethered heart immediately turned her body around. 

When she saw him now as Joker staring down at her with those same ocean green eyes, she immediately wanted to drag him away from the crowd and go somewhere private and become enveloped in passion. He took her breath away and she would gladly give her last breath for him. When she saw a smile stretch across his face, with tears glimmering in his eyes, she felt she could not speak. She already knew he was beautiful, but this is the very first time she has ever seen Arthur's alter ego in person and it gave her goosebumps. She knew it was Arthur and strangely enough, she has never felt safer than she does in this very moment, as this seemingly insidious man looked into her pleading eyes.

She missed him so badly, but knew she was upset for a reason, but strangely enough, the reasons why seemed to have evaded her. Her emotions were all over the place, bouncing around in her frantic mind and she couldn't seem to pick one, so she reacted the only way she knew how to at the moment and slapped his face and immediately right after, grabbed his face and kissed his lips. She only held the kiss for a second and then released him, breathing heavily as she stared at him with longing eyes. 

Arthur was not quite prepared for a slap, but he was just thrilled to be touched by her again. He had turned his head from the force of her slap, but when she graced him with her tender lips against his, he gazed into her flaming, yet, gracious eyes he saw tears glimmering within them. Arthur felt such love and sorrow in his heart that it almost overwhelmed him. Just his reddened eyes finally being able to see her beautiful face and not just imagine it was enough to make him cry. 

His jagged edges instantly became soft as he looked upon this incredible woman. 

As her desperate eyes locked with his and she saw how his turquoise make up seemed to have smeared under his pretty eyes, that sparkled like beautiful stained glass windows, she suddenly felt her heart strings become reunited with the glorious roughness of his bow. She felt her hair stand on end as it began to drag across the thin strings of her longing heart. Just his eyes looking into hers was enough to produce an entire song of it's own. This time was not the same though, this time the song that was being born from their reunited hearts was a song that was made for them as one.

The hollowness of her violin suddenly became filled with music that echoed throughout the castle walls from within both of their abnormal minds and she loved it. 

Iris had so many emotions spinning in her mind when she gazed at him and felt that unbelievable, magnetic force in his fanciful eyes shoot fire into her veins. He knew she was angry and upset with him and she could see that in his face. He did not even have to speak, his eyes said it all. Arthur was truly sorry and even with his insidious looking makeup and black hood shadowing his face, she only saw her Arthur in his soft eyes. The way his brows, although hidden under makeup, knitted together in such a morose and pitiful manner made all of her walls fall apart, leaving her heart naked and exposed. 

Suddenly, she grabbed him, wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tightly. I loved having her hold him again, but she kept squeezing tighter and it was hurting him. He knew she didn't mean anything. As soon as he grunted she stopped and apologized. She wanted to tell him she missed him, but she just couldn't...

Even though the song had ended and most of the people all retreated back to the bar and tables, Iris and Arthur stayed put. Arthur could see everything she was feeling written in her brilliant, blue eyes and beautiful, youthful face and he wanted to stitch together the wound in her heart that he had caused. Sadly, he cannot erase what happened, but his heart took the reins regardless...

<

Iris was frozen in his eyes and felt she could not look away, or even move. Her tearful eyes slowly closed when she felt the warmth of his hands grasp the sides of her porcelain doll face and she was done fighting. She was his...

Arthur was never someone to take charge, but he could see that her melancholy eyes were begging him to kiss her. When he brought his face to hers and their lips finally met again, after what felt like an eternity, they both became one. The heat from their kiss was so intense that Arthur felt like he would go limp, all while another part of his body seemed to be doing quite the opposite. 

Iris could feel her broken heart instantly heal and and become full of life. Arthur moved his mouth poetically with hers and even though they both wanted to be ravenous and have their naked forms become one just like their hearts, they were caught in a place where time did not exist and their was nothing, but the warmth of their kiss. 

Iris could feel her heart rate rise the longer they stayed engulfed in their kiss, pumping hot blood through her veins, as if she had been dead for centuries until this moment. 

Arthur's heart also began to pump faster and faster, especially as his hands gripped her waist, making his love for her that dwelled in between his legs be set aflame. He simply could not help but release a small groan when her torso rubbed against his. Now that he has finally tasted the true pleasure of being carnal with a beautiful woman it was all he could think about.

He felt like he was 16 again, except that he had never made love before, he had only had disastrous sexual encounters with women, some that he could not even fully remember because he was in a sorrowful, drunken state.

The more Arthur was having unpleasant memories flood back to him, he could remember little bits and pieces of his pathetic sexual encounters and other unspeakable things from his childhood and the fact that he had to be blackout drunk, as an adult, to even attempt to be carnal and how that was not normal. Sometimes the way they would be kissing would be alright, but the second he would get an erection and he felt a hand clutch his private area, he would suddenly feel fear and a sick churning in his alcohol saturated stomach. 

As he was reunited with Iris' soft, ruby lips none of those awful memories mattered and he was safe. Her arms wrapped around his torso and she brought his body closer to hers. They were kissing faster now and had their hands all over eachother, but they soon pulled away as to not draw attention to themselves. 

All they could do was stare at eachother and Arthur watched as Iris slowly began to smile and, as tears flooded in her eyes and he thought she looked like the most incredible site he's ever seen. When he saw her smile grow into a full bloomed expression of joy he felt the corners of his own mouth curve into one as well. 

His smile was not a wicked smile, not for her, it was soft and sweet...but only for her. A smile he would show to anyone else was not an expression of happiness, or kindness, but of boorish, incidious or deceitful intent. He always possessed immense empathy, but most of that empathy had been swallowed by years of torment and abuse, but...even though he wished all his empathy would disappear it would still always be part of who he is and, perhaps, that is what made him so angry.

There simply was no more room in his battered heart for sympathy towards others that gave him a reason not to and there never would be again. 

When Iris saw this direful, yet winsome clown, her lovely Arthur Fleck as a whole smiling down at her so beautifully, she leaned into his neck, moved some of his silky lock away from his ear and whispered, "We have only known eachother for three days, but...my dearest, beautiful and tragic clown, these three days may as well have been 3 year with someone like you"

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur Fleck was on a mission and now that mission has been successfully completed. His has found his salvation, his only safe haven, his reason his heart beats on, and on, and on...

_"Stay awake!"_

"

"_I saw you cry today_

_  
The pain may fill you_

_  
I saw you shy away_

_  
The pain will not kill you  
  
You made me smile today_

_  
You spoke with many voices_

_  
We travelled miles today_

_  
Shared expressions voiceless_

_🥀_

"**_It has to end to begin..."_**

** _-Sia_ **


	36. "Come Find Me"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker is drunk, Iris is in love and horny. Joker cannot wait to have her naked body pressed against his, but will past trauma ruin the moment? Will they ever get to run freely together and find their own way? 
> 
> Artwork by, me (the drawing in this chapter)

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

<

🖤

**Chapter 36: _"Come Find Me"_**

<

Arthur was so tired and had been through so much and so many changes these last few weeks and when she breathed those words into his ear he felt his life had meaning and she was the oxygen he needed. He adored the way she spoke like such an artist, without even trying. It was just in _her_ and he thought that was amazing. 

He smiled with red lips, that made Iris' heart melt, and wrapped his arms around her and he was so thrilled and caught up in the moment that he lifted her up by her waist, but suddenly all the alcohol that he had consumed throughout the night seemed to slam into his motor stills like a freight train. He still held her, staggered slightly backwards, hit the back wall and slid down it in quite a comical manner. People saw and laughed, but most were too drunk to really care.

Arthur normally would have been humiliated, especially since he wanted to impress his woman, but felt there was no need to feel that way with her and that they could even laugh together. The alcohol made things easier as well, even though Arthur had done exactly what he promised himself he would not do, and got drunk, but it certainly made it easier for him to avoid traumatic thoughts and memories. These traumatic memories would never be gone, but for him, even if they were "_forgotten_" if only for this night, with the only love he may ever have, it did not matter.

👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠

Iris has not thought much about the very high possibility of her tragically beautiful eyes never getting to look upon his face again, but he has...Sometimes drinking made things that are unbearable, bearable, if only for a limited time. Reality seemed to always creep up and steal his tiny bits of joy like a dreadful thief, or a demon that wanted to swallow him whole.

For most people, reality was just what it was, but for someone with such a fragility about them, as Arthur, it could be something that caused so much pain, that sometimes he could feel a black, demonic figure perched on his tired shoulders, whispering _suicidal_ _poetry_ into his ears. That same demon seemed to become heavier over the years, but eventually he came to place where he befriended this demon and shook its deceitful hand, giving this demon everything.

<

👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠👁🧠

  
He felt rediculous, but Iris began to laugh as he slid down the wall, still holding her, which conveniently put her in the straddle position. Her laughing at him didn't bother him like it would anyone else and he was too drunk to even really notice. Iris had been drinking too, so she kissed the top of his head, stared him right in his glassy eyes and said, playfully, "Has Joker been drinking too much tonight?"

Arthur grabbed a cigarette from out of his pack and lit it, still slumped on the floor, as if it was his own couch. Iris stared at him with drunk, starry eyes and thought she had never seen anyone look more like a resplendent work of art than he did in this very moment. He leaned against the wall, exhaled smoke and with a drunken smile and said, No...Maybe a little" 

Iris giggled at him and said, "It's obvious, silly"

Arthur actually looked a little embarrassed and looked down laughed, bashfully. Iris felt her heart dissolve into his when she heard him laugh. Everything he said or did made feel like falling into his very soul allowing her own to meld with his. 

She giggled and with a big smile, she said, "You're so adorable, baby"

Arthur smiled and looked up at her like she was a goddess. Finally seeing her beautiful face looking at him, with her bright, sapphire eyes, made him feel like he was flying.

_ **"Picture yourself in a boat on a river** _

  
_ **With tangerine trees and marmalade skies** _

  
_ **Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly** _

  
_ **A girl with kaleidoscope eyes** _

_ **Cellophane flowers of yellow and green** _

  
_ **Towering over your head** _

  
_ **Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes** _

  
_ **And she's gone"** _

<

As he grinned at her and held her hand and said, "Thank you"

His voice sounded, hoarse, yet soft at the same time. Something about the mere sound of his husky, smooth voice made her practically quiver, especially with the way he gazed up at her with the glittering stars of his soul sparkling in his eyes. They were stars that only she could see...

<

Hearing his voice felt like running her hands across a smooth velvet surface, with jagged pieces of glass scattered about, but all she could really feel was velvet. Others would notice the sharp glass and feel the cuts and blood, but Iris could only feel the wonderful sensation of the soft velvet against her finger tips.

**********

Arthur had a soft voice, but it could also be low and rough sounding and there were even other times where it sounded silly, lighter and rather, _Joker_. Arthur, when he was on the Murray Franklin show, seemed to have a very slightly higher pitched, almost flamboyant tone. It was also goofy and giddy, but laced with a seething, underlying threat. Iris still greatly remembered the pain in his tone and agonizing turmoil inflected in his voice, even when he was laughing. Like a nicely dressed up, fancy drink that was pretty, with just enough alcohol in it for a lovely, warming buzz, but unbeknownst to it's consumer, contained a deadly sedative. 

**********

Even though he was drunk, the way he looked leaning against the wall as he turned his head slightly upward, with billows of smoke trailing out of his nose and mouth made her feel goosebumps cover her entire body. She did worry about him drinking because she didn't want him to get too carried away or hurt himself, or make himself ill, especially with everything he has been through these past few days. She also had not seen him eat anything at all since they met and she knew that could be very bad for him. 

Iris smiled and kissed his cheek. "You're so funny, Arthur" she said to him with a playful giggle. Although Iris was unaware, Arthur had heard those words before, or at least his demented and lonely mind told him he did, but it was false. He was drunk, which meant his emotions tended to be much harder to control and Iris saw how his face abruptly changed.

She saw him try to get up and wince in pain as he did so, clutching his ribs. Iris got off of him and offered him a hand, but he resisted and suddenly began to cough, which made Iris concerned. "What's wrong?" She inquired.

Arthur had a hard time standing up, but once he managed to, he staggered out the back door, still coughing. Iris quickly followed him and saw him leaned against the brick wall beside the door, smoking. Iris was tipsy, but she was most certainly as drunk as poor Arthur was and she knew all too well about drinking far too much. She also knew that for someone like and even someone like Arthur, drinking can be a crutch so people like him tended to always drink too much, as if seeking a rush of oblivion.

Iris put her hand on his shoulder and saw how troubled he looked. He wouldn't look at her, he was lost in his chaotic mind and she could see it clear as day. She stood right in front of him, put her hands on his drooped shoulders and said? "Hey, are you alright? Can I get you some water?"

Arthur swallowed and shook his head. He kept tasting a sickening chalkiness in his mouth and it making him feel so much worse. He's been experiencing the chalky taste in his mouth a lot, even since the night he collapsed in that alley. He has always had a sensitive stomach, but not like this. Right now the taste was so overwhelming that it tasted as though he had just chewed up a bunch of pills in his mouth. 

Arthur took the hoodie off because he was afraid he would get it dirty and he also flicked his cigaretteHe turned away from her, the back of his hand over his mouth, and said, "Thank you..."

"Let's go back to my apartment and you can get some sleep, baby", Iris said, gently. 

"I'll be....I'll be f-" Arthur began to say, but was soon stopped by an unbearable wave of nausea. He felt all the alcohol he had consumed rise up and burn his throat. He bent over and began to vomit. 

Arthur kept apologizing in between throwing up and this broke Iris' heart. She placed her palm, softly on his back and began to run her fingers up and down. It made her sad when her fingers ran over his back and could feel every vertebra in his spine, protruding from under his shirt. 

_"I wish you would eat" 💔_

Arthur felt Iris' hand suddenly grasp his hold his and it made this awful situation feel less awful. Iris made everything awful, less awful and things that are not awful, feel a hundred times better. He squeezed her hand, tight and croaked, "I ruined it..."

Iris could barely hear him, so she got close to his face and asked, "What's that, baby?"

Arthur retched a couple more times, before he wiped the mouth with his sleeve, brought his tired, green eyes to hers and said, "I ruined the night"

Iris got trapped in his ecstatically, beautiful green eyes and her heart nearly erupted. Iris got some tissue out of her purse, brought it to his cheeks, his sad eyes still fixed on hers, and said, "No, no, no, darling"

Iris began to dab the corners of his mouth and she could tell he felt ridiculous. When she tried to wipe his nose, he stopped her.

"Th-thanks, but you don't have to do that" Arthur said, as he looked away to clean the snot from his nose. He felt embarrassed and wanted to hide. 

"Thank you", he croaked.

Iris smiled warmly at him and twirled some of his curls, that brushed the back of his beautiful neck, in her fingers. He loves the way it feels when she does that. He felt better, but his mind was still being plagued by something.

Arthur finally looked at her and she saw how his eyes were red and so very exhausted and it made her heart hurt. "Let's go back to my apartment, okay?" 

Arthur coughed and said, "No, I want to have a good time with you tonight" He was slurring his words a bit and Iris just wanted to lay with him and make him feel better, but there something hidden in his mind that she could not read.

Arthur was looking at her tragic eyes and she said to him, "I love you, it's gonna be okay" 

Arthur hiccupped and said to her, in a scratchy voice, "The last time I heard those words, _You're so funny_ _Arthur_, it was not real...It was from a relationship that turned out to only be real in my head and the joy I felt, believing a nice woman would show any interest in me, was all just an illusion..." 

Iris saw how Arthur looked away from her again and lit another cigarette. She felt so sad hearing what he just said and then his morose tone of voice made her want to cry. The way she loved him was so powerful that she almost felt she could move mountains for him.

Even though he appeared as though he did not want to be touched, Iris could see that there was also a huge part of him that needed to be touched. She knew how it felt to need it, but also be afraid of it.

<

<🖤💋

Arthur stared at her, smiled shyly and said, I...I wanna kiss you, but...I'm gross"

His cigarette rested in between his lips, on the corner of his mouth as he spoke and Iris found that to be so endearing. There was something about him, holding his cigarette in his mouth as he speaks, or just when he's simply holding it there for convenience, but it just drove her wild for some reason. 

Iris laughed and then she slowly placed her gentle hand under his chin and softly brought his melancholy face to meet hers. Eventually Arthur's distraught eyes met hers and she put her hand on the side of his face, giggled, and tenderly, kissed his lips. He almost wanted to pull away, but the warmth of her kiss brought him an indescribable confort. 

At first the kiss was tender and sweet, but once Arthur felt her lips touch his, proving once again that there was no possible way that she was just an illusion, he suddenly felt wild like he broke out of his sad, insecure chains. The awful chains that bound him and kept him from truly letting go. His heart pounded with a wild, untamed energy and Iris could feel it and whimpered as Arthur gripped the hair on the back of her head, making their kiss deeper and undeniably pleasurable.

Iris opened her mouth wide and could feel herself become his and there was no going back now. The way he looked and the way he had a different kind of energy tonight drove her wild. She could not stop herself and she knew they were alone in the back of the bar, so her hand traveled down past his tight stomach and she grinned, when heard him expel a soft, low moan as her hand felt the manhood between his legs.

Arthur's eyes, suddenly shot open, but soon closed again when he felt her talented hand, play with his goods, further. All he could think about since they made love was doing it again, and again, and again, and again...He's used his left hand, and only the sweet image of her bare legs, to pleasure _himself_ enough. Now that he's had the real thing, he felt he had been woken up to a whole other world of bliss, that he never new existed, until now. 

When their lips parted, Arthur leaned his head against the wall and let out a long sigh of pleasure and he nearly felt he would crumble to the ground as she planted soft, little kisses on his neck. It didn't take long for him to get an erection and he felt her hot breath in his ear, as she said, "**_Come find me_**"

Suddenly she let go of his groin, handed him her hoodie and stared at him, playfully. Arthur felt he was going to burst and almost wanted to pull her back to him, but he smiled slyly at her, trying to catch his breath.

Arthur felt incredibly flustered when she took her hand away from his groin. If he could, he would rip her clothes off, take his hard phallus out, and make love to her right on the ground. His cock was twitching, as if begging her hand to return. He was feeling rather frisky tonight and she was driving him mad and it was beautiful.

Still, he was intrigued and with the combination of the alcohol he had consumed, and high of this risky love affair, he was thrilled.

Arthur also knew that this love affair would most likely be short lived and, in a way that added to the excitement. He just could not believe he met someone so amazing and he did not know how he ever came to deserve her love or the intoxicating touch of her ruby lips and elegant and delicate hands. He never wanted this night to end, so he decided he would seize the moment, especially because he did not know how long this dream would last and he wished and hoped that he would never awaken from it.

Iris was tipsy and under the influence of the beautiful man that her heart sang for and she was on fire for him. She went into the ladies room and waited for her lover to find her. She was absolutely giddy. 

Arthur lit another cigarette, put the jacket back on and walked back inside. Loud music was playing and he was surrounded by other clowns and many other people in costume. He definitely felt safer seeing a sea of other people dressed as clowns. Most were wearing cheap masks and wigs, but Arthur definitely did stand out in the sense that his attire and makeup was put together with much more thought and detail. He smiked and his drunken, emerald eyes began to scan the crowd for his object of affection. All he could think about was her body.

Iris went and hid in the ladies room in one of the stalls. It was empty and she shut the door and eagerly awaited for her Arthur to find her. She could feel her pulse racing in her wrist and she couldn't help but think about his body pressed against hers and it made her feel hot and she could feel womanhood begin to heat up and clench.

"_Arthur, I need you..."_

Arthur's red lips pulled on his cigarette and he kept looking around, anxiously wanting to find her. His eyes stopped when he saw the little hallway that lead to the restrooms and he smirked. He pushed people aside to get to that hallway as quickly as possible, almost tripping twice, but he didn't care. He could feel the music in his heart begin to get louder as he drew closer to the ladies room. 

Iris heard the door open and she could only hope it was him and before she even had time to peek under the stall the door swung open and she felt her breath hitch, as he immediately began to kiss her with a starving mouth. His tongue entered her mouth and played with hers and he could hear and feel her whimper. His hands held the sides of her face and she heard him release a deep moan into her throat as they kissed.

Iris knew what that moan had to mean and she brought her hand down south. There was no hesitation this time and it was mutual. She felt him push her against the side of the stall as they kissed passionately and once her hand grasped his groin she felt him almost become rubber, as if it was too much pleasure for him to handle, but he didn't let that stop him from continuing to devour her.

He was still holding his cigarette in his left hand so Iris took it out of his hand as they kissed and stopped as she stared at him with lustful eyes and took a drag. He grinned at her crookedly and watched her as she exhaled smoke and put it out on the wall of the stall. He thought the look in her eyes, as she did this, was breathtaking. She winked at him and took his hood down, raking her fingers through his hair.

Iris began to kiss his neck and suckle on it as her hand continued to deliver pleasure to his groin. Iris did not know, but even though Arthur was thoroughly enjoying all of this he did feel begin to feel that familiar anxiety and queasy feeling in his stomach, but he still tried to ignore it. She went to unzip his fly and that's when she suddenly felt his hand grab hers tightly.

He wanted so badly to just be in the moment with her, but his mind was not allowing that to happen. Iris remembered that he had the same reaction the first time they touched in an intimate way and she suddenly felt she knew why that was.

<

She could hear Arthur breathing heavily and he kept his head turned away from her, still pushing her hand away. She felt tears in her eyes and she softly touched his cheek and said, "Arthur, baby...what happened to you?"

Tears streamed down his face, crushing the little bit of pride he had, making the beautiful turquoise makeup, under his equally vibrant eyes, smear. Iris knew he may not tell her and she understood. She understood more than he could even know and she did not want him to...

Iris did not want to make him say something that he was not ready to say, so she just took her hand away from his groin and held his own trembling hand. She pressed her head to his chest and could feel his precious heart pounding and it made her so sad. She now began to hum to him softly, as she looked at him and moved pieces of his beautiful hair out of his eyes. 

Iris ran her fingers through his hair and whispered in his ear, "You're okay my love. I'll keep you safe"

Arthur finally looked back at her and saw she had tears running down her cheeks, too, and he felt bad. He didn't want her to be burdened with his problems and he suddenly felt crushed under the weight of all his suffering, past and present and he felt himself fall to his knees. Iris held him as he quietly cried, pressing his face into her chest. His hands tightly wrapped around her, as if he felt he had to hold on for dear life before he was all alone, yet again, left with no one to care, comfort, or listen to him.

"Arthur, I love you so much..." Iris murmured, as she cradled his head in her chest. His fingers pressed into her back, as he could feel himself almost slipping out of reality. He felt like he was 5 years old again, hiding and clutching his chest, choking back tears and he began to sob heavily as Iris embraced him.

He also had the memory of his first suicide attempt and how all of these things molded him into what he has become. He was only 16 when he first tried to kill himself and about 19 the second time and 37 this last time. He felt like he was even a massive failure at stopping his useless heart. 

Having Iris' loving arms hold him as he wept made him feel some joy that he hadn't been able to obtain all those years ago. 

🖤

<"

<

🥀

<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know it's sad and everything, but just wait omg. It's gonna get hot. I can't wait to post thr next one!! 🖤   
Also, the drawing is by, me lol. I drew it for my fic. It's not done yet, but I wanted to put it in here.


	37. The Serpent and the Apple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur had immense trauma and Iris tries to be there for him when it creeps up on him again. The sexual energy between the two of them may be enough to take him to a better place and away from his past. Arthur shows Iris a different side of himself to her and it drives her mad. Arthur is also quite drunk and silly, making Iris just want to kiss him all over. He has a very low tolerance for alcohol, so hopefully Iris will make sure he doesn't overdo it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW 😏

**Beauatiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 37: _The Serpent and the Apple_ 🍎**

** _"The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away, but they're not punishing you, they're freeing your soul. If you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth."_ **

** _From the film, Jacob's Ladder_ **

<

_ **"One for the money** _

_ **Two for show** _

_ **I love you, honey ** _

_ **I'm ready, I'm ready to go** _

_ **How did you get that way?** _

_ **I don't know** _

_ **You're screwed up and brilliant** _

_ **And look like a million dollar man ** _

_ **So, why is my heart broke?..."** _

-Lana Del Rey

<

Arthur had been horribly abused his entire life since he was only a small boy and he did not have the proper love, support, affection and protection that a child should have. The one person who was supposed to keep him safe, and make him _feel_ safe, left him alone to fend for himself through horrific fear and abuse.

He could never tell Iris the horrors that had taken place because he still didn't remember them all clearly, but most of all because he knew it would crush her. She just has so much empathy and loves him more than he can even comprehend and he just didn't want to do that to her.

Arthur only read that terrifying file, full of the sicking truth of his past, and the could see the very reason for him being the way he was and all of his issues. It made him have one of the worst episodes of nerve wracking laughter in his entire life.

He ran out of Arkham that night, almost falling to the ground outside in the rain. He felt his heart jump repeatedly in his chest and make him and he kept thinking about how his mother was all he had, but she was false just like everyone else. There was no one anymore. Arthur was truly _alone._

He felt crippled and trapped in a nightmare that never seemed to end and he wanted to make it end...

He only made it so far before he was violently ill as he tried to make his way to the bus stop, puking and shaking badly. Once on the bus he could not sit still, but eventually the numbness set in that usually did, if he was in too much mental pain to handle. He just leaned against the window, shivering and wet, with the taste of vomit in his mouth and stared out the window blankly, like he usually did, regardless.

Even though he had been dating a woman named Sophie (or so he thought at the time) he still did think of Iris...

** _He wished, with all of his withered heart, that she was thinking of him too..._ **

On this cold, lonely night he found himself glancing over his shoulder, as if Iris would somehow be there, where she usually sat on the bus. I wished she was there, even if all it meant was to momentarily glance upon her radiant face, it would be enough to keep his heart pumping for the rest of the night.

He had never spoken to her much, or even knew much about her, but he will always remember the first day he ever saw her and he felt like a nervous child when he saw her. He was having a rough start to his day and was in a very nasty mood. He was extemly tired that day from lack of sleep, but he most certainly became very alert when Iris got on the bus. He noticed her almost right away and couldn't help but stare for a moment, even though he didn't mean to. 

As she was getting to her seat and the bus took a sharp turn, Arthur's cigarette pack felt right out of his pocket and on the floor right beside Iris' feet. They had both bent down at the same time and the entire planet came to sudden hault and nothing and no one that was around him was there. He only saw _her..._

Soft, tragically beautiful piano seemed to play, softly, in his mind when her delectable lips smiled at him. Her eyes struck him immediately and thought they looked like bright blue prisms. That was it. That was all it took for cupid's jagged, rusty arrow to plunge into his melancholy heart. 

All Iris said to him was "Wouldn't wanna lose those" and that's when he looked and saw her bend down to pick them up. He was heart struck and forever will be. Even if something rips them apart, the love that he has for her will forever be engraved in it, like names on a tombstone. 

Until the day he dies, the big silver screen of his mind will forever have images of her cinematic beauty and her unbelievable smile, playing in his head. It would be a film for the ages and would be something to be admired for years to come, but...when the credits roll on that film, Arthur will be the only one sitting in the theater, _alone. _He would and will stay _forever._

Arthur knew she was genuine and kind and that she was there for him, simply out of the kindness of her heart, even though she didn't know him. He wished she was there and he pictured himself being held by her, keeping him warm. It was the same way Arthur found comfort in invisible friends as a child. 

Arthur just needed love, so once he got home and went to Sophie's apartment, in a daze, and found out that she did not even really know him and that the one time he thought he had real love from another human being, he felt the final few thin strands of sanity behind to snap one by one, but what if these thin strands of _sanity _were also the same chains that that have blocked him from true freedom. 

He was up all night, hysterical and unable to even lay down or sit still at all and no one to be be there with him. No warmth, no comfort from the loving touch of another person and as the sun began to rise the next day and he had finally started to calm down, he slept, but not for long before night terrors woke him. 

He was sick with anxiety and could not even eat, which was common for him. He was used to starving...

That's the day that he knew that he was finally going to do it. He was going to end his useless life and it made him feel in control for the first time in his life. He felt **_free_**...

Arthur could practically see the gun stare right down at him and as he looked right into the eye of the barrel, his eyes sparkled, beautifully, full of wonder and dark serenity, burning with desperation.

<

Arthur just needed the perfect opportunity and that whole day he seemed to be a zombie, but he also knew that his mother had to pay. Only then could he leave this torturous plain of existence. He was ready and had never been more ready for anything in his entire life.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur held her hand and cried, "I've always, always wanted to die.._.always_...but you...you make me want to live" 

Iris gently grasped the sides of his beautiful, painted face and had him look right into her deeply compassionate eyes and said, "I have too, my love. I understand and I think you're beautiful and the most incredible human being I've ever met in my life" 

Suddenly, as she looked at him with her powerful gaze, he could hear his rough bow stroke her perfect heart strings and he could feel their beautiful melody begin to sooth his soul again. Iris sweetly smiled at him, moving a few green strands of curls out of his glassy eyes and grabbed some tissue. He apologized, weakly and she responded by kissing his forehead and then proceeded to dab away his tears and also his nose. 

Arthur sniffed and laughed awkwardly for a moment and said, "I've wanted to talk to you for a year..I just...couldn't. I thought about you all the time, Iris"

Iris felt a lump in her throat and she felt an immense sadness fill her eyes with tears. She was speechless and she remembered the day that he looked at her and have a shy, little smile and said timidly thanked her when she picked up his fallen pack of cigarettes on the bus. She remembered how sad his green eyes seemed to be and how they looked like they were almost on the verge of tears and seemed to scream to her "_I'm so lonely_". There was certainly an immediate connection, but it scared her, hence, she never made any attempt to really get to know him, but _always _observed him, nonetheless. 

Even just that day that he was sick and she helped him, she could see her own face in his eyes, as if they were mirrors shining like a beam of sunlight were hitting them. She could see the same type of pain and gentleness in his eyes that she had in hers, but, there was also a _burning_ in them and she liked them both, instantly. She just could not find it in her to say anything to him, even though the universe seemed to pull her towards him. Over time, that pull seemed to become stronger and stronger. She could even feel it in her sleep at times, but she had no idea what fate had planned for her and neither did Arthur Fleck. 

🥀

Looking at his morose eyes that sparkled with tears, made her almost tremble. At that time, though, she wished they didn't. Her heart was weak and her mind always seemed to bow to her heart's whim, instead of the other way around. 

Iris could write an entire book of poems about his radiant eyes. Each little Fleck of green could inspire a single poem and she just could not help but be dazzled any time he gazed upon her. His brilliant eyes seemed to almost peer deeply into her very soul and wrap a blanket of comforting electricity around it.

Even the night that her sweet Arthur slept on her couch, wrapped up in her blanket, innocently, she could almost feel her heart relax with the beat of his, once he was finally asleep. When she peeked at his id that same night she knew his face, but had no idea that he even remembered her, let alone thought of her all the time. 

She only knew his name after seeing his id and as soon as she saw his last name "Fleck" she immediately thought of how his astonishing, lustrous green eyes looked at her that night and how she could feel an incredible warmth enter her entire body. Most of all, she thought about how he had beautiful little flecks of gold within the luminous green color of his eyes. She thought they were like a complex and beautiful painting and it was one to be admired.

"You don't have to be scared to be lonely anymore, Arthur Fleck", Iris whispered into his ear, her hand tightly squeezing his.

She was in awe at how much she truly loves this man, who's pretty face is only inches away from hers.

Iris pressed her forehead to his and cried, "I shouldn't have let fear drag me away from you. I wanted to get to know you, Arthur, but I was afraid of getting hurt"

Arthur felt his heart shatter because he loves her so much, but also because he knew that would most likely end up being hurt. It would never be intentional, of course, but he wanted to just hold her to him and beg the heavens to let him keep her. He almost felt he could not speak...he just wanted her to have joy in her life, even if it meant having to find joy without him.

Arthur closed his eyes, as her forehead was pressed against his and breathed, "I'm just glad I got to finally get to know you at all, Iris...You're...a gift"

"Arthur, I need you to know that the urn on my nightstand is from my boyfriend from 2 years ago...but, he died...He died on that couch you slept on, with a needle in his arm and I know this may sound strange, but...when I found you that night I did think of him and how I wasn't there that night and how you were laying there all bloody" her voice broke and she stopped for a moment.

Arthur held her hand and looked right at her and said, "I knew you must have lost someone very special to you when I saw that urn and I could see the way you were so watchful and protective over my overall safety and health, that something must have traumatized you" 

Iris began to sob and she looked at Arthur and spoke through her tears saying, "I just don't want to lose you, especially not to something as cold as death. You're just too good for that and I am _so_ glad that I took a risk and found you that night, Arthur and in a way, I also feel that you found me..."

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur was glad, too, and even if it might end up being short lived, at least he finally got to truly experience _love_ and what that means and what it feels like when someone _shows_ you what that means. He came to find that love is not just something you say to someone, but you show them and that is what Iris has done for him. Normally, he was just a burden when he was sick, in pain, or in emotional distress, or just alone, but not this time.

She almost made him wish that he didn't kill all of those worthless people, so that things could have been different with with them...

** _Almost..._ **

He definitely has not been feeling great since the night of the show, but has been very sick, hurt and horribly sad a number of times in his life, but words could not describe how good it felt to have someone care for him through all of that for the very first time.

He got to sleep safely and peacefully, for once, and he didn't have to feel he would be punished for being weak when he was just sick, or be bullied for being vulnerable, or be beaten for being an emotional boy. Iris was the only thing that made him glad he didn't kill himself that night...

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Arthur and Iris stared at eachother, both raw, vulnerable and beautiful. Arthur's eyes sparkled with a loving radiance for her and his red lips parted and said, "I am so glad that you came and found me that night, my beautiful, dark angel" 

Iris looked at him for only a second longer before she was kissing him and she made sure she felt his body signal that he was okay with this and, soon enough, he was kissing back passionately and quicker this time, like he just couldn't wait, which was true. He could _not _wait any longer. His body was screaming for hers. He needed her to know how much he loves and desires every part of her.

They were not under the Eiffel Tower with fireworks and sparking lights, but the powerful force of love and unadulterated passion between them made it seem as if they were. 

Arthur suddenly felt different, like he was letting go of all his tortures and all of his past sufferings and all that was racing through his mind and body was his urge to be inside of her. He could feel her warm breasts against his chest and he could feel his loins flaming. 

Iris was moaning and gasping "Arthur, oh..._I'm yours_" 

Arthur felt his phallus harden from beneath the shelter of his maroon pants and he stood her up. He pressed her against the wall and as he kissed her she breathed in his scent of cigarettes and alcohol, both addictive...just like him. "Arthur, I want you....I I _need_ you", she cried, her voice hitching.

Arthur was suddenly feeling powerful and he pulled away from their kiss and grabbed her wrists. Iris did not fear for her safety with Arthur, but she was a bit surprised at how dominant he was being. She could feel his music surge through her mind and rush through her veins and it was loud and powerful.

Iris gasped, as he pinned her wrists to the wall of the stall and stared at her with ravenous eyes. His red lips had gotten smeared and the iridescent turquoise had smeared down his face, making him look almost like he did when she found him that serendipitous night. 

"You're so beautiful, Arthur" Iris breathed, as she played with some his silky, green curls.

His grip on her wrists became stronger, almost hurting her, but he could see in her heated eyes that she was begging him not to stop. His walls that were built up over the years from insufferable and relentless abuse came tumbling down when he felt her electric body pressed against his and he felt as though her electricity had shocked his other half back to life. She could certainly feel it too and it made her weak.

Iris closed her eyes, giving herself to him completely and felt his hand lift up her dress, which made her gasp. She resisted a bit at first because she was nervous someone would walk in, but he wasn't stopping. His hand could feel the heat coming off her genitalia and he began to pull at her panties and he absolutely loved the way she moaned in response.

Iris was shocked at how he was taking charge, which was very different from earlier that same day, but she has never in her life experienced such ecstasy. She wanted to be stuck in this moment for eternity. 

Arthur could feel how her silky panties were wet and he felt her breathing quicken, as he yanked them down, harshly, almost ripping them. She saw him glaring at her with dangerous eyes, when she finally opened her eyes. She looked at him with wide eyes, almost as if she was a wounded doe and he was the hungry wolf. 

He did not avert his sinful gaze as his fingers slowly parted her lips between her legs, from beneath her pretty little black dress. She could only look back at him helplessly as she softly breathed, "_Joker_"

**********

Although Arthur was far from experienced, this delicate flower that had touched his body and soul, awakened something animalistic in him. He has always had fantasies like this, especially with her, but never got close enough with anyone, or felt as comfortable with someone to allow this side of him to be released from it's cage. 

He also thought about how he used to think of her body and the way her gorgeous legs would cross when she wore a skirt. She wore black fishnet thigh highs, with quite a short black skirt, the first day he ever saw her and that's what he thought of all night. When he got home, he took a shower and thought of her beautiful legs and how those sexy fishnets clinged to them.

He truly wished he were those stalkings. The only reason he knew they were thigh highs is because he saw, for a short moment, the lacy top of the thigh high when she crossed her legs, leaving a lot of her delectable thigh exposed. It nearly made his jaw drop. He didn't want to be rude, but he just was so starving for the erotic touch of a woman.

<

He woke up the next morning with an erection, which he often did, but this time it was for a specific person and all he thought of, as he touched himself, was her legs and what it would be like to see them wide open. 

💋🖤🥀

_ **End Chapter 37: The Serpent and the Apple 🥀** _

🖤


	38. "Perfect Drug"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has an immense thirst for Iris and wants to be inside of her again more than he can even stand. His body is begging her to give him what he needs and desires. Iris sees a different side of him and is shocked and aroused at how dominant he becomes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked very hard on this one, so I hope you love it!

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 38: _"Perfect Drug"_**

"_**I got my head but my head is unraveling**_

  
_ **Can't keep control can't keep track of where it's ** _

_ **traveling** _

  
_ **I got my heart but my heart's no good** _

  
_ **You're the only one that's understood** _

_ **I come along but I don't know where you're taking me** _

  
_ **I shouldn't go but you're wrenching, dragging, shaking me** _

  
_ **Turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky** _

  
_ **The more I give to you the more I die** _

  
_ **And I want you** _

🖤

<

He loves her so much that he just felt he finally was able to allow every part of him that's been pent up over the years to finally be released from his internal chains of subjugation. He had been holding so much in, that with her he felt every true part of who he really is _erupt_ like an active volcano. 

She had rescued him from a life of wearing a mask. His mask had too many cracks in it and with her, he could finally take it off and that was something he never thought could be real. 

Arthur's fingers touched her woman hood. Iris could hardly catch her breathe as she felt his slender fingers play with her center of pleasure. 

Iris was soaked and he could feel it as she played with her. He stared at her devilishly and he got down on his knees and Iris had to put a hand over her mouth to smother a scream. She felt his mouth open underneath her and his hot breath against her genitalia. When she felt his tongue drag up and down on her clitoris and even be brave enough to slightly enter her core, she nearly felt her heart bust. 

Arthur was truly living his one and only dream. He was with Iris, the lovely lady on the bus, and all the graphic images of her and her beautiful, unexplored body, were now reality. The images that would flood his mind late at night, while he laid on his couch smoking the night away, were ones he never thought would be more than just images to ease his loneliness. Now, the images that used to play through his mind like reels of a forbidden film were not only real, but _better. _

** _"Oh...Iris"_ **

"**_Iris..."_**

There were even times he could practically _feel _her hot breath against his ear and he always loved the image of her dancing, wild and free. He wanted her to share her soul with his.

Looking at her felt like staring at a flickering flame on a candle. She enchanted him and staring at her was hypnotic. If she were to look deeply into his eyes when he gazes upon her beauty, she would see the bright flickering of a flame, as if he were staring at a candle. She had lit his flame.

🥀

"Oh, God" she cried, as she tried to move, but her hands were still pinned to the wall. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she felt her body become limp and she almost slid down the wall. 

Arthur loved the way she had pleasured him with her perfect mouth earlier, and he needed to show his appreciation. He loved the way she tasted and the way her cries were of pleasure and ecstasy and not sorrow and so were his. There was no fear in them, as they ravaged eachother and all the fears that they normally would have about eachother, almost made the experience better. Danger made it almost fun, but then again, danger makes everything much more fun. 

<

Arthur felt _changed_. Changed, just like the ominous night he gunned down those bullies on the subway and dashed into that filthy bathroom. The bathroom was filthy, eerie and badly lit, but where his mind took him, the second he closed that door, was somewhere else, somewhere new, somewhere better. 

As his daring tongue explored her nether regions he could feel her clench, begging to have his hard cock deep inside of her. 

"_Arthur, A-Arthur"_

Her precious, little cries of pleasure made him feel his ma hood stiffen completely. Her beautiful cries of pleasure were intoxicating and they were not just her cries of ecstasy, but his, as well. He often felt like he was on an acid trip and had nothing to guide him safely through the smoke and mirrors of his mind, except for brightness of her sparkling, blue eyes.

Suddenly, they both heard some women come in, chattering, drunkenly, amongst themselves. Iris grabbed his hair, harshly, without realizing it, which pulled on his wound from the accident and he had to stifle a grunt. Iris wanted to stop because she didn't want people to ruin the moment.

Arthur didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so he let her wrists go and stood up. Iris, bashfully pulled her panties back up, looked at her her beautiful man and smiled shyly. He pulled his hood back over his head, looked at her with those same glowing, _starving_ eyes, grinned and put his intex finger up to his lips, signaling to stay quiet. 

Suddenly, the door was pushed open and there was a blonde, young woman with pigtails dressed as a jester, staring at them. She seemed to find it amusing and went on to offer them some cocaine. She was clearly drunk. They declined, of course. 

"Oops, sorry I didn't know someone was in here...I'll leave you two alone", she and her friend, who was fixing her hair in the mirror, laughed and Iris could hear the sound of her snorting a rail. Part of her wished she could join in, but she contained herself.

** _No need for drugs...She has Arthur now..._ **

The girl in the jester costume went on the talk nonsense with her friend, as she shut the door. Arthur and Iris looked at eachother for a moment, before sharing a good laugh with eachother. 

"You wanna get out of here?" Arthur asked, playfully.

Iris smiled big, grabbed his beautifully painted face, kissed him and said, "Anything you want, baby"

They both dashed out of the bathroom, giggling and Iris had to help Arthur a couple of times because he was staggering, but they made it outside, finally. They both felt and thought they were adolescents having a fun time, which was something neither of them got to truly experience.

Thunder erupted in the sky and when they both looked up they saw that the beautiful, bright full moon was now partially hidden behind some rain clouds. They both just laughed joyfully and held eachother tightly. 

"Never let me go..." Iris thought to herself, as her right hand grasped his left. She was looking at the radiant moon and could not help but gaze, thoughtfully, at his splendiferous profile, as the pale moonlight struck his face. She has never seen him look so happy and free. 

It was a total contrast between how she used to see him slumped over on the bus, with empty eyes and pure exhaustion etched all over his pale complexion. She could always see the heavy weight of life nearly crushing him in it's hateful hateful grasp. 

The moon is pale like him, but on this marvelous night, it shined brilliantly upon his jubilant face. It brought a unique illumination to the dark night's sky the same way he gave her light in her internal darkened halls.

The way his eyes glittered under the gentle light of the moon made her heart swell. He was drunk and she was too, but she didn't care. Not tonight. Tonight felt like tomorrow had no significance and it was beautiful.

Iris tugged on his hand, the way he tugged on her heart strings, and as soon as he looked at her she put her other hand on the back of his neck, grasping his hair and kissed him. When she closed her eyes, intoxicated by his taste, she saw stars, dazzling her mind.

When their lips reluctantly parted, Arthur took her hand and pulled her with him as he brought her into an empty alley. Even though it was a dark alley with garbage bins and the sound of sirens, blaring in the background, it was still romantic and poetic. It felt as though the world was finally ending and Arthur and Iris no longer had anything to worry about anymore. 

They would no longer have to be overwhelmed by this burden called "life" and they could just dance together as the earth was falling away around them, with nothing but the two of them holding onto eachother for dear life, smiling madly and gleefully at eachother, knowing that they could stay in this moment forever, as if it were a photograph and the sound of the the world ending was the camera shutter.

They both giggling in unison as Arthur pulled her hand, guiding her further down the alley, smiling back at her with glowing eyes. He took her in front of a dumpster and pulled her into his arms, her chest pressed against his.

Arthur looked at her with an ebullient pair of eyes that matched his smile. He took her hand and began to move his body like he was trying to walz with her. She laughed, beautifully, when she saw the scintillating smile he had and the way it showed his dimples and precious laugh lines. Even the little wrinkles, that appeared on the sides of his eyes, made her swoon. She just adored the way all of these pretty little lines drew the perfect picture of bliss on a usually morose face. Each and every line of his magnificent face, formed the shape of her passionate heart. 

"

Iris gazed at him with starry eyes and said, You're mad, Arthur...and it's _poetic_"

Arthur had never heard anyone describe his "mental illness" or his reason for being excluded in life as "poetic" and it felt as though she was making love to him all over again. 

Arthur kissed her and said, into her ear, as they danced together, "So are you, my dear"

They heard some people, amongst all the madness, walking by in the street and they hid on the side of the dumpster. The second they were out of sight, they felt an immense hunger for each other's bodies and they both looked around and Arthur saw the way Iris looked worried. She still didn't want to be seen doing something private and it made her nervous.

They were about to bring their thirsty lips against eachothers, but, suddenly the thunder boomed through the sky again, which was then followed by the fall of rain. 

Iris suddenly felt the urge to run and find shelter, but Arthur held her shoulders, stopping her. She looked angry.

"Arthur, come one!" she said, sounding a bit hysterical. 

She was looking around frantically, but her eyes came to a stop when they landed on Arthur's grinning, silly face.

"What?" she asked, sounding confused, but before she could utter another word, she was stopped by the hot force of Arthur's lips. He then twirled her and pressed get to his chest and kissed her neck. 

Arthur did not care about the rain and he just was entranced by her gorgeous, made up, face and the way her lips were painted to look like a little pout and especially the way he had smeared some of it with some of the red of his own. His mouth was devouring hers and she soon didn't care about the rain either. 

"_**Love, is it real love?**_

_ **  
It's like smiling when the firing squad's against you** _

_ **  
And you just stay lined up"** _

_ **\- Lana Del Rey** _

Arthur and Iris continued to kiss and his rough bow and her silken heart strings were producing a glorious tune. 

"_**Come take a walk on the wild side**_

_ **  
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain** _

_ **  
You like your girls insane** _

_ **  
So choose your last words, this is the last time** _

_ **  
'Cause you and I, we were born to die"**_

🥀

Arthur pushed against the wall and, suddenly, became animalistic. He slid his right hand up her thigh and she gasped with a high pitched, pleasurable, tone. She felt her walls of intimacy tighten, signaling that she needed his firm phallus deep inside of her. 

Iris had her hands exploring his whole body and wildly grabbing at his heated groin, thrusting her hips forward agains him. She was moaning and grinding him, as his hand felt her wet panties. She gasped when she felt his hand pull her panties down, which was followed by a playful giggle.

The rain soaked them and the the thunder clapped in their ears, with the same power as their thirst for eachother and the same warning as a gun shot. They both stared into each other's eyes, sinfully and smiled. Iris nibbled on his neck, her hot breath making his cock fully hard, and undid his fly. 

Arthur laughed, in a way that was sinister, yet absolutely erotic and Iris did not hesitate to pull his erection out of his underwear. She smiled with her mouth open as she heard Arthur softly moan. 

He tilted his head back, letting his hood fall and looked up at the sky, letting the cold rain hit his face, drench his perfectly painted face and watched the lightning dance through the sky. The alcohol made his frantic mind more at ease and Iris' touch made him feel as though he had gone to another dimension, where only love and unadulterated pleasure existed.

_ **The dramatic music of there untied hearts vibrated through their heated bodies. ** _

Iris no longer cared about the rain, or her makeup running, or her clothes getting soaked because she felt wild and free and that is the way she has always longed to be. This has always been her true nature, but she was trapped in a society and trapped in circumstances that made it impossible for her to really be herself. Being suffocated was all she knew until she walked into that alley, _three_ nights ago.

Arthur couldn't even keep his eyes open anymore as he felt Iris' warm hand stroke his manhood. His eyes rolled back in his head and he could barely find his breath. He couldn't wait anymore, so he pulled her in close to his body and assisted her in removing her panties.

Iris kissed him and when their lips parted and they were both breathing heavily, she looked him right in his starry eyes and said, "You have shown me what _freedom_ is, Arthur Fleck"

Arthur grinned at her gleefully, still trying to catch his breath, kissed her and said, "And you, Iris, have shown me freedom, but above all things..._love_"

Iris could feel tears well in her eyes as he said those words. Arthur saw the glitter of emotion in her eyes and he held her even closer to his body and she gasped. 

"I can't wait anymore, my beautiful man", Iris breathed into his ear.

  
Arthur undid the zipper on the back of her lovely black dress and quickly helped her pull it over her head. The very sight of her breasts fully exposed was almost enough to make him climax right there. 

Iris stared into his eyes with a thirst that was indescribable and she pulled down his zipper with a big smile etched on her face. 

Before she let him inside of her she just gazed at him in admiration. The way his makeup was smeared and running down his face looked like an exquisite painting. The way the deep turquoise color and vibrant red mixed together in some spots and the way some of that same turquoise had ran down to his chin from his tears, made her heart brim over with emotion.

He looked almost the same as when she found him, except this time, his face was lit up with joy and excitement and it was so enchantingly, beautiful. 

Her heart strings were playing their song and it dictated each and every move they made. It was a chilling song that overflowed with passion.

Arthur smiled, gleefully, at her and she couldn't help but instantly press her lips to his. Her hand poetically stoked his phallus and she closed her eyes and enjoyed the gorgeous moan that escaped his lips.

Arthur lifted her up against the wall, holding her up successful this time and her legs wrapped around him tightly. He saw her face suddenly become illuminated by the moon as she cried out. He had entered her a long last.

Arthur slowly thrusted in and out and felt her walls tighten around his rock-hard cock and he cried out freely, caring not if anyone heard him this time. Even though it was cold outside and the rain made it even colder, the heat being produced from their bodies was all the warmth they needed.

The sounds of all the people out in the streets, the sirens in the distance, the rain pouring down, the loud thunder and even the sounds of the traffic suddenly became their soundtrack of making love. 

Iris had her eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed into his ear, "I love you, Arthur...I-I love you _endlessly_"

He gazed into her dazed eyes, as he thrusted into her deeper this time, gently moved some stray wet hairs behind her ear and said, "I've been dying inside for this very moment, Iris"

The way his voice had this soft hoarseness to it, made her smile. She felt her heart was going to explode the more he pushed inside of her and she was almost crying it felt so amazing. 

Arthur's heart was racing and right when he pushed into her again he felt her walls clench and pulsate around his manhood. She cried out his name into the heavens and held him tightly. Right as she climaxed, it was as though she heard an immensely, powerful chorus in her head and she and Arthur could feel and hear her whimper, beautifully, into his ear. 

He didn't want her to ever release him from her arms. The melodic sounds of her moans and cries of pleasure made him practically quiver inside her and now that he knew his smoldering woman had been pleasured, he felt nothing hold him back. 

Iris felt his hand harshly squeeze her buttox as he quickened his pace. She combed her fingers through his wet hair and gripped it behind his neck as he pressed his wet cheek onto the side of her neck, his rapid breath warming her. Iris stared up into the sky, as she stroked the back of his head and felt joy warm her heart, knowing that Arthur was making love to her. He was, finally, getting to experience what it really was meant to be.

Arthur entered her once more before he saw stars, but not the kind he saw that night he collapsed in that alley, but stars produced from an overwhelming feeling love. Right as thunder erupted through the sky again, he felt it...He felt himself erupt inside of her just like the thunder in the moonlit sky.

Iris held him tight as he lifted her head, slightly, ululating into her ear and she whimpered in response to his beautiful orgasm, that she helped him achieve. 

He thrusted into her a few more times as he came and exhaled those three beautiful, impactful words into her ear. **_"I love you_**"

As they both breathed heavily, from the passionate unison, she kissed his forehead and said back to him, "I love you, too, Arthur"

<

🥀


	39. Jealousy Has Driven Him Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Arthur are having the most romantic evening can't keep their hands off of eachother, but will Arthur be able to keep his hands off of other people? Will they be able to stay hidden for long?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this was one of my fave to write, so I hope you like it!

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀 **

_ **"I'll tell you something** _

_ **  
I am a wolf but** _

_ **  
I like to wear sheep's clothing** _

_ **  
I am a bonfire** _

_ **  
I am a vampire** _

_ **  
I'm waiting for my moment...**_

_ **You come on like a drug** _

_ **  
I just can't get enough** _

_ **  
I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more** _

_ **  
And there's so much at stake** _

_ **  
I can't afford to waste** _

_ **  
I've never needed anybody like this before"** _

* * *

**Chapter 39: "_Jealousy Has Driven Him Mad"_**

After Arthur climaxed so magnificently, he suddenly felt tired and the alcohol he drank, on top of that, made his knees buckle, sending them both down to the ground. It hurt his knees and Iris had landed on her bare buttocks with Arthur still inside of her, but they both just looked at eachothers flushed faces and laughed.

As Iris smiled brightly at him, she held his tragically beautiful face in her hands and kissed him. As he slid out of her, he found himself wishing he could stay in her forvever and feel her physical love warm his body for the rest of his life, right along with the warmth that her soul graced him with. 

Iris was in awe as she stared at his white face, glistening from the rain and the glow the moonlight brought to his smile. 

Even though they were both absolutely elated; Iris saw Arthur shudder, so she kissed his cheek and said, "Baby, you're cold, let's head home"

Iris was cold too and Arthur knew she must be, so when they stood up he instinctively helped her get her dress back on and handed her the hoodie he had been wearing. She put her black, feathered wings on, smiled coyly and said, "Thank you, Funny Man"

Arthur was freezing, but she only had a little dress on and at least he had long sleeves and pants. Iris gave him a once over for a moment, swooning over his dashing button-down, turquoise shirt that almost matched his eye makeup. She also noticed his sneakers and Arthur saw her looking and immediately felt bad.

To his surprise; she smiled softly, gazed at him with eyes that sparkled and said, "They suit you, Arthur"

Arthur took her hand and said, "I hope I didn't offend you. I just couldn't find my own shoes and wasn't thinking"

Iris felt her heart become heavy, but she was not angry; she was happy and she knew Marcel would have loved a beautiful such as Arthur. She had not even looked at those shoes in almost a year and when she saw Arthur wearing them it actually made her feel warmth in her heart.

Iris squeezed Arthur's cold hand and said, "No need to apologize, Arthur. Honestly...Marcel would have loved you"

Arthur heard how her voice broke, so he brought her close to him and kissed her forehead. He held her face in his hands and saw her mournful eyes and she saw him smiling at her, saying everything he needed to say, simply with his compassionate eyes.

He gently put his thumbs on the corners of her mouth and she was confused at first, but the beauty of his empathetic smile captivated her so greatly that she just knew she could trust him.

His thumbs slightly went into her mouth and he very gently pulled the corners of her mouth into a smile. As soon as he did this and she saw his silly smile, she soon was actually smiling too.

Arthur felt a happiness fill his heart; seeing her truly smile, that was indescribable. She laughed, beautifully, once he took his thumbs out of her mouth; revealing her true smile. The same way he brought numerous smiles to her face since they met.

** _ Smiles that were untainted and true._ **

_ **"You know I'll love you ' til the moon's upside down..."** _

"You're shaking, silly" Iris said to him, taking his hand. 

Arthur is very skinny and has a small frame; so he was indeed very cold, but it mattered more to him that his angelic woman was kept warm and comfortable at all costs. He has always been a _true romantic_ at heart, but never had a chance to share it with anyone. 

They were both cold, so Iris tugged on his hand and said, "Come on, let's go baby"

Arthur knew they should probably retire for the night, but he wasn't ready for the night to be over. He did not know how long this Shakespearean love affair would last, but he wanted to savor every _second_ of it. 

Arthur smiled drunkenly at her; still in awe of her beauty and said, "I think that _maybe...I_ want another drink"

Iris shook her head at him, but she could not hide her youthful smile that said otherwise. "No, Arthur...let's go" 

"The night is still young, my love" Arthur said, as he gazed deeply into her eyes with an adolescent-like hint of mischief. He truly made her feel as though she were still 17 and running around late at night with a cute boy, that she was not allowed to see. It was a true _thrill. _

Arthur was certainly drunk and Iris was too, but not like he was. Arthur barely drank and he hadn't eaten much, so he was certainly drunker than her, but it seemed almost as though he was trying to make up for lost time. The only times he's been drunk have been sad and lonely, but this is the first time it has been actually fun. 

Before Iris could protest further; Arthur knelt down in front of her, his back to her and said, "Come on, I'll carry you"

Iris couldn't help, but feel giddy and laugh. She thought he was so precious and her better judgment vanished. She giggled and said to Arthur, "You're too drunk, silly. You'll drop me and hurt yourself, too"

Arthur ignored her words; turned his pretty face to look at her and said, "Please, I won't drop you...I would _never_ drop you"

** _"I'll tell you something_ **

  
** _I am a demon_ **

  
** _Some say my biggest weakness_ **

  
** _I have my reasons_ **

  
** _Call it my defense_ **

  
** _Be careful what you're wishing_ **

** _You come on like a drug_ **

  
** _I just can't get enough_ **

  
** _I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more_ **

  
** _And there's so much at stake_ **

  
** _I can't afford to waste_ **

  
** _I've never needed anybody like this before_ **

** _💋_ **

Her _heart_ squeezed at the sweet sound of those cinema-worthy words and she sighed and said, "Oh, okay...but let's get somewhere warm before we both freeze to death"

Iris hesitantly walked over to Arthur and carefully wrapped her arms around his neck, crossing them on his chest and yelped when she felt him lift her up quickly. He had his arms holding her legs safely and she felt a little embarrassed at first because she knows she is most definitely heavier than Arthur, but as soon as Arthur began to walk out of the alley, with her riding on his back, all of those insecurities melted away. She felt like she was flying and Arthur seemed to have some trouble, but he kept his promise and did not drop her.

They had to dodge several clusters of masked people and a couple of times Arthur became unsteady and Iris panicked.

"Arthur, put me down!" She yelped, but Arthur simply reassured her and held her tighter.

He was beginning to feel like he might topple over, bringing them both crashing down, but his hazy eyes spotted and little bar not too far ahead. Iris held on tight and gasped when she felt Arthur's drunken state become obvious in the way he was walking. His confidence was grand and greatly lifted, especially carrying his woman just like he's seen in movies, but unfortunately his confidence did not match his unstable stride.

Iris almost wanted to cover her eyes, but she looked up at the brilliant moon and suddenly felt this wildness drench her nervous heart and she felt her mouth smile. Laughter escaped her throat and she found herself loving how risky it was to be riding on an intoxicated steed. Her entire existence she felt she had been walking a tight rope that only she could see, but in this moment she was a bird finally free from her cage and the untamed man that had made that possible, was lifting her up the same way he did her soul.

🥀

_ **"You are a secret** _

  
_ **A new possession** _

  
_ **I like to keep him guessing** _

_ **You come on like a drug** _

  
_ **I just can't get enough** _

  
_ **I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more** _

  
_ **And there's so much at stake** _

  
_ **I can't afford to waste** _

  
_ **I've never needed anybody like this before** _

_ **When I'm not sure what I'm living for** _

  
_ **When I'm not sure what I'm looking for"** _

🖤

The crowds of drunken people, the sounds of sirens and all the dangers in the city tonight seemed no different than all the dangers that had already been in Iris and Arthur's raging minds, but tonight they were gone and even if it was not forever, that was okay. The night was their's for the taking. 

Iris looked like some rare creature from a fantasy film; the way her black costume wings glided through the air as her drunk, yet noble stallion rode her down the chaotic streets of Gotham. Even though he felt like his skinny legs might give, he still couldn't stop smiling. 

Arthur laughed along with Iris and they both felt a joy that was untouchable. Even though Arthur was happy to carry her, he was relieved once they reached the bar and he almost fell down once they stopped. He suddenly felt like his blood was rushing to his head. He has no idea how, but he successfully put Iris down and they both dashed inside, desperate for warmth, pulling Iris' hand behind him.

Iris had to help Arthur a bit to get to the bar and sit down. He was more out of breath than he thought he would be and almost felt he needed to lay down, but he still insisted on having another drink. 

"Arthur, baby, have some water" Iris said, as she moved some wet, stray hairs out of his _adorable_ face. 

"I'm-I'm okay, Iris..." he was shivering and he could tell Iris was very worried.

"I just want one more and that's it" he insisted, as slurred some of his words.

Iris wanted to believe him, but she also felt her hands were tied. It was rainy and freezing outside and her apartment was miles away now. There was nothing they could do right now but stay put and hopefully warm up.

"Okay, but only one more, baby" Iris said, making her best effort at looking stern, even though the big smirk that stretched across his lovely red lips was making that almost impossible.

"Don't you dare give me that fucking smile" Iris laughed, feeling her heart become light again. She smiled big, as she looked at the way his eyes were dazed and carefree and the precious way the lines of his dimples sharpened when he smiled in such a way. Her heart nearly popped under the pressure of her adoration for him.

Arthur's nose wrinkled when he began to giggle like a playful child and she felt her entire body heat up at the very sight of him grinning in such a jubilant way and she could not help but adore the way the precious tip of his nose looked all painted in crimson. He was simply unforgettable.

"

Arthur's dizziness subsided, for now, and Iris was the one that seemed to calm his liquor saturated stomach, as if she were a natural remedy for any ailments he may have. She even soothed his normally treacherous mind far better than any useless pill ever has. 

Iris saw he was staring at her and she giggled, saying, "What are you staring at, silly?"

He simply continued to stare with muddled eyes, laughed lightly; his voice light and airy just like on the Murray Franklin show, leaned on her chest and said, "I'm just so glad you're really here"

Right after Arthur said that to her, Iris instantly only saw her soft, precious Arthur Fleck, as if Joker had never happened at all...

Iris felt joy and pain in her heart, both, at the same time when he uttered that sentence. He was clinging to her as if this was the their last night together. It felt like a fairytale; she only hoped, with all her heart, that it would not have to be a tragic one this time...

Iris ordered Arthur what he asked for, even though he insisted on paying, but she knew he didn't have much money. Iris ordered a beer and sat up as soon as the bartender placed the glass on the counter. Iris wanted him just have a beer like her, but he insisted on having something harsher, of course and she cringed as she was watched how he swallowed it down so quickly. She knew the rest of this night was probably going to be sloppy.

Iris suddenly realized that he didn't have the hoodie on and was more noticeable now so she quickly put it on him. He stared at her with lazy eyes in love, as she zipped it up and pressed his lips to hers abruptly. 

The people in the bar were in various costumes, but mostly clowns and were mostly pretty drunk and distracted, so she wasn't too worried about his cover being blown. 

When Arthur pulled his eager lips away from hers, he then went to grab his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, but felt very sad when he discovered that the rain had ruined them. There were only about 5 left, but he desperately craved one.

Arthur held her wrist, keeping her hand on his face and said, "I always wanted this..."

Iris swooned when she felt him move her hand away from his face and press his lips to the top of her hand. His eyes were lowered and Iris felt her whole body practically quiver when his downcast, long lashes lifted, revealing a pair of sparkling, jade eyes that seemed to grab onto her guarded heart and squeeze it.

A man who looked to be about in his late 40's sat down next to Iris and Arthur immediately felt himself tense up. The man ordered a beer and looked at Iris and even though she was trying to ignore him, he still tried to make advances. 

"Can I buy you a drink, beautiful?" He asked with a smile.

Iris simply smiled back and said, "No, thank you"

"Oh, come on, I just want to buy you a drink" the man insisted, as he put his hand on her thigh. She was instantly disgusted and felt her rage begin to crop it's horned head up out of her calm demeanor. 

Arthur wanted to stay calm, but he was also very intoxicated now and his mind was hazy and highly irrational now, more than usual. He hadn't even noticed yet, from where he was sitting that this man had placed his filthy hand on her beautiful thigh. _His_ thigh and Iris was glad he didn't.

"No, I do not want a drink, thank you", she said, tension rising in her tone and her eyes glaring at him angrily. 

The man laughed, sipped his beer and said, "No need to get feisty, sweety, I was just being friendly"

Arthur could literally feel his hand almost have a mind of it's own and he had to fight the urge to reach into his left pants pocket. He felt he needed her to be safe at all times and he also did know that he had some irrational jealousy that stemmed from his insecurities. Knowing these things still did not stop him from wanting to _end _this man.

The animalistic rage he felt towards that man was also because somewhere deep in his mind he wished he had had someone to keep him safe when he was younger, but he didn't and Iris still has a chance to have a good life and to not be another lost, misunderstood person that fell through the cracks. 

The man still didn't seem to get the message and his hand was still on her thigh. She saw him lean forward and glance at Arthur. The man had no costume on, just a Thomas Wayne campaign t-shirt, which irritated him even more. 

Arthur's flaming eyes narrowed at him and the man saw him place his hand on Iris' other thigh and he even dared to slide his elegant hand slightly under her dress. Iris could feel the tension in the air and it made her feel uncomfortable, but she simply could not deny that seeing Joker look so heated and angry, as he put his beautiful hand under her dress, made her feel flustered. 

Arthur has never been with a woman in any sense of the word, let alone have a relationship with one, so this strong territorial feeling was knew to him. He did not want to upset his lady above all, of course, but he was also quite intoxicated and his inhibitions were very low. 

The man saw Arthur touch her thigh, laughed and said, "You've gotta be kidding me"

Arthur looked right at this man with flaming, animalistic eyes, but all this generic man saw was Arthur's small stature and loud clown makeup. He saw an easy target, someone he could easily bully, but he was wrong.

Iris quickly looked at Arthur, put her hand on his knee and said, "Let's just go, baby"

Arthur knew she was speaking, but he saw was this repugnant man mocking him and refusing to remove his hand from his women's perfect thigh. Iri was also very annoyed and wanted to plunge a rusty knife into this man's nasty hand. 

Iris saw Arthur's eyes glance at her for a short moment and she could see the tenderness return to them as soon as they saw her face. Iris squeezed his knee and said, "You promised you would be good" 

Arthur heard the man laugh at him once again and his soft eyes immediately vanished and became full of rage and threat. Iris suddenly gasped and Arthur felt his blood boil when his glassy eyes beheld the unacceptable sight of this horrid man's hand move further up her thigh. 

"What? Fucking do something, freak" the man taunted. 

** _Freak..._ **

** _"Freak..."_ **

_ **"Freak"** _

Iris grabbed the man's hand harshly and threw it off of her thigh. "Leave us the fuck alone" she growled. 

Arthur could see this man is intoxicated, but so is he, which is a recipe for disaster. Iris turned around when she felt Arthur's grip on her thigh become stronger. His fingers were digging into her flesh and it almost aroused her, but she was trying to maintain some composure in the situation and keep her Arthur _safe_. 

Even though the man had removed his hand and was now looking away, sipping his drink with a smug smile on his face, Arthur still could not seem to quell his strong urge teach this lowly creature a lesson. 

Iris knew this could get really ugly really fast, so she got out of her seat and grabbed Arthur's hand and pleaded, "Let's go, please"

Arthur felt so conflicted because he did not want to upset her, or cause her distress, but his ego kept whispering words of revenge into his weakned mind. Iris saw how hard he was trying to control himself for her. She saw it in the way his eyes flamed, but he simply sat still, silent and stoic. What she was not aware of, though, was that Arthur's silence can also be very dangerous and even deadly.

Let's go get cigarettes, baby okay?" She begged, trying to coax him by rubbing his thigh. 

He finally looked at her, sighed heavily and said, "Alright..."

When Arthur slid off of the stool and began to walk away, he still had his guard up and had to try so hard to resist the urge to reach into his pocket. Now that he has tasted blood, it seemed that he had become desensitized to it all and he had to fight with himself when he had the urge to taste it again. 

Iris was extremely relieved that Arthur listened to her, but still had to pull his hand to get him not to stop and he was also unable to walk very straight at this point. As Iris began to drag him past the man responsible for their departure, Arthur's predatory eyes still glared at him and she could feel his hand tense up as she held it. 

"Come on, baby" Iris said, pulling his arm even harder.

Right as Arthur was about to pass this despicable man, right after Iris quickly passed him, Arthur suddenly felt his body tense up even more. The man was staring them from the corner of his eye with a smug smile on his face and Arthur _hated_ it. Right as his lady was passing by this man, Arthur saw him turn slightly on the stool and then his unworthy hand slapped her backside. That was a mistake...

He felt a rage that he had never experienced before and it was overwhelming. Iris didn't even have time before she felt Arthur's hand let go of hers and she knew that this would not end well. 

All she wanted was for her beautiful man to stay safe, but she was coming to realize that he truly was very unpredictable when he was angry like this. Like her; he could be perfectly fine and one tiny, seemingly insignificant, thing would set him off as fast as lighting a match and he would become someone else. That lost, neglected child inside; that quiet, insecure teenager and that grown man who had became a doormat, would suddenly _vanish._

All those insufferable years of abuse, horrible bullying and the self loathing, that developed from it, seemed to have built up so much that when he became angry he was like a grenade. It was as if he was making up for lost time, when he wished he had stood up for himself and Iris related a lot, perhaps, too much. 

Iris didn't have time to try and restrain her lover before he had his elegant hands, that she adores so much, tightly grabbing this, bully of a man's, throat. Arthur was glaring at him through sharp, narrowed eyes that only saw red, so he didn't have time to stop him from punching Arthur right on the side of his face. 

"Arthur, no!" Iris yelled, but he couldn't hear anything over the venomous voice of Joker that whispered into his ear with a forked tongue.

The people around them backed away and some were drunkenly cheering, while others were frightened and soon enough the bartender started screaming at Arthur to vacate the bar, but Arthur still refused to loosen his coils.

Although the impact made his head turn away and his, already red lips, gush blood, he still turned right back to face him with a maniacal smile on his face. Iris saw that Arthur was squeezing his throat so tight that his victim was beginning to lose color and the bartender yelling at him and Iris' pleading still did nothing. The match had already been lit...

This man looked at Arthur earlier and immediately judged him based on his small frame, posture and how he was dressed. He thought Arthur was an easy target and maybe he truly is, but that did not mean that he wasn't going to strike back 10 times as hard. Not anymore.

As Arthur stared into this pathetic creatures, now bloodshot eyes and saw how easily he could be reduced to a tiny little mouse, his wicked and bloody smile widened. This bully was afraid of him and that tasted sweeter and even more euphoric than a glass of the finest chardonnay on earth. This man was not expecting Arthur to be so strong and every second longer that Arthur held him in his vengeful grip, the more powerful he felt. This useless stranger had become the face of every cruel person that had bullied him throughout his entire life. 

His face had become Randall's, those kids that attacked him for no reason on the streets, those mean men on the subway, that foul woman on the bus that judged him, his domineering boss, his mother and her awful boyfriends etc. He was all of them all at once and Arthur was suddenly so pumped full of adrenaline and testosterone, that he was no longer someone that could be reasoned with.

The shouting of Iris and the other people around him was still nothing but static, suddenly his ears perked up when he heard the name, Thomas Wayne, on the news and his enraged, fixated eyes, suddenly glanced at the TV that was above the bar. The news was about the murder of Thomas Wayne. Arthur's grip weakened and with that, he released his prey.

Arthur had no idea that Thomas Wayne had been murdered...

Even though it had only been a short time, the time that Arthur was choking that man felt like hours and it made him so high that once his high dropped and he saw his victim fall to the floor, limp and choking he blinked his eyes and turned around to look at Iris, breathing very heavily, like he was somewhere else that while time. She was upset.

Arthur felt bad, but Iris just grabbed his hand, pulled him to her and said, "Let's go _now_" 

* * *

🖤

**End Chapter 39: "_Jealously Has Driven Him Mad"_**

** _"One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel"_ **

* * *

Lyrics at the top are by the band, Garbage

End quote from the show, Doctor Who

"


	40. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Arthur/Joker make a run for it, but will they make it, or will this be their last night together? Arthur gets totally drunk and has a hard time gathering himself, but still he persists and tried to make sure Iris is happy and safe. He begins to feel she would be much safer if they weren't together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this got posted by mistake and is not done! I'm almost done, but I'm so sorry if you read it before it was done!
> 
> I hope people like this one. I have a weakness for cute drunk, Arthur btw, if it wasn't obvious lol.

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 40: _Run _**

**🖤**

While the bartender and some of the people at the bar were all crowded around this man as he gasped for air, Iris and Arthur ran out the back. Iris noticed that no one tried to stop them. They all seemed to glance at Arthur and step back, they were afraid of him. These people were afraid of Arthur Fleck, the very same man Iris used to see cowering on the bus and she could not help but feel a strange mixture of fear and amazement.

"Hey, I'm calling the police!", the angry and disturbed bartender called out to them as they made their quick exit. 

Iris and Arthur ran as fast as they could. Soon the sounds of the bartender yelling and other random people also freaking out and threatening to call the police, were soon gone the further they got away from that bar. 

Iris was quit shocked at how fast and nimble Arthur was as he ran. She even had a hard time keeping up, which surprised her considering how drunk he is. As she ran beside him she could not help but look at him and at how beautiful he looked as he ran. 

While he was running he looked at Iris for a moment and even though she was upset, she couldn't resist the way one corner of his delectable mouth would curve upward, creating that irresistible half smile that made her heart flutter. Before she could smile back, he slipped on a puddle and fell. She almost found it flattering that he found her so captivating that he would stare at her like that, considering the circumstances

"Shit", he breathed.

Iris went to help him up and he stared at her as he was trying to find his breath, his eyes beaming with an intense and obvious fondness. She stared into those glittering eyes of his and instead of shouting, or scolding him like she felt she was supposed to, she did the opposite.

"Iris...I-" 

Before he could breath another word, her lips stopped him from uttering anything else and he immediately dived into the immense power of the kiss. He closed his eyes as he moved his mouth in harmony with hers and he nearly whimpered when he tongue ventured inside of his mouth. Her kiss held such a power over Arthur and he knows that she has no idea, but he would probably throw acid on his own face if that was the only way he could taste her again and again. There is nothing he wouldn't do for her, except maybe..._change._

He would put a gun to someone's head and pull the trigger for her, but the thing is, that she didn't want him to do dangerous things like that.

What he doesn't want was someone so kind and sweet as Iris to know, is that...he _loves _doing dangerous things like that now. Even the thought of being in a situation like that made him feel practically giddy inside. He had truly only just started and he was still thirsty for more and what happened only moments ago made that obvious.

Arthur and Iris' hungry mouths parted ways and soon enough they heard more sirens. They looked at eachother and took off again. Arthur tripped again, but got back up very quickly and kept running. 

She loves how resilient he is and how graceful, yet silly he can be. She thinks he has the grace and beauty of a dancing crane, but the wickedness of a snake, hiding inside his angry heart. 

She loved the way his luscious damp, green hair bounced up and down and moved, beautifully with the cold breeze, but she also adored the way his hair looked absolutely _wil__d _at the same time.The way his open mouth looked as he breathed heavily, made her feel in such a way that made her almost ashamed. This gorgeous, unhinged man truly made her feel as though, if there was truly a hell, she would surely be going there when she died and she would wait for him there. 

Iris' hand had let go of his while they were running, but he glanced at her for a short moment with eyes that left her flabbergasted. They were so stunning and heart wrenching. Even though he knew he had screwed up again, he still shot her a perfectly, sexy smile that made her instantly forget what had just happened. She looked back at him with flustered, guilt ridden eyes, but still she returned the smile, nonetheless.

Arthur took her hand this time and held on tight as he pulled her into an alley. He pulled her over to some trash bins and had her duck down with him. They were both desperately trying to catch their breath. The blaring sound of police sirens passed by and Iris felt her heart almost burst. She could not bare even the thought of him being arrested, but she was relieved when she heard their awful sound begin to fade into the distance. She wished that all the sins he's committed could also fade into the distance.

After sitting on the wet ground for a few minutes or so, they finally were able to relax a bit. Arthur could see that she was refusing to look at him, so he walked his fingers over to her hand that was on her knee and tried to hold it, but she recoiled. Arthur's heart sank and he wished more than ever that he had a cigarette. 

Arthur fell into his thoughts for a moment and he looked at Iris as she sat on the wet, dirty ground in an alley, trying to evade the law and he found himself feeling horrible. He loves her too much to drag her down his crooked path and it was becoming more and more apparent that that was what was happening, even if he did not mean for it to be happening. 

She's so young, beautiful, brilliant, kind, talented and loving and he remembered being 23 and how he simply seemed to just sink into a hole of sorrow that went on and on over the years. That did not have to be her fate...

When Arthur snapped back into reality, he saw that Iris was staring at him with a pair of sad yet forgiving eyes that seemed to beg him to touch her. 

Arthur sighed, took her hand and said softly, "Iris...I wish that I had just talked to you all those months ago"

* * *

** _"I just want to take you away from everyone_ **

** _  
And keep you stashed under my pillow_ **

** _  
And then I'd take you out simply for my own pleasure_ **

** _  
And wear you when the occasion's special_ **

** _  
Then I'd put you on like a diamond so I can sparkle_ **

** _ and be the envy of my friends_ **

** _  
I'd proudly hold the leash that I'd have you on_ **

** _  
So you can't stray and follow me around all day_ **

** _It's too late now_ **

** _  
I don't think it can fade_ **

** _  
It's too real now_ **

** _  
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze_ **

_ **Compulsion has stained me** _

  
_ **I'm nervously cradling our young love** _

  
_ **Without known limits love** _

  
_ **Like a butterfly cupped in my hands** _

  
_ **I peek in to see beauty trapped** _

  
_ **Confined it flutters**_

  
_ **Then it leaves behind colorful dust** _

  
_ **To remind me of the special times we've spent** _

  
_ **But of course it has to leave my clutch** _

  
_ **But enough's never enough to make a dent** _

_ **It's too late now** _

  
_ **I don't think it can fade** _

  
_ **It's too real now** _

  
_ **Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze** _

_ **And in time it will end** _

  
_ **And there really isn't hope for the two of us** _

  
_ **But right now I give in** _

_ **Fulfillment just adds fuel to the** _

  
_ **Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze..."**_

* * *

Iris had heard him say this, but there was something

different in his voice and it scared her. She saw tears in his intoxicated eyes and she felt a lump in her throat.

"I know, Arthur...so do I, but at least I got to meet you, even if it was during a chaotic time" she said, trying to sound strong for the both of them. 

Iris felt her heart hurt when she saw Arthur turn away from her. She knew something was wrong and she could not bare the suspense. 

"Arthur...please talk to me" 

The pain in her voice hurt him more than she would ever know and he turned to face her so that he could speak, but was distracted when he saw she was shivering. He quickly took the hoodie off and wrapped it around her. 

Iris pushed him away from her and began to cry, but Arthur took no offense and held her anyway. She began to pushed him off of her and pushed him even harsher the second time while sobbing, "Youre a murderer!"

Arthur knew what she was saying to him was true, but he wished it wasn't. He does not actually care about the fact that he killed those people, but he was just sad that it hurt her. He almost wished that she didn't love him, so that she wouldn't be destroyed by one of the many possible, disastrous endings. 

Iris hit his chest several times, while sobbing, with her fists as he tried to comfort her. He knew she was in a lot of pain and was not at all offended. He held her wrists and looked at her with eyes filled with dismay and uttered softly, "I know I am....I am so sorry, Iris. I should have been left in that alley..."

Iris resisted some more and cried, "You killed all those people, brutally...." 

She stopped for a moment to catch her breath and sobbed, "But...God help me...I _love _you and I don't wish you had been left there to die, Arthur. I would never wish that"

Iris squirmed a little, but soon allowed his loving embrace to warm her heart and body. He held curled up, shuddering body tightly in his arms and rubbed her back saying, "Its okay, Iris, I'm here"

Iris had a million different words running through her head that she was trying to form into the right thing to say, but instead all she cried out was, "I love you" and she said this she dug her nails into the sides of his arms. 

He knows she loves him, but the way she said it and even the way she dug her nails into him harshly seemed to speak volumes. She loves him, but she wished it didn't hurt. Deep down maybe she knew that things may likely not turn out like a fairytale, but more like the true fairytales before they were fabricated for the sake of entertainment, which mostly had tragic endings. The endings may be tragic, but it never made them any less beautiful.

* * *

** _Just like him..._ **

** _🖤_ **

🖤

_ **"Come and take a walk on the wild side** _

_ **Kiss me hard in the pouring rain** _

_ **You like your girls insane"** _

* * *

  
"I know you do, my love...I do too" Arthur murmured softly into her ear. 

Arthur was in so much pain because he wants to ride off into the sunset with her, but once again, his sworn enemy, reality came pouring down like an inconvenient rainstorm and he had no umbrella to protect him from the cold rain. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, make love to her and simply laugh and lay in bed with her forvever and ever, but for people like him...forever and ever is just a pipe dream. 

💔🖤

Iris was calming down now and as he held her with his his eyes closed, trying to comfort her all while trying to fight off passing out onto the ground, he couldn't help but think about what was on the news. Arthur did not know that Thomas Wayne had been killed, or that it had been done by one of his followers and...it made him feel a mixture of emotions.

Although, most of it was devine satisfaction, he also felt a pain in his black heart, knowing that, if he was his real father and that did make him slightly sad. It wasn't so much about Thomas Wayne himself, but simply about Arthur's lifelong longing for a real father. He still remembers how Thomas punched him right in the face, when all Arthur was really trying to do was see if perhaps he had a father out there somewhere...that wanted him.

Iris needed him right now, so he didn't want to put any extra stress on her, so he simply took her hands and held them as he stood up.

Even though he was trying to be dashing and romantic by trying to lift her as he stood up he was just too drunk and accidentally fell forward onto her. She held him and was able to stay steady for both of them, but she still couldn't help but giggle. 

"For once, I'm glad you're so skinny", she laughed, as she pinched one his cheeks. 

**_"She has the most beautiful laugh...", _**He mused, inside his head.

"Thank you", he laughed. 

Iris knew that things may either end in a flames or simply go on and turn into a neverending love story, but on this magical Halloween night with this amazingly unique man, she simply didn't care. He wreaked of liquor and cigarettes, but she thought it was the most beautiful fragrance on earth because it was his. 

Iris laughed and said, "Arthur, I need to take you home and put you to bed, you're wasted"

Iris knew that things may either end in a flames or simply go on and turn into a neverending love story, but on this magical Halloween night with this amazingly unique man, she simply didn't care. He wreaked of liquor and cigarettes, but she thought it was the most beautiful fragrance on earth because it was his. 

Iris laughed and said, "Arthur, I need to take you home and put you to bed, you're wasted"

Arthur giggled and kissed her and suddenly was kissing her neck all over. Iris laughed at how eager he was being and kissed his forehead. He let out a drunken moan into her chest and mumbled, "Okay, I'll go home, but I wanna make love to you _all_ night"

Iris was very charmed, but also knew that there probably be no love making with amount of alcohol he has consumed, but she just wanted to hold him and care for him. She is also very worried about him feeling ill and alone when the sun rises and she does have work tomorrow at noon. 

Iris also really needed a joint and she also needed to buy cigarettes so she had Arthur put his arm around her shoulder as she carefully guided him out of the alley.

Arthur was not paying attention to walking straight, but instead kept staring at Iris with drooping, starry eyes. They are both very cold, but Iris had to put her black hoodie back on him, which was a challenge, to keep his identity hidden to the best of her ability.

"Arthur, sweety, I have to put this on you to keep you safe, okay?"

Arthur was still gazing at her and she simply smiled at him and finally he cooperated and put the hoodie on. He smiled at her sweetly as she pulled the hood over his head. She kissed his cheek and said, "I'm going to buy cigarettes from the shop by my apartment, but I'm gonna hail a cab to take us home, okay"

She spoke to him like he was 5 years old, but she knew when a man is drunk like this she finds it helpful to speak to him in such a way. 

"I love you so much...Iris", he stammered, as they walked down the street.

"I love you, too baby" Iris said softly.

Iris couldn't help it, so pulled a joint out of her purse and lit it. She just needed one so badly and hoped Arthur wouldn't mind. 

Arthur was at the point where he just needed to pass out and he was beginning to feel dizzy from all the walking around, but his muddled mind still couldn't help but be in awe of his beautiful lady. 

They stopped for a moment because Iris wanted to stop and see if a cab would come. Arthur watched her as she smoked her joint and suddenly grabbed it and took a big hit. 

"Arthur, no, give it back!" She said, as she snatched 

I just wanted to have some" , Arthur said, in between coughing.

Iris just needed to get him home. This was like babysitting and he needed his "bedtime". 

"Arthur, you're going to make yourself sick" she scolded as she watched him coughing and holding his ribs. 

Finally, Iris saw a taxi and she immediately waved it down. 

"Arthur, come on let's in the taxi, baby" 

The cab driver was a swarthy looking man with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and as soon as Arthur's glassy eyes saw that cigarette he wanted to snatch it out of his mouth and smoke it. As Iris forced Arthur into the backseat, she saw the cabbie staring at him through the rearview mirror and it made her nervous. 

"Nice costumes", the man said, surprising Iris with how nice he sounded. 

"Thank you! I'm so sorry about my boyfriend, he's very drunk" Iris said anxiously.

"Nah, don't worry about it, I've seen much worse" he said, as he turned around and peeked at Arthur, who already had his head leaned against the window with his eyes closed.

"Looks like he needs to call it a night", he laughed. 

Iris laughed back, but it was false. She was very very nervous about him, or anyone for that matter, recognizing him. Her fragile, simply could not and would not be able to bare watching him being snatched away from her.

The very same hand of that had brought these two madly beautiful souls together, could also rip them apart. They were like nothing but chess pieces and fate was the one making all the moves and fate is a master at chess, unlike fate's component, Fear. Fear wanted to cheat and win, but fate is far too cunning for such trickery. Iris could only hope with all her heart that fate would keep them together and never pull them apart.

Once Iris got into the cab, she told him where they needed to go and he took off. Arthur suddenly woke up, looked at Iris with half open eyes and simply plopped down onto her lap. 

"Iris...I need a cigarette", Arthur mumbled, gazing up at her with puppy dog eyes. His eyes looking up at her like that reminded her of the night she found him and it was strange....She felt a heavy sadness weigh in her heart as if she would never see him again, as if he only had a one night left alive on this earth. She didn't fully understand this feeling, but perhaps, she didn't want to. 

Iris melted into his gaze, ran her fingers through his gorgeous bicolored hair, sighed and said, "Alright, hold on a second, baby"

Every word she said to Arthur made her feel sad for some reason and she wished it would stop. She leaned down and pressed her tender, burgundy lips against his white cheek. Arthur was still staring at her and it was that same magnetic gaze that struck her lonely heart the very night they truly met. 

Her eyes began to water as her mind traveled back to that night as if it was years ago, or as if he had died days ago and she was only clinging to his elusive ghost. She wanted to hold him tight and keep him away from this tainted, unworthy society. That night when she was crouched down as he sat, injured and weak, on her couch, he trapped her with his magnificent pair of emerald eyes and love pierced deeply into her heart and she knew there was no turning back....She was right...

He was silent for a while and Iris stroked his hair and even hummed a soft tune for him. Arthur had hit his wall and just needed to pass out, but he still heard her mournful and magnificent voice humming to him and even with his eyes closed and his mind gone, his lips still smiled, meekly. 

Iris entered the present moment, finally, and asked the cab driver if he had an extra smoke. 

"Sure, no problem", he said, kindly.

"Thank you so much", Iris said as she took the cigarette from his hand.

Arthur slowly sat up and intantly felt nauseous, but once he took the cigarette from his lover's hand he felt better. 

"Baby, you okay?" Iris asked when she saw the way he winced when he sat up and the way he swallowed hard. She hoped to God that he wasn't too drunk to let her know he was going to be sick. 

"I'm...I'm fine" he said, his voice low, soft and hoarse sounding. He sounded as if her just woken up from a long nap. 

Arthur placed the Marlboro cigarette in between his crimson lips and asked Iris for a light. She thought he looked so beautiful, _angelic. _

Iris wished she could capture how disheveled and irresistibly aesthetic he looked. She wanted to ravage him again. She just couldn't get enough. 

"What?" He asked, with an alluring half-smile and irresistibly, hazy eyes that glittered faintly from the passing street lights.

Iris laughed lightly and said, "No, n-nothing..."

Iris pulled her lighter out of her purse and leaned in right next to him and when she got close to his pretty face and sparked the lighter, she internally swooned. The hot flame illuminated his green, bewitching eyes and they were practically glowing and her heart beat sped up. He looked sensational and she wished she could stop time and draw him. Everything about him was a staggering work of art and the fact that he was too blinded by his distorted view of himself, to see it, made him all the more stunning. 

Arthur was gazing out the window reminiscing about the night he was in the backseat of that police car and how his, usually gloomy eyes, gleamed in amazement what he had created. As he took another pleasurable drag of his cigarette, he also remembered how he didn't even see the ambulance coming right at him and didn't notice a thing. When he got knocked unconcious, he kept feeling like he was in and out of a strange dream. 

His mind had fallen into some abnormal dream state where he felt like he was laying on the grass somewhere, feeling the freezing cold sensation of the rain beat down on his limp body. His mind also was in and out of consciousness, so he kept falling in between, what felt like two different worlds; one where he was being carried by someone and another where he seemed to be on a cold wet surface unable to move. 

His hazy mind seemed to have gotten him stuck in between the thin crevice of what we call "reality" and what most would say is only a dream, or fantasy. When he "woke up" and saw all the madness surrounding him and wild souls that were praising him, he had never felt such a rush. It seemed much more like fantasy for sure, but that didn't stop him from embracing it. The sight even brought tears to his eyes, made of a concoction of emotions that had all been buried for what felt like centuries.

One thing that was poignant, though, was that while he was twirling around jubilantly, taking in the untainted beauty of it all, he found himself scanning the crowd at one point, searching for...her...

"

🖤

🖤

As Arthur delved deeply into this memory and stared blankly out the window, he suddenly felt Iris' soft hand hold his. He turned around, his cigarette still in between his lips, and a big smile stretched across his face and his eyes sparkled. He had no idea that he had taken Iris' breath away, but she wanted him to know. 

"Oh, Arthur..." she murmured softly, as she leaned in close to him.

Arthur felt absolutely giddy when her face got close to his and he loved how sweetly she laughed when he smiled at her. She knew he was drunk, but she couldn't help but find it a bit endearing. His eyes were glassy and he looked like he was ready to fall into her lap and pass out at any moment, but she still admired his beauty. 

She playfully snatched his cigarette from his mouth and took a drag. He was leaning his back against window, sliding down slowly and Iris giggled, kissed the tip of his crimson nose and said, "You're so beautiful, ya know that, baby?" 

Arthur grinned, looking rather silly and said, "You're re-really-_hiccup_-pretty..." he breathed and suddenly leaned forward to kiss her, but he was so intoxicated that he couldn't keep his balance and accidentally hit her forehead with his and before he could even apologize he felt the motion of the car begin to disagree with his belly full of booze. 

He was not as aware or alert mentally, as he would be normally, because of how drunk he is, so his slowed mind only gave him time to say, "Iris..." and he slumped over and Iris could even hear the way his stomach suddenly lurched. She felt for him.

"Pull over, please" she alerted the cab driver.

Luckily enough he was just in time. Iris helped her poor drunken clown and opened the door for him, but she had to hold him in place from behind, so that he didn't fall forward and smack his head into the road. Iris apologized to the cab driver and kissed Arthur's back as he practically projectile vomited onto the ground.

"Is he gonna be alright?" The driver asked, trying not to look.

Iris tried to keep Arthur's hair out of his face as he got sick and she wasn't sure how to answer yet. She hoped he didn't have alcohol poisoning. He is such a light and small framed man, so she did worry that maybe he would have to have his stomach pumped, but she knew that would not be possible. She would stay up all day and watch over him if she had to. 

"I, I think he will be okay, thank you. I'm so sorry", Iris said, as she struggled to keep Arthur from falling forward into his own sick.

Arthur groaned drunkenly, spat onto the ground a few times a mumbled, "S-sorry..."

"You're okay, baby" Iris murmured. 

Iris could feel how his abdomen kept clenching still and she hoped he wasn't still gonna puke more. Iris loosened her hold on him because he seemed to be leaning back into the car, but he suddenly became limp.

Iris brought him all the way back into the car and laid him on her lap and as she stroked his hair, he grunted and Iris was glad he was still awake, at least. She took some tissue out of her purse and wiped the drool off of his mouth and cleaned him up a little. 

She felt bad because she knew Arthur was never a partier and almost felt like maybe she was being a bad influence. Usually she was the one blackout drunk and stumbling home in a drunken and drug filled stupor, but tonight it was her poor Arthur. She had no idea that he had tried to kill himself, only months before, using pills and a lot of alcohol. Arthur didn't want her know, though.

"He alright?" The cab driver asked, as he glanced at the backseat. 

Iris played with Arthur's messy, damp hair, kissed his cheek and said, "We're almost home, sweety" He was cold and trembling, so she shut the windows and held him extra close and when she moved some stray hairs out of his face, she noticed his forehead felt quite warm. She wasn't too worried about that at this moment. She wouldn't be able to do anything for him, until they get back to her apartment. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, we can keep going. I'll tip extra for the trouble" Iris said.

"Hey, no worries, he reminds me of me when I was younger. When I partied, I was pretty much always the one passed out on the floor somewhere with puke on myself", he laughed.

Iris laughed and said, " it's not too much further, thank you for your patience"

"Not a problem, I have some water bottles up here if he needs some" 

Iris took him up on his offer and the kind cab driver was when good enough to give her a plastic back in case Arthur needed it. 

Iris shut the door and the driver took off again. Arthur was mumbling incoherently and he sounded sad. Iris ran her fingers through his hair and hummed to him, softly. Her mind began to wonder, as she had her mad and brilliant man's head on her lap, his luxurious hair draped over her bare thigh, and she couldn't help but get a lump in her throat when she heard police sirens in the distance. They were not coming for them, but she still automatically took Arthur's, nearly lifeless hand, and squeezed it gently. 

Iris was now staring out the window, enjoying the lovely buzz from the joint she had just smoked. She was lost in thought until she felt Arthur's cold, slender hand squeeze hers back. Her heart warmed as she felt his hand hold hers and she nearly squeaked when she felt him give it a little squeeze and murmur, in that raspy tone she _loves_ so much, "I..I love you Iris....**_forever_**..."

* * *

**End Chapter 40: _Run _**

** **

** _🥀_ **

_I'll be seeing you _🖤


	41. Safe ❤🖤

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is very drunk and starts to feel unsafe and lost in his foggy mind, but Iris tries her best to comfort him. He feel ill from drinking, but they hope to make it home soon, so they avoid any possible police encounters. Iris learn something new about Arthur from something he drunkenly babbles, but is it true? She wants to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little hard, but fun to write. I am sorry it takes me some time to post, but I will never stop updating until it's done.
> 
> Enjoy!!! ♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 41: _Safe _**

**🖤**

"**_All of those times you were sitting on the same bus as me, I've wanted to talk to you more. I think you're very beautiful and...every time you walk onto the bus, I hear music playing...I really maybe wanted to know if you wanted to, perhaps go on a date with me?"_**

** _-Arthur_ **

* * *

_ **"The whole fucking city's on fire because of you did"** _

"_**I know..."**_

_ **"Isn't it beautiful?"**_

🖤

Even though Arthur was obviously not at all coherent, his words still gave her chills and made her hair stand on end. 

These words made her jubilant, but her other hand held her chest, as if she could physically grab her heart right out of her chest. She felt a heavy sadness glowering over, suddenly and she looked down and saw that Arthur had turned his head slightly, so that one of his breathtaking eyes could gaze upon her. The way he was looking at her almost resembled a look of promise and loss, combined, molding his dark, angelic face into an indescribable work of art.

"Thank you-thank you for s-saving me...", he mumbled, as his one eye that was looking at her, pierced her heart. 

Iris smiled through tears, gazed down at him with a warm smile and said, "Don't thank me...just stay..._stay forever"_

Arthur blinked lazily at her and whispered, "I will stay forever_...one way or another..."_

After he said those surprisingly profound words, his eyes closed and Iris leaned down, moved some strands of his beautiful hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. 

The cab driver had the news on the radio and the death of Thomas Wayne was being broadcasted everywhere. Iris truly didn't think much of it until Arthur abruptly squeezed her hand and murmured, "Thomas....Thomas Wayne is ducking dead"

Arthur was chuckling now and then it became a high pitched and almost frightening, giggle. He was _really_ laughing and even if it was something a bit maniacal, that he is laughing at, it still felt _fantastic. _

* * *

🖤

Arthur discovered something on the evening he finally busted through his uncomfortable cocoon. He danced onto a stage without anything restraining him, for once and he felt **_amazing_**, as if he was a fallen angel that finally found his way. For a short moment, as he was zoning out on the show, with the bright lights practically burning his glazed over eyes; something dawned on him. The Joker voice inside of his complex mind, whispered to him...

** _"It's okay to be mad..."_ **

** _🥀_ **

* * *

🖤

❤🖤

Iris was very confused, but sddenly remembered how he had a picture from a newspaper of Thomas Wayne crumpled up in his wallet. A memory suddenly struck her and it was the time she saw Arthur on the bus, crying and sticking his hand, anxiously, in his pocket. She remembered the way he kept looking down at something and that's when she remembered. She saw him crush a piece of paper in his trembling hand. It was a picture....and now she realized it was...Thomas....

Iris heard the sorrow in his slurred, drunk words, beneath the sinister sounding laughter. She didn't know the source of his sorrow, involving Thomas Wayne, but she still didn't hesitate to comfort him.

She squeezed his hand back and murmured, softly, "Just sleep my love, it'll be okay'

Arthur was beginning to feel very nauseous again, especially from the motion of the car with all the sharp turns. He also seriously regretted taking a hit from that joint. Weed never sat with him well, especially if he had been drinking. This was the part he told himself he would not allow himself to get to, but here he is, once again blackout drunk and feeling sick. 🤢

Arthur was almost unable to keep his eyes open, but he managed to part his crimson lips and mumble, quietly, "I was a mistake...I don't think I'm even supposed to be here...I think I'm supposed to be...to be **_dead_**..."

Iris is very familiar with those words and the feelings behind them. Her heart felt as if a tear was ripped into it the very second Arthur said that. She leaned down to kiss him when suddenly she felt his body tighten and she heard him begin to gasp and hiccup. She knew this was going to happen, eventually with the amount Arthur had been drinking all night and the sheer fact that he already he never eats anything, making it worse.

All the alcohol he consumed, with barely anything in his emaciated body, began to rebel against him again and he swallowed hard and cringed when he felt his stomach churn. He was about to be sick and worst of all, he would have to deal with the awful embarrassment the next day, not to mention a sickening hangover.

Although his drinking was not a regular thing, that didn't stop his hangovers from being nasty and brutal. Arthur always had horrible hangovers when he drank; when he was younger. Everything he had planned tonight to impress his woman, had been fucked up by his inability drink like a normal person. 

She heard him start to gasp and hiccup, she looked down and saw he was facing directly up at her and turned him on his side immediately, before he choked on his own vomit. She held the bag under his chin and rubbed his back as he puked.

"We will be home soon, baby...It's gonna be okay"

Arthur kept shakily saying he wanted to get out, in between vomiting. 

"I'm...I-I am...I. am in a-a cage..."

"**_My body is a cage_**

** _That keeps me from dancing with the one I love_ **

** _But, my mind holds the key..."_ **

🖤

"Honey, it's okay" Iris cooed, as she pat his back gently. He was barely able to catch his breath. 

"I'm s-s-so....c-cold..._shit"_, Arthur breathed, as he held her tighter.

"I know, Arthur, I know. We will be in my warm apartment soon"

Iris knew he was not lucid, but she knew those words were not just some drunken drabble, they were straight from his imprisoned soul. They were sharp, jagged words that cut open her heart, infecting it with his excruciating love and fervent madness that fed her addictive nature. She would refuse to remove his blade, even if it meant the slow, intoxicating and resplendent death of her. 

They were almost to the apartment, but Iris had the cabbie stop a little sooner because Arthur was very distressed. He made another nauseating sharp turn and Arthur wanted to get out of the car. She was terribly worried.

"Please be okay...", she breathed.

Iris was quick. She thanked the cab driver, paid him, got out of the car and ran to the other side to get Arthur out before he made a mess of this man's taxi. 

She swung the door open and because Arthur was leaning on the door, he nearly fell onto the ground, but Iris caught him. She fell onto her buttocks when she caught him and Arthur had his body facing her with his head hanging over the side of her arm that was hold him steady. 

"He gonna be okay?" The driver asked.

Iris laughed nervously and said, "Yes, he just needs to go to bed, thank you though"

The driver said goodbye and drove off down the road after Iris paid and gave him a very generous tip. She felt so bad.

Arthur weakly thanked her for catching him, but he still felt his stomach burn. "You're gonna be okay, baby. You just drank too much", She said as she pet his head. She suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion and hugged him tight. He was shaking. She wanted to cry...

Arthur weakly held her and groaned into her chest, he needed to just pass out and sleep this off. Iris did know that he would probably also be very hungover, but she would watch over him. She would never leave him alone.._._

** _"Never..."_ **

🖤

Iris lifted herself and Arthur's limp body up and began to walk him onto the sidewalk. They were right next to the little convenience store and Iris really wanted to get them cigarettes, but she wasn't sure if Arthur should be going into a store right now, considering that he almost puked in the back of a cab only moments ago.

She remembered she still had a couple of packs at home and was relieved.

"Let's get you home, honey, okay? 

Arthur coughed a few times and mumbled to her, "Don't l-l-leave m-me...Please...Don't leave me a-alone like everyone else...please' 

Iris had trouble making out what he was saying but she heard him say "Don't leave me alone" and she felt tears sting her eyes again. 

She shuddered and whispered into his ear, "**_I will never leave you, Arthur Fleck..."_**

Iris still remembered the first time his eyes took a break from staring out the window to just catch a glimpse of her. His eyes spoke loudly, while his mouth stayed silent. A beauty like his, is rare and complex, but she felt it instantly. He was something different...like her.

Arthur signed, sniffed and said, "Better not..."

Iris laughed and said, "Look at you, making cute jokes. You're so cute, Arthur"

** _🥀_ **

Arthur remembered how he used to stay up and write letters, or sloppily written poems. His hand writing was almost that of a child, but everything he writes in it, is straight from his aching heart. He wished he had given them to her. More than anything else that he could go back and change, he regrets that the most. 

❤

It was a challenge, but she eventually got to her building. She has to stop him from falling several times and he kept needing to stop when he felt he was going to be sick, but fortunately they were all false alarms. When they finally got to the elevator and got inside, Arthur leaned on her, sighing and hiccuping. He was probably in a blackout and wouldn't remember most of this. 

Once they got off the elevator, Arthur could barely walk.

"Come on, baby we're just about there" she said sweetly as she kissed his cheek. 

Finally, they made to her door and as she fumbled for her keys she heard something heavy hit the floor. It was her .38...

"**_Arthur..."_**

"Hmm?"

Iris picked the pistol up and showed it to him and he gulped and said, "Please, don't be mad"

He smiled, nervously, at her and she simply kissed his forehead and said sharply, "Tomorrow we have to talk about this, or I'm gonna have hide it from you"

He nodded his head and kissed her lips. He tasted and smelled like booze, but she still instantly fell into his kiss. She wanted to have him naked and on top of her, but unfortunately, Arthur would most likely not be capable of that tonight. 

Arthur was in and out of passing out, it seemed,, because he kept leanjng on her and then go back to trying to stand up straight. He felt he could fall asleep right there. He leaned on her and she knew scolding him right now was not a good idea, so she snatched it off the floor, put it in her purse. She tried to unlock her door, but oddly enough it was already unlocked. She assumed Arthur didnt lock it and didn't think much of it.

She practically had to drag him inside. He was dead weight at this point.

"I...I love you...**_Iris..."_**, he whispered, smoothly into her ear; the smell of cigarettes lingering, even after he turned the other way. She liked it.

"I think...I need t-to lay down", he mumbled, as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Okay, baby"

Once they got to the bedroom, he soon had to stumble to the bathroom. Iris ran into the bathroom after him and saw he wasn't feeling well, again. She had to hold him steady while he was violently ill. She gently brought him to the floor and he slumped forward, pressing his cheek on the cold porcelain. He caughed a few more times when he was done, Iris suddenly saw a glassy, green eye staring at her.

You're... still really pretty...", he murmured, slowly; his eyes practically singing to her. 

Iris smiled, holding back tears, and held him from behind and kissed his neck. "I love you so much, Arthur"

"I-I don't...know why", he weakly croaked. 

He looked a mess, his makeup was smeared, just like when she found him. He was a wreck when she found him, but he was still beautiful. As she gazed at him, her fragile heart still felt his rough bow weakly and slowly drag across her thin heart strings and play a resplendently tragic tune. It felt slightly painful this time, though, like it was playing the soundtrack of the end of a morose, but captivating love story. _Their_ love story...

She held him tightly and looked up at the ceiling with pleading eyes, as if she were begging fate to let his powerful hand keep them together...forever, but fate's unpredictable hand was beginning to feel like it was strangling her to death.

Arthur fell back into her arms and was passing out. She wanted to get him to bed, so she cleaned up his mouth and nose, flushed the toilet and pressed her lips against his ivory forehead. As her lips were pressed against the warmth of his skin she felt time freeze, as if he was going to turn to ash right there in her arms. 

He grunted, sleepily, waking up a bit and somehow, just the sensation of her perfect lips against his forehead, made him feel better. She is like the only medicine he would ever need and her kiss was like air being blown into him; springing him back to life. He felt less nauseous, his head even seemed to stop spinning and he just felt safe...

Iris ran to get him a glass of water and he drank it immediately and rinsed his mouth out with it. He looked so tired. 

"Slow down, baby", Iris said, lovingly, to him.

She held him for a moment and she thought he had passed out, but right when she was leaning into his ear to gently instruct his dazed mind to stand up, he lazily turned his head to face her and kissed her. At first, she wanted to push him away because he had just thrown up, but he still, somehow, tasted delicious. His flavor is made of two of her favorite things, nicotine and alcohol. She instantly melted into the warmth of his lovely, red lips and closed her eyes, taking in the fantastic high he gave her.

She was shocked when their kiss deepened. She was even more shocked when she felt his length brush against her bare thigh and how solid it was. He was wasted; she didn't know how he was able to gift her with such a phenomenal kiss, or achieve such a hardness in between his heated thighs, but she wasn't complaining.

His reddened, half opened eyes gazed into hers and his lips parted saying in a low hoarse tone, "Iris...thank you...Thank you for s-saving me from my...loneliness"

Iris heard the violins in her head again and his words plucked at her heartstrings, making her feel she could fall away into the abyss with him, but, somehow, she didn't care. She was so terrified to love him, but here she was, holding Joker on the floor of her tiny apartment, with her heart in his loving, but unsteady hands. She was doomed the moment he gazed into her eyes that night on her couch; especially with the way they seemed to _glow_ like the moon, behind the tiny flame of her lighter. 

Unlike the small flame of her lighter, that lit his desperately needed cigarette that night, the flame she felt burn for him and yearn for his gentle touch, was much bigger. It instantly became a forest fire that burned deeply within her heart...

* * *

🥀

**End chapter 41: _Safe _**

🥀

But, wait there's more...

💔

_ **"Dearest, Iris** _

_ **I am not really anyone special, but I seen you step onto bus every day and sometimes you make the harder days a little better. I actually look forward to getting on the bus early in the morning now because...I get to look at you and see you smile. Like I said...I'm really not much, but I would love to maybe get coffee with you some time. I just figured I'd take a shot at it and see what you will say. I haven't got much left to lose anyway. ** _

** _P.S. _ **

** _Even if the answer is no...Thank you for being nice to me. _ **

** _Sincerely, Arthur_ **

🥀

**A/N: I know Arthur can barely spell and has awful grammer, but trying to type it just doesn't work the same as seeing it scribbled in his notebook, so I just wrote it normally, so I hope you don't mind lol. The words are from his heart, but I know he had trouble writing properly. Poor bb ♡**


	42. Fleck Of Madness In the Eyes of an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris makes it back to het apartment, but sees a side of Arthur that actually frightnens her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I've been taking longer, but I've had two friends die within the last 8 days and life is very hard as it is. I'll keep posting though ♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 42: _A Fleck Of Madness In the Eyes of an Angel_**

** _🖤_ **

** _"Sing once again with me our strange duet_ **

** _  
My power over you grows stronger yet_ **

** _  
And though you turn from me to glance behind_ **

** _  
The Phantom of the Opera is there_ **

** _  
Inside your mind..."_ **

** _"Arthur..."_ **

** _"Can you hear me? Open your eyes"_**

🖤

** _"If I told you this was only gonna hurt_ **

  
** _If I warned you that the fire's gonna burn_ **

  
** _Would you walk in?_ **

  
** _Would you let me do it first?_ **

  
** _Do it all in the name of love_ **

  
** _Would you let me lead you even when you're blind?_ **

  
** _In the darkness, in the middle of the night_ **

  
** _In the silence, when there's no one by your side_ **

  
** _Would you call in the name of love?_ **

** _In the name of love, name of love"_ **

* * *

🥀

Arthur was making soft, little grunts and groans as he rubbed against her thigh. He was not fully awake, or lucid, for that matter, but, that didn't stop her eager hand from venturing south. He pressed his head into her chest, leaning on her for support and released a tiny moan and she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of him. She whimpered when she felt how hard his sizeable, manhood is. It drove her crazy.

Suddenly, her eyes shot open. His skinny fingers wrapped around her wrist, but this time it was not play...he was hurting her. She saw him suddenly look up at her with unrecognizable eyes and they made her gasp. He kept squeezing her wrist tighter and tighter. 

"Arthur, you're hurting me!", she cried.

Something wasn't right, he wasn't himself. He pushed her back against the wall and his eyes were on fire, but was not the flame of madness that thrilled her, it was something entirely different. He suddenly became a stranger.

"Let go!" She yelled, but her voice fell on deaf ears. 

"You can't keep me in a cage anymore", he growled. His voice sounded gruff and rageful, but it was laced with sorrow. His voice even broke as he spoke and tears sat in his eyes, glistening with pain.

He looked enraged, but frightened, just like he did that night she saw him screaming at Murray Franklin. She also saw something that made her feel less frightened, there were tears clinging to his eyes and they begged to be released. 

_"But his voice filled my spirit_

  
_With a strange, sweet sound_

  
_In that night, there was music in my mind_

  
_And through music, my soul began to soar!_

  
_And I heard as I'd never heard before (what you heard)_

** _Was a dream and nothing more_ **

_Yet in his eyes_

  
_All the sadness of the world_

  
_Those pleading eyes_

  
_That both threaten and adore..."_

It was like he was possessed and Iris had no idea who he was anymore. He took her other wrist in her other hand and pinned it to the wall, squeezing it, harshly. As his profound, yet consuming, eyes stared right into hers, she saw fear and, somehow, she knew it was not directed at her. As she stared intently into his raging eyes she the glistening tear that was clinging to his left eye finally dropped and slid down his cheek. His wildly intense eyes seemed to slightly soften the longer they stared right into hers and saw how frightened she was. 

He was breathing down her neck now and he hissed to her through gridded teeth, "Why did you bring me back?!" 

"What?!"

Iris had no idea what he was talking about, but somehow it made her sad, but this was enough, he needed to release her.

Iris felt very lucky that he was drunk because he was weaker, so she glared at him and kneed him right in the crotch. She didn't have another choice. He instant dropped his hands from her wrists and crumpled to the floor, pathetically and curled into the fetal position, caughing, violently. 

"Why did you do that, Arthur?!", Iris cried, as she was smacking him on the shoulder, but she soon stopped when she saw the way he cowered.

"He must have been having a flashback", She said to herself. 

She could barely make it out with all of his harsh caughing and retching, but she heard him say sorry several times and her gaze softened. She took a deep breath and put her hand on his shoulder, but he flinched. 

Iris knew he needed to sleep, he was not in good shape and desperately needed to rest. She rubbed Arthur's arm, leaned down and said to him, "I'm gonna take you into my bedroom, okay?" 

He was cowering just like he did when she tried to help him the night she found him laying in that alley. All of his strange actions, mannerisms, anxieties, violent actions, jumpy behavior, psuedo bulbar effect, inner turmoil and childlike emotions all seemed to make sense and they all together painted a morosely beautiful picture of of his past traumas and how they molded him into what she sees before her tonight.

** _She wished it could have been different for him..._ **

She could only imagine all the abuse he was victim to growing up. She wished she could make it all better, but she wasn't that powerful. All she could do was love him and give him all the good things he was deprived of. She was not able to wipe away all of her past sufferings either and she had a lot of unhealthy coping methods just like he does, but she has never been pushed the point he has been and everyone handles things differently. 

She just loves him and that is the only gift she can give him and she saw him cowering on her bathroom floor, she suddenly saw a little boy. The crazy killer everyone saw on the television was only a tiny fraction of him and no one ever wants to think about the root of it. Even a tree is nothing with it's roots, it's beginning. No one even saw his tears, or heard the way his voice broke, but she did. 

No one thinks about how trauma wreaks havoc on the young mind and sometimes rips any chance of a normal life to shreds. Iris knows because she has been there and even though Arthur has not shared much with her, she knew it must have been a nightmare. He didn't just wake up one day and become a killer. No one does...

Arthur Fleck didn't just wake up one day and decide to be a murderer, no, it was years and years of pent up suffering that had nowhere to go and just bounced around his mind like a pingpong ball, never finding anywhere to go except in a violent circle, forever taunting him. Who knows how long he had been crying out for help, but sometimes when people who suffer like him reach a hand out for help, they get nothing but a hateful, judgemental blade stabbed in their hand and no compassion. 

It is for reasons like that characters like Joker are born. 🖤

Iris had tears streaming down her face, as she watched him drunkenly sob on her bathroom floor, while he held his crotch. She felt bad, but she just didn't know what else to do. She looked away for a moment because it just hurt so bad watching him like that and she did hit him hard.

She just didn't want anything to take him somewhere where their magnetic souls would no longer be able to play their serenely, tragic melody. Her hollow violin would no longer be filled with his song...

Iris now found herself being the one who wanted to get fucked up and evaporate her fears, guilt and anguish.

Iris wanted to touch Arthur's shoulder and suck all of his suffering out of him and just hold him, singing softly into his ear, as he falls asleep. Iris felt like she was babysitting a drunk teenager, at a trashy house party. He **_needs_**her...

Her body was just much more accustomed to these sort of things, almost the same way she was accustomed to internal pain and self loathing. 

Arthur, on the other hand, is a so skinny and inexperienced and almost never eats, so she knew he was in a world of pain.

Even the sharp blade of a soul he has, there is still this timidness and nativity of a child. 

Iris tried to comfort him and pet his head and hum softly to him. He sat up quickly when he felt sick. Getting kneed in the crotch was excruciating and when it's been done to him in the past, it always made him feel sick. This time he was full of alcohol and and nauseous from the pain he is in, so he couldn't help but vomit. 

Iris played with his hair and slid her hand under his shirt and rubbed his bare back. She felt his spine protruding from his flesh and it made her so sad. He was breathing heavily into her toilet, but he wasn't getting sick anymore. He leaned on Iris and grunted, "I don't...don't deserve you..."

Iris told him to hush and she got some tissue to clean his face up. 

Arthur sighed softly and right when Iris was done wiping his mouth yet again, she put her hands under his armpits but the second she did she felt his abdomen contract. When he went to throw up in the bowl, he gasped and fell back. 

"What, baby?" 

Arthur still felt sick, but he didn't want to see what he saw again. He saw the toilet filled with pills, but he knew he was just imagining it, but it was still terrifying. He flushed it and continued to get sick sick, but he felt almost emptied out. It was awful.

"**_It's not real...right?"_**

"Oh no, Arthur, poor baby"

Iris kept his hair back for him and kissed the back of his neck. He wasn't getting sick anymore, but his eyes didn't even open and his body was completely limp. She got worried, all of the sudden, and started getting flashes of her boyfriend how passed. She wondered if he had alcohol poisoning.

"Arthur, baby, can you hear me?" She asked, but all he did was heave a few more times and softly whimper, but he still didn't open his eyes.

She started to lightly slap the side of his face and he gasped and coughed. His blood shot eyes slightly opened and he didn't move his head, but his eyes looked at her and somehow there was still half of a smile for her. He hiccuped a few times before his eyes rolled back in his head again. 

She still thought he was beautiful and so very precious, even in the state he was in. 

"Alright seriously, time for bed, baby", she said, as she lifted him up from under his arms. He is so light and Iris was very happy about that right now. He couldn't walk at all and she even thought she would drop him a couple of times. Finally they were in the bedroom. 

She even heard him mumble a few times, "_N-no_..."

She knew he was totally gone.

Tilly immediately brushed against Arthur's ankles, as if she knew he wasn't feeling well. Arthur grunted a few times and sighed. There was no way he was going to wake up until he got some sleep. 

"Alright, sweety, I'm gonna put you in bed" 

She very, very gently and carefully laid him on the bed and turned him on his side, with his chin tilted up. He grunted as she removed his shoes. She was surprised when she heard a slight, quiet, short little checkle escape him, as she began to unbutton his gold vest, and unzipped his pants. 

"Arthur, you fucking child" she laughed to herself. 

Iris kept a close eye on him as she changed into a tank top and put some different panties on. She needed to shower and wash her makeup off, but she was afraid to leave him alone, so she quickly went into the bathroom and washed her face off ans brushed her teeth. She quickly returned and saw he was still fast asleep.

He was laying there, with half of his face pressed into her pillow; his hair a mess and she softly smiled when she heard him grunt, sleepily. She stared, for a moment, and felt that same sinking feeling in her chest just like earlier. Her eyes looked over every beautiful detail of his face, like a blind person running their fingers over the braille in order to understand what they were feeling.

She kept thinking about how they danced together and then her mind began to see the image of him sleeping on her couch when she found him. She ran her crystal, blue eyes over every line and detail of his face and the perfect way some of his green and brown strands of hair laid, elegantly, on his face, brushing against his closed eyes. Even his makeup, smeared and weathered looking, still made her feel her fragile heart burn for him. She felt like a tourist in a famous museum, filled with awe and wonderment.

Iris couldn't resist, so she grabbed her Polaroid camera and took a photo. She felt bad, but she just wanted to capture his imperfect beauty. She saw his eye that was visible, lazily open halfway, but slowly closed again.

She knew she was going to have to lay him on his back to get the rest of his clothes off and that it would be a challenge.

Iris went to go get some water and hoped she could get him to drink some before she went to bed. She came back into the room and saw Tilly resting on the top of his pillow. Arthur was, ever so softly, snoring into the pillow and grunting occasionally. She walked over to her bed and saw Arthur had some blood on his shirt collar.

"Oh, Arthur, what a beautiful mess you are", she sighed, as she leaned over to him and undid his vest. She very carefully turned him on his back started to undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt. His chest moved up and down at a slow, but steady pace and she couldn't help but admire the beauty of his body.

She kissed his chest, as she unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and moved her way down to his stomach. She saw the way it moved up and down as he breathed. She loves his stomach and the bit of hair below his navel, so she just _had_ to kiss it. She wished he wasn't so drunk, so they could engage in something sinful and beautiful. 

She started to lightly plant little kisses all over his stomach. She just loves it so much. She gently ran her fingers over the skin on his tummy and she couldn't help but swoon and she could not help but softly giggle when she heard him grumpily mumble, "Cut...cu-cut that...out". He even slightly giggled, drunkenly. She didn't even know he was ticklish, but she now knew, he was not a fan. 

She didn't even think he would notice, but he obviously did and she suddenly heard Arthur groan. She saw he slightly lifted his head and saw she was hovering over his stomach. He only looked for a second before he plopped his head back onto the pillow. 

"I'm sorry, baby. Do you want some water before you go to sleep.

His head was turned to the side and his eyes were closed so she thought he passed out again until he murmured, "I-I am...asleep"

Only a few seconds later he was softly breathing through his slightly opened mouth. He passed out again, which was a relief for her. She kissed his belly one more time and whispered "I love you, Arthur Fleck"

She sat up again and sighed when she suddenly heard...

"I...I love you...Iris..."

* * *

🖤

"**_It's okay...You're not alone..."_**

* * *

His eyes were still closed, like he was merely seeing her in his _**dreams**_. Iris felt every bit of her heart quiver. 

She had to admit, that seeing him with his shirt unbuttoned, revealing his chest and simply adorable stomach and elegant way his hair was strewn about above his head on her pillow, made her want to kiss him all over.

The part she loved the most, though, was the fact that he is _Joker_. Joker is just laying on her bed, asleep and in an extremely vulnerable state. It all seemed too unreal. Merely watching his chest rise and fall, as he slept, warmed her soul. 

Its strange, when he was on the television, with his brightly colored makeup, vivid, red suit, and a gun hidden in his pocket; he almost seemed to be in the most vulnerable state he's ever been in. He was wide open, no walls, nothing to keep his fragile heart safe. It makes sense that tears sat in his intense eyes during the whole show, even when he grinned like a maniac. 

Saying what you truly think and making it known what you are truly feeling inside, leaves someone completely open to all kinds of irreparably damage. For Arthur Fleck, though, the most damage for him was keeping it all locked away inside. Saying and doing what you actually want, is a very rare thing amongst society and Arthur broke that mundane mold.

It made sense he dressed so brightly and made himself look almost nothing like Arthur unless you got right up close to his vividly painted clown face and peered deeply into his eyes, only then would that see his tears, but no one cared to even try. No one seemed to care at all about his existence until that night and as much as people may deny it; it gave them something to talk about. 

From what Iris had always observed when she would see Arthur sitting on the bus, his head always in a daze, he always wore dull colors. He would wear things, it seemed, just because he needed to be clothed, but didn't care much about how they looked because he didn't even care about himself. She used to catch him, at times, having to keep pulling his pants up because they must have been a little too big, which makes sense considering he is such light man.

He finally shined brightly amongst the faceless crowd and even though he knew it wasn't because he was some hero, or he ran a marathon, or was some sort of adored celebrity, or was filthy rich etc. all of those things seemed to produce the same result..._attention. _

Joker's attention would be labeled as what they call negative attention, but it was attention nonetheless. He wasn't born rich, or lucky, or conventionally attractive, or blessed with a healthy and loving family, but when he was on The Murray Franklin show, he felt he truly shined and it was not really because of the makeup and dashing suit, but a combination of many poignant things. 

His clothing and full appearance, down to his handsomely styled green hair, were all reflections of himself. His dull colored, weathered clothes from his former self were also certainly a reflection of himself, but maybe not who he truly was deep within. When he danced across that stage, he lit up and his makeup and bright and brilliantly colored clothing were a reflection of who he was that night and, perhaps, who he always has been.

Even even him pulling out his .38 and committing a murder on live TV, because he stopped smothering himself and let his pent up _true_ self break free, was the equivalent to finally releasing a monkey from its cage that had been shaking the bars for years and went mad, high on the taste of freedom. 

It may not be a "shine" like someone who smiles brightly on the cover of a magazine, with all their physical imperfections cleverly hidden from the public, but in a quite the opposite. All of his flaws, pain and internal suffering were all exposed that night, but they all seemed to burst out of him at once, resulting finally acting on all those pent up feelings, instead of being backed into a corner like he always has been. 

** _Trapped in a cage..._ **

** _Pain stretched thin, over the course of time can have dangerous, or even...deadly results_ **

** _End Chapter 42: **Fleck Of Madness In the Eyes of an Angel**_ **


	43. The Illusion of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a strange and vivid dream, but as time goes on, things start to become distorted. Arthur begins to wonder what a he is really living in. A dream, or reality? Does it even matter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked especially hard on this one, so I hope you love it. As the ending comes closer, all I can say is, do not despair...♡

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

_ **"Where is she?"** _

I

"**_Who?"_**

* * *

**Chapter 43: _The Illusion of Time__🖤_**

** _"Stay awake, mister...please....I'm getting you some help, okay?"_ **

There was just too much pain that slammed into him all at once and the weight was **_crushing_** him, so he did what he wanted, no second thoughts and in some ways, it was what he needed to do, like he always truly has, but it was just hidden. 

He sighed heavily and she heard him softly murmur, "_Iris_..."

"I'm right here, baby...**_always_**"

She suddenly felt the warming sensation of his hand weakly hold hers and she wanted to cry. 

"My dear, sweet Athur...My beautiful, reckless soulmate from the bus", she murmured, trying not to cry.

She had to prop him up on the bed and lean him against her headboard so that she could take his vest off. She knew he must be cold, so she kept his shirt on, but it was unbuttoned so it shouldn't feel so **_confining_**.

She was so tired, but as soon as she laid him carefully back onto his side and knew he was safe, that's when the tears came. She felt such heaviness in her heart. She felt like she was in a dream that her mind kept fighting to stay in and to never wake up to this world ever again, but she feared that all her fighting would eventually come to nought.

"Don't _go...I'm scared..."_

She felt as though she were stuck in a little world inside of her mind, talking to own self, as if she were trying to find some form of strength within herself. 

  
Iris gently glided the back of her soft hand against his bare stomach and leaned down. She just barely put her ear to his chest and felt the heart warming sensation of his chest moving up and down and the steady rythm of his heart that beat for her. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sound of his beautiful heart beating, for a few moments.

Her eyes then abruptly opened and she suddenly couldn't hear anything. His heart was silent...

She started to feel sick and anxious. She felt as though she was in a nightmare, like she was tripping on acid. She backed away from him and her arm started to feel like it was going numb. She was plummeting down the rabbit hole ans _fast. _

  
  
She wanted to get to Arthur, but when she tried to run to him the bed kept getting further from her. She kept thinking of Marcel and she was screaming. Her arm went completely numb and when she looked down at her arm it didn't look normal...

It somehow became transparent, like it was not real. It looked like she was slowly turning into some sort of phantom. 

She felt like she was losing bits of her memory, but they were all memories of him. It was like time was going backwards.

  
"Arthur...please...please don't go"

* * *

**3 long minutes later...**

🕰

Just when she felt like she was passing into some other dimension, her eyes suddenly shot open and she saw Arthur's face. He was next to her on the bed, his pretty face pressed into her pillow. She immediately got up and felt his pulse. His arm was totally limp, but he was alive, but she felt so awful because she knew something just wasn't right. She just wanted him to rest, but not eternally.

"It was just a nightmare...", she breathed, with a shaken voice. 

She laid back down beside him and put his arm around her, as she scooted into him. She moved some strands of his gorgeous, wavy hair out of his eye and touched his cheek softly with the back of her hand. 

She looked and suddenly realized that the room wasn't as dark as it was and she sat up to look at her windows. The sun was rising.

"But..._how...?"_

A new day has come and she hoped it would be another day with the strange and wonderous man that laid beside her. She now has spent 3 fanciful days with Arthur, but it felt like it could easily have been 3 years...

** _3 days_ **

She sighed when she remembered she has to work later, but she was relieved it wasn't until noon. She laid back down next to Arthur and kissed his forehead.

She just stared at him for a while, taking in just how much she loves and adores him. She was glad the sun wasn't fully risen yet because she didn't want the light to bother him. She knew he needed his rest and that whenever he did wakeup, he may not be feeling very well.. She truly hoped he would just sleep the day away and stay safe and sound until she got back from work.

"**_Why live life from dream to dream?_**

** _And dread the day when dreaming ends..."_ **

Iris was very nervous and apprehensive about going to work, but she already missed a day and she needed the money. She hoped and prayed to whatever is out there that he would just stay in her apartment, safe and sound. 

She pulled the blanket over his body more because it somehow ended up halfway down his body and she didn't want him to be cold. 

Arthur was completely still, which she knew was normal. He didn't even pass out until around 2:30 a.m. and it was just about 6am now. Iris thought she had woken him up for a second because he suddenly let out a pitiful little sigh and his mouth opened ever so slightly, but thankfully he didn't wake up. Iris was still very tired and snuggled into Arthur and right when she was falling asleep she heard the awful sound of the phone ringing. 

Arthur was still passed out and didn't budge, but she had to carefully get out of the bed, or the phone would just keep ringing. Arthur grunted, but still just laid there like a rag doll.

Iris tiptoed into the living room and hesitantly answered the phone.

"Yes?"

_"Hi, sissy, I really, really need you to watch Ophelia, but just for a couple of hours or so. Please._

Iris squeezed the bridge of her nose and sighed. 

"Is there anyone else who can? This really isn't a good time"

Iris was ready to throw the phone down in anger, but she simply suppressed, just like she has always done in order to survive. 

** _Survive, not live...._ **

Arthur was totally out and eventually one of his eyes (the one not pressed into her pillow) very, very gradually began open. His hazy eye would slowly open, momentarily, before it slid shut again. As soon as his ears heard the sound of Iris'voice his eyes practically shot open, abruptly. 

When Iris finally got off the phone with her sister, she wanted to scream. Once she finally started to finally catch a breather, she heard a knock at the door. It was her sister and little Ophelia. Iris was furious, but when she saw Ophelia's face and the way her huge eyes gazed up at her with such need, she just couldn't be mad. She couldn't look at her with even a hint of irritation, the way her own parents always did. 

Her sister nervously, smiled at Iris and said, "Hey sissy..."

"Yeah, I know..._jesus_"

Her sister suddenly looked right into Iris' eyes and whispered, "Iris...I ran into your boyfriend last night.

Iris froze...

* * *

"Uh..._who_?"

Rose's eyes narrowed and she tilted her head and said, "You know you can't keep a boy a secret when it comes to me, come on"

Iris didn't know what to say. She had a thousand things racing through her mind all at once and she could she heard her world begin to crash around her.

"I...You saw him?"

Rose sighed and said, "Yes, he was dressed up as scary clown or something"

Iris looked away, trying to hide a smile and said, "Yeah, that's definitely him, but...he's not my boyfriend, okay?"

Rose giggled and said, "Iris, he seemed sweet actually, but when I found him he was passed out on the elevator and he looked...sickly"

Iris had no idea that Arthur had an episode on the elevator and passed out and when Rose said that to her she felt her heart drop. 

Iris swallowed and said, "Wha-what?"

Rose looked down at Ophelia and then back st Iris and told her daughter, "Sweety, wanna go in Auntie Iris' bedroom while we talk, for a minute?" 

Ophelia looked up at them both and asked, "Is the Funny Man still here, Auntie Iris?"

Iris looked at her with wide eyes, smiled nervously and said, "Well...yes he is here, Opelia, but, he is very tired and sleeping right now, please leave him be and be quiet, okay?"

Ophelia smiled when she heard that Arthur was in her room and Iris knew she was going to maybe leave him alone for less than 8 minutes before she started poking him, or disturbing him in some other way. This whole situation was making her want to pull all of her hair out in wads. 

"I will be quiet as a mouse, I promise" , Ophelia said, gleefully.

Iris looked at her sister for a moment, making sure she was okay with Ophelia going in there.

Rose knelt down in front of her and said, "You can ahead, but remember what your Auntie said, okay?"

Opehleia nodded and smiled big in response. Iris was so nervous and really wished she was alone with her baby to take care of him and just spend time with him. 

As soon as Ophelia skipped towards her room, Iris cringed and said, " Remember to let him sleep, Ophelia"

Iris saw Ophelia go into her room, but she didn't hear Arthur groan or make any other noise, so she felt a little better. She knew Arthur would not be fond of being woken up so early after such a late night out drinking, not to mention the issues he was already having. She felt so foolish for even asking him to go out for Halloween and she worried more and more about the headaches he's been suffering from.

She hoped he didn't get a concussion and then she made it worse by having him come out with her. She truly wished she could take him to a hospital or doctor without anyone knowing who he is. She just worries so much about him and wants him to be safe and sound. She knows he has suffered greatly his entire life and wants him to at least experience most of the love, affection, intimacy and safety that he never had. 

Her heart, that had been so torn up, bruised, cut and battered, finally felt whole when he came into her life. The missing little bits of her delicate heart were filled with bits of his, that he gave her, **_freely_**. It was as if he filled the holes in her heart and stitched the broken pieces of his own into hers. He pumped the blood into her frail body with the beat of his own beautifully broken heart.

Iris stopped staring at her bedroom from where she stood, turned to look at her sister and asked, "Tell me..._what happened?_"

Rose sighed and said, "Well, honestly, I'm not even sure. Ophelia and I got on the elevator and saw this man unconscious on the floor and he seemed to be stuck in a nightmare or something"

Iris felt her heart begin to race and she had to look away for a moment. She looked back in the direction of her bedroom and suddenly felt tears sting her tired blue eyes. She couldn't stand to think of Arthur in such a state. She didn't want her sister to see her tears, so she simply looked back at her, sniffed and said, "Was he alright?" 

"Yes, I mean, I had to lightly slap his face a little for him to even open his eyes, but he was alright after a bit"

"I see..."

Rose put her hand on Iris' shoulder and said, "Iris, he honestly seemed to stuck in a nightmare or something and when he started to come to; the first thing he said was your name and that's how I found out he was seeing you, well, that and Ophelia clearly knew him"

Iris felt her eyes now become flooded with tears, she wished she could conceal and her sister knew she was hurting. Rose saw the same empathy and love in her eyes that she had seen in Arthur's last night. She truly thought he seemed like a kind and gentle soul, but on the other hand, she still worried that maybe he was another beautifully broken man that she wouldn't be able to mend, despite her efforts.

She thought he was sweet, but she still didn't know him at all, but she just wants her sister to be safe and happy and if he can give her those two things then that would be wonderful for her. Rose could only hope that would be the case this time, but her she still felt riddled with doubt.

"Ophelia was thrilled to see him, so that certainly made me feel good about him and he had kind eyes..."

"Oh..."

"He almost puked at one point, Iris. Was he drunk?" 

Rose trailed off for a moment and looked to the side, with eyes that seemed to be caught in a daze and she said, softly, "It was so strange...The second I was face to face with him and I saw the way his eyes looked when I talked about you, I instantly felt he is a _kind_ human being, but...that's not all I saw, Iris"

Iris thought about Arthur's spectacular eyes and how they clawed away her protective walls. The walls she would usually keep up, but Arthur made them all come crashing down. She threw caution to the wind, the second her eyes locked with his for the first time.

**_"I_** **_would die for you_**

  
** _I would die for you_ **

  
** _I've been dying just to feel you by my side_ **

  
** _To know that you're mine_ **

** _I will cry for you_ **

  
** _I will cry for you_ **

  
** _I will wash away your pain with all my tears_ **

  
** _And drown your fear_ **

** _I will pray for you_ **

  
** _I will pray for you_ **

  
** _I will sell my soul for something pure and true_ **

  
** _Someone like you..."_ **

** _-Garbage_ **

Iris looked at Rose with shock. Rose never seemed to approve of any boyfriends.

"But..."

"I knew it" , Iris groaned.

Rose, sighed and continued, "Just please be careful...You tend to go for the damaged ones and I can tell he really cares for you a lot just from meeting him, but..."

"What else? What else could you possibly have to say?" Iris whispered, aggressively, right in her Rose's face, so Arthur wouldn't hear anything, but something loud soon awakened him from his alcohol, induced, coma.

**_"Living in your head without anything to numb you"_ **

Rose looked directly into Iris' distressed eyes and whispered, sharply, "Listen to me...I think he seems like a kind soul, but I also got a strange feeling when I looked at his eyes and it was almost like I thought he looked _familiar_..."

Iris felt her heart leap into her throat and she felt her eyes suddenly flood with tears. She wanted to get angry, accuse her of being overbearing and paranoid, but she felt if she said anything ,she would burst into a fit of rage. The worst part, of course, being that none of what her older sister was saying was incorrect and she hated that most of all. 

Rose saw the pain in her sister's eyes and she felt it too and made her eyes sting with emotion as well. Iris looked down as tears spilled out from her eyes and onto her floor and cried into her hands. She tried to be as quiet as possible, so that she didn't wake Arthur, but she suddenly felt all the pain she's been smothering, as to not shatter her dream, all fill up in her heart like a tiny red balloon filled with too much toxic air, ready to bust at any moment. 

Rose held Iris and felt her hug tightly and even slightly dig her nails into her back, clinging to her for dear life, like an abandoned child. She wanted to just tell her sister everything, but it was just not something she was able to bring herself to do, if it meant having her beautifully damaged man snatched away from her by Fate's mischievous hand. 

She let her dear sister silently sob in her arms and that's when she felt the need to somehow fix it all, but she just couldn't....

Rose didn't know Arthur was Joker and didn't even know his name, but that didn't stop the warning in her heart.

🖤

** _"Stay awake!"_ **

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Ophelia was in the room, petting the cat, but she knew something was wrong and she could, softly, hear the sound of Iris crying in the other room and it made her sad. She wanted her Auntie to be happy and even her fresh eyes could still tell that her Auntie had a hard time with that. Her innocent eyes could see the struggle.

She suddenly turned around and stared at the bed. She knew what seems to make Iris happy the most, lately, is the man fast asleep on her bed. She bit her lower lip because she remembered what Iris told her before she let her come into her room and it was to let Arthur rest.

Arthur was the strange state of mind where he was in and out of a dream, but since he was still mostly asleep; he seemed to be living, simultaneously, in both worlds. Even though his body, **_his cage_**, his shell and his burden, was at rest, it didn't mean that his mind was. He kept seeing Iris and her blue, kaleidoscope, eyes everywhere and the way he would dive into them over and over again. 

He could actually see what was on his mind. He was laying on a huge, empty grass field, and the sky was all gray and seemed to be looming over him like a haunting shadow; very much like his terrifying childhood seems to loom over every step he takes in his adult life. 

When he tried to move, he couldn't and felt like he was choking and drowning for some reason and he felt panic surge through him immediately. Finally, he could move and rolled onto his side and began coughing and gagging and suddenly water was coming up. He just kept caughing up water and he didn't understand why. 

He felt very dazed and weak and he thought he was just going to drown. Eventually, the water finally stopped coming up and he just laid on his side, catching his breath. He heard the sound of thunder fill the sky above him and when he groggy eyes looked at the sky, he saw the beautiful image of when Iris and him were kissing passionatly in the rain, as if the sky was a huge cinema screen. His lips automatically curved into a small smile. 

He rolled onto his back, gazed up at the bleak sky above him and murmured, "Iris...I'm _**sorry**_..."

He closed his eyes and, after a few minutes, he felt a single rain drop barely tap his left eye lid. His eyes opened and he noticed he was feeling weak and seemed to getting weaker and more drained, minute by minute. He felt scared and it began to pour rain and it suddenly became bitter cold and windy. Arthur curled into a ball and gritted his teeth when he felt the wind get even _colder_.

**End Chapter 43: _The Illusion of Time_**

* * *

** _"Stay awake don't rest your head_ **

  
** _Don't lie down upon your bed_ **

  
** _While the moon drifts in the skies_ **

  
** _Stay awake don't close your eyes_ **

** _Though the world is fast asleep_ **

  
** _Though your pillow soft and deep_ **

  
** _You're not sleepy as you seem_ **

  
** _Stay awake, don't nod and dream_ **

  
** _Stay awake, don't nod and dream..."_ **

🥀

Lyrics and song from, _Mary Poppins _


	44. Infinite Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur falls further into his strange and frightening dream and begins to wonder what it means. Ophelia tried to wake Arthur, but he seems to be trapped inside his treacherous dream. We also get to take a look back at the very first time he ever saw Iris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, as the end of my fic come closer, I feel very emotional, but also excited to share it with you all. Thank you for reading 🖤

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 44: _Infinite Dreams _**

Ophelia had gotten onto the bed and was sitting beside him. The right side of his face was pressed into one of the pillows and she gently tugged on a strand of his hair, but he didn't budge. She thought he looked like he was **_dreaming_**...

* * *

Arthur's eyes closed and he suddenly felt cold rain come pouring down on him and he opened his eyes. He, shakily, got up and looked around, but it was completely empty, except every now and again he would think he saw a shadow or silhouette of a woman, but he would only see it for a second before it was gone again. He was starting to feel sick, like he was full of _poison_. 

Suddenly, the sky became dark and he looked up and it was somehow night time. He could see all the stars, as if there was no light pollution. He gazed up, in awe, at the stars and they filled his eyes with their glorious light. 

Arthur was afraid, but at the same time, he was so tired of being nothing, but a tiny moth, trapped underneath a glass. He often thought of death as being that moth trapped in that little glass, but then suddenly, the glass would be lifted and he would finally be able to take flight. 

He felt a burning in his stomach and that awful chalky taste filled his mouth. He felt like he was going to pass out and felt as though he had a fever. He started to hear a horrid, disembodied shriek in the distance, but every time he thought he saw something in the corner of his eye, it would be gone. It sounded as though it was running circles around him and it made him feel a terror in his heart.

Just when he felt like he might pass out, he suddenly felt something harshly gripping his skinny ankle. He gasped and looked down and to his horror, he saw a black shadowy figure grabbing him, but he soon saw that it was himself. It was him, but he looked like he was a rotting corpse. His eyes were white and he made awful sounds, like he was choking and gurgling. He was hurting his ankle, he was squeezing it so tight.

Arthur tried to get away, but he wouldn't let him go. Arthur felt dizzy and out of breath. Soon enough, he fell forward onto his stomach and attempted to crawl away from this petrifying version of himself, but he felt so weak and feverish. He felt tears in his eyes, as he still tried to crawl, even though he knew there was no point. His eyes fell shut for a moment, but when he opened them he felt his heart become full when he saw Iris, laying next to him on the ground. He felt her hand play with little strands of his wet hair and whisper into his ear, "Please, wake up, my love, now is not the time for dreams"

🥀

Arthur's eyes were barely open, but he felt her tender lips press against his feverish forehead and he felt he could die happy now. One glassy eye looked at her and he said, hoarsely, "Don't go..._please_"

Iris gazed into his eyes and said softly, " I'm not going anywhere, silly. I never have...I've only ever been waiting for you and still...**_I wait_**..."

"What do you mean?", he asked, shakily. 

  
The creature's hand was still around Arthur's ankle, but it seemed to be trying to pull him now. Arthur tried to shake him off, but he just didn't have enough strength to do much else. 

Iris touched his cheek and gave him kiss on his trembling lips and said to him, "I mean, my dear, it's going to be alright...just let go...and I'll be waiting for you...You have to close your eyes, so that they can open..."

Arthur was confused and just wanted to sob, but when he felt her soft hand tightly hold his, he felt that maybe if he died right in this moment, he wouldn't really mind. Arthur's vision was beginning to blur, he couldn't even see her that well, and he felt tears burn his eyes again. 

Before she just vanished, he heard her say into his ear, as her hand plaid with his hair, "In the rain...I've always been there...watching..._waiting...waiting for you..."_

"Whe-where?", he breathed.

She kissed his head and was gone, but into the distance he heard her voice say, "I will be where you're negative thoughts take you to. Where the autumn leaves crunch beneath your feet"

Arthur just laid there and breathed, "The Autumn leaves..."

"**_Just let go"_**, her distant voice said.

**_"I can't_**", Arthur cried into his hands.

"_Yes you can my love. It's okay now."_

He closed his eyes for only a moment until he felt someone next to him again, but it was not Iris...Iris had vanished...

Arthur felt like he couldn't find a single breath.  
He only saw the terrifying sight for a bit before his eyes rolled into his head Arthur just couldn't handle it and he instantly felt light headed and passed out.

**********

His eyes were filled with stars that night he was in the police car, looking upon glorious, mayhem he had created. It was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen, other than the very first day his eyes gazed upon Iris....

  
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

  
_ **The Fair Maiden of the Bus 🥀** _

The very first day his lonesome, green eyes looked upon her, they suddenly became _alive_...

**November 11th 1980, **

_The First Day...._

It was 6am and Arthur Fleck was fast asleep, that is, until...

The incessant sound of Arthur Fleck's noisy alarm clock went off. The second he heard it he tried to shut it off, but ended up knocking it off of the coffee table. He grumbled and put his pillow over his head.

Surprisingly, he was so tired and medicated, that he somehow fell back asleep, until he felt his mother lightly shaking him awake. She had to shut his alarm off because he was sleeping through it somehow.

"Happy, wake up", Penny said, as she shook her grumpy son.

Arthur groaned, took the pillow off of his head and grumbled, "Stop it, I'm awake, alright?"

His mom stood over him, looking down at him and said, "Happy, you're going to late for work"

Arthur sat up, rubbed his eyes and griped, "I know..."

Arthur, reluctantly, got up and went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, got dressed, fixed his messy hair and practically ran out the door.

It was early in the morning and Arthur didn't always have trouble with mornings, but that day was one of those days where he just wished he could sleep. He never sleeps much, but he seemed to be at the beginning stages of his phase where he goes from almost never sleeping, to sleeping way too much. He was also cranky because he had a migraine and he hated riding the bus when he had a migraine.

He almost tripped on the stairs, getting on the bus and sat where he usually sat, towards the back. He yawned and leaned his head against the window and stared out at Gotham, as the bus took off. He saw all of the usual things he saw every almost every day around the same time. 

He was tired, but as his mind began to wake up more, that's when he started to feel that dark cloud awaken as well. Arthur continued to stare out the window and as the sinister wheels began to turn in his mind, it was almost like they weren't even weeks at all, but reels of film. 

********

** _"All I have are negative thoughts"_ **

  
The film that would begin to play in the huge screen, in the theater of his mind, was not one for a simple laugh, or the mundane typical romance, but much more like a horror film. Unlike other horror films, though, this one, in his mind, never had any comedy relief and no little breaks to slow your jumpy heart and the very worst part about this terrifying and disappointing flick, was that the main character died. Unfortunately, the audience was not and is not in charge of such things.

Most films don't have the main character, the star, the important one and the one who the audience wants to thrive die. There are other films and stories where there is an unbearably tragic ending and the funny thing about that is, those are the films and stories that **_never die. _**

** _"I was just trying to make him smile"_ **

_ **"Stay awake!" .....** _

_**  
  
  
"What's your name, mister, huh? Talk to me"  
** _

** _No, no , no, no, no...Stay with me, stay with me. Now,_** **_ tell me your name, huh?"_ **

  
  
  
** _"Okay, we'll start with me, okay? My name is, Iris"_ **

  
  
  
** _"What's your name, huh? Tell me your name!"_ **

  
  
** _"My name...my name is....Arthur...."_ **

  
  
**********

  
  
Arthur's eyes, now, seem to be staring at nothing, but, the truth is....that he was having graphic fantasies of suicide. He just kept staring, blankly, out the window and the bus stopped suddenly and Arthur fell out of his daze. Someone, apparently, tried to cross the street right in front of the bus and it stopped abruptly, causing Arthur to slide forward a bit.  
  
He sat back in his seat and saw someone getting on the bus, but he went back to staring out the window and right when the bus was about to shut it's doors, he heard a woman shouting "Wait!" and the doors opened again and Arthur sighed in irritation. He wanted a cigarette.  
  
Arthur had no idea that, while he was busy gazing out the window, _Iris_ walked onto his bus. He wouldn't have turned to look if his pack of cigarettes hadn't fallen out of his pocket, once the bus took off. Perhaps that same infamous hand of Fate that seems to have put the pair of them in such a difficult predicament, was also responsible for everything leading up to that moment.  
  
Maybe Arthur sleeping through his alarm, which led to him being late, which led to him having to catch a later bus than usual and his cigarettes falling out of his jacket pocket, were all just clever moves in Fate's little game of Chess.  
  
Fate could also snap his clawed fingers and take it all away...  
  
Iris began to walk towards the back and the bus took off. Arthur was leaning over to grab his cigarettes, but right he was about to reach them, he saw a hand pick them up and when he glanced up, he saw **_her_**.  
  
"_**Oh, wouldn't wanna lose those"**_  
  
The woman smiled at him and he instantly felt his face begin to flush. He looked up at her with his big, green, timid eyes, swallowed hard and said, "Th-thanks..."  
  
She handed him his cigarettes, with a big smile and said, "You're welcome"  
  
He smiled back at her, but couldn't look at her for long because it made him nervous and he knew what would happen if he got _too_ nervous. He did not want to burst into a horrific laughing fit, so he looked away.  
  
Arthur didn't realize that he was staring at her for a bit and it was awkward. He started to try and get back onto his seat, still awkwardly staring, but the bus took a sharp turn and he fell forward. The beautiful woman caught him just in time. She had to quickly catch him, grabbing him from under his arms, to stop him from literally hitting his forehead against the back of the seat in front of him.  
  
"Jesus, you're light", she laughed, but it was strange. It was strange because she laughed, but it was not harmful.  
  
Arthur felt her, angelic, hands on him and had to catch his breath. She lifted him a bit and sat him back down, safely. Arthur saw her smile at him with such a glowing kindness that he had never seen before and when he looked at her, he felt like he was the size of a jumpy little mouse. Her radiance was something that struck him like an arrow through the heart.  
  
He was about to thank her again, but he felt almost too scared to say anything because he was afraid he would have a laughing fit right in front of her. He simply smiled at her and said very softly, "Thank you, miss"  
  
She nodded and said, "No need to thank me, love"  
  
Arthur stared at her for a moment, with round and innocent looking eyes and softly smiled at her. She smiled back at him, casually, and got to a seat in the back on the right side of the bus. While she walked to her seat, he simply could not resist having another look at her.  
  
She was wearing that same black hoodie, that he is blessed enough to now be wearing himself, a pair of black converse high tops and fishnet stockings. The fishnet stockings simply drove him mad for some reason. He loved the way they looked on her, clinging to her bare, luscious legs. She drove his heart wild, since day one.  
  
When he caught a quick glimpse of her gorgeous legs crossed, he actually started to feel his deprived, react, so he quickly turned around took a deep breath. He wanted a cigarette so bad.  
  
He never has felt that way from just seeing a lovely woman, but there was something about her, almost as if he knew that she would play a vital role in his hectic life. She was more than just a conventionally attractive, nude and nameless woman on the page of a cheap magazine and it felt unreal.   
  


When he got off the bus and trudged to work, he found himself smiling, without even realizing it. His heart was struck. 

The greatest chapter of his life is the chapter of Iris and he didn't want it to ever end, but the ending to their story is up to writer and writer was the hand of _Fate_.  
  
She looked like a magnificent, dark and beauteous angel in his dreams. There were many times where he would be stuck in a night terror and suddenly he would hear a distant voice and see a hand trying to help him up and as soon as the hand grasped his and pulled, his eyes would open and he would be free from the night terror. Very slowly, over time, that distant, unclear voice has grown louder and closer and clearer and all he could think about, while laying alone on his couch at night, was her kissing him.

  
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

  
  
Ophelia was starting to worry about Arthur's wellbeing because he was now beginning to make noises that sounded like he was in pain, almost as if if he was feeling Iris' cries from the other room. He was grunting and even softly crying, so Ophelia did what she thought, in her 5 year old mind, was the best thing to do to rescue the Funny Man from a bad dream.

********

_ **Meanwhile, in Arthur's dreaming mind...** _

  
  
When Arthur opened his weary eyes and saw who was next to him, he panicked. It was the horrifying double of himself and he stared at Arthur, smiled and whispered**_, "The jaws of death eagerly await your arrival"_**

  
His breath was so hot that it nearly burned Arthur's neck and the smell was unbearable. He was absolutely petrified and thought his heart would burst, it was beating so rapidly.  
  
Arthur did nothing now, but cry and laugh hysterically. He just had no strength, but right as he felt he was being dragged away by this zombie-like version of himself, he heard a small voice crying out in the distance.  
  
The living corpse suddenly was gone and Arthur was left in total blackness where all he heard was a small child calling his name...  
  
Arthur was still sleeping, but the dream he was trapped in, was beginning to fade and he heard the child's voice again and again. Suddenly, in his nightmare, he saw Ophelia and she was screaming and crying out in agony, but she kept sounding further and further away. When he would try and follow the sound of her voice, it seemed the voice only became further away. but it was no use and he was losing his breath. He felt a tapping on his forehead and he felt paralyzed, for some reason.

* * *

  
  
Ophelia was starting to panic, but whe didn't want to make too much noise and upset Iris. She also did not want to get into any trouble. She started to shake him, grabbing his arm saying, "Time to wake up, Funny Man. You're having a bad dream"  
  
Still nothing...  
  
She kept shaking him and eventually rolled him onto his back.  
  
"Wake up, Funny Man. Come on", Ophelia, instead.  
  
Arthur was beginning to exit his strange dream and Ophelia's voice and it sounded closer now....  
  
Ophelia was poking his forehead and saying his name and was very relieved when she saw his eyes begin to open, at last. He was completely in a daze and saw Ophelia staring at him. She smiled gleefully and said, "You're awake! Hurray!"  
  
Arthur could barely open his eyes all the way. He was still coming into reality. Ophelia's loud voice sounded piercing and made his head throb, but he knew she didn't mean anything, so he slightly smiled at her.  
  
The more he was waking up, the more he felt the sickening effects of last night's debauchery, begin to hit him. He groaned, ran his palm down his face and turned on his side, trying to go back to sleep, but Opelia wasn't having it. She poked his arm and said, "Are you sleeping again, Funny Man?"  
  
Arthur really wanted to....  
  
He noticed he had makeup smeared on his palm now and started to remember a little more of last night and as awful as he felt, he still instantly remembered how beautiful Iris looked in that black dress. He wondered where she was.  
  
"**_Iris_**..., "He grunted into his hand.  
  
Ophelia got closer to his face, completely disregarding any sort of personal boundries and blurted out, "Oh, wow you smell bad, Funny Man!"  
  
Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and sharply whispered, "_Please_, keep your voice down"  
  
Ophelia pat his back and said, "You were having a bad dream, Funny Man. I saved you"  
  
Arthur grunted into a pillow, saying to her, in a raspy voice "Thank you"  
  
She started to rub his hack and then said, "Are you sick, Funny Man?"  
  
"No, no, I'm fine, Ophelia", he lied.  
  
Arthur rolled onto his back again, put his right hand over his eyes and murmured, "Are you alright, Ophelia. I'm sorry I scared you, thank you for rescuing me"  
  
Arthur grunted and felt around on the nightstand for a pack of cigarettes and eventually found one. When he pulled one out and found his lighter, he reluctantly sat up, which instantly made him feel like he was on a plane that had just suddenly done a flip. He sat on the edge of the bed, with his legs crossed and tried to stifle another groan.  
  
Not only was his head throbbing, he also felt his body ache. He noticed his jaw was also in pain and he felt his face, finding the spot where he had gotten punched by that man at the bar. He also felt the dried blood on his face and it started to come back to him a little.  
  
He placed the cigarette in between his, still painted, lips and lit up. That first drag felt good and now he felt like maybe he could at least, attempt to think straight for a moment.  
  
Suddenly, he thought he could hear Iris in the other room and she sounded like she was crying. Ophelia saw that Arthur looked distraught and scooted close to him, put her hand on his thigh and said, "Why is she sad, Funny Man?"  
  
What she said to him hit deeply inside, for some reason and all he wanted to do was be Iris' everything, but....he cannot give what he does not possess. He loves her enough to want her to be happy no matter what that may mean for him.  
  
  
Arthur felt emotional for a moment and couldn't think of what to say. Arthur closed his eyes, as he exhaled smoke and told her, "Because of me..."  
  
Ophelia didn't understand, but she saw he looked sad and that was all that needed to compute for her to be comforting.  
  
"What do you mean?", Ophelia inquired.  
  
Arthur scoffed, weakly and said, "Hopefully, you never have to understand what I'm talking about, or have to feel what I am about to explain"  
  
Ophelia simply stared at him, intently, waiting for him to explain. He smiled, meekly at her, pat her on the head and said, "I mean....I make her happy and I think she is the most incredible woman I have ever known, but..."  
  
Arthur stopped and took another hard pull of his cigarette. He was starting to feel a little nauseated and his head was still pounding, but he needed to finish what he was going to say.

But, what?" She asked, snapping him out of a dissociative state.

Arthur ran his fingers through his tangled hair, sighed and with a heavy heart, he spoke.

"Iris is like an angel that hasn't found her wings yet and I am the lonely demon that adores her, but, even if its not my intent, I am afraid that I will hold her back...and she will never find her wings" 

His voice broke and Ophelia stood up on the bed and kissed his cheek. Arthur wasn't expecting that and it made him smile and even with tears in his eyes, the smile he was showing Ophelia is real. The tears and smile were _both_ very real.

Ophelia suddenly got off the bed, got in front of him and hugged him tightly. It was proabaly a little too tight because it was hurting him a little, but he didn't care. He felt completely vulnerable and like he just wanted to lay down, shut his eyes and pretend that he wasn't a wanted murderer and just keep living in a dream where Iris and himself could just have eachother, but he knew better than her that it just never seems to work like that.

**He wasn't even sure what was a dream and what wasn't anymore.**

Arthur saw that Ophelia looked sad and she stared straight into his bloodshot eyes, wiped one of his tears away and said, "You're leaving..._aren't you?" _

He wanted to lie and make her feel better, but he knew from experience that lying to children can do more harm than good. 

Arthur swallowed back more tears, looked at her and softly said, _"Yes..."_

"Ritht now?", She asked

"No..._tonight_", he said, with a sorrowful tone to his husky voice. 

"You shouldn't go...Don't go", she pleaded.

He saw she had tears in her young eyes, so he put his hand under her chin, lifting her head up to look at him. She almost reminded him of little Bruce Wayne's face, that day he went to Wayne manor and it practically tore his heart to shreds...

They shared a beautiful moment together when their glassy eyes met. Arthur saw himself in her and it squeezed on broken heart, _tightly_. He almost couldn't stand it, but he had to do the right thing. 

There is no good thay could come from Iris following him down his crooked path...

"Don't ever let anyone stop you from being a kid", he murmured. 

"Okay..., she suddenly said, softly.

Arthur kissed her forehead, put her back on the bed and whispered to her, "Don't tell your auntie, okay?"

"But...why?"

Arthur took a deep breath, took a pull of his, nearly finished cigarette and said, "Because it will only upset her and she doesn't need that right now."

Ophelia looked sad again and like she was thinkng. 

"You should at least leave a note...she might think you're gonna get hurt and that would make her sad"

Arthur hadn't thought of that, but he didn't know if he wanted to do that either. He almost wished he could make her hate him, just to make it easier on her. No matter what, though, he knows that this is going to crush her, but he also knows that, in the long run, it was best for her. She deserves those wings more than anyone he's ever had the displeasure of knowing.

He won't be the one to clip those raven wings. He won't take away her only chance to be a happy human being. A chance he never had...

🥀

**End Chapter 44: _Infinite Dreams _**

** _"The piano is not firewood yet_ **

  
** _They try to remember but still they forget_ **

  
** _That the heart beats in threes_ **

  
** _Just like a waltz_ **

  
** _And nothing can stop you from dancing_ **

** _Rise from your cold hospital bed_ **

  
** _I'll tell you, you're not dying_ **

  
** _Everyone knows you're going to live_ **

  
** _So you might as well start trying_ **

** _The piano is not firewood yet_ **

  
** _But the cold does get cold_ **

  
** _So it soon might be that_ **

  
** _I'll take it apart, call up my friends_ **

  
** _And we'll warm up our hands by the fire_ **

** _Don't look so shocked_ **

  
** _Don't judge so harsh_ **

  
** _You don't know_ **

  
** _You are only spying_ **

  
** _Everyone knows it's going to hurt_ **

  
** _But at least we'll get hurt trying_ **

** _The piano is not firewood yet_ **

  
** _But a heart can't be helped_ **

  
** _And it gathers regret_ **

  
** _Someday you'll wake up and feel a great pain_ **

  
** _And you'll miss every toy you ever owned_ **

** _You'll want to go back_ **

  
** _You'll wish you were small_ **

  
** _Nothing can solve your crying_ **

  
** _You'll take the clock off of your wall_ **

  
** _And you'll wish that it was lying_ **

** _Love what you have and you'll have more love_ **

  
** _You're not dying_ **

  
** _Everyone knows you're going to love_ **

  
** _Though there's still no cure for crying"_ **

  
  



	45. "It Has To End To Begin"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur needs to tell Iriw something that is heavy on his heart. He loves her so much and it makes things hard. He loves her therefore wants to be with her, but...he also loves her, therefore, wants her to have a safe and somewhat normal life. Can she have that with him? Truly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long! Took me a while to edit this one and make it jusy right ♡

**Beautiful Chaos **

**Chapter 45: "_It has to End To Begin"_**

**_"_**_Okay_, I will leave a note", He lied, as he stamped out his cigarette on the ashtray. He softly pat her on he head and simply smiled warmly at her, his eyes radiant, yet full of anguish.   
  
She smiled and said, "But..._Funny Man,_ where will you go? You're mommy and daddy's?"

Arthur felt his heart practically rupture when she said that, but he still kept his smile and spoke softly, "I... just...I just have to leave Gotham, that's all.", He lied, yet again, going against his own principles.  
  
Suddenly, Opehlia's sweet face looked like it was somehow fading, like a ghost and her teary eyes widened. He heard Iris' crying become much louder and when his eyes looked at the door, it was somehow becoming further away from him.

  
"What's wrong?"' She asked.  
  
Arthur blinked his eyes and brought his distant glance back to Ophelia. She was normal looking again, but all of a sudden he just felt like sobbing and his head was spinning. He felt as though he knew he was going to wake up from a vivid dream.  
  
He closed his eyes, for a moment and he laid back down, on his side. His heart was beating fast and he felt sick. It only felt like it was a short time, but he fell asleep for nearly another hour.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

  
  
Arthur, suddenly thought he heard Iris' voice shouting, "**_Stay awake!!"_**  
  
"I am...", Arthur grunted into his pillow.  
  
Iris was now standing over him, looking puzzled. "You're what, sweetheart?", she asked.  
  
He, lazily, opened his eyes and looked around and didn't even know if he was actually awake or not, but he just knew that, dream or no dream, that his love was there with him. 

* * *

  
  
** _Just stay awake...that's all you have to do..._ **

  
  
** _"I...I...can't..."_ **

* * *

  
  
He sat up on his elbow and looked at the door again. It was normal again, too, but he was beginning to wonder how much longer anything would be _normal_ anymore and he would just lose it again.   
  
He started to feel clammy and weak. He had to lay back down. He knows he always gets horrid hangovers, but this felt like more than just that. He almost felt as thought he was withering away..._Disappearing_. He actually felt a little frightened, but he would never let anyone know, especially not Iris.  
  
He didn't understand what was going on, but he started to feel feverish, like he did when he first got to Arkham. He laid back down, shut his eyes and he didn't know how much time passed, but he woke up again, when he felt someone touching his face. It was Iris.   
  
His eyes were barely halfway open and he still gave her a weak little smile and croaked, "Iris"  
  
She brushed some hair out of his face and stoked his cheek, lightly with her other hand. He wasn't fully lucid, so when he saw her looking at him, with those eyes of blue crystal, he felt safe again. Her eyes reminded him of how angelic and radiant looked that day she helped him when he was sick on the bus. He dreamt of that look for many, many nights before it actually became a **_reality_**....

  
"You're here", he murmured. Ophelia didn't seem to be anywhere is sight and it frightened him for some reason.  
  
Iris kissed his forehead and said, kindly, "Of course I'm here, silly"

"Where's Ophelia?", he asked.

"She was picked up by my sister about 2 hours ago, baby. She didn't want to wake you. She said you weren't feeling good"

  
The way Arthur was positioned on the bed made only one of his penetrating green eyes visible, while the other was pressed into the pillow. He was laying on his stomach and his divinely, dishevelled, wavy hair was spilled around his head on the pillow.  
  
He stared at her for a moment before his dry lips parted and he said, in a weak raspy voice, "Why were you crying?"  
  
Iris looked down and didn't want to tell him all of her sorrows and what she was crying about with her sister. She hoped he didn't hear it at all. She wants only to make him happy and keep him safe and he wants the same for her and that's why Arthur is going to leave. He loves her too much to be selfish.

* * *

  
  
"**_Yes you can"_**

** _***************_ **

  
  
** _"I _ _**believe** in you"_ **

* * *

  
  
Iris smiled at him, with sad eyes and said, "I've just been stressed, baby. I'm okay...I just want you to he _safe_..."  
  
He couldn't bare the tragic and broken look in her magnificent eyes, so he hid his tears beneath a smile again.  
  
He tried to grab a cigarette from her nightstand, but he wasn't looking. He was just feeling around for them, lazily. Iris saw him struggling and she instantly reached for the pack and when she handed them to him, they both froze for a moment. Their eyes both widened and they both felt a spark electrify their lonely souls and a memory sprung forward into their minds.  
  
It was the day they met on the bus. That same serendipitous day that they met, Arthur had dropped his cigarettes on the floor and was having a bad day, until he saw her gracious hand hand him his cigarettes. When their eyes only briefly met on that day, Arthur's heart took flight. They both saw something, they both felt something tightly grip their hearts at once, but Iris was much more reluctant, while Arthur jumped right into the deep pool of her.

  
  
After staring into eachothers eyes for a few moments, Iris spoke...

"I remember now. The first time we met...._Oh my god,_ I see it so clearly now. I'll never forget how beautiful you're eyes looked. Eyes I've never _seen_...  
  
Arthur lit a cigarette and Iris still melted when she saw him with the cigarette, delectably hanging from his lips. He saw her looking, smiled big and it shot a bolt of electricity right through her heart. She just could not believe how he can be precious, cute, adorable and also be sexy, wicked and beautiful all at once.

Iris smiled back at him, stared at him and said, "You have no idea do you?"  
  
Arthur stared at her and asked, "What?"  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him, playfully grinned, saying, "That you're the most _beautiful_ thing I've ever seen"  
  
Arthur loved what she said, but it was almost making him get choked up because he knew that _parting is such sweet sorrow..._  
  
  
  
  
He leaned forward and slowly brought his lips to hers and they were gone. Off to the stars, all from a kiss.  
  
  
They both laughed together, but Arthur was feeling weak again and laid back down. Iris brought the back of her hand to his cheek and said, "You're burning up. What should I do?"  
  
Arthur, even in his weakened state, took a drag of his cigarette and murmured, "I'll be fine, Iris"  
  
"But, you won't and I'm freaking out. I don't know why you've pretty much been sick the whole time you've been here and I don't wanna lose you", you cried, as she squeezed his left hand.   
  
Arthur fought away tears and said, "Iris I don't think you even understand how nice it is to be feeling sick or hurt, or sad and actually have somewhere safe to go and just..._rest..."_

Iris leaned down and pressed her velvet lips to his warm cheek. He could feel her salty tears hit his face when she bent over him and it broke his heart.   
  
She suddenly got up and grabbed a wash cloth with a bowl of cold water and dashed into the room. She put the bowl on the table and began to soak the wash cloth in the water.   
  
Arthur was laying on his aching back, staring vacantly at the ceiling and blowing smoke to the ceiling. His mind was racing and raging out of control. Part of him almost wanted to get up and wish her goodbye and just _disappear_, just to get it done with. The thought of it was making him feel sicker and ridden with anxiety.  
  
Iris ringed the cloth out, to rid it of excess water, and gently pressed it to his forehead. He felt hazy and sort of in a daze and as he laid there, his head on fire with fever, what his eyes beheld her eyes and it was as though he staring into heaven's, bleak windows, with the blue sky behind them. He suddenly felt a sense of relief, almost like maybe things might actually be okay..._somehow_....  
  
"I...I have to pee, so I'm gonna get up for a minute", he said, sounding as though he were half asleep. Iris looked worried, but he reassured her that he is fine.  
  
"Can you stand up okay?" Iris asked, as her worried eyes watched him begin to sit up.  
  
Arthur instantly felt his head spin and his stomach did a flip. He could taste the gin from the previous night and felt it in his belly and that's when he felt awful and was feeling unsteady on his feet. He felt like every sound, smell, or light was making him feel nauseous and anxious. Two of his least favorite things. He was getting a bit wobbly, so Iris wanted to help, so she put her hand on his right arm from behind and asked if he was alright.  
  
Suddenly, Arthur turned his head and spoke harshly to her and shoved her away from him. He wished she would hate him, so that he could juts leave her be and not be as worried about her being sad.   
  
"Leave me be!", He, abruptly, growled at her. He felt almost like passing out, but at the same time he felt as though he wasnt sure what reality was anymore and it scared him. His mind felt like it has been slipping more and more since the night they met. Part of him wished whatever it was, would just kill him.

  
He knew it would be coming, eventually, so he had to get up and get to the bathroom. He grunted as he got to his feet and he was now seeing double and it was just too, so when Iris tried to speak again, he snapped at her again.  
  
"I'm f-fine! Stop _fussing,_ please! I-I", his voice sounded hoarse and broken up.   
  
He couldn't even finish what he was saying, he felt so sick. Iris was upset and angry, but she was trying to remind herself that he is not himself. Arthur did truly have to use the bathroom, but still was having trouble walking. He made it a little bit further, before she saw him trip and fall.

  
  
Iris instantly came to his aid. He was crying...  
  
  
He pushed her away, just the same that she has done to him, and was soon sobbing. He kept hiccuping and gasping in a high pitched whimper in between sobs. Even though he was trying to shove her away, she didn't care. She still held him and just allowed him to _feel_ and to cry. 

They were both now on the floor. Arthur was now starting to go from sobbing to a wretched fit of laughter. Iris knew right away that he wasn't really laughing. She's always known...she's always known the difference...

He was in an immense type of pain that almost equated the suffering he felt the night he read his mother's horrific file. The only difference was that he didn't have to be alone this time. He truly wanted to **_kill himself _**that night....

  
Arthur's eyes, that glittered with tears, caught a glimpse of Iris crying on the couch, from the corner of one glassy eye and he saw her behind to fade away like a ghost...  
  
Iris was not on the couch. She was holding him, slowly rocking back and fourth as she held him, stroking his back. He just didn't know where his mind was anymore, or what depths of he'll it might take him to.  
  
  
It was all too much and he, instantly, turned away from her and threw up in the floor. It was all alcohol, but it tasted like pills.   
  
Arthur was still vomiting and Iris could see how be flinched from the pain he was in. She hated to see him so unwell, but she knew Arthur needed her, so that is where she would stay...with him.   
  
She rubbed his back and said, "Oh, poor thing. You were wasted last night, love. You need to just sleep, baby, okay?"  
  
Arthur was done, for the moment, but felt unsteady for a moment and Iris had to help him stay balanced.   
  
He felt so weak that he could barely sit up. He couldn't open his eyes, or he was afraid he would be dizzy again.  
  
Iris had him put his arm around her shoulder and she walked him back into her bedroom and sat him back on the bed, for a moment. She moved some hair out of his face, lovingly and said, "Arthur, are you okay?"  
  
He didn't respond at first because he still felt really nauseous. He took a deep breath and croaked, "I'll be okay, Iris, _please_"  
  
Iris was a little taken aback, for a moment because he sounded annoyed and snippy. She knew he wasn't feeling good at all, but she's just never heard him talk to her like that. He sounded _different. _

  
He squeezed the bridge of his nose and had his elbows on his thighs and his head facing down. He actually was irritated, but not really at her. He just always hated someone trying to help him and care for him when he was very sick or hurt, but also _desperately_ craved it, deep down. It was just strange to him and he always relied on himself to survive as a child, so, because he felt so sick, he just wanted to sleep and be left alone. Deep down, he probably feels like a burden and someone who doesn't deserve any sort of nurturing.   
  
Iris put her hand on his back and he was so out of it that when he felt a hand on his back he reacted in the only way his spinning mind knew to react, based on past experiences he's had. He immediately turned around and he grabbed her wrists and glared at her, with blazing, animalistic eyes.   
  
"**_Who are you?__!_**", he hissed, with eyes full fear and rage.   
  
Iris gasped when he did grabbed her and it happened so fast, that she didn't even have time to defend herself. She saw the way his eyes were glaring into hers with a frightening intensity.   
  
"Arthur", she said, not raising her voice at first. She was half expecting him to just stop and apologize, but he didn't seem to be snapping out of it. His eyes weren't just frightening, they were _**murderous**. _

  
  
She started to try and get him to let go of her wrists, but she remembered last time that she had to seriously hurt him to get him to stop. She couldn't believe he was doing this.   
  
He was hurting her wrists and she started to feel tears sting her eyes. She almost felt like, even if he tried to kill her, she would rather that he succeeded. She didn't want life without having his slender fingers perfectly laced in hers.  
  
Iris wanted to fight, hit him, scream, curse at him, but just like him...she was just so, so _tired_. She began to cry and, while staring straight into his blood thirsty eyes, she sobbed, "Do it, Arthur...I don't even care anymore..."  
  
Arthur pushed back harder and harder every time she tried to move her arms around. As she was crying and weakly fighting him, she saw the frightening look on his face drop and he suddenly collapsed. Iris gasped when he just fell forward onto her lap, like a puppet dropped from it's strings of delusion.  
  
She could barely catch her breath and wanted to punch Arthur right in his ribs, she was so upset, but when she turned Arthur over and saw his pretty face, she just couldn't be mad. Iris knew something wasn't right and it was really scaring her to **_death_**.   
  
Iris pulled on a chunk of his hair and cried, "**_You_** **_mother fucker!" _**  
  
She was hysterical, but still needed him to be okay.. Arthur didn't budge and Iris' adrenaline was madly pumping through her veins still, but she started to feel worried about the fact that Arthur wasn't responding when she tried to move him. He wasn't responding to anything.  
  
"Hey, Arthur?", Iris said, with a soft panic in her voice.   
  
When she turned him on his back she saw that his eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open, but he still didn't move an inch. She put her hand in front of his mouth, but she didn't feel any breath...  
  
She suddenly started to frantically pat the side of his face with her hand, her heart rate quickening by the second. 

"Arthur!", she cried, as she grabbed his shirt with both of her hands and shook him. All she could see and think about in her mind was when she found Marcel dead on her couch and how that same couch once cradled Arthur's broken body.  
  
Iris suddenly felt her heart throb and her brain felt like there was a thunderstorm going on in in it. She felt deja vu slam right into her with great force and her heart practically fluttered inside of her rib cage, like a songbird flying frantically around in a tiny cage, desperately seeking freedom. She almost felt like this, or something similar, has already happened, but she did not remember. It made her arm feel tingly again, but her focus needed to be fully on Arthur, even if her arm suddenly fell off, she would still do whatever she could to save him with the other.  
  


  
  
_ **"Flashing lights and we, took a wrong turn and we** _

_ **  
Fell down the rabbit hole** _

_ **  
You held on tight to me** _

_ **  
'Cause nothing's as it seems** _

_ **  
Spinning out of control** _

_ **  
Didn't they tell us don't rush into things** _

_ **  
Didn't you flash your green eyes at me** _

_ **  
Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds** _

_ **  
Ooh didn't it all seem new and exciting** _

_ **  
I felt your arms twisting around me** _

_ **  
I should've slept with one eye opened at night..."** _

  
Iris did not want to, but went to go grab the phone, laying Arthur on his side first, but right when her trembling hand grabbed the phone, she heard the relieving sound of Arthur caughing. She dashed over to where he was laying and saw that he was choking on his own vomit. She quickly lifted him up and brought the small garbage bin over to him. He was gasping and gurgling. She held the bin under him to make it easier. She kept his hair out of his face and rubbed his back, saying softly, "Baby, it's okay...I'm still here"  
  
Arthur was gasping and apologizing, but Iris still felt a little scared from the way he just acted and how fast it happened. As she rubbed his back she just kept humming in his ear, softly. Even with the sad state he is in, he still recognized the song and it tighly squeezed his heart. It was the song "_Lilac_ _Wine_" by Nina Simone. As his ears were graced with the melodic sound of her voice, he started to feel a little better, but her sadness was crushing him, so he decided to try and lighten the mood.   
  
As Arthur was still spitting into the bin, he scoffed, wiped his mouth and weakly said, in a hoarse voice, "_Knock knock"_  
  
Iris stroked his hair and asked, "What?"  
  
He lifted his head out of the bin and turned to look at her, with a precious half smile, that always kidnapped her heart and croaked, "I said, **_Knock knock..."_**  
  
"But..._why_?"  
  
He pushed the bin to the side, leaned his back on her head board wall, tilted his head back, slightly and locked eyes with her instantly. They both didn't speak for a moment, but he seemed to say _everything _with his eyes and their devastating beauty. As their eyes were deeply fixated on eachother, Iris saw something.   
  
His face had a genuine little smile on it and even though it was only half a smile, it was still real. What was odd was that his gorgeous and passionate eyes were certainly emanating something very strongly, and it was not joy. It something else and it made her feel like something very sad tragic is going to happen and he already _knew. _He had eyes full of _mourning_ and a mouth full of unspoken words, dying to be released. Arthur sniffled and had to look away. It hurt too much, it was just too much. It was all too much...  
  
"I'm a monster...You shouldn't be with me. You're young, gorgeous and brilliant and have an entire life to live, full of opportunities...but not.._.me_", He weakly, murmured, as he pulled a weathered looking pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He coughed, painfully a few times, placed the cigarette I'm between his faded, red lips and said, "Before you say anything, my beautiful Iris, think about..._your future_..."   
  
Iris snatched the cigarette out of his mouth, angrily and cried, "Okay, you win Arthur, who's there?! Who's there, huh?!"

  
  
Arthur simply, took another cigarette out, lit it, shakily, inhaled deeply and said, "**_G_****_ood_**..."  
  
Iris was very puzzled and wasn't even sure if that was supposed to be the response for the joke, but she sighed and said, very softly, "Good..._who_?"  
  
Arthur looked away for an short moment, fight back a river of tears that begged to be released; took a good harsh pull of his cigarette. He faced forward and looked up. He was breathing heavily and Iris became suddenly concerned. When the warm light coming from her window shined into her room, a beam of it's light shined in his eyes and Iris saw the glinting in his eyes...They were tears...

She was concerned for his health, but what she was deeply concerned with was the way he looked like he was hiding something and she felt her heart quake within her chest.   
  
Iris eagerly waited for his response, but was becoming impatient...  
  
"Arthur!", she cried, hitting her thighs with her fists  
  
Arthur ran his hands down his face, sniffed and brought his eyes to hers at last. He almost couldn't bare it and his heart was cracking all over, like a beautiful stained glass window, that has seen better days. His head was leaning against the wall and, at long last, his lips separated and after plumes of smoke exited his mouth, he spoke...

  
  
  
"Good..._**bye...."**_

* * *

<

_ **"We found wonderland** _

_ **  
You and I got lost in it** _

_ **  
And we pretended it could last forever, eh** _

_ **  
We found wonderland** _

_ **  
You and I got lost in it** _

_ **  
And life was never worse but never better, eh** _

** _So we went on our way_ **

  
** _Too in love to think straight_ **

  
** _All alone or so it seemed_ **

  
** _But there were strangers watching_ **

  
** _And whispers turned to talking_ **

  
** _And talking turned to screams_ **

** _Didn't they tell us don't rush into things_ **

  
** _Didn't you flash your green eyes at me_ **

  
** _Didn't you call my fears with a Cheshire cat's smile_ **

  
** _Ooh didn't it all seem new and exciting_ **

  
** _I felt your arms twisting around me_ **

  
** _It's all fun and games, still somebody loses their mind_ **

** _Oh darling, we found wonderland_ **

  
** _You and I got lost in it_ **

  
** _And we pretended it could last forever, eh_ **

  
** _We found wonderland_ **

  
** _You and I got lost in it_ **

  
** _And life was never worse but never better, eh_ **

  
** _In wonderland, _ **

** _I reach for you_ **

  
** _But you were gone..."_ **


	46. The Fall Into The Multiverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur begins to fall into a world where there seems to be two different realities, but which one is the one that he will land in and will it be one where his Iris is there with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW warning ⚠️ 
> 
> This chapter is one of my favorites and I hope yours too! I also want to say that today is the very day that, one year ago, I posted my first chapter. Thank for all that have stuck around. Do not fret, there will be a little more ahead before the finale. Stick around!

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 46: _The Fall Into The Multiverse_**

_ **"Swan dive down eleven stories high** _

_ **  
Hold your breath until you see the light** _

_ **  
You can sink to the bottom of the sea** _

_ **  
Just don't go without me..."** _

🥀

Iris didn't get it at first, but her face fell as soon as the words he uttered sunk their jagged teeth deeply into her already, bleeding heart. She saw Arthur turn away again, as a tear rolled down his cheek, but she was having none of that. She got close to him, put her hand under his chin and forced him to look at her.  
  
She wanted to say a thousand different things, she wanted to yell at him, but instead she cried. Arthur held her, but she only allowed it for a second before she pushed him away, stood up and cried, "Then _leave_!"

Arthur swallowed and said, "Iris...I love you....that's why this needs to happen. I don't want you to...to.."  
  
"To what?", she whimpered. 

  
He, shakily, stood up, put his hand against the wall to keep him steady and simply looked at her. She saw the tears glimmering in his heart broken eyes and it tore her apart.   
  
"To follow me down my crooked path..."   
  
She was speechless and felt like she was going to have a mental breakdown, so she did what she usually does and responded to her flight or fight response and chose..._flight..._   
  
_"Wait!," _he pleaded, as he came closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder, as her back was turning.   
  
She turned around, and looked, flustered and furious, but as soon as she looked at him she practically _smashed _her lips against his. It was very odd and even though he was not sure what was going on, or even if this was a proper time for him to be aroused, it didn't stop it from happening. It was almost _aggressive_, but he truly didn't mind. Not even a little bit...   
  
Arthur's eyes widened when he abruptly felt hurt slam her lips onto his. It actually hurt, but he didn't care at all about that. He cared about how good her hands felt as they pushed his burning torso closer to her. She was like a hungry wolf and he would be lying if he said it didn't _turn him on. _His dazed eyes, that were wide with surprise, soon rolled back into his head, as her powerful kiss intensified.   
  
Arthur grunted when she suddenly pushed him against the wall and she even grabbed the hair on the back of his head and pulled it as she, wildly, made out with him. Even the way her tongue entered his mouth was different than before...more _ravenous__. _She tasted the blood in his mouth, from earlier, as her tongue tangled with his. It was happening so fast, but once Arthur's eyes closed and he took in this moment, it felt slowed down.   
  
It felt as though it was in slow motion and he could hear a slow, but haunting cello sharply playing in this perfect, fanciful love scene. When he brought his left hand to her thigh and it slid up and lightly brushed against her, covered genitalia; he felt his mind fade into another realm.   
  
Arthur was lost in the moment and couldn't help but become as solid as steel in between his legs. He released a whimper when he felt her hand tease him, by sliding up his inner thigh and back down again.   
  
_Oh, F-fuck...", _Arthur breathed.  
  
Iris started rabidly suckling and kissing his neck. Arthur was a bit surprised at the way she was acting, but they both seemed to full of pleasant surprises. It just seemed very out pf place. Only moments ago, she was crying and crumbling under the immense weight of what he said and now she was all over him like a succubus.  
  
Arthur took his back slightly off of the wall so he could touch her tight buttocks, but was aggressively interrupted when she pushed him back against the wall. His eyes opened and he looked at her and saw her flaming eyes, as she stared into his, with a sly half smile. As she practically stared into his very soul, he gasped when she felt her hand grip his firm phallus. She put her hand over his mouth, lightly, and breathed, "I love you, you _pretty, pretty boy_" 

  
  
Arthur was trying hard not to cum, but she was making that difficult. His eyes rolled back into his head again and he saw _stars. _She took her hand off of his mouth and saw that, as he was breathing heavily, he still gave that endearing, sweet and sexy, little half smile. She smiled back and pressed her lips to his again.  
  
Iris brought her hand to his firm, _eager_ manhood and felt his body shudder and heard him softly whimper into her ear. She practically brought him to his knees when she slightly squeezed his solid bulge. She was like an animal, _mad_ and thirsty. 

  
  
Arthur's eyes opened up wide, along with his mouth, when he felt her inpatient hands, quickly unzip his fly and practically yank his dick out of his underwear. She pushed him against the wall again and suckled on his beautiful neck, making his knees weak.  
  
Oh, _fuck...Iris...", _he breathed into her ear, beautifully.  
  
Iris looked into his eyes, in the same succubus-like, manner, that drove him crazy, and began to pull up and down on his erection. His eyes rolled back into his head again and he slid down the wall, as he let out a another precious moan. He really liked the way she was taking control. He didn't realize how much that was going to turn him on, but it was making him weak, it felt so amazing.  
  
When he slid down the wall, she got on her knees and yanked his pants down and he softly whimpered, as she suddenly began to lick the base of his cock.  
  
Iris...I-I'm g-gonna....If you k-keep...doing-", he began, but was interrupted when she pressed two fingers to his lips and hushed him. She stood up and pulled her panties down and practically tore her shirt off. When she got back on the floor, she aggressively began to unbutton the rest of his shirt. She helped him take it off and instantly took his pants the rest of the way off. He gasped when she grabbed his erection again and jerked it a few times, quickly. Arthur's head was spinning from how overwhelmingly, _good_ it felt and he was ready to burst.  
  
Iris grabbed his face, squeezing his cheeks together, tilting his flustered face up to look at hers and said, "No, not yet, darling...don't cum yet"  
  
Arthur's, bloodshot, green eyes looked right into hers, and practically screamed, "_Please have mercy and just fuck me already"_  
  
She smiled, still holding his cute face, kissed his forehead whispered, sharply into his ear, "_Ready_?"  
  
He simply stared at her with his pleading eyes and nodded his head. She smiled, let go of his face and proceeded to sit right on top of his solid length, taking every inch of him. She moaned and Arthur put his hand over his mouth to smother scream.  
  
_Fuck!", _he cried, as she began to slide into her wet, tight, little pussy up and down and up and down. She began to kiss him, deeply, and he had to pull away to moan when she increased her speed. His skinny hands squeezed her breasts, eagerly and he quivered when he felt her tighten around his manhood. He was fully at her mercy.  
  
_Iris...I'm gonna...I-I", _said, shakily.  
  
"Not yet, my baby. _Oh fuck"_  
  
Something strange happened, right as he climaxed. He heard Iris moan in ecstasy and that's when he suddenly became plagued with flashes of confusing and frightening images of things he didn't understand. As his eyes rolled all the way back into his head, that's when he had a flash of Iris' beautiful face staring at him, with empty eyes and fading into shadow. Something was not right.  
  
He heard her moan again and when he looked up at her and saw her hair covering some of her face, as she bounced up and down on him, she suddenly looked as though she were disappearing. He felt scared now, but good at the same time and he couldn't help but react to the immense pleasure he was receiving and ejaculate inside of her and he heard and orchestra, vibrate throughout him.   
  
As he tilted his head back, he held her hand and closed his eyes and cried out, but....something was very different this time. The second his eyes rolled back into darkness and his lids closed, they seemed to open at the same time and he saw..._**light...**_

The light was so bright that it hurt his eyes and it was blinding and the only other thing he felt was a warm hand squeezing his and he could hear the faint sound of his own heart beat, accompanied by what sounded like a faded, steady beeping. He heard a voice. It was...Iris?

** _You have to stay awake! You need to...please!"_ **

** _  
_ **

_ ** **"Where is she?"** ** _

** _"Who?..."_ **

Suddenly, he saw nothing...only a bright white light and he couldn't even tell if his eyes were open or closed anymore, but his eyes felt as thought they could finally **_see..._**  
  
Suddenly, out of blinding and empty, brightness, he looked up and saw an angel. Angels may look like chubby, cute babies to some, or a beautiful woman in white, with a halo and white, feathered wings, but not for Arthur. No, what he saw glinting in the heavenly light was his only wish come true. He saw **_Death_**...

"**_Free me, free me , free me from this world_**

** _We don't belong here_ **

** _It was a mistake imprisoning our souls_ **

** _Can you free me, free me from this world?_ **

** _Running around in circles, feeling caged by endless rules_ **

** _Can you free me, free me from this world?"_ **

-**Muse**

  
  
His angel was in the ominous form of a loaded pistol and his eyes looked deeply into the dark eye of the barrel and he felt his shackles drop. He could even hear the sound of song birds singing, echo all around him. His emerald eyes sparkled, with tears of wonderment and he heard the faded sound of his own heart beat. At the precise moment that a salty tear dropped from his eye and ran down his cheek, he saw everything and nothing. He saw his life backwards and forwards and that's when the faint sound of his heart beat stopped. That is when he knew nothing mattered and it was _beautiful_.  
  
He watched his life, from the time he was small, all the way to the moment he fired a speeding bullet into Murray Franklin's skull and right when he got up to the point where Iris reached down to him when he was laying in that dark alley, everything stopped. That is when the film reel of his life began to rewind.  
  
It went slow at first and then quickly sped up, faster and faster. He saw himself shooting Murray Franklin, but it was backwards.

Everything was backwards, as if it had never happened. It was very overwhelming, but right as he saw himself on the subway and saw it all go backwards too, that's when he saw her face. He saw Iris and saw tears in her amazing blue eyes, but even the tear that fell from one of her blue eyes, was also going backwards. Sliding back up to her glistening, ocean eye.

  
  
Everything was going too fast now and he could no longer keep up. He heard the sound of his angel's hammer cock back and suddenly everything stopped at the exact moment when Iris first walked onto the bus and he saw her warm smile and heard her soft, sincere voice.

  
  
_ **"Wouldn't wanna lose those"** _

  
His tearful eyes widened, as he gazed deeper into the barrel. He was ready...It was time.

"**_Time present and time past_**

** _  
Are both perhaps present in time future_ **

** _  
And time future contained in time past_ **

** _  
If all time is eternally present_ **

** _  
All time is unredeemable_ **

** _  
What might have been is an abstraction_ **

** _  
Remaining a perpetual possibility_ **

** _  
Only in a world of speculation_ **

** _  
What might have been and what has been_ **

** _  
Point to one end, which is always present_ **

** _  
Footfalls echo in the memory_ **

** _  
Down the passage which we did not take_ **

** _  
Towards the door we never opened_ **

** _  
Into the rose garden..."_ **

** _-Lana Del Rey 🖤_ **

**End Chapter 46: _The Fall Into_ _The Multiverse_**

** _🥀_ **

** _Artwork by, Me _ **


	47. The Last Dance

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 47: _The Last Dance _**

🖤

_ **"It's okay, you can let go now...Don't be afraid....just **_ _**take my hand"** _

  
  
  
** _"I can't...."_ **

** _"Yes you can..."_ **

  
  
  
He heard the poetic and purely melodic sound of Iris' voice cry out and moan, but then he heard something else. It was something abrupt and disturbing and it sounded like a gun shot. Before his eye reopened into the present moment, he saw nothing but _**blackness **_and heard the rythm of his broken heart beating again. He felt a warm hand grasp his and out of darkness he saw a woman with beautiful black, raven wings. She has a milky, white complexion and shimmering, blue eyes, just like _**Iris...**_  
  
The woman did not simply resemble Iris, she _**was**_ Iris. She _**is **_Iris...

  
  
She came close to him, smiled down at him and slowly brought her angelic face to his and spoke, softly into his ear...

  
  
"**You no longer have to pretend, my love...It's **

**over...Now is not the time for sleep..."**

  
  
Arthur closed his eyes when he felt the warmth of her kiss envelope him and he could hear a lovely chorus of birds singing again, distant and soothing. Their singing pennetrated his restless soul and he felt free. Nothing was everything and everything was nothing. It was magnificent and he felt as though he was _flying_..  
  
Iris' black, feathered wings closed around him, in a hauntingly beautiful embrace and he was _**gone...**_

* * *

  
  
  
There was another loud sound of a gun shot again and he felt his left hand quiver, sending him spiraling back into reality. Iris was holding him and he felt her warm breath on his neck. Arthur began to gasp for air, as if he were drowning. Iris still had him inside of her, after they both had reached a harmonious climax together. Iris thought he was beating heavily because he just had a magnificent orgasm, and she was right, but it didn't stop.  
  
Arthur, what's wrong, baby?", Iris breathed, bringing her soft hands to his cold face.  
  
He could barely speak, but he managed to say, shakily, "I'm f-falling...I'm falling..._help me_"  
  
She held the sides of his face and he looked at her with wide eyes, filled with terror, pupils dilated and tears beginning to flood. She didn't know what to do. She slid off of him and held him and he collapsed into her arms and cried.  
  
She held him as tight as she could and murmured to him, "I've got you...I'll never drop you"

She rocked back and fourth with him tightly in her loving, unbreakable embrace. She would and will never have him ripped from her arms.

  
  
_ **Never...** _

Arthur just could not figure out what was real anymore and he felt like he was just going to fall apart and be left to his own deadly devices. Even though he had to go, he still felt like that scared little boy inside, _starving _for affection and even though Iris gave him that warm affection he has longed for his entire life, he still felt a sickening fear of it being gone forever.  
  
He knew what was going to happen. He knows the routine already, except this time he was going away for murder, not just his tortuous insanity, or an attempt on his own life. He truly still felt a dark giddiness inside, knowing he killed all those people, but he wished he had gotten to know Iris before all of this took place, so that maybe he would have had a chance at _happiness. _  
  
Iris let him cry and cry and cry, until he couldn't anymore. She allowed him to do what he was taught, at a very young age, to hide and smother. She cried too, silently, as she cradled his broken body in her arms. She wanted to cradle his heart and heal his deep wounds of trauma, but it never seemed to be that easy..._never._  
  
Eventually, he became exhausted and laid his frantic head on her lap, only whimpering and hiccupping now and again. His body still quivered, as he rested on her lap, but right when he felt he could finally close his eyes, he had to get up because he felt sick. All of the stress his mind and body were going through and the partying the previous night had caught up with him. Iris helped him up and he stumbled towards the bathroom, quickly.

Once they were in the bathroom, he put his palms on the sides of the toilet seat, his head hanging over the bowl and threw up. All the drinking made him violently ill, but Iris was there to rub his back and hum, soothingly, in his ear. He was already familiar with feeling this way from drinking, but everything else that he was feeling was what was confusing and scaring him.  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment and rested the side of his face on the seat and tried to gather himself, but he didn't know what there was left to gather. He felt Iris generously running her fingers through his hair and it felt so good. Everything she did felt so good...  
  
"You feel better, baby?", she asked him, in his ear.  
  
Just hearing the pure love and concern in her soft voice, made him want to cry again because he knew he may soon never hear it again. He didn't really feel sick anymore, so he simply mustered another smile for her, knowing it may be the last one he can make for her and said, "Yes, I do...because you're here..."  
  
Iris helped him up, so that he could clean up and brush his teeth. When he was done, he looked at her, trapping her in his eyes, for what she knew would be the last time and simply smiled and moved a stray curl out of his dashing, green eye and felt her smile grow.  
  
She has probably never smiled more in her life than these past **_three_** days, but she felt she never may again, if he was gone. She saw the way his lips curved even more, making his sweet smile even bigger. The way the corners of his mouth made his precious dimples so fine, made her heart smile as well.  
  
He looked just as sweet and shy as the first time she ever saw him. The way he looked at her, in this moment, it was as if none of the bad things ever happened and he was that same quiet and kind man she encountered on the bus. The very same sweet soul that gazed, timidly at her when she handed him his pack of cigarettes, that miraculous day, when he saw her for the first time. 

Iris shyly giggled and looked down, but Arthur put his hand under her soft chin and lifted her head. He smiled through a flood of tears and laughed. He felt so blessed to even have gotten to spend time with her and so did she. If he did, in fact, have a last wish, this would have been it.

  
  
Iris wiped a tear from his, ivory colored, cheek and spoke soft into his ear, saying, slowly, "I..._I love you"_

The power of those **_three_**, short, words, were strong enough to make a man like Arthur Fleck truly feel joy and a immense amount of elation rush through the veins of his isolated heart. Some call those words, three little words, but when they came from her sincere lips, they were not little at all. They were so massive that they could illuminate every darkened hall in his maze of a mind. Only when they came from her did he feel this way, for, before she said them to him, they never seemed to be true and even if they had been spoken to him, they always seemed to have conditions, but not with Iris. She gave him her love freely and without chains attached. 

  
Her voice broke, but her smile remained. She knew her fantasy was coming to an end, but she also knew it was going to anyway. These past few nights with him have been more than she ever could have asked for in life and on this day, the third day since since she found him all alone, she felt _complete. _She was at a point where she knew there was no longer anything she could do, so she simply breathed in the beauty of him and his breathtaking essence. His pretty face shined down on her like white diamonds, glittering in the bright sun, the same way the beauty of his pain and passion shimmered like the moon 🌙 in the blackest of nights.  
  
_"I love you, too_", he said, with a pain and effulgent, joy in his, raspy, tone.  
  
His large, lustrous eyes pierced her heart with an almost psychedelic effect. She wanted to stay buried in his the scintillating green of his eyes forever. In a perfect world that is where she would want to remain until the end of her days.

🥀

  
Arthur held her hand and said, "Thank you...for showing me what love is...or, rather...what it's truly supposed to be"  
  
Once again, for the very last time she told him, "No need to thank me, Arthur. I'm just glad you exist"  
  
Arthur never felt that way about himself, but when she said it, he felt that her words were _real...Just like she is..._  
  
They both hugged eachother, tightly, and became absorbed in the miraculous purity of their warm embrace...for the last time. Iris smiled into his chest, feeling his beautiful heart beating, steadily, against her face, and giggled as tears fell from her eyes, but suddenly, Arthur let go and said, "Dance with me, Iris"  
  
He smiled like a child and she felt like she was in a city of clouds, simply being graced with such a pure smile. When she looked at him, she felt as though she was gazing out of the window of a plane, looking intently, at a magnificent city of clouds and feeling overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. Feeling like you could stare at it forever.

  
  
It was like watching the thin whisps of clouds flowing by above her like a steam of water and looking down seeing thick, white clouds everywhere. Seeing the smallness of the city below, but feeling perfectly safe at the same time. Being with Arthur felt like being on the wing of a plane, seeing the immensity of the sky, surrounding you; the shrinking land below, feeling as though you could be pushed right off the wing from the great force of the mighty wind and simply, laugh. Laugh freely and madly like an **_U_**_**nchained Melody**._  
  
Iris laughed and said, "But, there's no music"  
  
Arthur grinned at her and said, "Sing...Sing a song for _us_. You've never needed music before. I've always heard a symphony since the first day I ever saw you"  
  
Iris didn't want to at first, but she let go her walls drop and began to softly sing the first song that popped into her racing mind and her soft lips parted and she sang tenderly into his ear...

  
  
  
  
_ **"The falling leaves drift by the window** _

  
_ **The autumn leaves of red and gold** _

  
_ **I see your lips, the summer kisses** _

  
_ **The sun-burned hands I used to hold** _

  
  
_ **Since you went away the days grow long** _

  
_ **And soon I'll hear old winter's song** _

  
_ **But I miss you most of all my darling** _

  
_ **When autumn leaves start to fall** _

  
  
_ **Since you went away the days grow long** _

  
_ **And soon I'll hear old winter's song** _

  
_ **But I miss you most of all, my darling** _

_ **,** _   
_ **When autumn leaves start to fall"** _

  
  
  
Arthur closed his eyes and let his tears fall freely, as his left hand laced with hers and they swayed to her beautiful voice. It was quite a melancholy song, but that didn't make it any less beautiful, just like them...  
  
Her voice cracked a few times, in between words, but her smile still didn't leave her face and neither did his. Sometimes being on the brink of the end of all things, is the most freeing feeling in the universe.   
  
Iris took his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his and said, "I'm so filthy from last night and haven't even showered. Want to join me?"

It seemed like a strange and random request, but somehow it made perfect sense. Had not washed off his make up or changed clothes since last night. He seemed to have forgotten he even had makeup on, or his Joker clothing. Iris hadn't even paid attention to it either. She wanted wash it all off _with _him.  
  
Arthur nodded his head, still grinning playfully and said, "Of course, anything you want. I just wanted to go have a quick smoke, love"  
  
Iris nodded her had, hugged him tightly and mumured, "You're my whole heart, Arthur _**I love you..."**_  
  
Arthur kissed her forhead, took her hand and said, "I have never felt more fortunate, or fortunate at all, in my life, until the day you _found me"_  
  
Iris laughed, gleefully and emotionally and smiled at him, as he went into the bedroom. Iris went to turn the water on and remove her clothing. She thought she heard the door close, but she figured it was nothing, maybe just Arthur in the other room.  
  
Arthur went out to her balcony and lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply and as he looked out at the city, he felt his heart become heavy. He looked down and his heart ached for some reason. He felt a sadness grip him so tightly that he thought it would crush him.  
  
All he wanted was to take her hand and dance with her...to the end of time. He wanted to fly up to the clouds and just _dance...with her..._  
  
He pulled a folded piece of apaper out of his pocket and felt tears flood his eyes again. He took another drag and held it in for a moment. As he exhaled and watched the smoke disappear into the gray, bleak sky, he felt tears soak his cheeks again. He wiped them, anxiously and flicked his cigarette off the balcony and watched it plummet down, down, down. He took a deep breath, put the piece of paper back into his pocket and started to walk to the door, but he forgot his lighter and had to grab it really quick...  
  


_**Meanwhile**..._

  
  
  
  
  
  
Iris was about to step in, when she heard someone coming in...But, what she did not know, was that someone had been watching her, intently, but it was not Arthur.  
  
"What kept you, Mr. Fleck?"  
  
  
When Iris turned around, her eyes instantly widened and her heart leaped into her throat. Before she could even cry out for help, her open mouth was smothered by a cold, rough hand. She was shoved into the shower, the curtain fell and she was pinned, helplessly against the tile wall. She couldn't move...  
  
  



	48. The Curtain Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris is in the clutches of a horrific villain, but will Arthur be too late to save her?

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 48: _The Curtain Fall_**

Her mouth was covered and her eyes filled with tears when she felt another hand slide up her bare inner thigh and finally the person spoke.  
  
Iris had her head turned away, but her terrified eyes looked and saw Johnny and his eyes were blood shot and full of a sick, animalistic rage. She was so scared, her heart racing like a rabbit's.  
  
Johnny got close to her face, pressing his hand harder over her mouth and right when she tried to get away, she felt the sharp tip of a knife against her throat. She was trapped...  
  
"_**You're not gonna run away from my love anymore", **_He breathed into her ear; his breath hot and wreaking of _cheap_ liquor.  
  
She whimpered from under his hand, as she heard him unzip his pants and pull his belt off. She knew what he was going to do and she wanted to die. Just the very sound of his zipper made her feel like she was going to vomit. She wished he would just spare her and kill her instead of what she knew he was about to do.  
  
The tip of the knife was being pressed harder into her neck now and her eyes were wide like those of a mouse feeling a snakes coils tighten around her as she struggled. She still couldn't look at him and began to hyperventilate into his filthy hand that was harshly pressed against her lips. Lips that were desperate to call out to her Arthur. Her hero...her savior.  
  
"No, I want you to look at me! _Now!_", he growled into her ear.  
  
Her eyes still didn't look at him, but they kept looking towards her bedroom, hoping her lover would emerge, but she did not see him. Johnny began to kiss her neck and thrust his torso into her, in a _sickening _manner. She squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaming down her face, when she felt him rubbing against her. She had no hope, she felt this was too horrible to be real, but it was real...very real. She was trapped in his wicked vice.  
  
  
Arthur grabbed the lighter, but stopped for a moment and pulled the folded piece of paper out of his pocket again and stood still for a moment, staring at it. He clenched it in his thin fingers and wanted to sob, but suddenly he heard something from inside. He didn't think much of it, but as he approached the door, shoving the paper back into his left pocket, he felt something stab into his heart. It was a feeling he's never felt before, but it was a fear that he was familiar with and it sent shivers down his spine.  
  
Once the door was opened and he quietly stepped inside, he didn't hear anything. She hadn't even turned the water on, which he thought was odd, but still he wasn't worried. Every step he took towards the hallway, made him slowly begin to feel uneasy and that's when he heart.**_..Iris? _**

_ **"Where is she?"** _

**🥀**

  
  
Something was certainly wrong and he knew it. He quickened his pace, but kept his foot falls as silent as possible. Every step closer he took, he stopped to _listen, _until finally he heard it. It was Iris and she was in pain. He could hear she was whimpering and crying and at first he thought she was just crying because she was sad to see him go, but her cries sounded muffled and thats when he heard _him..._  
  
He knew that voice and it made his skin nearly crawl right off his rattled bones, but he knew he had to approach with caution. He heard Johnny make a sickening groan and heard the way Iris moaned and that's when Arthur felt his rage explode throughout his entire body, jetting through his veins. He knew what needed to be done and their was no alternative this time. He was glad, for once, that he had snuck Iris' pistol into his pocket when she was out of the room earlier. _Very glad..._  
  
Arthur, slowly, brought his hand towards his pants pocket and slowly, slid inside and wrapped his fingers around the handle of the pistol. His eager, yet anxious, fingers stayed there, rested, cautiously, on the handle, for a short moment, before he slowly pulled it out. It was loaded and that brought him comfort, but this time the comfort was knowing he could be saving someone's life and not taking his own.  
  
Each, careful and quiet step he took closer, he felt himself cringe as vile childhood memories began to creep into his mind. The sounds Iris was making, accompanied by the repugnant, grunts her attacker were making, made him practically tremble. He has made the same muffled cries Iris has made and he was only a child, helpless and naive, stuck with a mentally ill mother that did nothing. The more those thoughts gripped his train of thought, the more ready he began to feel to _end_ this man...  
  
He kept his hand steady, as he held the pistol in his left hand, the very same hand that ended Murray Franklin's life. He, finally, stepped into the hallway and his heart felt like a canary, trapped in a tiny cage, desperate to get out. He shut his eyes, tightly and his stomach burned and his heart pounded in his tight chest. He could almost hear his heart rapidly beating in his ears as he pressed his back against the wall. He,, slowly, inched closer to the door frame, where his beautiful woman's sounds of horror were coming from.  
  
His heart was on fire, with a rage that had been silenced for far too long and when he reached the edge of the door frame, his impatient, index finger rested itself on the trigger. Iris was crying and he could hear her moving around and struggling like an animal trapped in a poacher's painful grip.  
  
Arthur felt his heart rate speed up, the closer he got to his distressed lover and finally, he reached the edge of the door, which equated reaching the edge of his tolerance for this, revolting, man. Iris was screaming now from under Johnny's hand and writhing in agony and the agony in Arthur's heart became unbearable. That is when he set one foot into the bathroom, just the tip of his toes on the cold tile floor, elegantly and gracefully. 

  
  
Iris didn't see him yet because her eyes were squeezed shut. She wondered where he was and thought that perhaps he had abandoned her, but something in her rattled heart beckoned her to open her eyes and that's when she saw him standing there, waiting. Even though his eyes were full of flaming anger and seething adrenaline, when they fell on Iris, they became as tender as an old French love song. Her eyes looked at him, helplessly, wishing she was in his arms.  
  
Arthur saw the way Johnny was thrusting into her and he almost threw up. He wanted so badly to explode and just attack him, but he could not risk him hurting her and he saw the knife and the way it pressed into her tender neck. The same neck he has nuzzled into and kissed, lovingly and it shattered his soul. He had to be cunning and stealthy, though, so he gritted his teeth, swallowed hard and took two light, silent, steps closer. That is the precise moment that Iris saw him look at her and put his slender, index finger against his red lips and she averted her eyes, so that Johnny would not see what she was looking at.  
  
Johnny had his pants all the way down now and was squeezing her thigh and Arthur pulled his gun out, slowly and Iris' pleading eyes stared into Arthur's for a short yet intimate moment and a single tear fell from her eye. Arthur's blazing emerald eyes saw and felt her agony, not only felt but related to and a tear plummeted from his eye as well, almost in perfect unison with hers.  
  
  
The short moment that he looked into her eyes, he didn't just see her pain, but his own, as well. Right when Arthur pulled out the deadly weapon from out from his pants pocket, his grip slightly tightened and everything seemed to slow down.  
  
Iris saw the gun come out and even though she was scared of Arthur getting into trouble, she knew it had to end anyway and also that this needed to be done. Enough was enough...  
  


Suddenly, Arthur got right behind him and right when his eyes had the displeasure of seeing Johnny touching himself while ribbing against her torso, his eyes widened in a displeasure and revulsion, that was indescribable. His hand stayed steady, waiting for the right moment and he now had to be quick, so he put the gun to the side of this vile man's, deranged, head and even though it only lasted a second, it felt like a movie playing in slow motion.  
  
He heard a dramatic violin playing in his mind, as if it were the climax of a tragically passionate tango dance and right when Johnny felt the cold barrel of the gun pressed against his skull his blood shot eyes widened. Before he could even draw another breath, Arthur's index finger pulled the trigger. The sound of the gunshot rang in Arthur's ears and Johnny's blood and brain matter splashed on the side of her face and all over the right side of the shower wall.  
  
She was crying and hyperventilating, shutting her eyes as the blood hit her face and Arthur's arm hurt from the recoil and he watched, with wide and wild eyes as Johnny's lifeless corpse crumpled to the floor, his knife following him as he fell. For a split second, before he fell, Iris saw Johnny's mad eyes become black and empty, but she finally felt safe...The nightmare was over. 

  
Arthur stared at the body for a moment, breathing heavily, his stomach burning, his heart pounding like a drum in his chest and his hand still pointing the gun at Johnny. His hand was shaking the gun, he was trembling so badly and he wanted to vomit. Johnny had become every abusive boyfriend that his mother had allowed to hurt and violate him and steal his childhood and finally, his shoulders dropped. He could breathe and so could she. Even though his ears were ringing from the sound of the gun shot, he felt a sort of odd calmness in his mind.

Iris was in such a state of shock that she couldn't take her eyes away from Johnny's lifeless body, as if he would get up at any moment and hurt her again. She whimpered and gasped, as she wiped some blood off of her eyes, with her hand, as if it was nothing.They both stared at the body, trying find their breath and Arthur could feel his long term suffering and internal screaming become one with hers. Their eyes finally locked with eachother and the screaming that had long been locked away inside of them stopped...  
  
Iris stepped out of the shower and over the body, her glassy, blue eyes never leaving his and she wrapped her arms around him and said, shakily into his ear, "You're okay...it's okay now"  
  
Arthur trembled in her arms and dropped the gun. When it hit the floor it sounded like a weighed a ton. He let go of Iris gently so that he could wer a small towel and clean her face. As he fazed into her frightened, blue, eyes and wiped the blood off her face, he was tender and nurturing. Iris then took his hand for the last time and guided him out of the bloody bathroom. Her mind was in their quant and small little world again, where there was no one else. No police, no fear, no worry and certainly no shame. Not anymore...  
  
Iris threw some clothes on,, took him out to the balcony and they both looked out at the bleak city and Iris squeezed his hand.  
  
Arthur felt tears fall from his tired eyes and they looked at Iris. She faced him, with glimmering, crystal blue eyes and said, "You're unreal, Mr. Fleck..."  
  
Arthur wiped away her tears with his sleeve and she did the same for him. Iris smiled at him, with a deep and beautiful madness that shook his blackened heart, immensely. She took a moment to admire his beauty one last time, her hand still tightly holding his and moved some matted, green hairs out of his gorgeous eyes and that's when he smiled too, breathing in this perfect moment as if it were the last breath he would ever draw.  
  
They both felt their hearts play music together and it was the finally. The most beautiful song in their journey together. Her heart strings, graciously, allowed his rough bow to sroke them again and her heart felt as though it was full of sunlight.  
  


Arthur placed his right hand under her chin and she tried to look down, but he gently lifted her face to look at his. His glimmering pair of emerald eyes were bright and vibrant again. She could see all the beautiful colors in his iris and it made her heart brim over with joy. The bright greens and perfect little flecks of gold, yellow and gray were like a glimmering river, with the the bright rays of the warm sun shining brightly down upon it making them sparkle, incandescent and stunning. She wanted to dive right in, so she did. She heard a heart wrenching opera in her heart and that's when their lips were drawn together again.  
  
Their lips pressed against eachother and they closed their eyes, dissolving into their undying love for eachother. Their mouths opened and Arthur placed his right hand on her cheek. Iris laced her fingers with his left hand and lifted it to her chest and placed it on her heart. Right when their kiss intensified, so did the real world around them, but as their lips parted, they still smiled, jubilantly, at eachother and even shared a beautifully, free, laugh with eachother and that's when they heard the sound of loud pounding on the front door and loud ominous voices on the otherside of it. 

  
They looked at eachother and they both knew it was time. The curtain falling on their short, but amazing love story. 

_ **But sometimes one curtain must fall so that another performance can begin** _   
  
  


_🥀_

🖤


	49. Angel Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris is overcome with despair, but feels helpless this time and so does Arthur. They both want their affair to go on and on, but even the most beautiful of love songs have endings. Nothing remains forever, but love does. Perhaps, love can even live on in alternate universes. 
> 
> Iris doesn't want to let go, but Arthur needs her to. She can only hope that she can somehow see him again, if even only in dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we near the end, more will be revealed, so please hang tight 🖤

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 49: _Angel Wings_**

**🖤**

** _"I need you to stay awake, okay?"_ **

** _"Stay awake! Please stay awake!"_ **

_"It was a familiar voice, but he didn't know who it could be. The only person who would ever care, even a little about his life was his mother. She was certainly not a good mother, but even so, she was the only person truly in his life even if it wasn't positive. There was no one else, there was never anyone else. All the more reason to be gone from this crooked world."_

_-Chapter 31 : **Bright White Jackets**_

🖤

Iris looked at Arthur, with fear was painted, vividly, in her eyes and Arthur gave her one more soft kiss, on the lips and whispered in her ear_, "I will always love you"_  
  
She closed her eyes and a tear fell from her eye, as she absorbed those melodic words, as if she wanted to record them in her memory, so that she could play it again and again in her mind, to keep him alive forever inside her heart. Without him, she felt her heart would be useless.  
  
Arthur held her face in his hands and her shimmering eyes were wide and full of sadness, so he smiled gently at her, caressed her cheek and said, "Now...I have to go..."  
  
And with those words, he went inside and Iris began to follow behind him, but stopped when she heard the haunting sound of sirens. She, quickly, glanced over the balcony and saw 4 police cars rushing to the other side of the building. She ran after Arthur, and called out to him, _"I love you_!"

  
Arthur weaped, silently to himself, "I _know...and I truly believe you..."_  
  
He wanted to turn and look at her, but instead he snatched the pistol off the bathroom floor, quickly and walked back into the living room and _waited_....  
  
Iris hid back on the balcony, covered her ears as she heard the door bust open. 

"_I'll never forget you..."_

When Iris heard the door burst open, she covered her mouth and crouched down right next to the fram of the door, with her back turned and heard several officers yelling and shouting violently.

  
  
_ **Get on the ground now!"** _

  
  
_ **"Drop the weapon!"** _

  
  
When Iris heard them instruct her lover to drop his weapon, she knew he had made the dangerous decision to go down with a fight.

_"Oh, Arthur, no...", _she wept, quietly, to herself. 

She tried hard to not turn around, but when she heard the sound of a gun shot, she turned around and her eyes became wide with distress.  
  
She saw her beautifully, mad soul mate, pointing her gun at the police and by the door, laid a dead officer, with a hole in his head. They all had their guns pointed at him and one was calling for help on his radio. Iris couldn't bare it, so she stood up and peaked, with only one, terrified, eye, visible.  
  
Arthur Fleck felt Iris suddenly grab his heart and that's when he made the deadly mistake of turning his head to look at her. Iris was staring at him with eyes that begged for his safety, but he couldn't allow her to get caught in the cross fire, so he very simply gazed back at her and slowly shook his head.   
  
The two other officers saw an opportunity and one officers tried to lunge at him and Arthur fired the pistol twice, taking him down, hitting him once in the gut and then again in the torso. He smirked at the remaining policeman and that's when a speeding bullet from another from his gun, hit Artur...  
  
The raging bullet struck him right on his left side and he grunted, painfully. Dark colored Blood began to poor from his wound and he touched where he had been shot and saw blood cover his hand. The police had been instructed to deliver Arthur Fleck alive, so he was lucky he did not continue to fire bullets into him. Arthur was in pain, but still he looked right back this young, naive officer of the law, with tears streaming down his pale cheeks and he smirked devilishly, at him.   
  
Iris was sobbing into her hands, as she watched this happen, stealthily. Arthur was in excruciating pain, but Joker was high on the pain and the way it made his adrenaline light on fire. He heard him screaming for him to drop his weapon.

"Drop the weapon! Drop it!", he shouted, as two new officers ran into the room to assist him and the injured one. 

Arthur, suddenly heard a muffled whimper come behind him and his smile almost faded, but he could not allow them to see his agony, or to find Iris, so he smiled at them, chuckling and raised his hands, dropping the gun.  
  
Iris hid again, and tried to fight the urge to scream. She heard the officers shouting and Arthur grunting in pain, but she also heard him giggle at them, but she knew it was Joker and somehow she knew it was not out of anxiety or stress, but a unhinged maniacal laugh that was reserved for his shadow side. His Joker side, the shadow that has followed him and been tethered to him is entire life.

"Put your hands behind your head!," an older, clearly more experienced, police man yelled.

  
Once the gun dropped to the floor, with a heavy thud, where Arthur's blood was beginning to pool by his feet, the officers carefully approached him. He kicked the gun to the side, sending it sliding into the hall, where Johnny's useless corpse laid, slowly rotting, and put his hands behind his head. He knew it was over. He had had his fun...

Iris watched in horror as two of the officers jumped on him.  
  
"**Stay down! Stop resisting!"**  
  
He was laying on his belly now and an officer that was on his back, holding him down, with his knee, thay was pressing into his spine, aggressively yanked his arms behind his back, and put handcuffs around his boney wrists.The other officer that stayed by the door, tended to the wounded, until the ambulance came. The other officer stood up, keeping his gun pointed at a very helpless, Arthur Fleck. The older man, pressing his knee into Arthur's aching back, stayed put, keeping him down, like an animal.  
  
Arthur was laughing in between caughing and, as he was laying there, he saw Iris staring at him and his eyes became soft again and she saw that he was only acting. Joker was laughing, but Arthur was crying and desperately wanting to wrap her in his warm embrace. Tears filled his vivid, green, eyes and she saw his lips mouth the words,_"I love you"_  
  
Iris wanted to scream and go help him, but she knew it was no use. She wished she could have just one more dance with him, one last scene in their play and somehow at least have a happy ending, but no...she knew most of the best love stories ended tragically. There was nothing she could do to save him now...  
  
Iris didn't want them to see or hear her, so she turned away, squeezed her weeping eyes shut, pressed her knees to chest and stared up at the sky. It was strange, but when she looked up she saw the the clouds were beginning to part and the rays of the warm sun began to shine down on her. The dark curtains of the gray clouds seemed to be parting and opening for the bright sun as if it were a new beginning. She clutched her chest and saw some pigeons fly up towards the sky vanish into the distance. She wanted to join them and be a bird, free and unchained. 

In the meantime, Arthur was being dragged to his feet, and having his rights read to him, as they brought him to the door. He needed medical assistance, but he knew they would take their time giving it to him. He really just hoped he would bleed out and die. Arthur looked over his shoulder one more and he saw that Iris was not looking back at him this time, she wasn't there and somehow that made him feel better.  
  
_**Move it along!", **_the officer shouted, shoving him towards the door.  
  
Arthur turned back around and hung his head, as he felt the excruciating pain envelop him. He was tired now and wished he could lay with Iris in her bed again and feel her hand holding his. As he was being pushed to the door he could hear a chorus of sirens from outside the apartment building, singing an ominous tune and heard people rushing down the hall. It was more police and some EMTs, with a stretcher for his wounded enemy. It brought Arthur some pleasure, though, knowing that at least one would be leaving in a body bag. Before they exited the building with Arthur, a slip of paper had fallen from his pocket and landed right at the door. As the piece of wrinkled paper lay there, one of corners became soaked in his blood, painting it a dark crimson color.   
  
Arthur was leaving a trail of blood and hidden tears, as he was taken away. He felt like he was going to pass out. He was seeing spots and his vision became grainy. He felt light headed and nauseous, almost like the night Iris found him, but he wasn't going to be saved this time.  
  
As he was dragged out of the hall and brought into the elevator, he began to slump, but the the officer that had him cuffed forced him to stay up. They all got off the elevator and he saw some people peeking out of their doors, looking at him, as if it were a free show. The younger officer looked a bit traumatized by the whole situation and kept his eyes averted, never daring to look at this, murderous clown, not knowing that underneath all of that intimidating makeup, was a man who often has the very same looked on his face. 

  
  
Iris knew she was going to be found now, so she quickly got up and walked to the edge of her balcony. She saw the police taking her lover away in handcuffs and her heart shattered when she saw his sad eyes that had such a powerful grip on her soul, gaze up and see her. She was breathing heavily and couldn't even move, she could only stare at him, holding her bleeding heart in her hands. She wanted to grow wings and fly down and wisp him away with her, but her wings had been clipped long ago.   
  
Arthur saw her and his tragic eyes saw her, but only could look for so long before it was just too hard and forced himself to turn his head back around. Iris cried and knew she couldn't stand there anymore, so she went inside and saw police and one of the officers being weeled away on a stretcher. When the others saw her, they immediately knew she must be an innocent victim of this horrible man's evil deeds and even though it hurt badly, she had to pretend that they were right.

Iris was on autopilot. Her brain couldn't handle all the pain. Arthur was gone and when the police came to supposedly "help" her, she was in shock and didn't even cry. Even when some officers and emts were treating her like a helpless victim of a horrible chain of events caused by the monster named _Joker, _she kept trying to look at the balcony, as if he would appear. They put an orange blanket on her to comfort her, but that was not going to bring her any sort of comfort. Nothing would, except him...  
  
Her heart burned when she heard the sirens become further snd further away. Just knowing he was in that back seat, handcuffed and injured, made her want leap from the balcony. The officers were asking her questions, but she couldn't even speak, she was so deep ina dissociative state. 

Iris pressed her left hand and had her nails digging into her pale skin, her eyes now vacant and hollow. 

  
"Miss, are you hurt?", the officer asked.

Iris was silent, as tears dropped from her empty, misty eyes, barely even blinking, as if she were only a statue. She heard what the question was, but she didn't know how to answer, except by murmuring, as she stared into space...

_"I am now..."_

The officer assumed she was just in shock, so he asked a few more things that didn't even register with her.

  
  
She, eventually sat down on her couch, holding the lifeless blanket over her, tightly and as they spoke to her and her empty eyes saw her beautiful, soulmate's blood on the floor near her, that's when she saw something else on the floor. It was piece of paper and even the police tried to stop her she still got up, walking on his blood and snatched it off the floor.  
  
"Miss, this is crime scene now, please don't touch anything", an officer insisted. 

"No, this is my home! This paper is mine, damn it!", she shouted.

She knew she was making a scene and that was bad, but she was on the edge of a cliff and felt she was being shoved and pushed inch by inch, as if she had no choice, but to fall. 

They asked her to calm down and she knew she has to listen, so looked away from them, seeing how they thought she must be mad and tried to breathe. 

"I know you're very upset right now, miss, but you need to just sit and stay calm. Is there anyone we can call for you?"

  
Iris clutched the paper in her hands, shoved it in her pocket and said, suddenly,"May I please have a cigarette and go outside?"

The emt that was speaking to her, figured she was just very distraught, so he thought nothing of her outburst. 

Iris didn't answer his question, but her lack of a response seemed to speak volumes.  
  
He nodded his head and watched her as she walked to the balcony. Once she was outside, she lit a cigarette and took a harsh, long drag and leaned over the railing. The cops were gone and so was Arthur. She wanted to be gone too. She took the paper out of her pocket and unfolded it. It was from Arthur....  
  
It even had some of his blood soaked into the crumpled paper, on the bottom left corner. She closed her eyes and swore she could see herself staring at her own self in a dark room, with thick tears seeping from her melancholy eyes. They weren't normal tears. They were thick and full of glitter, as if the the gloomy night's stars themselves were within them. She herself smiled, but as soon her smile fell, she saw herself back away into darkness, until she saw nothing.  
  
Her, swollen eyes began to fill with tears again and she could swear she heard and echo, of birds in her mind and a kind and sorrowful, voice singing a hauntingly, pleasant, lullaby. It soothed her in a strange way, as if it was urging her to spread her wings and fly.  
  
Her mind drifted into a memory of when she was about 16 years of age and would ride her bike in Central Park right when the sun would begin to set. She remembered how serene she felt as she peddled faster and faster and would stand up on the peddles and felt as though she were _flying like a bird._  
  
Even though that moment only lasted seconds, it was the best feeling in the world to her, at that time, until she met Arthur. Nothing has ever felt so good, not the drugs or the alcohol could even compete, because, at the end, she was still left all alone, with only her violent mind to keep her company.   
  
She wished she was 16 years old again, riding her bike through the park, free and happy. Since then she has only found false happiness, until Arthur appeared in her lonely life and swept her off into the stars. She knew she would never find that again.

Her heart was still beating, but she wished it wasn't....  
  
  
Finally, she forced herself to read the letter. She smiled slightly when she saw how sloppy his writing was, but the smile soon faded. Her heart couldn't take it. As her blood shot eyes scanned and read each word, whole heartedly, her tears wetting the paper, she heard that same haunting voice singing in her mind, like a ghostly siren, backoning her into a deep and salty, black river. She smiled to herself and, pressed the sloppily written letter to her chest, tightly and felt the hand of _fate_ calling to her, screaming her name.

  
"I can't do it my love...", she whispered to herself. Her mind felt as though it in a thick, fog. It was as though her eyes could not see what was ahead, but she did not care anymore.  
  
She just kept walking further into the fog, her eyes now vacant and dead. The haunting voice sang louder and louder in her head, the closer she got to her balcony and she leaned on the railing, looking down. She still held the letter in her hand, as if it were Arthur himself.  
  
Iris looked up at the sky and closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun shining down on her, as if it were the heavens themselves, pulling her to them. She opened her eyes and smiled. She lit her last cigarette that was in her pack, inhaled deeply and looked down by her feet and saw something that cut into her heart, deeply. It was a cigarette butt, with a lovely touch of pink on the filter. It was Arthur's...  
  
She felt her lip trembled as she picked it up. It still had almost half left she she put out her current cigarette. She stared at the beautiful, pink stain on the brown filter and felt her soul scream. She lit it and inhaled it harshly, as if she would somehow feel his essence within the cigarette. As if it had somehow been laced with his intoxicating soul.. As she leaned over the railing, she looked up and exhaled and watched the smoke disappear into the endless sky, where she wished she could vanish into...


	50. Arthur's Letter 🖤

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's letter to Iris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is Arthur's letter and I know Arthur writes sloppily and doesn't have good grammer and all that, but I can't write it like that unless it's on paper. I wrote this from my heart and it is really more of a poem. I saw on Tumblr that Arthur had a short poem he wrote about an old childhood friend and how he missed him, so I figured he writes some poetry and he is certainly a passionate soul...So, here it is, Arthur's heart felt letter to his love ♡

** _Dearest Iris,_ **

🥀

💔

"_There are times when I am on fire, laying still as I burn_  
_...and there are times where I **am** fire, destroying everything in my path _

_But, you my dear, love them both_

> _And if I am not whole, I am not the same, beautifully, unhinged man for whom you gave your delicate, heart to 🖤_

_The thin, silken strands, that are your heart strings that, seemed to play, harmoniously, with my rough bow..._

_Could also break under my weight _

_ _

_And you will simply gaze up at me with a poetic smile, numb to the pain it was causing you inside_

_Your sparkling eyes would look into mine and you would melt into my lap like ice into water_

_But my dear, even though you adore me so and speak such beauty of me..._

_I have an untouchable torment inside that you cannot repair, but you, my perfect flower, still have a chance_

_For even a wilted Iris can still be restored, but not a deep red rose that has been burnt into ash_

_In my eyes you see glimmering emeralds_

_In yours I see everything and how, without it being my intent, I could also take everything from you_

_So, even though the glorious, bright full moon can illuminate the darkest skies_

_It can only glow for a short time before it is no longer giving light to the darkness of nights_

_For me, my night may be eternal, but yours does not have to be, so please..._

_Please let me give you your damaged, but strong and loving heart back to you and from out of my blood stained hands_

_I know you will cry, I know you will be sad, but time will pass and you will continue to grow_

_I, my love, will only continue down my crooked path and you deserve better_

_I will not allow the roughness of my bow to snap your heart strings one by one, even if you say to me, with that glowing madness in your eyes that I love so much, that you don't care...because..._

_The fact is, my love..._

_I do...🖤_

-Arthur 


	51. Bridging The Gap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris can take it no longer. There is just too much pain...but will she ever see Arthur again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting close to that time, my friends. This chapter took me longer than most others because I wanted it to be perfect, I really hope you enjoy it ♡
> 
> I want to thank my friend Raven-Romanoff for making such beautiful artwork!! The illustrations are by her and the photos taken by me in NYC only a week ago 🖤

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 51: _Bridging The Gap_**

**"_Be a star and fall down somewhere next to me"_**

⭐

** **

She closed her as she took one last drag of _his _abandoned cigarette and gazed downward again, taking her eyes away from the sunlight. She began to cry as she released the cigarette from her cold fingers and watched it plummet down, down, down. She turned her head to look behind her and saw that everyone was still busy with the bloody crime scene, that she wished not to see, and turned her head back around.  
  
Iris heard the eary singing get louder in her head, as if her mad mind was a huge music hall and she heard nothing else around her. Suddenly, she felt as though she was riding her bike, the rays of the setting sun peaking through the trees as she passed them. That was the last thing she thought of before she made a very rash decision.  
  
Without a second thought, she climbed over the railing, gazed up at the sky, laughed as tears spilled down her cheeks and she let go...

  
  
_ **She opened her arms up to the sky, like a bird...and took flight...** _

_ **And...just like that, the curtain had fallen on Iris' finally act...** _

She felt as though she was flying, but she was falling. She fell quickly to her death, and as her body flew past 10 stories, she felt her heart pound in her ears. It happened very fast, but to her it felt much longer snd at the moment, right before she hit the ground her eyes closed and she saw a bright white light and softly mumured, "_**Arthur..."**_

  
  
The police only saw her right as she fell and were too late. People down below were screaming at the morbid sight, but Iris would no longer have to hear such things ever again and beside her lifeless body, was Joker's pink cigarette butt. Herr maroon blood pooled around her head, soaking the cigarette butt and her eyes, became faded. Her soul had taken the crystal blue color out of her eyes and released it into the blue of the sky, but it would never again return to her...

  
  


* * *

  
**3** days later, Iris' sister, Rose, came to get some of her dead sister's belongings. She felt numb and was running on autopilot. The pain was too great to handle all at once. She entered the apartment and the second she stepped inside, she stood there and simply looked around, feeling frozen. Sje kept seeing her sister, sitting on the couch smoking, as she used to do. She felt her eyes become wide and tears stabbed her corneas.  
  
She took a step forward and felt a heaviness overcome her. It suddenly dawned on her that Iris would never sit on that couch again, she would never smoke again, she would never sing again, she would never drink coffee again, she would never greet her at the door again, she would never do anything again...  
****

Rose entered her bedroom and looked around, hearing the silence pierce her heart and stepped over to her vanity. She felt tears pierce her eyes again, as she saw old pictures posted all over the edges of her mirror, where she once used to sit and apply her makeup. Something was different though, there was a new photo on the bottom left corner that she hadn't seen before.

Tears fell from her eyes, as she took a closer look. It was of the man she had been seeing. It was a Polaroid of him sleeping, peacefully, on her bed. He was laying on his side, with his slender hand beside his face and his other hand mostly underneath her pillow, only showing his finger tips, elegantly, peaking out from behind the pillow. Some of his dark curls, spilled onto the pillow and were strewn about, beautifully, around his resting head.

She didn't know much of this man, but she knew he was special to her. He looked very serene in the picture and she knew how Iris was always so good at capturing beautiful moments, even if they seemed simple and meaningless. 

* * *

* * *

It was because nothing was ever just simple, or meaningless to her, which is what brought her such life, but also brought her such pain and Rose knew she would never have to feel pain like that again, but her own pain would go on forever...

Iris found love at last, but felt like she had been sentenced to death without it, so she did what she felt would prevent further suffering...

_ **"It had to end to begin..."** _

_ **🖤** _

  
  
  
_ **"Mister!! What happened?!"** _   
  


* * *

It was October 15th, 1981 at 3:33 a.m. and a lonely, young woman, decided to go for a walk, on a cold autumn night, in Gotham Park. Iris did not live right by the park and didn't want to take a 3 mile walk, so she found a taxi and rode 16 minutes down toward 5th Avenue and West 110th street, leaving her at the Gotham Park north, so she could take a walk from there all the way down to the Batstow Bridge. She could pass by some of her favorite spots on the way, like, the Gothic Gotham Bridge and take the bridle path towards the Batstow bridge, that overlooks the pond, heading towards 5th Avenue and West 59th Street.

The truth, is, she _was_ asleep, but a strange and frightening, nearly tangible, nightmare had woken her up. She woke in a fright, as if she had been falling and her heart raced in her chest. She normally didn't have dreams that she could ever recall, but this one really shook her. The oddest part about the dream, was that it felt like her heart had stopped, for a moment and she woke up, gasping and after catching her breath, she immediately grabbed her coat, put some boots on and left her empty apartment. She needed some fresh air and she didn't want to take a walk around the block, she wanted to go to her favorite place, a place of her childhood joy.

  
  
When she exited the taxi, she felt the cold air nipping at her exposed face and neck.The, 23 year old woman, was trying so hard to light a cigarette, but the wind seemed to will against it. She now, was beginning to feel irritated by the confounded wind, that was preventing her from engaging in her nicotine addiction.

As she walked further into the park, she was able to successfully light it, at last. She knew she shouldn't, but she looked around and then pulled a flask out of her coat pocket and took a swig. She then pulled her hood over her head and kept walking.

The wind felt bitter and seemed to bite at her exposed hands, as she walked through an empty park, smoking a cigarette. She often went on late walks like this when her mind kept her awake, with relentless, ruminations.

She kept thinking of her dream where she felt the panic that one would feel when they fall, but also the same euphoria one would fee when they sky dive. It was as though she was herself, but not from this side of existence, and she had flown away from this world, like an albatross, soaring through bitter winds of life.  
  
She felt as though, when her eyes opened in a fright, from this haunting dream, that when they opened they weren't just her eyes opening, but someone else's. It shook her so much, that she felt like she couldn't catch her breath.  
  
She had a difficult day at work, which wasn't unusual, but something was different tonight. She had walked out of her life draining job, at a fast food restaurant, because she simply could not take it anymore. She could not take the irrational abuse from then hateful public anymore. She felt like she was nothing..._Insignificant.....and she was just done with it..._  
  
She was certainly scared of the repercussions, but it also felt very liberating, to do what truly wanted. Nonetheless, she still was feeling a heavy despair and emptiness that she simply could not quell. Something shook her inside that she could not explain. Not this time...  
  
  
  
Gotham Park, at this time, is certainly not the safest place to be, which is why she was glad to have her .38 in her, purse just in case...  
  


* * *

Miles away in the very same city, another lonely soul was struggling with a deep seeded suffering and he had decided that this very night would be his last night on earth. On 1150 Jester Avenue and West 167th Street, only a few blocks away from where Iris lives, a timid man named Arthur Fleck resided, was also having a bad dream. 

At 11:11 p.m., hours before Iris had woken from _her _bad dream, a timid man named Arthur Fleck had _also _awoken from a nerve racking nightmare, but as Arthur woke from his, Iris was still in hers, sleeping the night away. In his dream, he felt as though his heart had abruptly stopped, but he was sorely disappointed when he opened his eyes to find that it was not real. He wanted to make it real and woke up, groggy and still exhausted, but unable to sleep anymore, he too, decided to go for a stroll. Before he even attempted to sit up, from his couch, he lit a cigarette. He felt this strange emptiness in his heart, as if he missed someone terribly, but he knew there was no such person in his life, only a faceless figure of wishful thinking.

He sat up, ran his fingers through his rather messy locks of dark, lengthy hair, leaned forward as he exhaled smoke and mumured, "What...what _was _that dream?"  
  


He felt horribly depressed and like there was a huge hole in his blackened heart, big and highly susceptible to more pain.   
  
The walk he went on, that was meant to clear his head, only made him feel worse and only reminded him more and more why he wished he was gone from this earth. Everyone around him seemed to have a hand to hold except him. He then decided to buy some liquor, in hopes that it would ease his relentless anguish.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

** _Bright White Jackets:_ **

  
  
_"One night Arthur Fleck had gone to a nearby liquor store and even though he knew that alcohol combined with his antipsychotics his treacherous state of mind was never a good idea, that didn't stop him from buying a bottle of cheap vodka. He was not someone who drank often, but it was usually a disastrous and sad state of affairs when he did. _   
  
_He walked through Gotham square, seeing happy looking couples pass by and he felt his burnt heart crumble. As he walked his left hand opened up, as if awaiting his soulmate to come along and grasp it._   
  
_It was the beginning of October and summer was over and Arthur found himself thinking about how he wished his life was like a passing season and it would soon be gone just like the summer, in hopes that he could have a new and better season. He sat on a close by park bench and looked to his left and, of course, saw a young man and woman, laughing and holding hands and as he looked at them, he felt tears sting his eyes._   
  
_Seeing that sweet sight only reminded him that he would never have that and then a whirlwind of other hateful thoughts. His mind began to spiral and he just wished his useless heart would stop._   
  
_As the night wore on and he decided to stand up and head back to his lonely home, he found himself having trouble walking correctly. He was drunk._

_Arthur felt a chill in the wind, signaling summer's goodbye and he pulled his hood over his head and lit a cigarette. His mind played a tragic song, filled with the sounds of bone chilling cellos and violins.   
  
He trudged past a fastfood restaurant and stopped for a moment. He saw her; he saw the kind woman that he saw on the bus every day and he saw the look of despair in her beautiful eyes, hidden behind her smile. He saw himself in her and he remembered the warming feeling she gave him by simply showing him **compassion **and **kindness**  
  
The restaurant was called Gotham's Laughing Fish. He smiled slightly when he saw the title. He had pages filled in his notebook of sloppily written letters and attempts at poetry written for her.   
  
He felt his heart sink and shudder at the thought of another devastating rejection and right as she glanced towards the window and she seemed to look at him for a second, he quickly walked away...."_

_🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤_

What Artur was very unaware of, was that the girl he helplessly, gazed at from the window, saw him and smiled, but he looked away, coyly, before he could see and walked on. Unfortunately, not too long after she shyly smiled at him, was when she walked out of her job, after having a horrible customer shout at her, for the last time, over something ridiculous and redundant. It was too much to take anymore. She was tired of feeling constantly on the verge of tears to make a little money.  
  
By the time Iris dashed outside, she searched for her cigarettes in her purse and that's when she remembered. The man that had passed by her job, was very same kind soul that had left his notebook on the bus, the day he was sick. She remembered how sick and vulnerable he was that day, but she also remembered how softly he gazed at her. She still had his notebook shoved in the bottom of her bag.  
  
She walked away from her job, hoping maybe she would see him, but he was gone, so she decided to go home and try and find some sleep...  
  
_Arthur Fleck intended on going home and ending his life, which is the sleep he was truly searching for..._

* * *

** _Bright White Jackets:_ **

_When he stood in front of the mirror and saw his pale and dead looking face he cringed and immediately opened the cabinet door. He saw all his medications all lined up neatly beside eachother and he reached a shaking hand out and grabbed one of the bottles.  
  
He grabbed two different pill bottles and one was an old prescription of benzodiazepines, that he never took much of because he didn't like them and, perhaps, somewhere in dark recesses of his crippled mind, he had been saving them for such an occasion.  
  
When he screwed the lid off; he glanced over his shoulder, as if maybe his mother would burst through the door and stop him. He knew she wouldn't and he lowered his head for a moment and put his hand over his mouth to smother a tragic laugh, which was followed by a soft sob. There was no stopping him now..."  
  
_

* * *

Ladies and gentlemen, Arthur Fleck did, indeed, attempt to kill himself that night, but unlike what his foggy, faded and skewed mind had told him, his dear mother never found him. He made it home, but simply snatched the pills and took off. He was never even found in his apartment, but somewhere damp, cold and dark...all alone in the dark...._where the autumn leaves lay..._

Iris continued to walk towards the Batstow Bridge, which was about another 5 minutes away, but she kept thinking she heard something, but when she looked around, she didn't see anything. Her heart felt something was wrong, but it was different. 

This wasn't just an uneasy feeling because normally that is when she would decide it was time leave. This time it was as though the chilling feeling she had within her heart and entire body, was something that was telling her to _stay... _  
  


_🥀_

_Illustrations by my friend Raven Romanoff 🖤_

_Photos taken and edited by, Myself and were taken in Central Park, NYC _


	52. The Endless Reach Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris is was about to be on her way back home, but something laying on the ground catches her attention. Its a plastic object she steps on and once she bends down to examine it, she knows that she has to find out what's going on. Someone may be in need of her help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one of my favorites! There is only probably going to be one more chapter, but it will not disappoint and this one certainly won't either!

**Beautiful Chaos 🥀**

**Chapter 52: _The Endless Reach Of Love__🖤_**

Every step that Iris took, she almost felt as though someone else was walking somewhere near her and, perhaps, someone was indeed taking every step with her. It just may be somewhere that is not in sight. Distantly, near...  
  
Dead, damp leaves crunched beneath her feet as she walked and she found herself feeling a painful loneliness sting her heart and she wished she had a warm hand to grasp hers. She almost felt as though a force unknown to her was _willing _her forward, as if _had _to make it to that bridge.

The winds suddenly became harsher and colder, as Iris turned to glance behind her another time, to see if anyone, or anything, was behind her, but still...nothing. Rats often ran about the park at night, she didn't even see them tonight, which was odd. Maybe even the rats felt an unknown presence.  
  
She took the bridal path most of the way, but took a left on 65th. She cut through the empty playground, passed through the vacant amusement park and finally approached the Gotham Park pond. She stopped to light another cigarette as approached the Batstow bridge she drew nearer and nearer to the bridge, it suddenly began to sprinkle rain.  
  
  
  
"_Fuck", _she cursed, as she walked faster. She was about to turn around to start walking back, but when she she saw the bridge, she stopped, for a moment. She felt like she was being tugged, as if a small child was pulling on her sleeve to make her continue forward. It was rather dark and hard to see much, but she swore she could see a figure of a person in the distance, as she drew closer. She heard someone coughing and it was definitely a man, but he sounded like he was in some distress.  
  
It looked like nothing, but a thin black figure behind the brightness of the street lights, but it made her nervous, nonetheless, for various reasons. It was after 4:00 a.m. now and she knew it was not a good time to be here, so she turned around, but right as she was about to dash away, she felt something crack from beneath her foot.  
  
She felt her heart jump when she stepped on something and heard it crack, so she looked down and when she moved her foot away, she knelt down to get a better look. Her slender pale, cold fingers picked up the foreign object she had stepped on and her eyes widened. It was an empty pill bottle. It was orange and when she saw what it was, she felt panic surge through her body. She somehow knew she needed to turn around.  
  
She immediately looked up and she saw the man slumping over the bridge and he looked like he was going to fall right into the cold pond. She didn't know if it was safe, but she glanced at the bottle one more time turned it around slightly, but the label had gotten wet where the name was supposed to be and all she could make out was a capital letter, _**A...**_

_I know what these are", s_he quietly mumured, dropping the empty pill bottle to the cold, damp ground.  
  
  
Iris stood up and, cautiously, stepped closer and squinted to see who this man was and if he looked dangerous. She ran out of time to think and now had to act. He was about to fall off the bridge, so she dropped the empty pill bottle and _ran,_ quickly, to this stranger and had to grab him by the waist to stop him from falling into the cold, filthy water underneath them. He was trembling and so very cold...  
  
She, luckily, stopped him from falling and pulled his light body away from the edge. He was limp and when she rested him on the ground, kneeling in front of him, with her arms holding his upper half up, the lights shined on the man's face. He was not a stranger....

_"I know you're face..."_

_ _

  
Suddenly, she felt her little world within her, quake immensely, when she saw this poor man's face. His face was so pale and sickly, his irises were behind his lids, only showing the haunting whites of his eyes. He was _dying_...  
  
She has seen this before and she knew she needed to act hastily, or he would be be just like a fallen autumn leaf. Beautiful, but _forever lost._..  
  
Iris shook him, crying out, "_No, stay awake! Please stay awake!" _

  
  
_"**Wake up!"**_

  
  
As she shook his frail, skinny body more, she heard something fall out of his jacket. It was a bottle of vodka and she saw it from the corner of her eye. It was nearly empty...  
  
"Somebody help! Help! **_Please_**!!", she screamed, hoping someone would hear her.  
  
"No, no, no, no, no! Stay with me, stay with me...Now, tell me your name, huh?", she cried, as she laid him on his side. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. His hand was so cold that it gave her goosebumps. She felt for a pulse and it was there, but faint.  
  
"Okay, um..we'll start with mine, okay? _My name is, Iris, okay?_"

He seemed to be slipping away, so she shook him again, crying, "What's your name, huh? Tell me your name! _Please..."_

The man didn't open his eyes, but his dry, pale lips parted and he mumbled, "My _name...I-I...I'm Arthur..."_

"Very good, now I need you to take my hand, okay?"

Arthur was already closing his eyes again, but grasped his freezing cold hand, nonetheless and held it tight.

  
She knew when she saw that bottle that and the empty pill bottle of benzodiazepines, that he was probably a goner, but she still refused to give up. She lightly slapped the side of his face, repeatedly and he grunted, but seemed to be fading.  
  
"Come on, talk to me! Please, stay awake!"

"_Please...stay...", _she breathed, as her voice broke.  
  
Iris squeezed his ice cold hand and held it up to her chest and to her surprise, she felt his boney fingers slightly tightened around her hand and right at that precise moment, it began pouring rain. It seemed the Gotham's weather was becoming colder and harsher by the minute.

"You're gonna hate this, but I have to do this okay?"  
  
She knew that no one was around and there wasn't a pay phone near by, so she did had to think fast, so she quickly, put two of her fingers down his throat.  
  
"Please, don't go, _Mister...I believe in you",_ she sobbed.  
  
  
  
He convulsed and started to vomit, but it was mostly alcohol and not enough. He was choking and sputtering, but she was glad that puked up at least some of the alcohol that he had consumed. He still wasn't waking up though and didn't seem to he breathing, so, making sure he wasn't going to vomit anymore, she very quickly, rolled him on his back, tilted his head back and began to perform cpr. She pushed on his chest and heard a crack, that made her panic even more, but that didn't stop her.  
  
She followed the proper procedure and steps of cpr because this is not the only time she's had to administer it, but she hoped that this time, it would work. She did the proper amount of chest compressions before she squeezed his nose shut and filled his empty lungs with her own oxygen, hoping his heart would beat again.  
  
Her heart pounded with anticipation and desperation. She felt tear rising in her eyes. She did not really know this man, but it was almost as if she did and always has. She knew him from the bus and remembered she still had his notebook at the bottom of her purse. It had been sitting on her nightstand for weeks and her racing heart now became full of anguish, just knowing that she held one of his personal possessions in her bag.  
  
  
Iris heard someone shouting and foot steps approaching. It was a police officer.  
  
"Ma'am, what happened, I heard screaming"  
  
Iris looked at him and cried, "I think he's taken pills and drank and...he's overdosed. He's breathing, plea help us!"  
  
"I'm gonna send an ambulance, okay?", he said.  
  
She was always wary of police officers, but this officer was young and had kind eyes. He put his hand on her shoulder and said, "Someone is coming, okay?"  
  
Iris nodded, but continued the cpr, but he wasn't responding. She felt for his pulse, but there was none. His heart had stopped and she felt like hers was going to stop too, from the sorrow she felt for him.  
  
She soon heard the loud sound of sirens and saw the ambulance coming. EMTs dashed out of the back of the ambulance and rushed to the scene. Iris was still trying to revive him, but his heart remained still...

Although his beautiful heart wasn't pumping life into his cold body, her heart was pounding rapidly wall while falling to a thousand pieces, at the same time.  
  
The emts had her move aside and came to his aid, while another emt asked her some questions.  
  
"What did he take?", he asked.  
  
"S-somw pills. Benzos, I think and..and h-he drank a bottle of fucking vodka", she replied, barely able to speak, or think because she just kept staring at Arthur's lifeless body.  
  
She stayed beside him, her body shaking with anticipation and held his hand, thinking he was gone, but....

  
  
  
  
  
** _3 minutes later...._ **

  
  
  
The three minutes that passed did not feel like three short minutes at all. They felt long, as if they were _days. _It was the most unbearable 3 minutes of her entire life. Those 3 mimutes, Iris mounrned the tragic death of this stranger who's face she only knew from the bus. She was frozen, unable to to even comprehend time at all...  
  
She heard one of the emts say, "He's still not breathing"  
  
She was sure he was gone. The cpr wasn't working and she watched, with wide petrified eyes as they continued the cpr, as if she were reading the end of a novel and was nervous of what outcome of the entire story was going to be, after committing so much time, emotion and dedication into reading it.  
  
She began to feel like she was having a panic attack, hyperventilating...  
  
Iris had hung her head, crying as she squeezed his limp hand, but something that she did not expect, happened. She felt unable to catch her breath and suddenly...she collapsed. She had blacked out.

  
The police officer caught her and tried to wake her. She was out cold, but right as the emts were about to call it in and announce time of death for Arthur Fleck, something miraculous happened...

  
  
Iris woke up, gasping, as if she had awoken from a horrific night terror. She sat up, her hand on her chest, feeling her racing heart pounding and her tears eyes glanced over at the stranger from the bus. Before her worried eyes even landed on him, she heard he beautiful sound of Arthur and he was breathing. His heart didn't give up after all.

  
  
He was gasping and coughing. He wasn't fully conscious, but he was breathing. He was _alive..._

**He _is _alive 🌹**

  
  
  
She heard the sound of a huge gasp and she looked and could not believe what her, often doubtful, eyes saw. 

** _She saw a miracle..._ **

The shy, sad man from the bus, found his breath at last. Iris cried, as her lips curved into one of purest smiles she has ever possessed and cried, "Yes! You're okay..."  
  
She let out a laugh, of unadulterated relief, anxiety and melodic jubilance at the delightful sound of Arthur breathing.   
  
Iris was standing up now, and for one unforgettable moment, her glistening blue eyes beheld the sight of Arthur rolling his head to the side, as he gasped, and looked directly at her. His eyes were only half open, but they peered into her very soul. They seemed to sparkle like stars, under the bright street lights and she saw and _felt_ his gratitude and it was almost overwhelming. She has never seen a sight more breathtaking...  
  
He looked as though he had awoken from a long, vivid dream. She saw a tear roll down the side of his face and he stared at her, his chest moving up and down, as he desperately breathed in the fresh air around him and his face suddenly became angelic to her. 

He was trembling from the cold and he was soaking wet. She wanted to make him warm, she wanted to make him smile, she wanted to hug him, but most of all, she wanted to hear what he sounded like when he laughs,freely. She just felt like this moment might be what her entire life has been leading up to and that maybe, _just maybe..._his was, too. She felt crazy, while also feeling more sane and lucid than she has ever felt before. 

It was a moment frozen in time and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the hopeful, yet helpless look on his pallid, wet face. He had a look of divinity about him and not to her knowledge, as his nebulous eyes gazed upon her, he saw an angel. She appeared as though she was glowing beneath the street light behind her. She felt a warm tear wet her cold cheek and she clutched her chest, as his emerald eyes slowly closed again, but she knew it was not death, but perhaps, a resurrection of sorts.  
  
Arthur coughed and gasped and was alive, but no longer awake. He was still full of toxins and needed to get to the emergency room immediately and most likely have to have his stomach pumped, which Iris knew was such a painful and terrifying feeling. She knew this because...it _has happened to her._..  
  
She was informed that he was going to be taken to Gotham Hill emergency room, which she knew was on the corner of Lexington and East 77th Street. They told her he would have to have his stomach pumped because he wasn't throwing up the rest of the toxins inside him, which is what she knew they would say. She knew she would not even be able to be with him because of the irrelevant fact that she was not blood, or family of any sort.  
  
Iris did not know him from atom, but she had a lover that had overdosed on her couch that she had tried to save; he was lost but...Arthur _lived_...Even if she never got to see him ever again, she just was glad that he made it.

When Arthur was put on the stretcher and taken into the ambulance, Iris ran over and asked, "Can I please go with him?"  
  
The officer that had found Iris and Arthur, walked over and saw how distressed she looked. He asked her, "Whats your name, miss?"  
  
She looked at him with eyes flooded with tears and said, "Iris...Iris Lucy Piaf..."  
  
"My name is officer Taylor and it is not allowed unless you are family, but....would you want to ride with me to the hospital? It's not procedure, but..."  
  
Iris nodded her head, saying, "Yes, please"  
  
Iris saw that Arthur laying on the stretcher and stared at him as the doors closed.

  
  
The kind officer had to snap Iris out of a daze and said to her, "Miss, come now, it'll be alight"  
  
She sniffled, nodded her head and said to him, "I hope so..."  
  
Once Iris got into the car, she sighed and felt a small surge of relief, but still wished she was with him.

The police officer started the car, switched the sirens on and took off out of the park and followed the direction the ambulance went.  
  
Iris was anxiously ringing her hands, not saying a word, but the police man broke the silence and said, "Can I show you something, Miss Iris?"  
  
Iris looked at him and said softly, "Yes"  
  
He pulled out a small photo from his wallet, handed it to her and said, "That's my daughter"  
  
The car was speeding down Madison Avenue and it was busy and chaotic in Gotham, sirens blaring, so it was hard for her to fully focus, but she looked at the photo, regardless. It was of a girl, probably in her teens, with dark long curly hair, freckles, slender build and misty green eyes. She had a sweet, gentle smile on her young face. Iris smiled, seeing herself for a moment and felt her her heart tremble.  
  
The officer was almost at the hospital, but he glanced at Iris, beifly and asked, "Can you guess what her name is?"  
  
Iris was a little confused how this was even relevant to the vital situation at hand, but answered, regardless...  
  
"Um...no"  
  
He made a very sharp turn onto 78th, took a right on Lexington and once they sped down 77th, they finally Arrived. He pulled into the parking lot of Gotham Hill Hospital, quickly shut the sirens off, looked right at her and said, "He name is, well, was rather.._.Iris_"  
  
"Was?", she asked, innocently.  
  
He put the car in park, opened the door and said, "She committed suicide, by swallowing a bunch of pills 3 years ago...I know what you're feeling, but don't ever forget, that hope doesn't have to be a casualty"

He got out of the car, leaving Iris in awe of the words he just spoke. It was as if fate was a hand of comfort in this complicated game of life, for once.  
  
He opened the door for her, helped her out of the car, gazed at her with eyes brimming over with intense emotion and said, "It's rather serendipitous, don't you think?"  
  
Iris didn't even know what the proper response was, but all that came to mind was, "That's one of my favorite words..."  
  
He smiled at her and said, "Mine, too"  
  
With that, he guided her to the front doors of the emergency entrance and they both walked inside. Iris didn't see Arthur anywhere, but Officer Taylor asked a nurse about him.  
  
"The nurse here, says that he is having his stomach pumped"  
  
Iris looked nervous and kept looking past him down the hall, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, somewhere. She ran her fingers through her hair and said, "I...I can't see him, can I?"  
  
Officer Taylor wished he could tell her that was not true, but he looked at her and shook his head. "You would have to wait for a family member to come here and give permission for you to see him, or be given any information, unfortunately"  
  
Iris stared at him with round, crestfallen eyes and replied, "Yeah...I figured...I just don't know his family, or anything really. I only know that he's a good person and that we take the same bus everyday"  
  


The kind officer looked at her with a gentle glimmer of empathy in his eyes and said, "Well, remember there is hope, Miss Iris, even when it seems there is none. Do you want me to call you a cab?"  
  
Iris took a deep breath, wiped a tear from her cheek and said, "Is there anything I can do, if I wait here?"  
  
"Unless a family member comes here and gives permission for you to see him, there isn't anything you can really do, miss"  
  
"Fuck, alright I'll go home I guess..."

Officer Taylor walked her back to the exit and she nearly ran into the door because she kept glancing back as if she would see him, but she did not and would not for a while...  
  
Iris left the hospital that night, feeling like her whole life had changed and as she sat anxiously in the back seat of the taxi, she reached her hand into her purse and ran her cold fingers across the tattered cover of Arthur's orphaned notebook. She saw the empathetic police officer wave her goodbye and she kindly nodded at him, mouthing the words "Thank you"  
  
She stared out the window of the taxi, looking out the dirty window, with eyes that shined like glaciers in the sunlight, as if the city lights of Gotham, that polluted the skies were rays of warm sunlight. She went to get her pack of cigarettes out of her purse and she couldn't help but touch the notebook again and as she closed her damp eyes, her fingers ran across the cover, as if she had a part of his heart in her possession, for safe keeping.

She noticed there was a piece of paper that seemed to be sticking out from in between the wrinkled pages of Arthur's notebook. Her eyes opened and her heart jumped for a second, as she slowly pulled the page out of hiding. It was a bit crumpled, but she unfolded it and straightened it out on her lap. 

She didn't know why, but she felt she had to look at it, so...she did...

** _"I just hope my death makes more cents than my life"_ **

She cried right after she read what it said and put it back in his notebook. She just felt too many powerful and _gripping, _emotions pull at her tattered heart strings all at once and she couldn't seem to keep her eyes dry. She now wanted a cigarette...

She pulled a cigarette out of the pack she had in her pocket and rolled the window down, letting the cold wind bite at her exposed face, but somehow, it felt like a relief. Like she needed to feel the bitterness of the elements against her flesh to feel alive. She even stuck her head put the window and gazed out at the city, as if she had never seen it before. It was as if she were suddenly a tourist in her own home.   
  
When she went to light it, she was going to throw it out because it was almost half smoked already and she often left cigarettes that she hadn't finished smoking in her packs, but this one seemed quite stail. It was as if it had been in there for quite some time, but something cought her eye.  
  
As she held the cigarette in her fingers, she noticed that the filter was pink. It looked like lipstick, which was strange to her because she hasn't worn red lipstick in weeks. For some odd reason, it gave her chills, but the chills that spread all throughout her body, were not from the cold weather, they were from something that she could not describe. 

Iris found herself having a moment of deja vu. She stared at it intently and felt a tightness in her chest. She did not know how to process the feelings she was experiencing and just continued to gaze, mindlessly, out the window and suddenly the cab stopped.  
  
The cab driver had to snap her out of her daze.  
  
"This is it right?", he asked her.  
  
Iris nodded and said, "I'm sorry, yes, thank you, sir"  
  
She handed him his fair, thanked him and got out. She stood on her street corner, for a moment, still holding the strange, mysterious, pink cigarette, staring at it. She put it back in her pack and took out a fresh one. She did not know why, but she simply could not bring herself to throw it onto the damp, cold ground.  
  
Iris went into her empty apartment that night and as she closed the door behind her, she sat down on her bed and took out Arthur's notebook. She rested it on her lap, as if it were a puppy and ran her fingers across the cover, feeling every sign of wear and tear it's texture. She removed her coat, took her shoes off and scooted back on her bed, staring at her the notebook. Once her fingers dared to hold the cover of the notebooks botton corner, she opened it...  
  
Iris read and reread every page, several times that day and fell asleep with it by her side, her hand resting on the cover, as if it were a warm body beside her and dreamt the sweetest dreams she's ever had...

  
  
** _Sometimes there has to be an end for there to be anymore beginnings and sometimes...death can be a rebirth somewhere that may seem unreachable...In a world where possibilities are endless, so is the reach of true love. 💗_ **   
  


** _ _ **

Artwork by, Raven Romanoff

Photography by, Me 

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I so that's the second chapter! Isn't he the cutest? Haha yeah I know he is.  
But seriously I really hope you all liked it so far!!!
> 
> -Edith Piaf


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